Lovely

I sat all alone in a corner of the bar. I liked to be alone here. Where no one would recognize me, and I could watch them, instead of them watching me. The dim atmosphere and the shining spotlights made my head hurt, for luck, I had a drink in my hand and swallowed it all in one sip. I’m taemin, from shinee. And that’s why I like to be alone here, because I never get to be it usually. I like this bar, it’s small and no one seems to pay notice to me, im only that lonely guy in the corner. As I said, I’m here just to watch people, as a break from being watched. Of course there are always some stupid girls and boys trying to hit on me. Not interested…  wonder if they’d hit on me if they knew. Who I am. I didn’t dance a lot while being here and today there was only the usual guests here. A big gang seemed upset about something, I could hear their voice all the way to where I sat.
- is SHE gonna come!?
- yeah, it seems so, though, we get to hear that almost once a month…
- I heard Sinho saw her going out of her house!
- but, how are we supposed to behave!?
-yeah! I’ll be really uncomfortable…
- I haven’t met her since…
- who has?
they seemed to be at least ten people, what were they so afraid of? They seemed uncomfortable, yet relieved… this’d be fun to watch, I leaned back and ordered a new drink, it’d probably take a while. After ten minutes or so, the person that the big gang had talked about seemed to enter the bar. The gang all stretched up and put on their most fake smiles, I had seen these type of smiles a lot. As a star, you got em all the time. Who could she be? She was still hidden behind the door, I pictured a young woman, probably a . Loads of makeup. The event they’d been talking about was probably her ing someone else’s boyfriend. Haha. People were always so easy. But. Then she entered my sight. And I couldn’t have been more wrong. The girl I had thought of was not a girl but a woman. She was probably at least five years older than me and probably Chinese. Her hair was colored reddish brown and reached all the way to her bum.  Her big fox-like eyes had lots of dark makeup around them. Her body was the most attractive I’d ever seen, and I hang around supermodels normally. She was curvy, yet not fat and she walked with a great self confidence. I couldn’t think of a reason the gang wouldn’t want her there. She impossible not to want.  I wanted her. And I couldn’t take my eyes of her.
- Hi Lovely.
- How are you?
- we haven’t seen you in forevers!
- nice to see you.
their fake smiles made me shiver, gosh how I wanted to jump in there and just take her away. But I was lee taemin. And so. It was impossible. Anyways, this’d be fun to watch…
to my surprise, she just turned away, disgusted by their smiles, and headed towards my corner. She wasn’t looking at me, more focusing on the chair two away from mine.
- a martini please.
she sat down on the chair, her legs looked really good in that position.  I could always try.. now that she was alone.
- hi.
she looked at me, at first disturbed but then she smiled.
- hi.
it was just a word, and the smile didn’t reach her eyes. But I couldn’t just let her pass, I wanted her too much.
- im taemin, would you tell me your name?
- its lovely.
- what?
- my name. it’s lovely. Im named lovely.
- it suits you really well, I leaned a bit forward.
she smiled that smile again, not reaching her eyes, which was green, I realized.
- I’m sorry but I don’t feel like speaking right now, she turned her head away.
was this what it felt like to get your heart broken? I had only exchanged five scentences with her, yet, I felt like my all hope was gone. is that how easily you give up mr.lee? I could still hear my elementary school teacher’s voice echoing in my brain. No way. What I wanted, I’d get. I just sat and watched her for a while. She turned to look at me a couple of times, but every time we locked eyes, she seemed so sad. So very sad that I just wanted to hold her. But I couldn’t just hug an unknown woman. No way. The night passed on and nothing more happened. I watched her, and she sat there. Her friends though, they seemed to forget about her as fast as they could and kept dancing. I didn’t care. Lovely was too lovely for caring about anything else.



a month passed. And I’d see lovely every Friday. Every Friday, her friends would plaster on their fake smiles, every Friday, she’d sit down two chairs away from me, and every Friday, we’d just be sitting close to each other after exchanging a few words. This night though, she was there much earlier than before, she arrived in a cab just as I went out of my car. Those eyes that never smiled was as sad as always, and her face that always pretended to be smiling, was as happy as always. I held the door up for her but stood a bit in the way so that she’d have to look up at me.
- hi, I said.
- hello.
- would you mind if I’d pay you a drink?
she seemed  a bit surprised first, but then her face turned in a way I had never seen her look before.
- I seriously don’t get why you keep doing this!? I’ve tried to get you to understand for a month! But there’s no one that’d ever understand! No one!!! She screamed and her tears rand down her cheeks. Her eyeliner forming small floods of black on her high cheekbones. I had always been a bit shy with girls, but I wasn’t dumb.
- lovely im sure there are people who’d understand. If you just would let them listen. I know some people are afraid, but I’m dying to know how I can help you. I promise, I hugged her gently but she pushed away.
- NO!!! no one can ever understand, not even you how kind you even pretend to be! She rushed into the bar and I stood perplex in the doorway, not realizing that some of her so called friends was trying to get in.
- hey man, you better give up. She’s a hopeless case, you know… lovely, she was married and had a baby, but they died in a car accident about a year ago. It’s a really sad story and I understand her, but she has changed so much since they died… I don’t think she’ll be able to love like that again, after all, both her husband AND baby…  the man looked up at me with sad eyes smiling that smile that lovely used to do. I just couldn’t understand, my brain worked so very hard. I wanted to understand her, but that was something far out of my imagination. How could I ever make up for her man, and baby? Never. I managed to get into the bar in some way, and out on the balcony, I needed air. There she was though. Smoking a cigarette, I couldn’t help but think about how good looking she was even though she had those red-puffy eyes you got from crying.
- seems like you know, huh? She spoke with cold eyes, and now you’re just like the others, you know, if it wasn’t for them. I could keep going with my life, but with those faces around me… pah!
- no.. no.. no i! I stuttered.
- I mean, how old are you anyway taemin, 20? 22? There’s no way you could understand me, no way!
she was so hurt, I could tell just by looking at her. I had never seen her so cold before, ever.
I kissed her.
I just did it…
she pushed me away after realizing what I did, and just stood there and stared.
- you’re wrong on four years lovely, im 18. And I’m not like them, I had already understood that something had happened, cause you never smiled with your eyes. But I wanna see you smile like that someday. I want to see you happy. So just please tell me how I should make you happy!
now it was her turn to look perplex, but this time, her eyes joined. I hugged her tightly and she didn’t push me away. Something told me that I was on my way to my goal.
- you know taemin, we’re twelve years apart then. She mumbled into my chest.
- yeah, and you know lovely, that I’m one of koreas greatest idols.
- now I know that, and you know that this feels really weird.
- I do, and you know that I want to try anyway.
the rest of the night, was spent on that balcony, and finally, lovely would say more than five words to me.


I entered the bar, it was two months since the day I’d first met lovely, and the last month, we had met outside too. Of course we had to do it in secret, but it was fun and exciting. And I loved every minute with her. She was already in the bar. Waiting for someone. Me. I felt proud over the fact that I could now call her my girlfriend, and that during the last week, her eyes had begun to sparkle when she smiled. We hadn’t talked about her husband or her baby. There are memories that hurts to much to be brought up. Too much for others to understand. I hoped that she’d tell me one day, but I had no guarantees and I wouldn’t push her. I loved her too much to hurt her. Her whole face smiled as she saw me, and her former friends seemed very surprised by her reaction.
- hello noona, I said and kissed her carefully.
- since when do you call me noona? She laughed.
it had been good for her in more than one way to be with me. She’d met my friends and became more outgoing and made lots of new friends herself. So it wasn’t only because of me, but I liked to think that I had a part in it.
- would the beautiful lady share a dance with me? I bowed a blinked. She raised up.
- certainly prince, nothing would make me happier!


I drove the car up over the hill and realized that we were finally there, the sea sparkled brightly and the trees around us were ever so green. I stopped the car and leaned towards the woman beside me.
- welcome to the location we’re gonna spend our next mont, Mrs. Lee.
lovely smiled back at me, and her eyes sparkled even brighter than the sea.