Hey ho!

Hey ho!

Ho ho ho ho ho…

Curious what Christmas in South Korea is like?

It’s an important holiday, but for some special reasons. I’ll tell you all about it.

Despite its world-class advancement in technology and manufacturing, South Korea was once rooted in shamanism. Superstition. Urban legends. Jumping over any babies will prevent them from growing; giving shoes to your partner will make them run away; washing your hair washes away good luck; even whistling at night summons spirits.

We’ve all heard of them.

By the time you reach adulthood, you realize they’re all . Stories that get passed on from generation to generation to scare the hell out of us and keep us on the straight and narrow life.

Well, except for the baby one… Aside from the obvious safety concerns, I’ve loved Dahyun in my whole life and that’s completely doable years ago. Now she’s getting bigger. Invalid.

But the others, yeah, might be all lies.

In the latter part of the last century, new urban legends sprung up that society’s all too concern for; magicians who die on sets doing performances; herbal medicines that cure rare diseases; and Donald Trump actually having a set of balls.

Sometime in the late 1980s, after the city’s crime rate began to drop and Seoul became more tourist friendly, another urban legend was started… one that annually happens in my life.

That would be the myth that Seoul is the leading place to go Christmas shopping.

I don’t know what moron started the rumor, but I will gladly stick my foot up his if I ever find out. Because right now as you can see, seas of people from Gyeongju, Gwangju, Busan, and Jeju clog the streets from Black Friday to Christmas Eve, scurrying to make their holiday purchases like rats going after a piece of cheese. To get Pororo a flying plane and Dooly an anti-alien spray.

Sure, they’ve heard of the Internet. Of-ing-course they know it’d be easier, and less expensive, to order online and have packages delivered right to their front door. But for them, it’s not about what’s easier.

Because Christmas shopping in the city is now, say it with me, a tradition.

Yes.

They want to see the big tree, the lights. They want to stand in an endless line to skate in Lotte World and take a picture with Santa at the Gangnam Square. They want to watch the ing cosplays and eat a family dinner at a restaurant whose menu has been almost-to-collapse-your-heart kind of pricey.

You can forget about getting a taxi, my friend, they’re all taken. And even walking down the sidewalk is an exercise in frustration, because every few feet a stroller-pushing, shopping-bag-carrying tourist will come to a complete ing stop right in front of you to take a picture of the red-and-green-lit decorated coffee shops.

You think I sound pissed off? How very observant of you. The Christmas spirit and me? We’re not friends. The Grinch is.

Ho ho ho ho…

The reason for my current anti-Christmas rant is because I’m in line, the same ing line I’ve been in for forty-five minutes, trying to buy a last-minute gift for my perfect fiancée.

Please, take my money and just let me ing leave.

When it comes to gifts, I’m usually straight-shooter type; two-hour standing purchases aren’t my style. But walking past Salvatore Ferragamo in Gangnam, I saw a pair of Gancini silk heels that would look amazing on Chaeyoung. She’ll enjoy wearing them, and I will definitely enjoy watching her wear them. Especially . So, it’s a win-win.

Except for the line.

I’m not used to waiting in lines. I’m used to personal shoppers and pleasure-seeking salespeople for my attention with phrases like, ‘Can I hold that for you, Miss Manoban?’ or, ‘We have that in three other colors, Miss Manoban.’ Or, “Would you like that wrapped, Miss Manoban?”

But this is Christmas Eve. Which means stores don’t give a crap about the quality of the shopping experience. It’s all about quantity; getting as many shoppers through their doors as possible before closing time.

Which brings me to my next point:

Most people in the world today are ing idiots.

Don’t laugh, you may be one of the walking stupid and just not know it. But it’s true. Say what you want about income inequality or the inferior public-school system, the harsh truth is, the majority of the population is simply not intelligent. And even more at their job. They don’t give a pig about doing it well; they’re only interested in performing the minimum required to get a payroll.

And there’s no better example of that than the temporary holiday employee.

Companies don’t hire them because of their skill or what they may contribute to the work force. They’re hired becau