Mina had never really been a relationship person. Sure, she wanted to do the whole fall in love, maybe even get married and have kids thing, but she always saw it from the outside. She never thought that she could actually have that. She was always reading books about people falling in love and wished that someday it could be hers, but every time she came close, she got cold feet. Something just didn’t feel right.

 

          “I’m sorry Jeongyeon… I just don’t see us going any further than this,” Mina said pulling away after Jeongyeon leaned in for a kiss at the end of their date. She’d kissed Mina unexpectedly and Mina had not reacted, not moved her lips at all—she felt frozen, and she knew that wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

 

          “Wha—why? I thought you had a good time?”

 

          “I just—I just don’t think I can do this,” Mina stuttered nervously, “I’m not good at intimacy… I don’t know. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry,” she mumbled the last part looking at her feet.

 

          “Oh… I understand—I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I guess I misread the situation,”

 

          “It’s ok—actually you were a perfect gentlelady the entire night. This is totally on me. I hope we can still be friends,”

 

          “I’d like that,” Jeongyeon said smiling genuinely though she’d just been rejected.

 

          They parted ways with Jeongyeon hugging Mina, and Mina hesitantly patting her back in return, but as soon as Mina was alone in her apartment she let out a heavy sigh. Is it so much to ask to just be held by someone without having to hug back? She took off her boots and coat and walked into the foyer only to be startled by two pairs of eyes on her.

 

          “So how was it?” Nayeon asked quirking an eyebrow.

 

          “Did you hook up? We heard her car pull up ages ago so you guys must have been making out—” Sana blurted out excitedly.

 

          “I—we had a good time, but ugh,” Mina sighed and the two fully turned around sensing something was wrong and wanting to give her their full attention, “I just don’t know if that’s what I want,”

 

          “What do you mean?” Nayeon asked patiently.

 

          Mina scratched the back of her head and crossed the room so she could join them on the couch. They made room for her right in between them. Even though her two roommates had been dating for a little over eight months they never treated Mina like she was a third wheel. Half the time they treated her like she was their other girlfriend.

 

          Nayeon put her arm around Mina and Mina leaned into her shoulder.

 

          “What is it that you want Mitang?” Sana said cuddling into Mina from the other side.

 

          “Is it too much to ask for what you guys have? You two are the perfect couple. I always see you and wonder why I can’t find that?” Mina whimpered.

 

          Nayeon snorted, “We’re far from perfect Mina,”

 

          Sana smacked her on the arm and pouted, “Unnie,” she whined, “I think we’re perfect,”

 

          Nayeon shot Sana a soft smile before adding, “Remind me what you said last night, then?”

 

          “Ok, fine,” Sana huffed, “I maybe sometimes sorta wish we had what you had,” she said slowly like it was agonizing her to admit.

 

          Nayeon rubbed Sana’s back soothingly and Sana’s face warmed back into a smile at her girlfriend’s touch.

 

          “What I have? I don’t have anything?” Mina said in confusion, “You two—you have each other. You don’t have to go out every night on blind dates hoping to find ‘the one’, because you’ve already found her. Only to find out that I hate going on blind dates and just don’t see myself dating anyone else. It’s so frustrating. Maybe I should just give up,” Mina groaned, “I think I’m more in love with the idea of love than I am capable of being in love itself,”

 

          She tried to get up from the couch, but Sana and Nayeon’s arms were still around her. She looked at them with a tired expression, “I think I’m going to read a romance novel and go to sleep… those never failed to distract me from my loneliness. You two can continue your movie date, I think I’ve brought the mood down enough,”

 

          “Mina, don’t go,” Nayeon pleaded.

 

          “We want you—to stay,” Sana said.

 

          “What if—what if there was another way,” Nayeon suggested, sharing a look with Sana that Mina couldn’t quite decipher.

 

          “Unnie, don’t make me be the one to say it,” Sana whined before adding quietly, "What if she says no?"

 

          “I don’t want to go on another blind date—honestly guys I think I’m done meeting new people,” Mina said trying to pry Sana’s arms from around her waist.

 

          “What if it wasn’t a blind date?” Nayeon asked, “What if you already knew the peo—person?”

 

          Mina stopped trying to fight and slumped, “What if I can’t do it Nay? I’d never be able to face that person again if I let them down,”

 

          “You could never let us down,” Sana blurted out suddenly, taking Mina’s chin and turning her to look in her eyes.

 

          “Wha—”

 

          “We want what you have Mina,” Nayeon repeated, scooting closer to Mina since she’d moved away in her attempt to get up.

 

          “We want you,” Sana said softly, “A—and you said you wanted us too, right?”

 

          “Mina you can have us—if you want,” Nayeon said so close it was in Mina’s ear.

 

          Mina couldn’t help but shiver at the feeling of the older girl’s breath on her skin.

 

          “Would you like that Mitang?” Sana asked nervously, her face centimeters from Mina’s. Mina had never looked this closely at her best friend, but all she could see was genuine love and concern in this moment.

 

          “You could start by joining us for the end of our movie date,” Nayeon suggested, her head was rested on Mina’s shoulder, and she was idly playing with Mina’s hair, “No pressure—you were already doing it anyway,”

 

          “I—I don’t know,” Mina stammered, “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

 

          “We’ve thought about this for a while Mina—we wouldn’t suggest it unless we were absolutely sure,” Nayeon said, “And what you told us tonight pretty much confirmed it. You love the idea of love—well, Sana and I love each other, very obviously, with you around—and you never minded that,”

 

          “—and we’d love to love you too if you’ll have us,” Sana said quickly, “You can have what we have,”

 

          “I—I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Mina admitted, looking down at her lap in defeat. I’d just get in the way and mess up the good thing they have going.

 

          She felt Sana’s arms slip from around her waist and out of the corner of her eye she could see her face fall. Nayeon shifted to allow Mina space and Mina stood up, suddenly feeling out of place.

 

          She saw Nayeon pull Sana closer and her face comfortingly. She was looking at her upset girlfriend with such love in her eyes as she whispered soothing things to her. She saw one tear escape and Sana shook her head slightly as if she knew she shouldn’t be crying, but Nayeon easily wiped it away with her thumb.

 

          Mina bit her lip. Her heart was soaring and breaking for them. She loved this so much, she wanted to be a part of this… so why didn’t she say yes?

 

          “Could—could you two kiss?” Mina asked hesitantly.

 

          “Wha—” Sana began to ask turning to face Mina, but Nayeon understood immediately and turned Sana’s face back to kiss her.

 

          Though Sana hadn’t been expecting it, she moulded to the touch of Nayeon’s lips instantly, opening her own to allow Nayeon’s tongue to deepen the kiss. The way Nayeon’s hands cradled Sana’s face with such care—such love—like she was the most precious thing to her in the world.

 

          Mina nearly let out a moan… but now was not the moment for that.

 

          Me. That’s why I couldn’t say yes. I’m the problem. It’s one thing to watch from the outside. But it’s another thing to actually be a part of it. What if I can’t do that as well as they can on their own?

 

          “What if I can’t give you that?” Mina croaked, voice barely louder than a whisper.

 

          They ended the kiss with their foreheads pressed together before they both turned to her, Nayeon extending her hand to invite Mina back to the couch.

 

          “I don’t expect you to,” Sana was the first to speak up—voice cracking with emotion.

 

          “I’m not cuddly like Sana, and I’m not strong like Nayeon. Sometimes I’m scared to voice my feelings. Some days I don’t want to leave the apartment—or even my bed. I don’t really understand these feelings inside me and why I’m like this, but I honestly feel like most of the time I feel more from watching you two be in love than I do from participating—but maybe eventually I’d like to try? I—if you still want me after all of that?” Mina explained taking Nayeon’s hand nervously.

 

          “Mina, we know,” Nayeon said soothingly, guiding Mina back to the couch by their twined hands where Sana’s also found her—not cuddling like before, but present comforting touches.

 

          “I know you’re not cuddly, but it’s ok because I’m cuddly enough for both of us,” Sana said, “And I’m not strong either—that’s Nayeon’s thing so we don’t have to be. As for the feelings, that’s perfectly fine. You let us know what you’re comfortable telling us when you’re ready and we’ll happily hear it. We’ll make sure to tell you how much we love you for as long as we’re together because even if you can never say it back that doesn’t make it any less true,”

 

          Nayeon’s hand was now rubbing circles on Mina’s back, trying to calm her down and reassure her, “Mina, we’re your roommates, how could we ever be upset about you never leaving the apartment? That’s more time spent with us. We know you’re a more introverted, and that’s ok—we’re both pretty high energy and we know we can be a lot, so any time you need to be alone to recharge just tell us you need space,”

 

          “But if you ever feel like laying in bed and doing nothing with us, then we’d be more than happy to join you as well. We’ve been living together for how long now, and you still think we don’t know your habits? Mina, they’re what make us love you!” Sana insisted.

 

          Nayeon’s hand stopped rubbing Mina’s back and she looked at her seriously, “And you never have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. If you just want to watch that’s ok. Just knowing you’re there will make us so much happier,”

 

          “—buuuut if you ever see anything you want to jump in on, don’t be afraid. You’re always welcome,” Sana said with a smirk in Nayeon’s direction.

 

          Nayeon rolled her eyes at Sana, “I know Sana can be a bit of an attention hog at times, but if you’re ever feeling deprived just let us know and I know she would easily switch her focus to you instead,” Nayeon teased.

 

          The two shared a playful back-and-forth, before they noticed Mina wasn’t paying attention to their banter but biting her lip nervously.

 

          “Mitang we really really want you,” Sana pleaded, “Please say yes,”

 

          Nayeon took her hand and squeezed supportively.

 

          “I—ok—yes,” Mina said, and she’d barely finished talking before she felt two bodies instantly crush her in a tight hug.

 

          Her first thought had been to panic that maybe she’d be claustrophobic. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this much at once. But then she settled into their arms as they held her… and two girlfriends actually felt quite nice.