Bedtime.

 

A noun which usually meant ‘the usual time when someone goes to bed’.

 

Having seven boys to deal with, Bedtime meant anything but going to bed.

 

Van had lost count of the numerous excuses, arguments, tantrums, rules, games, strange occurrences and even accidents that had occurred whilst trying to get her rather unruly children to bed. Sometimes she wondered if it was just a punishment designed by kids to annoy their parents or if there was something that she was doing wrong because if there was any time of the day that Van hated, it was bedtime.

 

She normally attempted to start bedtime around eight PM as everyone had been fed, the dishes were all washed and dried and put away as they were meant to be. That part was easy because despite the fact that Chimmy would probably try to eat his own tea, followed by everyone else’s, they had come up with a nice little routine and rota which worked fine and no one ever really complained about. Except when Koya was on dishes because they usually took half an hour longer than they normally would do and the chances of something getting broken was significantly raised.

 

Thank the Sky Lords that someone had invented plastic and put it into the shapes of plates, cups and cutlery.

 

Once the dishes were washed and put away, the packed lunches made up and into the correct school bags and all the toys put back into the box, it was bath time. This was pretty easy to manage as well because the only one who didn’t like taking a bath was Shooky and really, Van hadn’t worked out how she was supposed to wash a cookie without it all falling to pieces in the tub. So he was just sprayed with some body spray when it was possible to do so.

 

RJ always liked taking a bath, he was the easiest to manage out of all of them but frequently had to take the bath last because he liked them so much that getting the alpaca out afterwards was next to impossible. Unless the water had gone absolutely stone cold which was why he went last.

 

Cooky and Mang went first and together because it was just quicker and it meant that Van only got drenched once. The others were usually allowed to watch age appropriate TV shows or else catch up on homework if they hadn’t already. Cooky and Mang loved to have water fights or else scrubbing wars which was an upshot in itself but also just a little bit of a pain because everywhere got soaked. Until Van had discovered waterproof mats and plastic coverings.

 

Seriously plastic was one of the best inventions ever and whoever had made it clearly had to deal with a bunch of unruly children.

 

Once the pink bunny and pony boys were cleaned and dried off with a towel, they would brush their teeth and then head to their bedroom to get into their pyjamas ahead of story time.

 

Chimmy was usually next in line, jumping around excitedly whilst dragging a nearly always unconscious Koya with him and Van would have to spend a minute or two getting the puppy out of his yellow onesie hoody in order to get him washed whilst Koya would plop into the bath and float about. Frequently loosing his ears the moment that the puppy would jump in. However unlike the other two, once Chimmy was in the water, he would calm down and become sleepy and just play with whatever toys there happened to be. Sometimes he would be caught chewing them but overall it wasn’t that bad an experience.

 

Koya was easy to wash as well as he would just laze about in the water, occasionally blowing a bubble through his nose though he always seemed to know exactly when it would be the best moment to turn, or reach up an arm, or pass the conditioner or just something more helpful. Koya would also be towel dried in no time and would give a hug to Van before heading off in the general direction of the bedrooms to begin his reading session for the younger ones as that was a massive help. Chimmy liked being dried with a towel but frequently reverted to puppy behaviour of trying to eat it or play tug of war despite the fact that he was completely sleepy by this point and nine times out of ten the puppy would end up strapped to Van’s back, wrapped up in the towel with his little tail doing ninety to the dozen as he half dozed.

 

Next was Tata, whom Van had known to be as fussy about having a bath as a cat from back when they had been on their home planet. It would take a combined effort of RJ and Van to get Tata into the bathroom, into the bath, thoroughly scrubbed and cleaned before being pinned down to be towel dried off all the while  the heart headed alien would whine, cry and scream about the mistreatment even though it was all for show. Van had frequently attributed it to the fact that Tata was deprived of all his science things when it came to bath time, after the time he had decided to use every last body wash, shampoo, conditioner, bubble bath and lotion in the tub and flooded the whole house with bubbles.

 

They were still paying the repair bill off for the damage that had been caused actually but there were only a few payments left thankfully.

 

Once he was done, Tata would rush off towards his room and Van would have to follow to ensure that the alien did not throw a tantrum or cause trouble before going to bed. She would also deposit Chimmy down to the reading group knowing that RJ was in the process of having his own bath.

 

Peace would reign happily until RJ got out of the bath, pulled the plug and placed the towels in the laundry basket. As soon as the lid made the familiar noise, then all hell would break loose.

 

Shooky was usually the start of it, as he would immediately jump up and start chanting ‘No Bed’ really loud which would cause Chimmy to cry as inevitably he would be woken up and think that he didn’t have a bed anymore, and that everything had been a wonderful dream he was having. Van still wanted to kick the living daylights out of whoever who had abandoned the pup in that cardboard box all those years ago. So Van would have to comfort him whilst Cooky took it as a personal insult that Shooky had upset Chimmy and would go chasing off after the other with a cry. Sometimes Tata would help, in abbreviated comers, or would just start doing something else that he had deliberately left out of his plans.

 

Mang would start his own cheering squad for Cooky, whilst RJ would try to calm everyone down and get them to bed. Chimmy would eventually calm down but then be all fussy because he had been woken up and wouldn’t want to cooperate with going to bed in the slightest, throwing tantrums whilst putting on his pyjamas and constantly trying to escape.

 

Shooky would eventually be caught and forced into his resealable bag which he couldn’t break out of, it was tried and tested and reinforced with some strange alien goo that glowed blue, until he calmed down enough to complete his time out rules and Cooky would want a snack as a reward for catching the wayward sentient treat. Tata would sometimes help but usually would be more amused by what he had set aside for this time of night.

 

RJ would help Mang into his pyjamas as well as Cooky before playing several hundred rounds of peek-a-boo until both boys were unable to lift their blankets over their heads any further. Chimmy would eventually settle down though would have to be settled in amongst his collection of plushi’s that had to be laid out in a certain manner. If they weren’t, then they all had to be rearranged exactly and the process could take an age.

 

Shooky would be released from his time out, be forced to apologise which usually put him in a bad mood until he was able to bounce on his bed for a bit but usually by that point the exhaustion would finally be catching up on the hyperactive little devil and he would finally, finally settle down on his pillows.

 

Then it was simply a case of finding RJ’s pyjamas, lifting the alpaca up into bed, tucking in Cooky because the bunny would never stay still until he actually fell properly asleep, ensuring Mang was comfortable and that Chimmy was snuggled up correctly. Tata would have to be dragged away from his science experiments, even though he liked to constantly play a game of hide as a various shape to try and confuse everyone but Van knew her master well and could usually find the purple and yellow spotted alien in a matter of moments and take him to bed.

 

All this time, the only one who wasn’t any form of bother was Koya who would just know the exact moment to start his special sleep song which would wash away the events of the day, make everyone relax and fall into the deepest sleep for the rest of the night. Inevitably Koya would send himself to sleep as well but Van could easily just pick him up, carry him to his bed and set him down without any real worries.

 

Then it was a case of cleaning up, putting things away and finally being able to grab some much needed recharge time in the sure knowledge that there was going to be peace and quiet right up until the point that the boys woke up once again.

 

But Van didn’t mind all that much, she was proud of her boys and there was no way that she would ever change them for the world.

 

Though she did pick up her ‘Guide to Being a Parent’ once she was finally able to settle down and hoped that it contained some additional piece of information that she could use in order to make bedtime just a little less chaotic.