Jessica is 17 year old when she has a crush on her own best friend. Yeah, she’s doomed to say that at least. She hasn’t realized these feelings until she gets really nervous whenever she’s 5 inch near or just be with her. It’s crazy in her point of view to like someone so close to you because once the feelings aren’t reciprocated or she doesn't like you back, the title best friend slash crush would be gone forever. And Taeyeon would never look at her the same anymore.

 

Jessica is very good at hiding her emotions. She’s done plenty of things to avoid being caught. She tries to avoid the girl but she can’t. They have been with each other’s side since they were pocket sized and now they are entering college soon. It is impossible to avoid someone so close to you, not especially when you like them.

 

However, Taeyeon asks her out and she can’t say no. Not when she hasn’t met that midget since a week after their semester break and not when she’s missed her so much. It’s another series of being fake again she guesses. It’s embarrassingly whipped to say when Jessica replies her location to Taeyeon so quick. She’s never done something so enthusiastic to anyone before. Not until Taeyeon. Taeyeon makes her do anything even if it means crossing her line as a Jessica Jung. Because of Taeyeon, Jessica goes to library to cram their biology classes. She hates Biology though. Because of Taeyeon, Jessica always brings cheesecake to school and even packs it extra to eat it with Taeyeon. She’s lactose intolerant.

 

It’s insane but wonderful at the same time knowing how much she would do to keep Taeyeon near her.

 

“So, what’s your plan after high school?” that registers some senses into the back of Jessica’s head. She stirs her black bitter coffee till it doesn’t  look black anymore.

 

“Ah, that. To be honest, I don’t know?” I wanna be with you.

 

Taeyeon chuckles and that only adds encouragements for Jessica to be so head over heels towards her. It’s silly how laughter could make her feel like that she thinks. It’s when Jessica stops speaking that Taeyeon interrupts their catching up session with something so, bitter and hurtful. It’s exaggerating how bad these words seem but as long as it’s about  Taeyeon and it does relate to ripping up their friendship, she’d say that.

 

“Well, I don’t really know what I’m going to do after high school so UCLA? That place seems great.” that makes Jessica drops her spoon. UCLA? Is Taeyeon ing insane? That’s like miles away from me!

 

Taeyeon blinks when she sees Jessica’s horror responses. “Uh, well? Are you okay Sica?” she scratches her head, not knowing what to do because Jessica looks like she’s about to eat everything in front of her, including Taeyeon.

 

“I know you are smart Taeyeon but UCLA? That is so far away!”

 

“Aw don’t tell me you’re gonna miss me already. I haven’t even applied yet. Relax, Sica.” Taeyeon laughs but she doesn’t miss the disappointing facade Jessica has made across her icy queen features.

 

I’m gonna miss you.

 

On her way home, she thinks of how she can’t get into UCLA. And how education and Taeyeon are both important to her. Knowing there’s no courses in UCLA that suits her, she sighs. It’s very hard to pretend you like a certain course and want to enroll in it just because you  wants to get closer to your crush. Not adding in the difficulties of the course and struggling to graduate at the end of the day.

 

She shuts the door and goes straight to her room. She sees how her parents and her little sister look at her. It’s the worrying look but she doesn’t care. She slumps her tired body into the fluffy bed of hers and immediately immerses her thoughts with Taeyeon.

 

Taeyeon. Taeyeon. Taeyeon.

 

In Jessica’s opinion, love. She hates how everything is about Taeyeon these days. She hates it when a stupid silly cartoon character from Bojack Horsemen reminds her of Taeyeon because that midget once impersonated it or how she wouldn’t buy a purple toothbrush because of Taeyeon’s obsession towards it. She wants to forget it. She just wants a normal friendship with Taeyeon because she treasures their friendships more than her stupid crush.

 

“Are you okay? You’re about to torn those ceilings apart.”

 

Jessica tilts her head and sees her little sister standing across her room, hands carrying a novel. The younger has always liked to read, unlike her.

 

“Go away. You’re making me wanna puke.” Krystal giggles and proceeds to lie beside her sister. She picks a spot and starts staring at the ceilings too.

 

“You like her, don’t you?”

 

Jessica looks at the novel Krystal is holding and takes it away from her. The younger grunts but she lets it away anyway.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe? It’s kinda complicated.” Krystal looks at her with a hoping look.

“You wanna talk about it?”

 

Ah , here we go again.

 

But seeing that cute whiny face Krystal has, Jessica can’t bear to say no. Not to her Krystal at most.

 

“Fine. Taeyeon said she might enroll in UCLA.”

“And?”

 

Jessica makes a confused look. “Are you stupid Krystal? I’m not gonna see her anymore!”

 

Krystal pats her sister’s back and starts calming her down once she sees the older has experienced some sort of sadness wave. “Or m-maybe, you could enroll in UCLA too.”

 

“Krystal I’m stupid. I’m not as smart as her.” Krystal laughs when she sees the dejected face of her sister.

 

“Oh cmon unnie. Just tell dad about this. You know he got cables everywhere.” she winks.

 

“Krystal, that’s cheating and you know UCLA is hard. I might be dropping out if I can’t catch up.”

Krystal sighs knowing how true that is. She puts her chin over her sister’s shoulder, showing how worried she is too towards this situation.

 

“What if.. you confess?” and Krystal swears that face Jessica is making is the most shock face she has ever seen. She knows in a minute Jessica would be hitting her with the novel she’s holding because to be honest, she also doesn’t believe how ridiculous she sounded just now.

 

Jessica shakes her head repeatedly before she shouts. “No, no. A hundred times of no. No! Are you crazy Soojung? That could’ve ruined our friendship! And knowing Taeyeon, I know she will get distanced from me. I don’t want that.” she frowns.

 

Krystal hugs her older sister. “There, there. It’s okay if you don’t wanna confess. It’s up to you. But it’s the best for her to know. I mean, bottled up feelings are the worst.”

 

Jessica looks at her baby sister sadly and nods. “I agree. But I’m a coward and I don’t do confessions. I’m scared of rejections. Beside, Taeyeon has never said no to me. Imagine how hurtful that would be.”

 

“Well, you could do once finals are over. After that, you don’t meet her anymore.”

 

Jessica grins. That might be a good idea she thinks. 

 

***

The whole revision week is over and it’s only a few days till finals. Jessica’s plan to confess her so whipped love to Taeyeon is still going on till Taeyeon suddenly asks her out to have a dinner together. She hesitates for awhile because there’s no way she can’t reject the offer.

 

“Are you okay? Do you wanna go or not?” a frown makes its way to Taeyeon’s porcelain white skin features when she sees Jessica thumbing with the end of her sweater. She waves her hand in front of the brunette.

 

I like you, idiot. Jessica spits in her thoughts. She wishes Taeyeon is a mind reader because the whole damn confession thing is so ed up!

 

Taeyeon thinks Jessica is cute so she goes forward and pinches her cheeks. Jessica whole face reddens and it could cook a whole turkey now. Taeyeon wonders where else would the blushes go.

 

“What, you don’t wanna hang out with me anymore?” Taeyeon makes a sad face and Jessica quickly shakes her head. She can’t handle that midget’s cuteness and all she wanna do now is the life out Taeyeon’s mouth. Taeyeon snaps her fingers and Jessica gained her senses.

 

“No! I’d go. Yes I will go. Where is it?” she asks and Taeyeon chuckles.

 

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