I want to scream 'I love you' from the top of my lungs
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

- Fall Out Boy, The (Shipped) Gold Standard

(No.)

First of all, Dahyun is convinced fate, if it exists, hates her.

 

It was during her training days in JYPE when she first feels it.

 

From where she stands, it started with just a rumor: About this chic from Taiwan with exceptional beauty. People already fussing over her.  She gets antsy when people started talking about someone.

 

She already starts hearing the other trainees talking about how they weren't gonna let some foreigner debut first before them. Or that they've seen pictures and she's really not that pretty, with her tan skin and all. Or that she's young and rich and--

 

Dahyun frowns clearly not liking how the discussion is going. She gets that it can be tough sometimes and they weren't there to make friends, but why attack someone they haven't even met?

 

She saw her from a distance. They were in the same dance class at one point. Dahyun was hanging out with the Koreans, and she saw Tzuyu is alone, just keeping to herself. She heard Tzuyu is still learning basic Korean, and is just naturally quiet. -- or she literally could not talk to anyone but her few Chinese-speaking acquaintances.

At first glance, Dahyun can't look at her. Seeing other trainees blatantly stare at her and talk - whether it's praising her beauty or talking about her, doesn't sit right with her. She can only imagine it's making Tzuyu uncomfortable. Hearing people, obviously talk about her with the language she doesn't understand - can cause someone discomfort

 

But when Tzuyu was called to do a solo on the center for their monthly evaluation... And Tzuyu danced...

Dahyun couldn't look away. She learns later that Tzuyu was scouted from a Dance Academy. And she wonders why people weren't talking about that instead.

 

Dahyun couldn't look away, and she swears the new girl only danced for a minute, but in that amount of time, she had managed to spark curiousity in Dahyun.

 

Dahyun's heart started fluttering. But Dahyun blames it from the adrenaline rush she felt from the nerve-wracking evaluation and dancing hard.

 

When the session was over, she quickly went over to Tzuyu.

She was just gonna congratulate her for a job well done. It's an olive branch, Dahyun thinks.

 

She ignores how everything else seems to be moving like a blur, and her senses only focus on Tzuyu. Or that her heart is beating like crazy.

 

She taps Tzuyu's shoulder, and waits till the tall-girl looks at her.

Crap. She's even more intimidating up close.

 

"Hi. I'm Dahyun. I love you."

 

At that moment, Dahyun is sure her blood has been drained all over her body, making her paler than she already is.

 

She watches as Tzuyu's eyes widen, both her eyebrows slowly rising - from shock or confusion- Dahyun's not sure, she's busy dying inside.  Dahyun can faintly hear her friends calling her over (doesn't even have the audacity to come to her aid), but Tzuyu has heard them. So Tzuyu nods and offers a sweet smile.

 

She replies with a soft, ''Annyeong'', and then points to herself and says, "Tzuyu."

So that's how you pronounce it.

 

She bids a soft farewell - probably because Dahyun's friends are coming close.

 

When Tzuyu was out of her sight, she releases a breath she doesn't know she was holding.

She face-palms herself.

 

She dejectedly follows her friends towards the cafeteria and ignores their questions.

 

Up to this day, Dahyun will never admit that's the first time she fell in love with Tzuyu. After all, it's not her fault the only Chinese words she knows are, 'Ni hao' and 'Wo Ai Ni'.

 

(No.)

 

Twice.

They've made it.

They're a 9-member group who went through that agonizing survival-show Sixteen. They had history, and now their bonds are stronger.

 

Before it used to be her and Chaeyoung. But with Tzuyu being the youngest, and Chaeyoung practically fawning over her, it didn't take long for them to add Tzuyu in their little group and be the 'School Meal Club'.

 

But Tzuyu...

Tzuyu is spending more time with Chaeyoung than with her.

 

Dahyun thinks it's because Chaeyoung is closer to her in age. Or that it's easier for Chaeyoung to talk with Tzuyu.

(Or maybe because Chaeyoung doesn't feel like a stuttering mess talking to Tzuyu)

 

But Dahyun... Still hasn't given up on Tzuyu.

 

It happened as an incident at one time.

 

She forgot her phone at the basement. And she doesn't know where the flashlight is. So she goes to Tzuyu and asks, "Hey, can you lend me your phone so I can go down the basement and get mine?"

 

She didn't notice Tzuyu was face-timing her mom.

 

"Okay, one second, unnie."

 

She has half a mind to say, she doesn't have to and will just ask other members instead. But Tzuyu is already saying goodbye to her mom, not without pointing to Dahyun and Dahyun waving back to her mom.

 

"I'll come with you."

 

"You don't have--" But Tzuyu is already standing up. And Dahyun is not about to decline an opportunity to spend time with her.

 

There's something about going down the basement with no lights on that irked Dahyun. She just can't help but think, a creepy doll will start appearing at the basement smiling creepily at her -- she blames watching too much thriller/suspense movies on that one.

 

She only remembers clinging to Tzuyu so hard her sweater started loosening.

 

From then on, it became their thing.

 

Dahyun thinks Chaeyoung can have her on daylight, and she can have this with Tzuyu.

 

Sometimes Dahyun forgets things just so she can bother Tzuyu later at night.

 

But one night, she wasn't feeling very smart- and when they came down, she didn't even think what she 'forgot', so she grabs the only thing she can find that looked out of place: a hairpin.

 

Tzuyu just raises her eyebrow at this, and she stutters for an excuse: "I just really love this hairpin, okay??"

 

"Sure." Tzuyu says, chuckling a little.

 

Dahyun is disappointed that this has been a total failure, and now they are gonna have to go up quickly. - And Tzuyu would probably never come with her again --

 

But to her surprise, Tzuyu plops down on a soft pillow and says, "Do you want to hang in here for a bit?"

 

"Wh--what?"

 

"Hmmm. It always takes more time going here than staying, don't you think?" Tzuyu says.

 

It's the first time that they talked. About missing their family, about their childhood, about missing their friends.

 

And honestly, it's so stupid, Dahyun thinks. How she can ruin such a sweet moment with her word-vomits.

 

Tzuyu is just talking about her dog Gucci, with her brown hair flowing on her shoulders, and her face bare with no make-up still looking so soft, and she smiles. She smiles so genuine that Dahyun just said, "I love you."

 

Like... What the actual... F..???

Where did that even come from????

 

There's something that changed in Tzuyu's face, but Dahyun wouldn't understand because she's busy thinking on how she can punch herself and shut her stupid mouth for this.

 

So she says, "I mean... Heh... It's so cute that you love your dog like that?? Like that's so sweet? And I love you like a sister like... I love Chaeyoung, and Mina and--" and she's reciting her members names like a fool.

 

But Tzuyu just smiles and says, "Remember when you said 'Wo ai ni' when we were trainees?"

 

She relaxes a bit after that.

 

Dahyun realizes, it's not the end for her yet.

 

 

(Maybe)

 

It wasn't until the Flag incident, that everything went downhill.

She thinks it's stupid and uncalled for. To receive a backslash from that...

Like Tzuyu had insulted the whole of China.

 

If Tzuyu was feeling like an outsider before, she had secluded herself from them even more now.

 

The group was talking with each other on how to cheer up Tzuyu, but they settled with they should give her some space. - even though that's the last thing Dahyun wanted.

 

Tzuyu doesn't need space, Dahyun thinks. She needs hugs and love -- and everything else warm Dahyun can and is willing to give. She needs to know that Twice is her family and that she doesn't need to shoulder this alone.

 

But Tzuyu was called in alone. And she was there the whole day.

And every member tried to make their day as normal as it gets but Dahyun knows every one is thinking about her

 

Tzuyu comes home, and Dahyun’s heart breaks.

There’s a switch that has been turned off.

 

She greets them softly, asking how everyone’s days are. No one talks. Just keeps on looking at her. It was Jeongyeon who breaks the silence first, asking how she is, if she needs anything, if she's--

 

But Tzuyu just  smiles. Dahyun knows it’s not hers.

 

Not her shy smile.

Not her embarassed smile.

Not her hopeful smile.

Not her “I’m having a great time” smile

Not her “I’m gonna kill you” smile.

Not her “I’m done with you” smile

Not even her tired smile.

 

It’s the smile that breaks you… and not in a good way.

 

She excuses herself saying she’ll call it an early night.

 

It was Momo who came for her. Almost tripping catching up to her. She gives her a back-hug, putting her head over Tzuyu’s shoulder.

 

Tzuyu bows her head, her hair flowing down, covering her face.

 

“Tzuyu-ah…”

It was soft, but with the silence across the room, it was heard.

“Tzuyu-ah…” Momo trails.

Dahyun supposed Momo doesn’t know what to say.

 

Jihyo told them specifically not to cry. No one should cry ‘cause we’re all gonna be strong for her.

 

But it was her who breaks first.

 

Then the spell was broken. Everyone started crying… Except for Tzuyu apparently.

 

Tzuyu clears , but finally puts her hands over Momo’s arms, “I’m fine. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

 

Tzuyu… always the strong one. She doesn’t have to be like this.

 

“Yah… it is us  who’s supposed to look out for you.” Nayeon says, in between hiccups.

 

Later that night, Dahyun can’t sleep. So she goes to Tzuyu again. She nudges her slightly. But no response, unlike any other times. Dahyun supposed she’s tired, and she should leave her be. But she can’t sleep. She feels like there’s so much left to say.

 

“Tzuyu…” Dahyun whispers.

 

She hates this. Whatever this is.

 

“I don’t know if you’re still awake… maybe not. But… I guess… “

 

Sigh

 

“I don’t know what will happen after this. Just know that we will never blame you, okay? You’re not at fault…you don’t deserve this… you’re gonna come back from this. And…

 

I love you.”

 

Dahyun, despite of the situation, smiles and felt relieved. Later on she would realize that  it’s the first time she had said that to Tzuyu, that she never thought of taking it back. That she didn’t feel embarassed. That she didn’t wish Tzuyu didn’t hear… That she wasn't overthinking it.

 

This time… she hopes… Oh God, she hopes that Tzuyu heard her.

 

Because this time… she whole-heartedly wants Tzuyu to know… that she loves her.

 

 

(Probably.)

It was Dahyun’s birthday.

 

And she has had a great time.

 

She knows Tzuyu, even though she’s the one who started the whole thing in the first place, wasn’t one for giving kisses. But still she’s looking forward to it… ONLY because it's rare for Tzuyu to show affection (although they had cuddled before)

 

But Tzuyu never kissed her. Her members gathered around her, singing 'Happy birthday' with Momo carrying the cake. Momo and Sana did kiss her. And there was quick one from Nayeon.

 

But not from Tzuyu. (Okay. Well, the other 4 didn't either but that's besides the point.)

 

She tried not to sulk... Or worse, ask for it.

 

But later that night, it was Tzuyu who wakes her up.

 

When she realized it was Tzuyu, she was alarmed, "What is it? Is there something wrong?"

 

Tzuyu just chuckles and said, "No. But will you accompany me to the basement? I forgot something."

 

For a minute she was confused. What?

 

She's really the last person Tzuyu should ask to go to the basement because she's afraid and--

 

Holy.

 

They haven't been down there ever since the Flag incident.

 

She quickly sits up, almost meeting Tzuyu so close, their faces became inches apart because the movement was not expected by Tzuyu.

 

She pulls back