"Lovie, Rosie" is a cute love story between two closeted girls and how they deal with coming out. They secretly email each other often with anonymous pen names. Based on Love, Simon. ~10.3k words.

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Rosé POV

[November 12th 2014]

I'm in love.

I'm in love with some girl I've never met.

Her name is Leolily97.

She's funny. She emails me during classes with dad jokes and memes she finds on the internet. Even if they aren't that funny, I always find myself smiling like an idiot whenever she sends me something.

She's charming. It's hard to tell if someone is charismatic over a bunch of emails, but I'm positive Leolily97 is even more charming in person than she is in our emails. She has a way with words that details her unconditional confidence without her outright expressing her confidence. 

I bet she's popular. She's always telling me how she's going to parties that she claims she doesn't want to be at. I lost count of them at this point. She's always attending social events at school and outside of school. I bet she's popular just from existing. Thanks God for more competition. I'm kidding, thank you Lord for making my soulmate.

She's intelligent. I think her mind is beautiful. Like a wonderland of art, love and happiness.

I 'met' Leolily97 five months ago. She posted something anonymously on the school gossip site called YG. It's really popular with the students. Basically all the students at school have an account and they all post about the latest rumors.

I never pay much attention to it. Until one day, my best friend, Jennie Kim, told me about the closet lesbian who just posted on YG net.

[August 21st 2014]

"Rosie! Have you seen the latest post on YG?!"

I roll over onto my tummy, keeping my phone up so Jennie could see me while we facetime.

"I don't use the app. Did something funny happen?" I ask curiously.

"A girl just confessed about being gay and everyone is going nuts about it! Half of the campus is applauding her while the other half says she's a coward for still hiding."

What? I immediately jump onto my laptop and type in the letters to the infamous website.

Jennie and I are both gay so this is kind of big to us. She's the only other person who knows I'm gay and I'm hers too. She's been my best friend since kindergarten.

 

[August 20th 2014]

@[email protected]

Dear world,

There's something I want to say, but I don't know how. I'm just a regular senior with normal high school girl problems. I go out with my friends after practice, I like a good party every now and then, and I think our mascot looks weird. Sorry Krunk. I have family who loves me to death, I volunteer at Saint Jude's every other weekend, and I'm struggling to figure out where to go after graduation. Anyway, as you can see, I'm just like you. But I have a big secret.

I'm gay.

Yours truly,

-Leolily97

 

"Holy Jisoos." I say.

"Do you think she's hot?"

I facepalm.

"Jen seriously?"

"She sounds hot."

"Jennie, you have a girlfriend."

Jennie rolls her eyes.

"We're fighting right now."

"Again?"

"She's so dense! I keep making it obvious that I want her to fu—"

"Ohmygosh—I'm hanging up. Ttyl."

I end the call before Jennie completes her very crude sentence. We're both still s and maybe I'd be crazy if I had someone to be crazy with like she does. Jennie is dating an older college girl who's only a year older. She's actually our childhood friend. Apparently they got their crap together over the summer and now they're dating three months strong.

I reread the post six times. This girl must be dying to come out. I wonder what's stopping her. Then again, I have no right to ask her what is. I should come out myself. My parents may be religious, but they're very open. My mom goes to pride parades to volunteer in support. My dad is very soft, he'll cry at anything—I'm just like him—so I'm sure he'll accept me.

My sister? I doubt me being gay would make her treat me any different. She'd still choke me if I took her shoes. She'd probably get me some horrible gag present...not that I wouldn't mind.

Anyway. The point is, my family wouldn't have a problem.

My friends? They're open and I've known them forever now. Real friends will stay.

So what's holding me back from screaming 'I'm gay'? Well...I don't know. There isn't a "right' time. Even if I have the best conditions to come out and be proud, I'm still worried. I'm worried they'll see me differently. It's not like straight kids have to come out to their parents.

So I do something dumb. Well it's not dumb because it leads me to starting one of the greatest love stories of all time.

I'm a big romantic okay?

I go to Gmail. I make a new account with an anonymous name. Joohwang97. Sounds conspicuous enough. Then I start typing.

 

[Hey]

August 21st 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Dear Leolily,

I'm just like you. I'm a normal high school student. I have a friends, good grades, and I love coffee. I love staying up playing my guitar and I sing in the shower just like everybody else because I'm scared of what I sound like outside of it. My parents adore me and taught me how to love with kindness and with faith. I have an older sister. She's just as annoying and bossy as any other older sister, but I know she loves me to the moon and back. See? I'm pretty normal. But like you, I have a secret too.

I like girls.

p.s. I'm a girl.

-Joohwang.

 

Send.

Take a breath.

Freak out.

"OH CRAP! Did I just—?!"

I quickly go to my send box and there it is. It sent.

Oh my God.

OH my GOD!!!

"AHH!" I squeal. I can't believe I just came out to some random stranger.

"I'm going to cry!!!" I start pulling my at blonde strands, trying to google how to delete a sent email.

"What do I do?!? Joohwangie, help me!" I ask my pet fish for help.

"Will you shut up!" I hear from my doorway.

I slam my laptop shut so hard it makes a seashell fall from my souvenir shelf.

"Why are you being extra so early in the morning? We agreed, Chaeyoung. NO EXTRANESS BEFORE 10 AM!" Alice shouts at me before slamming her door shut.

Yeesh. College students.

I relax into my chair. Okay. It's not that bad. It's not bad at all. I used an anonymous email. There's no way they'll know. I'm fine.

"Roseanne?"

"AHHHHH! I'M SORRY!" I duck under my table. Alice has a habit of throwing things when she's cranky.

But there's no harm because it's my mom.

"Oh mommy. Hi."

My mom is leaning on my doorway and she's staring at me like I'm being a pubescent teenager. I probably totally am.

"Something wrong? I was making pancakes but then I heard both of my angels sounding like demons," she laughs quietly. My dad is still sleeping I think.

"Nope. Everything's good!" I lie. "Alice is just being dramatic. You know how she is this early in the morning," I try to laugh it off and put the attention on my sister. What? She deserves it.

"Well hurry up and get dressed, you don't want to ruin your perfect attendance record now," my mom smiles after confirming there's no real issue at hand.

I nod and tell her I'll be down in a moment.

I check my email before heading out one last time. No reply.

Ugh. Well, I guess it's only been ten minutes.

"Hey Jen," I close the car to Jennie's Mercedes. Yeah, her family is loaded.

"Hey Rosie, here ice latte with almond milk because you're a chipmunk," she winks and hands me my go-to drink.

"Sup Chipmunk," Jackson says from the backseat.

"Morning Rosie!" Wendy beams from beside him.

When we get to school, it's the usual. Except today, the gossip is all about the gay girl who posted on YG yesterday. There isn't a single soul not talking about it. Throughout my morning classes, no one focuses on the teachers. They are texting, whispering and gossiping about yesterday's post.

When lunch comes around, it only gets worse. It's like the whole cafeteria is talking about the same thing except in two hundred separate conversations. That's a little nerve wrecking.

"Everyone's talking about the post yesterday," Wendy notes as she sits beside me and in front of Jackson. Jennie finds a place beside Jackson. Jungkook, Mark, Taehyung, and Joy find spots soon after.

"Yeah. She's brave," Joy says.

"Girl's got balls, but she's still anonymous," Taehyung says.

"For her own safety," Wendy says.

"If she comes out completely, do you think more people will?" Jungkook asks, a bit timid for some reason.

"I think so. But there'll be more hate," Jennie says.

"There'll be love too, right?" Joy looks to the bright side.

"Oh Lisa Manoban is looking fine as always," Taehyung howls like the horndog he is when the Thai senior walks in with her group of friends.

"Damn, she makes jeans look offensive," Mark nods appreciatively.

"Y-yeah, so hot." Jungkook says awkwardly.

Ugh. Boys.

"Did you see her insta post last week? Those heels—damn I want her to step on me," Jackson says.

"Bro, in your dreams. I hear she's dating an older guy in college, some dancer dude," Mark replies.

"Single or not, I'm asking her to homecoming," Taehyung says.

"Y-yeah, so hot," Jungkook says.

We all look at him, confused.

"Oh. I mean...totally rad...bro."

Good God, I thought I was awkward.

We all cringe and I'm sure he's about to get a load of teasing from all of us, but the familiar clack of heels and giggles makes a wave of silence as they walk their way through the cafeteria. Everybody couldn't help but gawk at the girls strutting through the lunch room like nobody's watching.

They walk like they're in small motion.

Tzuyu, the head cheerleader. Jihyo, the student body president. Momo, the math genius. Seulgi, the track star. Somi, the cool freshman. And Lisa, the dancing queen.

They're known as the Queens of YG High.

"Close your mouth Wang," Jennie says in disgust at Jackson's obvious gawking.

"You two too," Joy rolls her eyes at Mark and Taehyung. "Be like JK here. He knows how to stare and not drool."

Jungkook looks up after hearing his nickname and is confused.

I laugh. He's adorable.

"Boys are such horndogs," Wendy sighs.

"Yah! Rosie's mouth is open too. She's like the straightest church girl on the block," Taehyung defends.

Oh God. Noooo I'm not.

"Rosie's just drooling over food," Jennie quickly says to cover for me. Thank you Jennie Kim, you are a blessing. "Speaking of which, there's some crumbs right there," Jennie says, pointing to the corner of my mouth.

"Oh," I say surprised, I reach for some napkins but I drop my pencil. When I reach down to pick it up, I bump heads with someone.

"Oh crap, I'm sorry! Are you okay?" she says.

I rub my forehead and when I look up, I'm struck. I'm stuck. I'm ed.

"L-Lisa. Hey. Hi. No. Yes. I mean yes, I'm ogay. I mean okay! I'm okay!"

Jesus Rosie, can you not be gay for a second? Nobody seems to pick up on my tongue slip except for Jennie who's teasing me with her eyes.

Lisa reaches out and touches the sore spot on my forehead and frowns. I'm sure there's a small red spot just from her gaze alone.

"Sorry, I was trying to pick up your pencil. I didn't mean to hit you, Chaeyoung," oh my God, she said my name.

Think straight thoughts.

Vanilla cake. Straight arm pose. The Office. Lalisa Manoban. NOPE not working!

"It's n-no big deal. Uh...thanks, Lisa."

She grins, handing me the writing utensil before waving and parting.

"OH MY GOD SHE TALKED TO YOU!!!!" Jackson squeals.

I'm envious of him. That's how I want to squeal when a hot girl like Lisa Manoban bumps heads with me and picks up my pencil, but I can't because the whole freaking universe thinks I'm straight just because I love Jesus and perfect attendances.

"Haha...yeah. She's nice," I say, trying to avoid this conversation.

"Dude, did you see her when she walked away??" Mark grabs Jackson excitedly.

"Bro I'm telling you, she makes jeans look offensive!!" Taehyung agrees.

"Y-yeah. Totally. So hot..bro."

Oh Jungkook...you sound like me when 'hot' guys walk by.

"Chaeng how do you know her?" Jackson asks.

"We've had a couple of classes together since freshmen year. We don't really talk much though."

"Do you think you can get me her number? Or maybe pass mine to her?" Jackson requests.

"Nah man, she don't want your —give her mine," Mark intervenes.

*Chime*

My email!

"I got to go!" I quickly stand up and run to the closest restroom to open up my email.

[One new message]

I open my phone to check the new message.

[Welcome to Gmail!]

...

"What a troll!" I groan.

>

>

>

It isn't until much later until I get a reply from Leolily97. Three days to be exact.

I didn't mind the wait once I got the message.

[Re: Hey]

August 24th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Hey. I'm glad to hear there's somebody else like me haha. Your family sounds fun. It's just me and my dad these days. He's actually my step-dad, but I think of him as my real dad. He's great. I get to go on business trips with him sometimes. He's a master chef so he cooks for some famous politicians occasionally. Since school just started, I can't go with him as much, but he always brings me a souvenir so I don't feel as lonely. Anyway, I hope you're staying dry today. It's supposed to rain until tomorrow morning.

-Leolily
 

[Re: Hey]

August 24th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Too late. I'm drenched. My best friend decided to make me wait while she made out with her girlfriend. It's whatever because it's her car I'm sitting in now. Your dad sounds really cool! My dad is a lawyer so he's pretty lame. He thinks he's funny with his dad jokes, but my sister and I just ignore him when he's being like that. I'm kidding. He's pretty funny sometimes. But we can't feed into his ego or else he'll start telling more dad jokes, and we don't want that.

-Joohwang
 

[Re: Hey]

August 26th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Haha! My dad is the same. I think my humor because of him. I tried repeating one of his jokes to my friends and they all laughed at me, not with me. Never going to try that again. You best friend is gay too? Wow, what are the chances. None of my friends know. The only people who knows aren't even people. It's my cats. I can't really talk to anyone about this. I'm think my dad will accept me. But his life is already so hard with the recent stuff that's been going on. I don't want to bring him down. Sorry if this was a mood killer! Please reply, I'm dying to know what you think of my dad jokes.

What do you call a poor town in Italy? 
The Spaghetto.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker?
He won the no-bell prize.

What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?
A fizzician.

How do you get to the weight room in Hogwartz?
Through the dumbbell door.

Okay I'm sorry. I hope at least one of these made you laugh. :)

-Leolily
 

[Re: Hey]

August 27th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Oh my God. You're the worst. But...I did laugh, thank you :).

I have the same problem. I'm sure my family and friends will accept me, but I don't know why I'm holding back. I think I'm scared of being treated differently. I'm still me. Even if I like girls, I still like jam toasties and I still don't like avocados. I guess there's not right time to tell them. But I'm annoyed. Straight kids don't have to sit their parents down. They don't have to worry about being rejected or treated differently. What's up with that?

I know we just 'met' but can I ask what happened to you mom? You don't have to tell me. I'm just curious about you. You're amazing and I want to know more. Wishing you a fun filled week!

-Joohwang
 

[Re: Hey]

August 28th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

This is silly. I don't think I can talk to you anymore. How can you not like avocados?

I'm kidding haha. Actually, I was having a crappy Monday, but when I got your email—I was really happy. It sounds crappy, but I haven't felt this happy in a while so thanks for replying. Mondays are just the worst. Did you know they don't serve pizza on Mondays? Absurd.

My mom passed away about nine months ago. It wasn't a surprise. We saw it coming, but it doesn't hurt any less. In fact, I think it hurt my dad more because he knew. He hasn't been the same ever since we found out she only had a year's time. We did everything we could with that much time. I took off months from school to spend it with my mom. I think I'm at risk for not graduating. Luckily the teachers are going easy on me because of my situation. Still—physics is hard. I think I need a tutor. Anyway, I think I'm going to tell my dad once her death anniversary passes this December. I'm scared that I'll bring him more trouble, but I can't hide who I am anymore.

-Leolily
 

[Re: Hey]

August 29th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

I'm sorry. I wish I could hug you. You're so strong. I know we've only been talking for a week, but I want you to know you can lean on me. I encourage you to. I'm positive your dad will love you the same, he sounds like an amazing guy. And I'm sure your real friends will stay with you.

I'm pretty good at physics. What do you say we meet up and study? I'm dying to know who you are.

-Joohwang
 

[Re: Hey]

August 30th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

My friends have been annoying me lately. They're asking me to go out on group dates, but I'm hesitant. I like girls, not guys. I especially do not like guys who are touchy. But yeah, they are good to me and I trust them. I just am not ready for anyone to know yet. I'm sorry. I'm not strong. I promise to make up for it another time when I am ready. Until then will you wait? I'll save my best dad jokes if you do ;)

-Leolily
 

[Re: Hey]

August 30th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Of course I'll wait! Oh gosh, leave the dad jokes at home though. Your friends don't sound too bad compared to mine. The guys in my group are complete horndogs. Whenever they see the Queens walking by, they fall over in their own drool. It's disgusting. I mean, I get that Lisa Manoban is crazy hot, but at least I know how to control my drool. You know what I mean?

-Joohwang
 

[Re: Hey]

August 30th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Yaaaa totally! She's the hottest, okay? ;) Do you like her? I hear she's really sweet, caring and funny! Have you heard her puns. You should hear her puns.

-Leolily
 

We send emails to each other for all of fall semester. Slowly, with every email, I fall more and more in love with my mystery girl. So much so, I start trying to figure out who she is at school.

From our emails I learn a few things. She has a few cats. She likes avocados. She's on a team where she has to go practice. Maybe sports? I could totally see her doing sports. She keeps to herself, but she goes to parties occasionally so she's got popular friends or she is the popular one or both? 

 

[Re: Hey]

December 8th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Ugh. Christmas is coming up and I hate having to see my in-laws. They're so judging. My dad won't be with me because he's cooking a meal for the prime minister of some European country. He'll be there the day after so no worries, I'll be well fed. On another note, are you going to the party this weekend at Sunmi's? She's doing a Disney themed party. I don't think I'll dress up. I look like a frog in costumes.

-Leolily

 

I giggle at her analogy. Maybe a bit loudly because the librarian shushes me. I mutter an apology and look by at the computer screen. I type up a response to her question.

 

[Re: Hey]

December 8th 2014

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

My friends invited me, but I'm hesitant. I'm not big on parties. I'll go if you dress up :) it'll be fun because I'll be trying to guess who my princess charming is.

-Joohwang

 

I've been pretty straight forward about my crush on Leolily. I tried to get her to tell me who she is a few times, but she's still stubborn on keeping her identity a secret. She said I would be disappointed if I found out who she was. I seriously doubt that though.

She inspires me.

"Hey Rosie!" a guy shouts into my left ear and it makes me jump. I quickly turn off the computer screen and try to act natural. I notice it's someone I know.

His name is Kai. He's on the boys varsity soccer team and he's in my physics class. He's nice ish. I think he's only nice to me because he likes my best friend. Other times, he can be a bit of a...jock is a nice way to put it.

"Heey Kai. What's up—bro?" I don't know why I'm trying to sound so masculine. Gross.

He quirks an eye curiously. "Weird hearing you say bro, but okay. How's Jennie? She busy today?"

I nod. "I don't know what she's up to. I say it all the time. Anyyyway...I gotta go...bro! See ya," I pick up my books and high tail it.

Little did I realize my mistake. It isn't until the end of school when he approaches me.

"Rosie." He says, trying to get my attention, but I'm busy trying to find Jennie in the crowd of students rushing out of classes. I'm dying to tell Jennie about how my mystery girl is going to be at Sunmi's party. I can't wait to find her.

"Rosie!"

"Sorry Kai, I'm busy right now. Talk later," I dismiss him, in search for cat eyes.

"I think you'll want to talk now," Kai says.

I don't really look into his tone because I found Jennie. She's waiting outside, leaning on her car looking for me. When her eyes hit me, I wave and smile. She shoots me a grin back and mouths me to hurry up.

"I gotta go, see you—"

He grabs my wrist and it stops me.

"You're gay."

The first thing I register are his words. The second? That there's no body in the hallways.

"W-What?"

"In the library. After you left, I used the computer you were on. You didn't log out...and well I read your emails. I'm sorry about that, I saw a dad joke and I thought it was funny. And then I started reading more..."

Suddenly, the walls of the hallway are closing in. It feels tight in here. The ceiling is too close. I don't like the red of the lockers. I need to run. I rip my hand away from him.

"What the heck Kai! Why are you going through my