From: Hanbinnie <3

i’m sorry

Bobby stares at the message for several moments, trying to understand what Hanbin could possibly be sorry for. He contemplates messaging Jinhwan to ask what Hanbin means, but like he’s reading Bobby’s mind, Jinhwan texts him first.

From: Jinani-hyung <3

instagram

im going to the studio, check the dorm

hurry

please

With panic rising up his throat, Bobby checks Instagram as he starts walking as quickly as he can towards the dorms. His blood turns to ice as he takes in Hanbin’s most recent post, and then he’s breaking into a run, vaguely registering the constant buzzing of his phone as the other members react to Hanbin’s vague message.

He’s half-blinded by tears by the time he bursts into the dorm and throws open the door to Hanbin’s room.

To: Jinani-hyung <3

hes here

let me talk to him first

give us an hour

“Hanbin,” Bobby says, tucking his phone away even as it vibrates with Jinhwan’s reply. Hanbin ignores him, continuing to haphazardly shove his belongings into a bag. “Hanbin,” he repeats, his voice cracking, and Hanbin finally looks up.

Even through watery eyes, Bobby can see the frightening, deadly calm on Hanbin’s face as they stare at each other in silence. His heart shatters at the sight. “You can’t stop me,” Hanbin says quietly.

“I know,” Bobby chokes out, and he does nothing to stop the tears flowing silently down his cheeks. He’s positive that this is coming from the company, not from Hanbin, but Hanbin is clearly set on this now.

“I did this to myself,” Hanbin continues stiffly, looking away like he’s ashamed to meet Bobby’s eyes.

“No, you didn’t,” Bobby says automatically, though he knows nothing he says is going to change Hanbin’s mind. Hanbin has always been annoyingly stubborn like that. “Look at me, Hanbinnie, please?”

Hanbin reluctantly turns to face him again. “I did this,” he repeats harshly.

Bobby loathes his hard tone, because B.I – the hardass leader who demands nothing less than perfection – might be unyielding, but Kim Hanbin – who craves affection and adores animals and falls in love too easily – is soft, and Bobby wishes he didn’t have to watch that boy disappear in front of his eyes.

“Hanbinnie,” he whispers, and the distance between them is too much to take. He doesn’t think he can stand going another moment without Hanbin in his arms, and Hanbin seems to realize that because the next second, he’s crawling onto Bobby’s lap and tucking himself into Bobby’s embrace.

Bobby doesn’t know how long they sit like that, clinging to each other like it’s the last time they’ll get the chance to do so – and dread fills his mind along with the realization that it very well could be. He holds onto Hanbin even more tightly, his tears seeping through the thin cloth of Hanbin’s shirt, and he can feel Hanbin trembling in his arms, can feel Hanbin’s grip tightening too.

“I’m in love with you,” Hanbin says after a long stretch of silence, his voice muffled as he speaks into Bobby’s shoulder. “You should know that, before I – before.”

Bobby isn’t sure what the right way to react is. On one hand, he’s completely blindsided, hadn’t seen this coming at all – but on the other, now that he thinks about it, he really should have. “You waited until now to tell me?” he settles on asking, his voice caught somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

(And he realizes, all at once, that his confusion surrounding the feelings he’s experienced over the years was just him not understanding that he’s been in love with Hanbin all along too.)

Hanbin fidgets a little, still mumbling into Bobby’s shirt. “You know I couldn’t tell you before.”

He’s right, of course, because Jinhwan and Junhoe breaking the no-dating policy for each other made Hanbin somewhat paranoid about the rest of them strictly adhering to the rules. Now, though, Hanbin’s contract hardly matters anymore. “Yeah,” Bobby says, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice for Hanbin’s sake. “I know.”

“Besides,” Hanbin adds several moments later, breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence that settles over them. “It’s a lot easier to write sad love songs when you aren’t in a relationship. When you think you don’t have a chance with someone in the first place.” He pulls away slightly to look at Bobby, pouting. “Because you never told me anything, either.”

And if Hanbin is trying to lighten the mood, it works: for a moment, Bobby allows himself to forget everything else and focus entirely on the fact that he has the cutest boy in the world, who he is in love with and who loves him back, in his lap. “I love you too, Hanbinnie,” he says. “I think I’ve always been in love with you.” He looks at Hanbin intently. “Is this the real reason you were weird around me after we stopped – you know?”

Hanbin sighs. “Yes,” he admits. “I – you know that I loved being with you like – like that, but I couldn’t – I didn’t think it meant the same thing to you as it did to me. Especially after hearing all the love songs you wrote. So I just – I needed to get away. So I could, I don’t know, get over you, I guess.”

“I get it,” Bobby says, pressing a kiss to Hanbin’s shoulder. “I thought – I was scared that you liked Jaewon-hyung. I thought that’s why you didn’t want to sleep with me anymore.”

“Wait, really?” Hanbin momentarily looks amused. “That’s the real reason you were jealous of Jaewon-hyung?”

“Hey,” Bobby says, pouting slightly. “At least I was jealous of a real person. I wasn’t even really thinking about anyone when I made my album.” He pauses, considering. “Although, I guess it was actually inspired by you, wasn’t it?”

Hanbin blinks a few times. “It was?”

“It was,” Bobby says, because he’s sure of it now – after all, there’s no one else in the world he could have possibly been thinking of. “I didn’t know it then, but it was always for you. Every word.” His hold on Hanbin tightens a little. “Hanbin, I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to go either,” Hanbin whispers, gripping Bobby’s shirt harder too. “But I have to.”

Bobby knows the others will be here soon, that they don’t have much time left, but he can’t help himself. He kisses Hanbin’s forehead, his cheeks, his nose, before Hanbin lets out a soft whine and kisses Bobby’s lips instead. And Bobby can only cling onto him, savoring every moment of it.

When they finally, reluctantly break apart, Bobby feels his resolve strengthen. “I’m not going to let this be the end,” he says. He brushes his thumb along Hanbin’s cheek. “None of us will. We’ll keep doing whatever we can. We’ll never let you be forgotten.”

Hanbin’s eyes flutter shut at Bobby’s touch. “I know you won’t.” He takes a deep breath. “And I – I’ll always be with you too.”

Bobby smiles, resting his forehead against Hanbin’s and closing his eyes too. “Yeah,” he says, and for a brief moment, he feels a little spark of hope. “I know.”