Endless love. That’s probably what Dongwan has for Hyesung. He’s been secretly in love with Hyesung for almost 20 years now. The awkward chef has tried confessing his feelings numerous times, but he’s either too shy, too nervous, too anxious, or lacks the courage. Deep down, he’s dying to say, “I wanna be your man, Hyesung,” or “I wanna be your hero, Hyesung.” The first time he saw Hyesung, he thought he was a mannequin, for Hyesung has the most beautiful, flawless porcelain-like skin Dongwan has ever laid eyes upon. 

Hyesung has no clue of Dongwan’s strong feelings for him. Dongwan has always been awkward around him. Basically, Dongwan is awkward around everyone. The only place where he seems to get most grip on himself is, obviously, the kitchen, where he feels cool as he cooks with old records of Young Gunz, an American hip hop duo, playing in the background.

One day in 12th grade French class, Dongwan, who was sitting behind Hyesung, handed him a note. The note said, “Hyesung, how do I say ‘I love you’ in French?” 

Bewildered at the simplicity of the question, Hyesung still replied and wrote, ‘Je t’aime’ in the note. As he passed the note back, he asked, “Don’t you know that? Why do you ask?” to which a sheepish smile on Dongwan’s blushed face was the only reply he got. Hyesung dismissed his curiosity thinking that Dongwan was probably having a crush on the teacher.

That was probably the only time Dongwan managed to say ‘I love you’ to Hyesung. And Andy watches and listens to everything in pain. He’s in love with Dongwan. He knows exactly how painful it is to not be able to let the love of your life know just how much you love them. And more painful to know that the one you love is in love with someone else. But, Andy knew what he’s gotten himself into. Dongwan has always confided in him about his feelings for Hyesung since early on, even before he began to develop his own stronger feelings for Dongwan.

Unfortunately for Dongwan, competition was on its way. One day, he saw Hyesung entered the restaurant with Minwoo, Junjin, and another tall, dashing gentleman. He didn’t recognize the handsome guy at first, but then he remembered that Andy once introduced them when he came to visit Andy at his office a few months ago. It was Eric Moon. A gorgeous, flamboyant, intelligent actor from a wealthy family background. He’s also a national swimming, fishing, boxing, archery, and long-range shooting champion who owns a yacht and is fluent in both Spanish and French. He’s got all the things I always want to have in me, Dongwan thought to himself.

Since then, the days have been longer and the nights have been colder for Dongwan. He watches Hyesung getting swept off his feet by the newcomer. “Don’t cry,” Andy would always comfort him. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

“But this love that I have for him… *sobs* It’s killing me…*sobs*” Dongwan cried his heart out in Andy’s arms. “*sobs* That perfect man is driving me crazy! *sobs*”

“Now, now… There’s no such thing as a perfect man, you silly guy,” said Andy, patting Dongwan’s back, before continuing silently, “Except you. You’re my perfect man.”

Dongwan thought he’s lost his chance forever. He saw how Eric and Hyesung made a beautiful couple. He was happy for Hyesung, so much so that he was almost happy for Eric too. Almost. Until one night, on Hyesung’s birthday, 20 years after they first met, Dongwan was sitting all alone in his kitchen, while everyone else was still enjoying his best cooking at the table booked especially for Hyesung’s small party. In his hands was the scrapbook he had been meticulously crafting for the past 17 years. It contains a collection of memorabilia; notes, pictures, photographs, movie tickets, quotes, poems, song lyrics, recipes, etc, anything related to Hyesung and the time they had spent together. He wanted to give it to Hyesung for his birthday, but now that the game has changed a bit, he’s conflicted with whether to give it or to keep it. The scrapbook is like a window to his heart. It represents all the feelings he’s been keeping for his precious Hyesung. 

“Hey! What are you doing, sitting here all by yourself?” Hyesung was suddenly standing behind him, without a warning. 

Caught off guard, Dongwan tried futilely to hide the huge scrapbook he was holding. Hyesung already saw the book and his curiosity moved his hand to swiftly snatch it out of Dongwan’s clenching palms. The palms managed to hold on to the lower part of the book, while Hyesung’s pulling the upper part. 

“Give it to me,” Hyesung demanded with a low, stern voice, staring straight into Dongwan’s eyes.

“No! Let it go! It’s mine!” Dongwan tried to hide the panic in his eyes by snarling back at Hyesung.

“We could either rip this precious book of yours to pieces for all I care, or you can be sensible and just... Let. Go.” Dongwan stood his ground for a few seconds before Hyesung’s cold threat finally compelled him to loosen his grip. 

Hyesung settled himself on one of the kitchen counters and began to read the book. “’Stories We Haven’t Finished by Kim Dongwan and Shin Hyesung’. Wow! I didn’t even know that I wrote a book!” Hyesung opened the book and continued reading, “’Jam #1: Hyesung’s all-time favorite sesame jam. Great with bread, but not so much with ham.’ Oh, this is the recipe that we created together in… 10th grade cooking class, wasn’t it?” Hyesung kept ooh-ing, aah-ing, wow-ing and giggling as he casually flipped through the book, amused and amazed by its contents and organizations, while Dongwan watched in silent horror. He’s terrified that Hyesung might find out that he’s been in love with him.

“Wow, man! Just… WOW! How did you… When did you… I mean Why… How come… Aw, man, I’m speechless! This is just awesome, Man! You’re the best!” Hyesung stood up, moved over to Dongwan and hugged his best friend who was overwhelmed by his reactions and petrified for a few seconds before finally breathing his relief.

“Ah… Ahaha… Haha… No… It was… It was Andy’s Idea… I was just.. I was just… You know… Taking his suggestions… Happy birthday! Hahaha... Haha…” Dongwan was panting a little bit as his heart was gradually calming down…

“I’m so glad you did! This would be a good read for me on the voyage,” said Hyesung smiling widely.

“Vo… Voyage? Wh… What voyage?” Dongwan’s heart skipped a beat.

“Oh? Haven’t I told you? Eric and I are going on a year’s cruise together. We’re literally going to travel around the world!” Hyesung beamed with excitement.

“Oh. Oh… So… So you’re really going?” Dongwan’s heart jumped several beats.

“Why, yes, of course! Junjin is coming too! We’d love to take you and Minwoo, but he said you guys would be out of business for leaving the restaurant that long. Too bad Andy can’t leave his company as well. I guess a year is pretty long. But it’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me. And you know what’s even better? Eric is going to teach me to be a sniper! Isn’t that cool?! I seriously don’t think anything like this will ever happen again to me.”

“Oh? Why not? I’m sure Eric…” Dongwan stopped in mid-sentence as he realized something, “I mean… I thought you and Eric were… Together?” He asked carefully.

“Together? You mean like… a couple?”

“Yeah… Aren’t you?”

“Well, he’s totally gorgeous and filthy rich like you won’t believe it, and he did say he’s crazy about me, but… I don’t know… I don’t trust him. I can’t trust him. He’s just too good to be true. Besides, he’s got business relationships with Andy and Minwoo. And I just don’t want things to get complicated between them should things didn’t work out between me and Eric. So for now, I’m still keeping things at bay.”

Andy, who’s been eavesdropping by the kitchen door the whole time, silently cursed at Dongwan, Hyesung and Eric. “Does this idiot really think that he can let that pretty, selfish pr*ck go on a cruise for a year and never gonna fall for that Rickie Rich brat?” Andy shook his head and went to fetch some papers and a marker. 

Dongwan saw Andy holding a note against the kitchen door’s window glass behind Hyesung. The note said, ’DON’T LET HIM GO, YOU IDIOT!’, and then another one that said, ‘TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM! TELL HIM NOW! NOW!!!’

Dongwan nodded slightly at Andy, signaling that he got his messages. He mustered up all the courage he had and blurted out, “Hyesung… Hyesung I… I lo… I mean I’m… ah… You… You’re… You’re my… You’re my frying pan!”

Hyesung was dazed for a few seconds before he asked, “I’m your WHAT?!?”

“SH*T!” Andy whispered another curse, then put up another note: ‘KEEP GOING!’

“I… I said you are my frying pan. I mean… I mean I’m a chef, and I can’t live without my frying pan. A frying pan is really important to me. I LOVE my frying pan. I NEED… my frying pan. So I can’t let you go. I’m not gonna let you go with Eric. I can’t afford to have him taking you away from me, not even for just a minute, let alone for a year. So… I beg you… Please… don’t go.” Dongwan was sweating like he’s been exercising. 

There was an awkward silence. Hyesung’s mouth hung open for a few seconds. He was clearly still processing the whole frying-pan thing. He then swallowed and cleared his throat, before asking, “So how long have I been your… uh… your frying pan?” He’s trying so hard to put on a straight face.

Now it’s Dongwan’s turn to swallow and clear his throat, “Uhmm… ninet… twen… yup, twenty years… yup,” said Dongwan, staring at his shoes.

Hyesung stared at Dongwan’s face for a while, still holding his smile, turned around, and as he slowly exited the kitchen, he said, “Ok, Chef, thanks for letting me know. I’ll think about it.”

As soon as Hyesung was gone, Andy stormed into the kitchen, whisper-yelling at Dongwan, “Frying pan? FRYING PAN?? What the hell was that?!? WTF is wrong with you? That’s the best you can do? Frying pan?? What were you thinking!?!”

Dongwan whisper-yelled back, “I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking! I’m a chef! I cook! That’s what I do! But he gets it! He gets that he’s important to me, that I need him! As long as he gets it!”

Both fell silent and just stared at each other, slightly panting from the yelling and their own emotions. 

 

 

Dongwan opened his eyes. It was a brand new day for him. Today was the beginning of his trip to the Himalayas. He really looked forward to breathe in deeply the fresh air of the mountains and let it filled his lungs and cleaned all the impurities from within. 

The next afternoon, Andy, Dongwan, and Minwoo arrived with their group at the first camping ground on the Himalayas, and immediately set up their tents. Soon it was dark. But contrary to the ground, the summer sky was bright with diamond stars. Dongwan lay between Andy and Minwoo on the ground, right in front of their tents, near a small bonfire. The three of them, bundled up in their cocoon of warm sleeping bags, stared straight up at the sky.

“Waaahhh… Isn’t it beautiful?” Minwoo commented on the starry night sky.

“Yep. So worth it.” Andy replied.

“Look! A shooting star!” Dongwan shouted.

“Yo! There’s another one!” Minwoo alerted the other two. Only Andy responded, because Dongwan was still busy closing his eyes and making a wish.

Andy, eyeing Dongwan, said, “Looks like someone is wishing for a certain ‘lost star’ to come back.”

Still with his eyes closed, Dongwan replied, “He’s not lost. And he WILL come back.”

“Yeah… Three months is not that long, right?” Minwoo started teasing too.

“Of course not. And Junjin and the managers are there too. It’s not like they can be alone in one of the rooms in that luxurious, 100-feet long yacht, right?” Andy rubbed more salt to the wound.

“Shut up you two!” Dongwan slapped both of them at the same time with each of his hand. “Let’s just enjoy the stars.”

Then Minwoo softly sings… “Sayin’ I loooveee youuu… Is not the words I want to hear from youuuu… ‘You’re my frying pan’ is exactly what I wanted to heammm… *somebody was covering Minwoo’s mouth with his hand, but Minwoo continued singing, or in this case, humming* hmmm… mmm… mmmm… mmmm… mmmmm…”

-Fin-