“Chaewon is a Bottom.”

 

Minju carefully sets her magazine down as she slowly, carefully, regards Yena’s sudden announcement with a hiss of, “what?”

 

Apparently, she’s not the only one who thinks Yena’s sudden commentary is straight-up too random even for Yena's usual standard because Eunbi heaves a loud sigh and decides to humor her instead of ignoring her as of usual with a tired, strained, “care to explain?” that indirectly asks Yena to get on with it because I'm-getting-a-headache-because-of-your-shenanigans.

 

Wrong move. Because the three of them are the only ones in the dorm and the lack of Yuri as the duck’s unofficial restrainer, Yena leaps to the ground and whips out her Ssambbang Slogan Minju is sure the duck has been carrying for several days. Why does Yena carry it around and Minju knowing about it, Minju doesn’t know it herself. Maybe she should reconsider her future career as a clairvoyant.

 

“I have 1001 reasons why,” the duck exclaims hotly, flapping her limbs and as a result, the slogan is also flapping around wildly in the air. Chaewon’s and Hitomi’s face stare at her blankly and Minju, feeling uncomfortable, moves her gaze away. “I have 1001 reasons why,” she repeats, accentuating the word ‘why’ as to regain Minju’s attention, which failed, and she has to roll up her Ssambbang Slogan again so the frog will look at her, “Kim Chaewon is the bottom of Ssambbang ship!”

 

Minju opens but finds herself unable to comment. Mostly because she doesn’t know what to respond. And what’s this about Ssambbang ship? Just ship?! They are practically married and this duck dared to say it’s only a ship?!

 

“Rubbish. We all know Chaewon tops Hitomi,” Eunbi unexpectedly comments with a laser of cold eyes that makes Yena quickly shut . As if her sudden commentary isn’t staggering enough. “Have you ever seen how boyfriend Chaewon looked whenever she’s with Hitomi? And you dare to call yourself Ssambbang President—“

 

To their surprise, Yena cuts her words with a sudden cry. “THAT’S why I have the list of Why Chaewon is the Bottom! I’m sure you’re in for a surprise.”

 

Eunbi mumbles something inaudible.

 

Finally, Minju opens as successfully utters a timid, “But isn’t 1001 a bit too long? And too many?”

 

Yena tuts then speak in a manner as if she’s talking to a retarded child. “Dear little Minju, there is no too many nor too long. Actually, it’s close to hundred-thousand moments but I know you don’t do the math.”

 

Minju’s eyes twitch, large doe eyes narrowing to slits. But she doesn’t say anything.

 

Eunbi comes to the rescue by finishing her chores and settles herself next to the annoyed frog. She gives her a calming pat on her back before turning to Yena. “Why don’t you start explaining then? You have ten minutes to explain this—this fact.” Eunbi shudders at the word ‘fact’ and Minju decides on letting it slide. It’s not good to think too much.

 

The duck clears , puffing her chest as she unrolls the Ssambbang Slogan again. There—Minju can see it, the list!

 

“Number one: Chaewon is a panicked gay.”

 

Both Eunbi and Minju open their mouths at the same time, ready to refute, only to look at each other and close their jaw.

 

“Can’t argue with that,” Minju comments, nodding seriously. Eunbi nods, too.

 

.

.

.

 

Minju and Hyewon were rudely wakened up by a scream and loud bang of their bedroom’s door slamming against the wall as it opened in a wide, fast arch.

 

The culprit was none other than Kim Chaewon.

 

“MINJU! HYEWON-UNNIE!” the radish fairy screamed. “I’M GAY!”

 

While Minju’s only response was a confused, “huh?”, Hyewon leaped out from her bed and swung her arm around Chaewon—

 

And smashed her down to the floor as John Cena would.

 

Minju screamed in confusion.

 

Hyewon and Chaewon looked unbothered at all and that confused the hell out of the frog-like visual.

 

“Congratulations,” Hyewon said while helping the still giddy radish to stand up again. “Do you want to elaborate?”

 

“Well,” Chaewon fiddled her fingers as she sat on the bedside of the lower bunk. She was pouting cutely and looked nervous – but happy. “Hitomi wished me goodnight with aegyo.”

 

Minju was pissed. And confused. And a little bit jealous. She’d been Hitomi’s friend longer than Chaewon and she never really told her goodnight with aegyo!

 

“…That’s it?” She said instead, wondering if it was an appropriate response but chose to it because Chaewon disturbed her sleep and she should be punished. “I thought she kissed you or something.”

 

Chaewon looked like she was having a heart attack.

 

“I can’t possibly!” The older Kim whined, “just earlier, I was too shocked—“

 

“panicked,” Hyewon corrected.

 

“—whatever! Just earlier, my brain short-circuited and she left before I could bid her goodnight again!”

 

“Dude,” Minju moaned. “You already bid her a goodnight! Why would you do it again?!”

 

“I PANICKED—“

 

.

.

.

 

“So we are in a consensus.”

 

“Yena-unnie,” Minju cuts in sweetly, “do you even know what does a consensus means?”

 

“Of course I know that!” Yena fires back with an offended widening of eyes. “Wonyoung taught me!”

 

“Two!” Yena suddenly yells out before anyone could mock her. “Chaewon is a ing idiot.”

 

“The result of her gay-panic,” Eunbi nods, “I don’t object that.”

 

“Me too.”

 

.

.

.

 

Eunbi walked inside the waiting room to witness Chaewon was hunching over at the couch.

 

Curious, Eunbi walked up to her and pat the radish fairy on the shoulder. Chaewon reacted wildly and swung her arm to smash Eunbi in the jaw. It was a mean hook that left Eunbi thrown back.

 

“I’m really sorry!” Chaewon apologized in panic as Eunbi howled in pain. “Don’t surprise me like that, unnie!”

 

“It’s alright,” Eunbi managed to say with a small smile. “What are you doing?”

 

“Oh,” Chaewon smiled sheepishly. “Hitomi sent a cute picture just now and I just uwu.”

 

.

.

.

 

“I thought it was a normal reaction until I saw her roundhouse-kicked Yujin because ‘her Hiichan is too cute to handle’,” Eunbi huffs. “She’s a whipped idiot.”

 

“Unnie, I’m not supposed to say this but she almost burned the dorm down because Hitomi suddenly chatted her when Chaewon-unnie was trying to cook,” Minju shudders, “I’m a witness.”

 

“I don’t know what horrifies me more: Chaewon burning the dorm down or Chaewon trying to cook and feed us with her food.”

 

The three young women all shuddered.

 

“Let’s not dwell on that, please?” Minju requests with a shaky breath. The other two women nodded their heads shakily.

 

“So, next on the list,” Yena sighs. “Chaewon is baby.”

 

“What?”

 

“I said—“

 

“No, I heard you perfectly well and I don’t disagree,” Eunbi frowns. “But Hitomi is baby too.”

 

“No no no—“ Yena hastily cuts off. “Chaewon is a baby big cat!”

 

“Oh, they are adorable!” Minju squeals, mind straying elsewhere before Eunbi forces her to focus again with a slap on her thigh. “But what about Hitomi?” She questions.

 

“She’s a baby human,” Yena answers lightly. “Cubs are so attached to their owner and they are so submissive to them!”

 

“UHHHH—“ Eunbi suddenly rouses up coughing violently. Then hastily sits down again as two pairs of eyes are turned to her direction. “Nothing. Okay. Chaewon is a baby and Hitomi is a baby but Chaewon is more of a baby than Hitomi?”

 

“Exactly!”

 

Minju is still unconvinced. “And how—“

 

“Minju, can we please move on?” Eunbi moans tiredly. “I do not want an image of up in my mind.” Cheetah!Chaewon and animal lover Hitomi makes a great fanfiction—Eunbi! Stop that!

 

Minju frowns, her eyes twitching, but finally nods her head. Why, Eunbi can always think of cat-girl!Chaewon dominating bunny-girl!Hitomi for a better mental image—!

 

“Next one is: Hitomi has abs.”

 

“And Chaewon looks hella hot with suits,” Eunbi shakes her head, sneering at the weak reasoning. “Hello? Mirotic?”

 

“Hitomi looks like a MILF in suits—“ Minju comments unnecessarily, mind straying to BLOOM*IZ I Will version.

 

“MINJU.”

 

“I’m sorry!” Minju cowers, then pouts. “But you can’t deny that fact!”

 

“…Yuri will kill me,” Yena responds with a deadpan. “But you know abs are like… like TOP material!”

 

“YES but Chaewon can be into body-worshipping for all we know!”

 

“Oh God, I can imagine that uwu.”

 

“You are being truly unholy,” Yena yells out in disgust. “And I can’t believe you are rooting for Chaewon on becoming the TOP!”

 

“Because she makes sure she looked like a perfect boyfriend whenever she’s with Hitomi?” Minju questions rhetorically. “It should be us asking you why are you rooting for Hitomi as the TOP.”

 

“Because Chaewon is a bottom!” Yena screeches out wildly and starts to prance around the dorm in anger. “She’s always the bottom one on every IZ*ONE ship! Why would she become a Top so suddenly?!”

 

“Actually in 2kim—“ Minju attempts, but Yena glowers at her so she shuts up.

 

“You’re both bottoms!”

 

“Hey!” Minju can’t take it. “I can top—“

 

“You top who? Wonyoung? Yujin? Yuri? Hitomi? Nako?”

 

Minju reels back in disgust. “Wonyoung is like my sister! Yujin is still underage do you want the FBI to jail me?! Yuri is— (“Yuri is MINE!” Yena yells aggressively.) you heard her! And yes I can top Hitomi just fine!” Well, that’s not true. Both of them are equally disgusted at each other to even think about kissing, let alone ing. But she’s sure she can top Hitomi!

 

“You er.”

 

“You can say that—“

 

Eunbi has to stop Yena before she can tickle Minju with a knife.

 

.–.

._.

.–.

 

“In the end, we don’t know why Yena thinks Chaewon is the bottom,” Eunbi moans ruefully as she plops down to her bed. “It’s all Minju’s fault.”

 

“Minju Gatto!” Nako hisses, smacking the older 01 liners on the head. “You messed up!”

 

“What!” Minju cries out. “I thought all seven of us reached a consensus that Hitomi is, in fact, a bottom!”

 

Murmurs of agreement and Minju can’t believe her friends’ hypocrisy.

 

“Well,” Sakura clears . “I think it will be a breath of fresh air to know Yena’s side. Who knows, the rest of the list actually can convince us.”

 

“Hii-chan is a bottom and that’s final,” Yuri huffs. “I don’t get why Yena-unnie thinks otherwise.”

 

“Quoting Yena, Chaewon has always been a bottom, end quote,” Eunbi tiredly says so, opening her arms to invite anyone who is willing to recharge her energy by hugging her. As expected, Nako walks up to her – and sits on her stomach sadistically. Hyewon kicks the midget away to claim her throne and cuddles Eunbi.

 

“I can’t disagree with that.” Yuri nods. “She’s a coward.”

 

“But in 2kim—“

 

“You’re both bottoms.”

 

“So are you Yuri-sshi.”

 

“I can top Hitomi just fine!”

 

“So can I!”

 

“SILENCE!” Chaeyeon suddenly screams and the two shut up instantly. “EVERYONE can top Hitomi. Is that clear?”

 

“What about Nako?” Hyewon challenges. “She’s short.”

 

Nako is ready to throw hands.

 

Fortunately, she has Sakura backing her up. “She might be the bottom in every of her popular ship (“Ahnko! Wonnako!” Eunbi cheers.) but sorry guys, if it’s Hitomi—“

 

“I can top,” Nako firmly finishes, glowering. Her menacing looks quickly fades as Wonyoung and Yujin appear on her mind. “It’s just that I don’t want to scare those kids away—“

 

Everyone snorts. Minju possessively wraps her arms around Yujin’s favorite plushie, glaring at the midget. “Stay away from my puppy.”

 

“You stay away from ssambbang.”

 

Chaeyeon wisely stops the bickering before it can escalate further by asking, “Where are Chaewon and Hitomi?”

 

As if on cue, there are screams coming from the living room that triggers Chaeyeon’s and Eunbi’s mom-instinct because those are the Annyeongz’ screams of pure horror. They don’t even waste any seconds on dashing to the babies’ rescue.

 

The five remaining ‘Hitomi-Is-Bottom-Believer’ bolt out from their original spot out of curiosity and jaws are dropped once they see Yena is practically frozen, Annyeongz are still screaming, and Ssambbang are peeking from the corridor.

 

“MOM!” Wonyoung screeches, scrambling to the leader’s direction only to swerve at last moment to hug Nako. “Ssambbang is being unholy!”

 

“What do you mean by unholy—“ Minju inquires, slowly pads over to her friends who are still hiding on the corridor. And she screams, staggering back until she falls on her . But she swiftly gets up before everyone got a heart-attack with a blank expression.

 

“They are doing nothing. Nu-uh. Clothes are still intact.” She says with an unmasked tone of disappointment before walking towards her object of affection, that being the second youngest. The couple on the corridor shyly wave their hand to them.

 

Yena, now that Yuri has unfrozen her, screams; her index finger wildly pointing at the couple.

 

“Unnie, they are being unholy!” Yenainsists with flailing limbs. She even kneels. “They are eating each other out in the corridor!”

 

“They what—“

 

“I heard them!” Yujin cuts off with an expression of pure, traumatizing, terror. “Hitomi unnie Chaewon unnie’s name! And more moans! Oh my Jihyo!” Then the puppy resumes her screaming.

 

Minju shuts her up with an aggressive kiss.

 

Nako quickly covers Wonyoung’s eyes.

 

Hyewon calmly presses her phone against her ear as everyone is frozen at the muffled moan coming from the puppy with Minju pinning the younger girl on the ground.

 

“Hello, police?”

 

Sakura screeches.

 

“Sir, I think my friend is molesting a puppy.”

 

Eunbi takes a deep breath as chaos breaks out again – this time it’s Sakura who is screeching and forcefully tries to separate the unholy frog from the puppy. Minju is surprisingly strong and insistent that Sakura needs help from Chaeyeon on beating Minju up with pillows. A pillow that flies out of nowhere managed to hit Eunbi in the face and that was it – Eunbi screams and joins the impromptu pillow-fight.

 

With Hyewon calling the police on the background.

 

In amidst the chaos, Chaewon and Hitomi slip out, giggling among themselves.

 

“You said they won’t be at your dorm?”

 

“My mistake,” Chaewon responds lazily, nosing against Hitomi’s nape and plants a chaste kiss on the warm skin as she slowly pushes the younger inside the other dorm, her foot expertly closes the front door with a soft kick. “So, is your room empty?”

 

Hitomi purrs, pushing Chaewon against the wall as her hand moves to lock and latch the door.

 

 

THE END

.

.

.

 

OMAKE #1

 

“Why are you still here?” Eunbi questions the dorm 1 occupants.

 

Chaeyeon pushes her away and invites herself in. “It’s locked and latched from the inside.”

 

“Great!” Yena yells from her room. “Yuri-ah, come here!”

 

.

.

.

 

OMAKE #2

 

Annyeongz are sleeping on the same bed because Minju is grounded and Nako is staying up to stream TWICE like a dedicated little sod she is.

 

“…Yujin unnie.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“How was ?”

 

“WONYOUNG I’M STILL TOO YOUNG TO DO THAT—!“

 

“Didn’t you and Minju-unnie do that in front of us, earlier?”

 

“YOU LITTLE BABY THAT WAS JUST MAKING OUT—!”

 

“Oh.”

 

Oh indeed. Someone, please protect her.

 

“So that’s why Eunbi-unnie nearly died when I said I wanted to have with Nako-unnie!”

 

“ASDFGHJKL—“

 

.

.

.

 

OMAKE #3

 

“Nako……”

 

“SHH.”

 

“NAKO-“

 

"SHH!"

 

"BUT NAKO-"

 

“ THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT. BE GRATEFUL YOU ARE BLESSED BY TWICE’S GODLY VISUALS!”

 

As punishment, Minju has to accompany Nako on streaming TWICE newest MV.

 

That or she has to sleep outside.

.

.

.

 

OMAKE #4

 

Morning comes and Yena has never felt so tired before. This is even worse than the rigorous training during BLOOM*IZ and the usual strict schedules.

 

This three-day break is really not serving her well.

 

She walks like a zombie towards the kitchen, mumbling morning to the blurry figure on the kitchen before slamming her face down to the dining table.

 

“Unnie? Gwenchana?”

 

The blurry figure turns out to be Hitomi, all in her glory, with a cute apron and spatula on her hand. Oh. How can she miss the mouthwatering smell? As if on cue, Hyewon shows up and sleepily sits beside her.

 

“I’m fine,” Yena mumbles as she regards her fellow 99 liners with a yawn. “What are you cooking?”

 

“Sakura unnie’s fried rice recipe,” The cheese-lover replies with a lovely smile. “I’m almost done cooking the egg. Please wait for a moment!”

 

“Of course!” Hyewon salutes, waiting patiently.

 

Hitomi lets out an adorable laugh as she places the content of the pan to a plate, carefully letting the egg slides out from the pan into the fried rice. “Coming right up!”

 

The two drooled at the sight of steaming fried rice served in front of them. Hyewon shouts out her appreciation before wolfing down the food while Yena raises her head to properly thank the Japanese – but that was before she witnesses something unfamiliar on Hitomi’s neck.

 

She screeches.

 

1001 of her hard work can go down the drain, Yena thinks ruefully, the mental image of Chaeyeon cackling haunting her.