Hyukjae was dreaming after so long. 

In his dream he was walking along the beach, bare footed, shoes in his hand. He sat down, looking out at the ocean, when he felt someone hug him from behind and kiss his cheek. But before he could turn to look at the person, he heard a sound similar to his ringtone. He tried to ignore it, but couldn’t, so instead he woke up, reaching over to the other side of his bed, picking up his buzzing phone.

The caller ID read ‘Aesongie’, meaning it was from Jongwoon-hyung. He smiled, picking up the phone and greeting him by heu~heuing like he always did, but soon stopped when he didn’t hear the usual response from the other end. Suddenly fully awake at the feeling that something was wrong, he waited for five minutes before asking Jongwoon.

“Hello? Hyung are you there?” he asked, but all he got in response was a feeble hum of his hyung’s voice.

“Are you ok?” This time his question didn’t get a reply, prompting him to check his phone which showed that the call was still connected. It was odd; in all his years of knowing him, he never had to experience something like this: a silent call from Jongwoon hyung, and that made him feel uneasy.

“Are you home?” he asked this time, but once again the reply was only a throaty hum. Searching for his Notebook, he continued to question Jongwoon, asking if he ate anything —  but received no response. He tried to recall if he saw hyung eat anything in the morning when they saw each other, but he couldn’t remember. Lately, most of their friends and family had taken to keeping an eye on Jongwoon-hyung to make sure he’d been eating. He hated when hyung used to heavily diet, concerned more about his body then his own health, and Hyukjae tried to stop Jongwoon as much as he could.

“Do you have any schedule tomorrow?” He continued to question the older, hoping to get some response from him for the first time in the last five minutes they’d been talking.

“I don't,” Jongwoon said, in a low, rough voice.

“Are you okay?” Hyukjae asked again.

“Yes,” Jongwoon cleared his throat and sniffed before continuing, “Just a bad cold.” 

From the roughness in voice and sniff from the other side, Hyukjae could tell that he had been crying. Clearly, his hyung was lying to him for some reason, but he didn’t call him out on it. 

With only silence on both sides of the phone, Hyukjae looked back at his notebook and saw that he had finally gotten a reply from Sungmin Hyung, His Manager, and waited for another reply while getting himself a bottle of water from the fridge. Unable to stand the silence, Hyukjae tried to fill it, recounting dumb D&E stories, expecting laughter from Jongwoon-hyung. In a normal situation, his stories would be met with hyung's unique laughter but the lack of it only confirmed his suspicions that Jongwoon-hyung was not alright. 

A sudden message from Sungmin-hyung alerted Hyukjae to him waiting in a car downstairs, so, continuing to talk on the phone with the silent listener, he rushed down, still in his nightwear. Sungmin-hyung didn’t ask him about the sudden trip when he finally entered the car, which was what he liked about the hyung, he wasn’t too curious or nosy and always gave him the space he needed. Sungmin then started driving the car towards their destination, towards Jongwoon-hyung’s house.

When he entered Jongwoon’s home — using the password that he got after pestering Wookie in the middle of the night (and got a lot of death threats in return) — Hyukjae switched on the light and disconnected the call. Upon walking in, he saw that the house was messy, like a storm had erupted inside. There were dirty dishes still in the sink and two empty soju bottles on the table. 

He moved towards the bedroom and switched on the smaller lights so as to not wake up hyung. He spotted one soju bottle on the side table, and another one in bed lying on the other side of hyung. Jongwoon-hyung liked to drink sometimes, but he wasn’t a heavy drinker like Heechul hyung or Kyu. 

He stood near Jongwoon hyung and observed his face. During their one-sided conversation, Jongwoon had fallen asleep with the phone clutched near his heart, tear tracks marring the pale skin. His lips were red too, as if he had been biting them for some reason, and he was still in his outdoor clothes, things he would never sleep in. Even in his sleep, Jongwoon didn’t look peaceful, as though he was having a bad dream, and broke Hyukjae’s heart. He wished he knew what to do to make things better and comfort his hyung, the situation causing an old memory to suddenly resurface, one from a long time ago.

It had been during his and Donghae's trainee days, when he had been having a hard time and was nearly about to give up. He remembered being tired, both mentally and physically, just crying his eyes out as silently as he could while biting his lips to silence the sound. He’d thought Hae was sleeping, as he was a deep sleeper and they’d had a busy day. 

But then the door had suddenly opened, with Jongwoon-hyung’s face peeking out. Hyukjae had quickly hid his face and tried to wipe the evidence of his crying session, but hyung had approached him, his hair comfortingly before telling him to come out to the living room, leaving first to give him some privacy. When he had left his room, Jongwoon was waiting for him, sitting on the sofa. Hyukjae couldn’t bear to look in his hyung’s direction.

“Hyukkie, sit here” Jongwoon hyung had said, patting the place beside him. Hands fidgeting nervously, he sat down, still unwilling to look at his hyung. So Jongwoon had held Hyukjae’s chin and lifted it a bit so that he could clearly see his face, asking him to look at him when Hyukjae’s eyes were still downcast. He stared into Hyukjae's red eyes, eyes that contained so many emotions that he was trying to bottle in, until a single tear escaped and suddenly Hyukjae started bawling his eyes out, Jongwoon hugging him tightly, without a care for his shirt that he’d worn to go out in. Hyukjae cried until his voice turned into a whimper, his head resting on Jongwoon’s shoulder, breathing heavily.

“So… what happened?” Jongwoon asked Hyukjae, who was sitting in front of him, a bit more relaxed than before. It had been a good thing that only he, Hyukjae and Donghae were home, so there was no unwanted attention to the situation they were in, knowing that Hyukjae wouldn’t want any others to know about it. Hyukie was nervously drawing doodles on his hand, so he held it in his own.

“Today... the trainer…” Hyukjae started, but faltered. Jongwoon knew who he might be talking about, understanding the reason behind Hyukjae’s bad mood. Said trainer had always been harsh with his criticism, and because of him most trainees lost their confidence. He liked it better when criticism was given about an individual without needing to break their morals.

“What did he do now?” Jongwoon prompted, urging Hyukjae to continue. The younger paused for a minute before answering.

“I missed a bit during dance practice. I mean, my body started to tire after the continuous practice and lack of sleep the last few days, and he started scolding me in front of everyone. And all of them looked at me with so much pity in their faces and I hated that more than anything. Like, I know I'm not a good dancer like Yunho-hyung or a rapper like that trainee kid that likes to brag about his connections in the industry or an amazing singer like you or Kyuhyun. I’m not even sure what I'm doing here. Maybe I'm just wasting my time and the company’s time...” Hyukjae trailed off, standing up to leave, but Jongwoon pu