7.45 p.m.

24.12.2019r.

 

Taeyong was tapping nervously with his short fingernails on the window of the taxi, which had been standing in a giant traffic jam for twenty minutes and didn't seem to make a move soon. The man sighed because he was dragging his return to London and left the hotel at the last minute, but hadn't predicted that the weather would deteriorate to such an extent that he would get stuck on the way to the airport half an hour before the flight. On his luck or misfortune, he was able to move after a while and the Korean soon reached the airport.

 

Grabbing the travel bag, he headed toward the gates, but to his surprise, he was met with a message about a delayed flight caused by a snowstorm that had unleashed not so long ago. Without hiding his satisfaction with the situation, Taeyong decided to wait for more information at the airport cafe in which direction he went. He bought a cappuccino, although he usually didn't drink sweet coffee, because he preferred bitter one and after receiving the drink, he began to look for a free table in a room full of people. When he finally found one free table, it turned out that it was already taken by another man. Looking around the room and seeing that all the remaining seats were full, he swallowed and asked in fluent English if he could join. However, without getting any answer, the man repeated the question and when the silence returned to him, he cursed silently under his breath in his native language. To his surprise, the occupying man nodded and answered him in Korean that he could take the free seat.

 

Without hesitating any longer Lee threw his coat on the back of the chair and sat down at the table. It was awkward until the stranger's phone rang, breaking the silence. The man began the conversation, barely audibly whispering Japanese words, as if he was afraid of distracting the man sitting opposite him. Taeyong, unwillingly, began to listen to the fluent words that fell from the mouth of the Japanese, understanding each of them very well. The melodious voice that came out of the man's lips seemed familiar to him, and Lee had to take a sip of coffee to control the tension in his throat and stomach. He would recognize this voice everywhere in the world. Sweet and delicate, but when used in other situations, seductive, comforting, y, and firm. Only one person, which Taeyong knew too well could have it. And he belonged to none other than Nakamoto Yuta. The first and last love of a young Korean.

 

Taeyong felt dizzy and in order not to spill a hot drink he put his drink with shaking hands on the table, trying not to attract the attention of the other man. Yuta was, no, always will be the only person he really loved. A year had passed since their fatal breakup, but Lee still didn't recover from it. Regardless of his efforts, he couldn't get used to traveling alone by train to work, falling asleep without him on the other side of the bed and night walks to the 24-hour stores, where they often went together. Even the awareness that in less than a week, he would be someone else's husband didn't let him forget about the love they had. Taeyong reconciled that he was never meant to have a happy life and accepted after his father's death that he was a golden caged bird. Now, however, sitting in a cafe at the New York airport, with his key to freedom in front of him, his last hope, Lee wanted to shout Yuta's name and fall on his knees to beg for forgiveness. He knew, however, that it was only the naive fantasy of his tired mind because Yuta was no longer his, and above all, the Korean doubted that the younger could still felt towards him other feelings than hatred.

 

At the time when he was thinking about his past and the pathetic life he had to lead, the Japanese opposite him ended the conversation, putting the phone down on the table. Glancing furtively at the other's wallpaper, Tae smiled gently, noticing that it still had a picture of Totoro, an animation they both loved. Lee wanted to leave the table for fear of being recognized, but it was too late when Yuta whispered his name. It had such power on him that he stood still and couldn't do anything but look into the glittering eyes of the Japanese.

 

You have no idea what you are doing with my heart. Lee thought.

 

"So it's you ..." Yuta said, smiling very gently waiting for the other's reaction.

 

"I'm so sorry you had to meet me here. If you want, I'll leave as soon as possible." Tae began to babble his tongue in nervousness as if he were just beginning to learn it.

 

"No, please stay!" Nakamoto caught his hands in the blink of an eye as if he was afraid that the man in front of him would disappear again. However, finding that he shouldn't grab the hands of a stranger now, he quickly took his hands away, and as soon as he did, Lee felt a longing for their warmth.

 

"If you think so." The Korean whispered, lowering his head, not knowing what to do.

 

They both sat in their thoughts, unable to find a solution to their situation. A year has passed since their last meeting. Many words that were to be said haven't been spoken until today. Many acts couldn't be explained or corrected. So it was understandable how awkward the atmosphere was around them. Yuta, however, always belonged to the more open and brave people and when he decided that there could be no more chance to meet, he decided to use the one he was given.

 

"I heard that soon will be your wedding." He said, playing with his fingers and Taeyong, remembering all of his habits, knew that the man was very nervous. However, he couldn't get up and leave him alone forever. He regretted too many things in his twenty-four years of life. He didn't intend to add this meeting to the already long list.

 

"That's right." He sighed and ran his fingers through his tousled hair.

 

"Thank you," Yuta said, and Lee's brow twitched, not knowing how to understand the junior's statement. "I mean, for keeping your promise. You didn't send me a wedding invitation." The boy smiled bitterly. "I hope you are happy now, but forgive me, I won't congratulate you. I couldn't." He added, swallowing nervously, and Taeyong restrained himself from standing up and hugging him.

 

"A-And you, how are you doing?" Lee wanted to finish the topic of his unhappy wedding as soon as possible and decided that a good way to do it would be just a simple question about anything.

 

"Unfortunately, I can't identify with you when it comes to happiness in love life. Nothing has changed except that I graduated." Yuta gave him an awkward smile.

 

"What if I tell you I'm not happy?" Taeyong whispered, surprising Yuta and himself.

 

"Then I'll ask why are you doing it. " Nakamoto replied, focusing on the elder's dark eyes that were once part of his entire world.

 

"And when I answer that I got lost in all of this?" Lee didn't break their intense gaze.

 

"Then I will tell you to stop and think again before it's too late" Yuta whispered in Japanese, rising from his chair and headed deep into the airport.

 

Taeyong, feeling panic overwhelming him, that once again in his life he could lose the person he loves, he got up from the chair, almost knocking it over and started running towards Yuta. Fortunately, he caught up with him before he could leave the airport and grabbed his wrist, stopping the Japanese in place.

 

"Yuta ..." Taeyong whispered, causing the younger to look at him with an unreadable look.

 

"My flight has been canceled, so I need to find some accommodation because I'm not going to sleep at the airport. " Nakamoto replied even though he wasn't asked.

 

"Can I go with you?" Lee asked uncertainly.

 

He didn't hear the answer because the shy man turned his head away. As a sign that he didn't mind, Yuta squeezed his arm and they both headed towards the taxi stand that was supposed to take them to the city center.

 

 

*****

9.30 p.m.

24.12.2019r.

 

 

They got off at Rockefeller Square at the intersection of 48 and 51. After paying for a taxi and taking their belongings from the trunk, the gentlemen started straight ahead through a crowded street covered with snow that stretched along the noisy and crowded city center. Taeyong has visited New York several times since the company he inherited from his father had branches here. He walked in silence, a few steps behind Yuta, trusting the boy that he knew where he was leading them.

 

The wind that whipped their bare cheeks was unusually gusty and icy today. Lee wanted to be in a locked room as soon as possible, free from frost and powdery snow. Yes, he once loved winter, because he associated it with the holidays, which he spent at Yuta in Osaka. However, when they parted from each other, the earlier favorite season became a torment and a bad memory after the loss of joyful moments.

 

The gentlemen crossed several more passages and soon found themselves in front of a small restaurant, which wasn't crowded. Nakamoto, seeing that after a day at the airport in the noise, he would finally be able to eat something normal and warm in peace, didn't think too long, and went inside. It was a quiet and intimate place, where the tables were placed at such comfortable distances that no one would look into someone's plate or overhear someone's conversations. The colors of the walls were warm, and candles were set on the tables. An English-speaking waiter greeted them, so Taeyong stepped in, remembering that Yuta wasn't very good at it.

 

They were given a place on the side of the room, next to the window, which had a view of the largest ice rink in New York. Taeyong remembered that when they were a couple, the Japanese repeatedly mentioned to him that one day he would like to skate on it. Lee smiled bitterly to himself at the comic situation they were in. Karma is a , he thought, when they were finally so close to fulfilling the younger's dream it was too late. They were no longer together, they were strangers, whose paths would divide forever as soon as this evening was over.

 

Yuta had trouble understanding the menu, so Lee relied on his memory and ordered what he thought he would like. A year passed when they parted, but he didn't erase Yuta's habits, favorite dishes, or other information that Tae had gathered in his head during their four-year relationship. Four years and only one day were enough to ruin everything they had. Yong knew that for the rest of his life he wouldn't forgive himself for losing Yuta, but now it was too late, the younger certainly didn't love him anymore.

 

When the waiter served the dishes they ordered at their table, the two without wasting time immediately went to the meal, without exchanging any unnecessary words with each other. In the background, the song changed into an old hit that could not be missed on any Christmas.

 

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day you gave it away...

 

Taeyong swallowed nervously and looked expectantly at Yuta, seeing that the younger had something to say to him.

 

"I used to love this song. You know me well, Yongie, you remember that it was my favorite." He said putting the fork next to the plate to reach for the chocolate piece of cake Taeyong had ordered for him.

 

"Why isn't it anymore?" Lee asked and regretted when he saw sorrow in the younger's eyes.

 

"Maybe you'll tell me?" Nakamoto replied, cutting off the conversation and returning to the sweet dessert.

 

Taeyong returned to the unlucky moment Yuta referred to. Exactly a year ago, they spent a quite passionate evening with each other, which Lee won't forget for the rest of his life. The next morning it was all over when he left the boy's apartment with a stinging cheek after he broke up with him and informed him that he will marry someone else. Sometimes the Korean wished Yuta to punch his teeth then, maybe thanks to which the young lady with whom he had to get engaged would have found him unattractive and allowed him to leave, and he would beg Yuta for forgiveness on his knees. Nothing like that happened, however, because Nakamoto just after hitting him, told him to pack and let him go without even trying to stop him.

 

"I'm sorry. " Lee said, seeing Yuta biting his lower lip in nervousness.

 

"What this time if I can know?"

 

"For hurting you. You deserve much more."

 

"I know. However, if you're sorry, don't you think you should do something about it? With one word, you won't make me forget what was between us or how you ended our relationship." The Japanese said in a sharp tone of voice, trying not to give in to the emotions he felt.

 

"What can I do?" The Korean asked, feeling the hopelessness of his situation.

 

"I don't know, Taeyong. I'm not going to make life decisions for you. Maybe think about who you want to be first and make up your mind because you can't have everything at once." This time Yuta whispered those words, sharp as a knife, which nevertheless opened Taeyong's eyes. Did he understand correctly? Did Yuta show him that he could still have a chance to fix everything?

 

The Japanese started collecting his things and Lee decided it was time to leave the restaurant. Although he wasn't sure if Yuta still wanted him around, he followed Yuta and stopped when he noticed him watching the ice skating people. Taeyong didn't hesitate and grabbed the smaller hand of the boy to pull him towards the ice rink. He bought two tickets and rented two pairs of skates. Nakamoto first objected and didn't want to agree to enter the rink, but the elder, knowing how Yuta loves skating, lifted him and moved him to the entrance gate.

 

Slowly and cautiously, they climbed the ice rink, watching the steps, because it had been a long time since they had both been skating. Yuta was a bit more into this activity, so he left Taeyong behind him who was holding on to the plastic band. It took some time when an annoyed Japanese man came to him, complaining that Lee still hadn't let go of the railing. Seeing that this did not motivate Taeyong to try free riding, Nakamoto reached out his hand, encouraging the elder to let him lead. They made a few circles around the ice rink before they reached the center. Although the snow did not spare them, and the wind chilled their noses and cheeks, the two smiled to each other, even when they almost fell, when the elder lost his balance. People slowly began to leave the ice rink, so that men could enjoy a moment of peace and be alone without unnecessary onlookers.

 

They stopped in the middle when the song accompanying them during the ride changed to a slower one. Taeyong wanted to grab the younger waist to keep his balance better, but he held back remembering that the other might not want it. It wasn't a moment longer when the Japanese's hands rested on his shoulders, indicating that he could embrace him. Lee looked deep into his eyes, steady hands on his smaller hips. He remembered their first skating trip, which ended with the younger spraining his ankle, which did not discourage him from standing on the surface again. Taeyong loved this fool. He still loves.

 

Lee feeling the influx of emotions and memories approached Yuta, more than seemed possible. He began to look at him more closely and smiling, thought that the younger hadn't changed at all. His delicate face without the slightest flaws was hiding a shy but also a cheeky smile that always knocked him off his feet when Nakamoto showed his white teeth while laughing. The elder focused on the eyes of the boy whose brown pupils stared at him curiously but also with longing. Taeyong raised his cold-frozen hand and placed it on the Japanese cheek, who shuddered slightly because of the cold feeling. Eventually, his eyes fell on Yuta's lips, so familiar who seemed to call him to check if they were still as he remembered them. Warm, soft, and sensitive.

 

The Korean leaned gently, unable to control his feelings, wanted to taste the lips of the younger, remember their taste, and the way only they could kiss when Yuta's hand stopped him. Lee looked up at the younger questioningly but he was biting his lip and looking away. Taeyong knew Yuta wanted it too, but he respected the younger man's hesitation and waited for him to speak.

 

"Please, let's not make our lives difficult. Don't do the things you will regret." Yuta whispered.

 

"I won't regret it, sweetheart." Lee patted his cheek.

 

"You have someone to come back to. She's waiting there ..." Nakamoto pleaded, hoping that the elder would come to his senses and stop playing with his broken heart.

 

"Yukkuri. " Taeyong said in a low, throaty tone, causing the young man's eyelids to close and his body to tremble.

 

"Tae-chan ..." He whispered, pulling his hand away from the elder's mouth as Korean kissed his frozen fingers. "Have you ever loved her?" He choked, speaking in Japanese, as if ashamed to admit that someone had stolen the love of his life.

 

"Never. " Lee responded with a firm voice, the tip of his thumb wandering over the younger's lip.

 

"Do you still ... love me?" Japanese stammered, blushing.

 

"I've never stopped." Taeyong smiled his most beautiful smile, which was reserved only for his love.

 

The Korean bowed his head and linked their lips together in a gentle kiss, which reflected the feelings hidden until now in both men. The younger moaned in a quiet voice only heard by Taeyong as he bit his lip, asking for access to his mouth. After a while, their kiss deepened, and then immediately become passionate, full of longing, regret, and joy of the movement of two bodies thirsty for each other. They paused only when they needed to get some air, and at that time Lee was hugging Yuta's trembling body. They looked into each other's eyes when the familiar sound of the "Last Christmas" melody sounded on the ice rink. Yuta didn't hesitate this time when he raised his head to whisper in Taeyong's mouth the longed-for words, which he hadn't dared to utter before.

 

I missed you.

 

Take me home.

 

 

*****

11 p.m.

24.12.2019r.

 

 

The night was still young, when thirsty lovers fell into each other's arms, exchanging hungry kisses. They managed to pull themselves apart, just because they had to get to the room they had rented at the nearest hotel. As soon as the door slammed behind the longing lovers, their lips found themselves again, and their coats rested on the floor in a small corridor. After a while, they were in a cramped bedroom, and Yuta felt a soft mattress underneath his back with a cool duvet on top. When Lee bit his neck, the Japanese sighed with pleasure but pushed the elder away.

 

"Ta-Tae, let's slow down a bit, let's take our time." He whispered, gasping for breath.

 

"I'm sorry, you just make me can't resist." The elder ans