The cafeteria is particularly hot in the winter. Bright, fluorescent bulbs shine over the vast throngs of tables and chairs as students eat. Aluminum food trays litter the cafeteria, creating a ruckus in the air as metal spoons and chopsticks scratch away at their surface. The smell of spicy pork and onions, and braised beef lingers in the air. I grab my own metal tray from a stack outside the kitchen that a lunch lady watches over. I greet her politely and take a peek through the door to the serving area. The first thing I spot are the piles of food that are on display along a steam table.

Despite all this, I’m not hungry.

Other students walk past the kitchen and greet me as I stand in line waiting to enter. Some of them I know, others I don’t, but I smile back regardless. I finally make my way to the ahjummas that serve the food, and greet them respectfully as I always do. I make sure to complement them on their hair and their complexion before I hand them my tray. They seem cheerful and give me large spoonfuls of food. “You’re too skinny,” they say, as they stare at me with a worried face. At the same time, they also call me “pretty,” sending me mixed signals. One particular lunch lady with curly hair wants to set me up with her son. She tells me that he’s in University and that he’s handsome and funny. I tell her politely that there’s someone I like.

“Aigoo,” she says to me. “I knew I should have told you about him the day I met you. You’ve got to show me the lucky guy.”

“Sure, some day,” I laugh. If only she knew. I politely take my leave.

Carrying my tray, I carefully venture between the rows of students, and arrive at the edge of a table near the middle of the cafeteria. I take a seat near the end and smile at the girl on my left. She smiles back.

“Hey Yoona,” says Min Kyung.

She looks at my tray of food and back down at her own, which seems bare in comparison. “Working your usual charms I see?”

“Of course,” I joke playfully.

Sooyoung, who is sitting across from me, gives me a dirty look from beyond her long brown bangs.

“How come I never get those kinds of portions?” she asks, resentful.

I give her a cheeky grin and spoon a mouthful of rice and chew vigorously. Even though I’m not hungry, my body is telling me I need sustenance.

“I guess you just don’t know how to ask properly,” I say, swallowing the bite of food.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Please, I ask them all the time with my cute voice. They refuse!”

Sooyoung imitates her aegyo-filled plea.

“Ahjumma?!” she says in a high pitch tone, staring right at me. “Can’t you give me a little mo-mo-mo-mo-more?” She has these puppy dog eyes.

Min Kyung and I both erupt with laughter.

“That might work on guys,” says Min Kyung as she holds her aching tummy. “But not on any rational woman.”

I nod my head in agreement.

Sooyoung looks down at her empty tray in disappointment and on her spoon. She eats too fast for her own good.

Seeing her like this, I take my own spoon and share some of the spicy stir fried pork and onions with her.

“Can I have some rice too?”

Sooyoung was pushing it, but I still give her a large spoonful.

“Fish cakes?”

Before I tell her off, Min Kyung interrupts.

“You can have mine,” she says, smiling with her pale features.

Min Kyung carefully spoons her full serving over to Sooyoung, which makes me wonder how the girl across from me can remain so skinny with such a massive appetite.

Before we really dig in, Min Kyung ties up her long black hair into a ponytail and hands me a hairband so that I can do the same. She’s always thoughtful. We eat while talking about the usual things, but my mind naturally wanders as I eat.

Seohyun and Yonghwa.

What was I supposed to make of their little date to the semi-formal? I need to talk to Seohyun and tell her that I didn’t want her to go with him, but I felt reluctant to do anything. Who was I to ruin her plans?

Sooyoung and Min Kyung continue to chat, unaware of my disinterest. I see a person that might have an answer to some lingering questions chatting with someone in the distance.

He sees me staring and waves. I signal him to come over. He makes his way over to our table.

“What’s up Yoona?”

Jinwoon looks happy. It was an anomaly for him to be out here in the cafeteria. We were from different worlds. He was usually busy with extra-curricular activities or studying with Seohyun.

I wipe my lips with a napkin and ask, “Do you think we could talk?”

He opens his eyes wide in surprise. We rarely chat. “Sure.”

The other girls at the table all stare at me, and I can hear others whispering our names under their breath. I ignore it.

I take another mouthful of rice and spicy pork before leaving. A devious smile crosses Sooyoung’s face as I get up to leave, so I instruct Min Kyung to watch my lunch like a hawk. I still need to eat to get through another day.

She replies with a reluctant face. “I’ll try my best, but no promises.”

I lead Jinwoon out the cafeteria and head to the back halls that were more private than other areas of the school. Entering through a familiar set of doors, it was just yesterday that I was sitting here having a heart-to-heart with Nichkhun. We spot a small group of students eating together at the far end of the hall. For the most part we are alone.

We head to our own little corner, far away from any curious ears.

I lean on a nearby row of lockers and get comfortable. The metal is cold on my bare skin, but it’s comforting. Jinwoon stands in front of me, waiting for me to start.

“Jinwoon, you know Seohyun is going to the semi-formal right?”

“Yup,” he replies, mimicking my hush tone.

“With Yonghwa?”

I can see a hint of displeasure across his face. “That’s right.”

“Do you know why they’re going together?”

“Just as friends,” he answers. “At least that’s what she says.”

I roll my eyes.

“What’s going on with those two?”

I feel weird asking Jinwoon, but he sees Seohyun more often than I do. They have the same hobbies and interests and he’s certainly seen her more than I have over the past month.

“Yonghwa’s been hanging around her a lot. They’ve been going out together.”

“On dates?!” I blurt out in surprise.

“No,” he says, eyeing the students down the hall that hear my surprise.

“They just hang out. I tag along once in a while. He always tries to spend time with her when she’s free.”

I feel left out. She had time for Yonghwa during the last month, but none for me? I found that hard to fathom. Was she really avoiding me for that long? Why was she suddenly all friendly and warm?

“Has he…done anything?”

Jinwoon looks at me with confusion. “Doubt it. Seohyun would probably freak out if he tried to make any advances on her. You know how she is.”

He didn’t need to tell me twice.

I decide to speak candidly.

“You like Seohyun right?”

Jinwoon starts to blush as soon as he hears like and Seohyun in the same sentence. But he’s smart enough to throw another question back my way before I say anything.

“Don’t you like her too?”

I laugh it off like a joke. “That’s a silly question.”

Jinwoon seems to believe me.

He takes a step back and leans against the wall, looking straight ahead to the students who are hanging out in the distance. They stare at us as we stand there. Did we know them?

“So why do you care?” he asks, looking in my direction.

I tell him my gripes about Yonghwa, his reputation around school as a playboy. Jinwoon leans in. “That’s the same for me. I’m just looking out for her.”

Right.

“Well, it looks like we have a common enemy,” he says with a smile, “An enemy of my enemy is an ally.”

What was he suggesting? That we try to take Yonghwa down together? That didn’t seem like a very nice thing to do.

“We shouldn’t try to sabotage them,” I answer, my conscience getting the better of me. “They’re just going as friends.”

“Who said anything about sabotage?” Jinwoon reasons. He walks a few steps forward before turning to me. “We just need to show Seohyun that she has other options.”

I’ve already done that.

Jinwoon adds, “Or we just flat out get in between them by any means necessary.”

That could work. I remember the movie theatre and how I did everything I could to get in his way. The tactics that I resorted too were still fresh in my mind. I was technically sabotaging him then, so what made this any different?

Then it hits me.

I had given up. I was afraid to step in between the two of them. And there was only one logical explanation for this sudden pacifism. Seohyun’s rejection. Thinking of Nichkhun’s words from yesterday, it finally made sense.

I think out loud. “I know what I need to do.”

Jinwoon looks at me in surprise, “What?”

“Never mind, I’ll tell you later.”

I quickly leave Jinwoon stupefied in the hall as I head elsewhere to make a call.

Nichkhun was right. Mindset matters and my mind wasn’t thinking straight. It was too busy absorbing outside information about what it should do, how it should think, rather than focusing on what was in front of me. I didn’t think logically for the past month. It was times like these where I wish I was more like Seohyun. My heart got the best of me.

Seohyun’s bit about not feeling the same way and the aftermath of it all was the turning point. The four weeks of avoiding her, and figuring out the best way to move on was normal, but that wasn’t me.

The dream had been lost, when she told me she didn’t feel the same way. My heart was hurt and those feelings dominated my entire being. If I want to be with Seohyun, I need to believe that we can be together.

I thought back to the hug at the restaurant and her inability to withhold her feelings for me when I told Joseph that she was the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I remember the scarf from the day before. The way she took it off to protect me from the cold, even though she shivered. I didn’t decipher these actions objectively. I feared her intimacy, thinking that they were negatives. In reality, they were positives. All the signs point to one conclusion.

Somewhere in her heart, there was still a place for me. My dream was still achievable.

Seohyun is an intelligent being that lives through her brain rather than her heart. But like most mortals, the beating organ can overpower her logic from time-to-time and show itself through natural actions and words.

It happened at the mall after she watched the movie and told me how she really felt. It happened at the restaurant when she hugged me during the biggest interview of her young life. The scarf, well, that was just her showing me that she cared.

The kiss a month ago wasn’t romantic. It was the opposite of that. It scared her. If Yonghwa did it to her, she probably would have freaked out all the same, if not worse.

But my testimony at the restaurant was real. It moved her, and now she was opening up to me again.

Winning over Miss Innocent’s heart was the key. Maybe that’s always the key when it comes to love.

Right now, I need to be the old me; a hopeless romantic that only wants the girl and nothing more. A phrase Nichkhun shares yesterday plays again in my head. “Don’t be an emotional masochist.” He was right.

I take out my phone and get ready to call Tiffany to tell her about my epiphany. I had made my decision. I was going to chase after Seohyun.

“Yoona!”

Speak of the angel, there’s no way I can ignore that voice. But I decide to play hard to get, so I pretend I don’t hear her as I enter the stairwell and make my way up. I can hear her following me with hasty steps. “Yoona!” she calls. I always turn to her when she asks for me, but not today.

She catches up to me. “Yoona.” Seohyun looks upset. “Didn’t you hear me?”

I lie. “Nope.”

She frowns a bit, but believes me. I think she always does. She continues on. “Yoona, I’m free this weekend. I think we should catch-up.”

“Like?”

“I’m not sure. I just haven’t seen you in a while,” she says.

Seohyun was here with me, like things should be. I was afraid to stay alone with her for too long yesterday, but now I find myself making plans with her.

“How about we do something different?”

“Like what?” she asks with wide eyes.

“I know you’ve always wanted to go to Andong to see the pagodas.”

Her eyes light up with excitement. It was something she wanted to see since we were kids.

“We could stay at one of their old-style inns,” I suggest, “and I’ve always wanted to go to their hot springs.”

Seohyun adds, “We can dress in old style hanboks too!”

I struggle to hold in my laughter. Sometimes I forget how nerdy she is.

“It’ll be fun,” she says, “I’ve always wanted to see them with friends!”

I smile at her and I immediately feel better letting my guard down. Maybe this would come back to bite me in the , but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

“Can we get Tiffany unnie to go?” she suggests.

I want it to be romantic, but this was something that she probably wants to experience with as many friends as possible, so I agree.

Seohyun shows her excitement through her dimply smile. I know she’s containing most of her happiness on the inside.

“Alright, it’s settled. I’ll take care of everything with Tiffany and hopefully we’ll be out in Andong by Saturday.”

“Perfect,” she says.

Seohyun has to go, so we exchange a quick farewell. The school newspaper needs their editor-in-chief. I watch her leave with a smile until I remember that Min Kyung was still guarding my lunch from Sooyoung.

I make my way down to the cafeteria as quickly as I can. Suddenly, I was feeling hungry.

***

A/N: Happy 23rd Birthday to our lovely main, Im Yoon Ah!