Songs:

¬ Take Me For a Ride

¬ Drifting

“Don’t interact with him ever again…” Bora’s voice came out rigid even if she had tried to make it sound softer. Her insides contorted into disgust every time the image of Henry doing anything remotely invasive to Siyeon; slightly shaking her head and closing her eyes, she tried to rid herself of the replaying of her memories. Chemical photographs pestered her conscience, reminding her of the man’s past actions... of his insolence, of his irksome smile, of his tendency to ignore any request that doesn’t come from his own mind, of his inability to understand what the word ‘no’ means.

Her breathing was steady as she looked up to the slightly clouded and pink sky. There she was, back on the roof, laying on the same blanket, continuously fighting the urge of looking over the woman next to her. There she was, letting her neurons electrocute themselves in the process of going over the overlapping schemes of her past and future so she wasn’t forced to confront the palpability of her present. The inherent linger of strange feelings brought by the stranger beside her, she was avoiding that for a while now with autobiographical memory trips. Henry appeared sometimes in those. He was part of her past, and he had found a way back into her present after she had successfully avoided him for some time. She barely shook her head once again and forcefully closed her eyes for a second, maintaining all the remaining air in her lungs captive until she saw the sky’s white clouds again.

“Why did you tell him my name was Monica?” Siyeon inquired.

The dancer dithered before turning her head towards her, bringing the other’s side profile into her vision. “I…” She didn’t want him to be able to talk about her anywhere, to be able to identify her, she thought. “He… shouldn’t know your real name.”

“Why?”

Hesitation, sweet and imposing in the depths of her breathing as her eyes met Siyeon’s; “...he’s a bad person.” She broke the contact and focused on the light blue and pink dome again. “I don’t want him to do anything to you.” Her last words fell short in energy, as if she gradually dimmed the volume of her voice. The mere thought of him interacting with Siyeon and causing any kind of discomfort made her feel uneasy and powerless, and a distressed expression poisoned her face. She got tempted to let her brain roam and fly again, right there where the cement of the rooftop was beginning to cause discomfort and every cloud’s perceptive forms were disfiguring, but the registering of tactile stimuli in her fingers stopped her. A millisecond of coldness traveled around her body and her eyes widened, refusing to look down to her hand. Siyeon’s palm slid onto hers, and her fingers started to bend in the spaces between Bora’s. She wasn’t forcing anything, she just let her hand completely relax over the dancer’s, provoking her to stay still. Her hand is soft, she thought, and her eyebrows had a dance of their own. She ephemerally forgot about everything, unable to dissipate her fixation on the woman next to her, that stranger, Lee Siyeon. Everything else vanished, every worry, and it was just the two of them coexisting with the gentle breeze that carried traces of the colder northern climates, the slow parade of disperse clouds moving under the recoiling sky colors, the sound of a muffled saxophone from a Neon Trees song played in one of the nearby penthouses… and then rationalization incised into the trance. She restrained any type of reaction the simple gesture was provoking in her; partly because she deemed it silly, partly because she wasn’t entirely in control and it scared her. Her head tried to decode and transcribe, search for purpose, maybe to protect itself from the absurdity of her body’s answer; what was she, a high schooler? She thought. In the process, her face remained in subtle uneasiness, which splashed onto Siyeon when she finally decided to look at her.

They looked at each other for a moment, and Siyeon tried to read Bora’s face. She tried to interpret the dancer’s implicit messages hoping for some kind of reciprocity, but all she found was the opposite. And she remembered the people she saw sitting on the floor, against a wall, when they were walking on the street. When one of them did what she just did, the other smiled, but Bora’s face was far from that. She thought it would comfort her in some way since she felt the other’s heavy aura, she knew the other was deep in dreary thoughts, but it seemed to perpetuate what she tried to get rid of. After a while, she decided to leave her alone and retrieve her hand, but when she pulled it back Bora tightened her grip while focusing her eyes back on the sky. Her expression didn’t change, and you could perceive her jaw muscles faintly tensing, but her hand grasped Siyeon’s firmly even if it was full of uncertainty. A brief grin invaded the younger one’s mouth before squeezing their hands together; she had never done this with anyone back in The House, and it felt nice. Also, maybe now she understood a degree of the pleasure that such vain and simple action could produce in a person. 

    They stayed like that for a while, in silence, and Siyeon had even started to bring both of their hands closer to her. But the sound of someone clearing their throat disrupted the initially mellow daze, making Bora pull back her hand immediately and push herself up with her elbows to look at the source of the sound. Siyeon furrowed her eyebrows at Bora’s sudden retreat, and the dancer ran one of her hands through her hair when she realized Minji was the one standing close to the stairs with her hands on her pockets. With a stiff smile, she spoke; “What’s up…?”

    Minji pressed her lips together trying to contain a mocking laugh, so she just exhaled harder through her nose. “Yubin told me you were up here. We’re back.”

    🝰🝰🝰

    Gahyeon finger’s circled around each other while resting on her lap. She looked at them; a inquisitive blank stare that felt like it had the ability to rip the fabric of space apart and snatch her away from reality. She didn’t even feel like she was matter, and it was strange. After all the adrenaline from running away had worn off, her brain hit against a world she could’ve only dream of. She pressed the tips of her fingers against each other, once again making sure she wasn’t floating in the vivacious lake of slumber. Everything else, Yoohyeon speaking and the turning of book pages, sounded like waves traveling through water thanks to her ears’ psychologically altered reception.  Everything else barely provoked her to jump out of her thoughtless whirl, until she heard the door open. Her eyes followed the sound before she gave them orders, and her fingers stopped moving when she saw Siyeon standing there, staring back at her with a growing smile. mimetized the expression, and the void in her chest got replaced by the abstract euphonious tune of a joy signifying violin. “Siyeon!” She exclaimed with a fully bloomed smile and embraced her, choosing to momentarily ignore her crutches. They stayed like that for some time, as if it would make up for the time they spent apart.

    “I’m sorry…” Siyeon breathed out.

    Gahyeon pulled away so she could look at her directly without breaking the hug. “What do you mean, why?”

    “For leaving you…”

    “No… you don’t have to be sorry…”

    “Yes I have… it was my fault.” She looked away.

“No…” Gahyeon grabbed the sides of her head and made her look forward. “No, it’s not. It’s the stupid tall fence’s fault.”

    She smiled. “Stop,” the word left mid short laugh, “...it really was.”

    “Whatever, we can talk about it later. I’m here now. Give me another hug.” When they broke apart, they sat on the sofas and she immediately made sense of Siyeon’s wound. “What did you do?...”

    “Not what I did! They shot me!”

    Gahyeon laughed and shook her head at her reaction, but then her face exuded seriousness. “They’re dangerous…” A hollow voice tone cut through any kind of laughing matter. She revisited the basement in her head, and the sight of Yoohyeon’s sick roommate made her shudder.

    “Did you go down to the lower floors?” Yoohyeon asked, meek and full of worry, hoping she would say no so she could tame her spiraling imagination. But she said yes, and the taller one lowered her gaze at the confirmation. That means she had surgeries she remembers, she thought, that means she went through something she knew too well. She put her arm over Gahyeon’s shoulder and pulled her into a side hug. Gahyeon smiled and asked for the purpose of the action, unaware of the gloom leaking out of Yoohyeon’s pores. “Nothing, I just missed you.” It wasn’t a lie, that she painfully missed her ever since she gave them the maps and the letter, but the motives behind her sudden need to comfort her were best left behind. At least for the moment. She had just gotten here, she deserved a warm welcome at least, she thought. 

She left her arm around her shoulder throughout the conversation, and occasionally rested her head on it. Her mind kept writing images, wording the invisible pictures, trapping her in a cyclic river of assimilation and association. She spaced out as Siyeon excitedly told Gahyeon about the stuff she had learned in this new world; the paper rocket of her mind took off fueled by the combination of letters coming together to recreate four years worth of episodic memory. Memories she could feel in her skin, in her limbs, in … Too many times... the times that she was held against a bed so they could tamper with her head were too many. Upon vivifying her past experiences, something in her chest compressed at the thought of her friend going through the same thing. When she thought about her own experiences it unsettled her, yes, but when Gahyeon was involved it was different. And even more when she thought about how she would be the only one going through the procedure, apart from herself. She was fine knowing that she was the only one that had to go through it.

    “Oh hello.” Everyone simultaneously stopped talking and looked at Handong, who had just entered the apartment with a flat smile. “Who’s this now?”

    “Gahyeon.” Yubin addressed Handong without looking away from her computer’s screen. “Gahyeon, Handong.”

    “Sensational.” Handong put her belongings on top of the dining room’s table and looked for a snack in the kitchen.

    “Thank you for being nice for once in your life, Handong. Amazing.” Yubin’s eyes finally left the computer screen and stuck on the chinese woman.

    “For once in my life.” Handong said in between a sarcastic chuckle and brought a slice of apple into . Yubin shook her head slowly and an internal brawl settled, of whether she should reply or keep quiet. The decision wasn’t necessary, since Bora jumped in to interrupt.

    “Where are we all sleeping?” She spit out in a hurry. “There’s two rooms and two sofas.”

    Silence.

    Minji’s gaze traveled through everyone’s faces and then she pressed her lips together to suppress a chuckle. “Well since you’ve spent time together for a while you two can get a room with Handong or Yubin,” she pointed at Siyeon and Bora, “and Yoohyeon and Gahyeon can sleep in the sofas. I’ll go home ‘cause of work…”

    “Uh…” Yubin closed her laptop and crossed her arms on top of her chest.

    “I prefer to stay in my room alone.” Handong spoke.

    “We know that, but there’s six people about to sleep here now and no one’s sleeping on the floor.” Yubin challenged Handong’s request.

    “Then why don’t you sleep with her? You’re probably the person who Handong would be comfortable with.” Siyeon contributed with a soft and cautious tone, trying to make sense of the arrangements. Minji and Bora looked at each other after she said that.

    “No.” The chinese woman denied the suggestion and turned around to open the fridge.

    “Why not?”

    “Because-” She closed the fridge and turned around with noticeable irritation flaring from her face, but stopped talking abruptly when she saw everyone was staring at her.

    “You live together already.” Siyeon continued without making sense of the other woman’s face. The corners of Minji’s mouth slightly stretched into a gesture of awkwardness and Bora scratched the back of her head, looking out the window to avoid eye contact.

    “Fine.” Handong exhaled and her eyes momentarily arrived at Yubin’s face. “Fine.”

    And after that the afternoon transcurred in between conversations and food. An unspoken tension lingered in the atmosphere, but they didn’t address it.

🝰🝰🝰

It was nearing eleven in the evening when all of them had retreated and prepared to sleep. Siyeon finished her nighttime hygiene routine and then sat on the edge of the bed, all with the same incessant scratching from tenuous neurotic blades. Her pain had never gone away ever since her eyes locked on that lava octopus. Its intensity may have noticeably lowered, but a small twinge of discomfort remained in the background. When she finally laid down and pulled the sheets over her, she deliberately intensified her memory recollection even if it made the ache spark new intensity. She put it aside and kept turning the colorful image around the grey corners of her mind, and at one point she felt a spike; one that felt like someone had punctured her scar, short and acute, not giving her time to properly register it’s severity.

    “I’m… I’m laying down.” Bora interrupted her thoughts with an unsure voice.

    Siyeon looked at her, confused; “Okay.” But Bora didn’t move. “Are you getting in or what?”

    “Yeah, yeah…” She rapidly went under the sheets and pulled the blanket up to her nose, so only her eyes were exposed.

    Siyeon let out a chuckle and turned towards her. “What?” She smiled when she saw that the dancer had turned around to face her, too, but only her eyes were visible.

    “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable…”

    “It’s fine.” She said, a soft smile still present, ignoring the pain that hadn’t left her alone. Even if they had already disclosed this some time ago, she thought it was nice of her to still try to take into account her comfort. It’s not like they were forced to sleep in a small bed either; the bed was king sized, and probably two people could fit between them.

    “I’m going to turn off the light.” Bora turned to the other side to reach the lamp switch. After she was done, she stayed facing the wall and said a low good night.

    Meanwhile, Siyeon didn’t wait long to revisit the invigorating memory. She played with the picturesque flow in her head, bringing back the progressive heightening of the pain she had grown so accustomed to lately. Something had clicked before Bora interrupted her. She felt her scar was zapped; exactly how she felt before she remembered her name. There’s something else, she thought, and in between determined hopes she purposefully continued bringing the octopus back. And more, more intensity, more discomfort… it was getting worse with each fraction of minute. She began shifting on the bed and clenching her teeth; at this point she wasn’t even trying to remember, since the image had engraved itself in the back of her closed eyes, insensitively burning. It burned, it was fire, it was hot, it was loud, it smelled like smoke, it sounded like sorrow, it sounded like rabid anguish… and then the pain stopped, and it all became clear. 

Before she could open her eyes again, there she was, standing in the middle of a maze of people. Some were also standing, some were crouching forward with their hands protecting their heads. She wasn’t in control, since it was just a memory that unfolded in the abstraction of her consciousness, so she looked through what she assumed were her past eyes. It was still burning, it was hot, and then she was able to see there was a burning pile of papers, wood figures, melting metal cans, books… the fire covered all of them with a blanket of heat, but the blaze’s anger wasn’t the thing that burdened them the most.

    Her muscles tensed when pieces of the memory began to come together. They were at a wide avenue, in the middle of the roads, and the ground was full of color splatters as well as the bodies of the people. It was burning, it was loud, it smelled like smoke, it sounded like sorrow… she looked down, and, in between recoiled humans looking for safety in the fragility of their arms, there was a crying man in front of her embracing a woman like he lost her. He had. The man rocked their bodies back and forth as a nauseating plea came out of his limbic depths, and at one point she noticed the woman was bleeding from her chest. As soon as she saw the wound, the sound of multiple gunshots made her crouch down. ‘Cowards’, the ones with guns shouted as they kept throwing wood into the fire pit. She momentarily looked around and her present self got shocked to see two familiar faces; Gahyeon holding a megaphone and being dragged by two police officers, and Yoohyeon, who held an unresponsive middle aged man in her arms and had her face buried in his neck. The image didn’t last long, and her eyes finally landed on the wounded woman. Upon seeing her face, a dull wave of indigo engulfed her essence and reminded her that she was still laying down in Handong’s apartment; an emotional electrocution, in less than a second her torso rose up and got paralized in a seating position. The memory freezed and her eyes kept closed, focused on that face.

    Bora felt the bed suddenly move and turned around, then furrowed her eyebrows when she saw Siyeon sitting there with her eyes closed, unmoving. She decided to place one of her hands on one of Siyeon’s shoulders and ask; “you okay?” Right after, she noticed how the muscles around the younger one’s eyes tensed and her eyebrows were magnets. “Hey…”

    In the span of seconds, Siyeon felt an indescribable amalgam of emotions while remembering the woman’s face; the yellow, orange, red and black painted face. She was in intense pain, but it wasn’t physical anymore, and it had washed over her in a glimpse. A shaky exhale escaped from without warning, and the next inhale took the form of a sob.

    “Siyeon…” Bora completely sat up and faced her, worried and not knowing what to do. She instinctively moved her hand from the younger one’s shoulder and placed it on her head, thinking about how she was horrible at this and how Minji would know how to handle it better. She slightly panicked and felt horrible for not being able to respond properly.

    A few tears were already running down Siyeon’s cheeks when she was able to speak up in between sharp inhales; “My mom…” And with that, she broke down onto Bora’s shoulder and let herself feel everything.

🝰🝰🝰

“We have to go back. You need to see this. You were there, I swear…” Siyeon stared at the floor as she sat on one of the sofas. Four days had passed, all spent inside the apartment and she still felt the staggering effect of that specific memory coming back. Not only she finally had proof she, in fact, had a life before The House, but she also discovered her mother was killed. And, most interestingly, both Gahyeon and Yoohyeon were there. Everything else in the image she had unlocked moved in a blur; even if the situation and elements were clear, she didn’t really understand what was happening, why her mother died, why some people were shooting, why there was a huge fire near them… Some of the questions formed when she entered this new world weeks ago had been answered, but a lot of new ones replaced them. She needed confirmation, another witness, because there was still a possibility that it was all fake and it was just her brain coping with her madness. Maybe if she triggered the other two’s memories they could work together to connect the pieces.

“Wait, repeat… you went to this place, saw an animal on the wall, and now you remember everything?” Yoohyeon inquired.

“Not everything, just a specific moment. It’s not the first time, although the other time the memory wasn’t as detailed and visual as this one.” Siyeon explained while looking at them. “It started with the headaches, you know? After the headaches start you feel weird…”

“Right! I started getting these headaches some days ago and I didn’t know what they were all about. I had never felt anything like it.” Gahyeon spoke.

“Hold on, what headaches? I haven’t felt anything since I got out.” Yoohyeon’s eyes moved back and forth, inspecting her two friends’ faces.

“You haven’t?”

Yoohyeon shook her head.

“That’s strange. You’ve been out here longer than us…” Confusion traveled Siyeon’s features. “Maybe something can trigger it…” Her eyes moved from side to side, indicating speedy thought process. “I’m saying, we need to go back. Bora can take us, right?”

“Huh?” Bora raised her gaze from her food.

“After you finish lunch, can you take all of us to that place you took me?”

Bora just nodded, and, as requested, shortly after she finished eating they headed out. She tried to take a stealthier route this time, since three people were harder to disguise than just one. She decided to not walk around the premises of her university just in case Henry roamed around, and to avoid potentially crowded places like the main avenue. They were able to move faster this time considering Siyeon’s crutches got replaced by a cane Minji brought her a day ago. Now that her leg was getting better, she gained some autonomy in terms of movement; for instance, she had a free hand, and it wasn’t as awkward to walk around the apartment.

Nearing twenty minutes of walking and Yoohyeon and Gahyeon being as amazed as Siyeon was when she first traveled those paths, Bora took the first turn into an alleyway. A couple of turns more and they already stood in front of their destination. A smile embroidered in Siyeon’s face as she anticipated what they were up to see; she craved coming back ever since left. She was ready to be washed away by that sensorial feast again, swallowed by a sea of colors and melodious sounds, to swim in a vastness away from anything she could see anywhere else… Bora’s eyes implicitly scanned everyone’s readiness before walking in. When she came forward they all followed, and with each step forward Siyeon’s smile became weaker. She didn’t hear anything. Where is the violin? She thought, forcing her ears to pick up any kind of stimuli. She switched to searching visual stimuli, but the same white light coming in from the end came into her pupils. Frustration progressively grew in her consciousness and it transcribed onto her facial expression, and when she looked at the dancer she noticed the latter was not far from her feelings.

“That's-” Bora had started talking but immediately stopped when blinding brightness invaded her eyes. “...strange.” Her pace slowed significantly, her steps elongated but shortened in quantity, and her head moved around the place with a shock stricken expression. Her eyebrows raised and hung open, flabbergasted at the sight of emptiness.

“No way…” Siyeon brought her free hand to her hair and grabbed some strands.

Everything was white.

And there was no one left.

Everything was white and quiet. If Bora told them they were back in The House, they would believe it.

“I can’t believe this. This place has been here for years, probably decades... I don’t understand!” Bora’s feet gained conscience and brought her closer to the white walls so she could touch them. She closed her fists against them; “What the hell?!” She kept looking around, occasionally standing still and getting fixated on where laughing and singing groups should’ve been, or where benches should’ve been, or where colors should’ve been... or where anything should’ve been. They spent some time there without saying anything; everyone was equally confused at this point.

“I… think we should go… I think I heard someone walking around…” Gahyeon interrupted Siyeon and Bora’s stun, making everyone retreat back into the tunnel.

“We weren’t lying…” Siyeon said low.

“We know you wouldn’t lie, Siyeon, don’t worry.” Yoohyeon reassured her.

They continued walking, until Gahyeon spoke up; “Sorry for bothering so much but I think a man’s following us.”

Bora inhaled deep and rolled her eyes. “Are you freaking kidding me?” Fist clenched. “Get closer to each other and walk faster. If it’s who I think it is I apologize for beating him up in advance, but not really.” They all did as she instructed, but the man started to walk faster, too. The increasing volume of his steps got on the dancer’s nerves, so she snapped; “What the hell is wrong with you Henry, can you tell me?” Her words left before she turned around to reveal that he wasn’t what she had pictured. And then panic truly settled in. “…” Fear came out in the form of a whisper, and soon after she turned around and patted everyone’s back so they would start running.

“Where are we going?!” Yoohyeon yelled.

“I can’t run!” Siyeon struggled to match their pace, and her neurosis coated voice tone made Bora stop in her tracks and turn around without thinking twice. She quickly reached her and crouched down in front of her, waiting for her to get on her back.

“Hey, hey! What’s going on?”

Everyone looked at him inquisitively, except Yoohyeon; she stopped for a second and then went agape. “Kibum?!” She exclaimed, turning around in the blink of an eye to meet his gaze.

“Yoohyeon!” His teeth showed in a broad smile as he stretched his arms wide to embrace her in a hug. The rest stared in confusion, which he noticed and whispered to the woman he just hugged; “Do they know where you come from?”

And Yoohyeon nodded. “They come from there too.” She spoke loud enough for everyone to hear. “This is Kibum, I met him in The House but he disappeared like three years ago…” Emotion coated her voice and made her talk fast, and her face displayed utter amazement. “What… how… what are you doing here?” Her mind raced fast, bewilderment got the best of her, and the unerasable smile in her face externalized it. She couldn’t contain the excitement and perplexity of seeing the man who was once one of her closest friends, who saw her cry and laugh and go through the most intense identity crises long before Siyeon and Gahyeon stumbled into her life. He, along with others who were also gone a long time ago, helped her frightened eighteen year old self cope in The House’s white halls; he was her self proclaimed big brother. She thought she would never see him again.

“Well… that’s a long story that deserves hot chocolate and cookies.” He chuckled. “Do you mind me hosting a snack party in my house?”

Yoohyeon searched for confirmation in the others’ faces, and, after some thought, Bora nodded. 

“So… how far is your house? I bet you can’t be staying nowhere close to the city…” Yoohyeon asked as they started walking in a direction they didn’t take before.

“We’ve been living in the forest ever since we got out. We need to drive there ‘cause, yes, it’s far.” He spoke and pointed at a car nearby.

Yoohyeon dragged an ‘o’ in response, before suddenly shaking her head and fixating her eyes on his face. “Wait, did you just say we?”

He laughed at her gestures. “Yes, we.”

Wow I'm back... hello, a lot has happened, I've been extra busy, I apologize. First of all, this chapter is the kickstarter in suayeon's relationship so I'm excited to see what will unfold next. Please tell me if I bored the hell out of you or whatever 'cause I read the drafts like 100 times and I'm basically immune to any kind of emotion while reading... or if the narrative pace is too fast, idk. Tbh I got burned out of writing this thing, but I'm back I'm back. On a side note, I currently have two very concrete short stories baking in my head (probably less than 20k words, and different formats), and idk if I'll post them before or after I finish INF (one Jiyoo and another suayeon). Also, I might update this story's synopsis. A lot has changed, and it's taking a whole new path! If you're still reading, thank you so much, and leave some feedback if you want :)