Okay, so I basically just watched Mamamoo on Life Bar and Byulyi’s story got me all up in my feels. Seemed that it got all up on Yongsun’s feels too so I just had to write this. 
It’s basically sad boi hours but with a happy ending. Hope y’all like it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I felt like...I was the only one in the relationship, from the way they acted.” 

It’s been years down the road, but this is the first time I’m hearing this. The first time you’ve opened up about your song like this. 
And honestly, I’m finding it so damn hard to accept your words. To accept those painful lyrics. To accept your experience of us.
I want to look at you, find out if what you’re saying is sincere. But I can’t, I already broke down once during this recording. Sincere or not sincere, finding either answer would crush me. The cameras are still on, they’d capture it all happening frame by frame. We can’t have that. The hosts are still digging for material. They’ll do anything and everything to dig every detail of the past up if they saw any sort of reaction. I can’t tell if I’m being paranoid or my nerves are just too overwhelming right now, but I feel like they’re onto us. I’m on edge.
So, I’ll just listen.

I promise to try my best to listen, but I can’t stop my thoughts from running wild. I can't suppress them, not when you’re talking about this. About us.

I thought we had it good when we did have it - our relationship. Our chaotic, passionate relationship. It was your first relationship and if things had been different, I would’ve done anything for it to be your only. I would still be the one holding you tight. 
But I thought our outcome was fine, given our shared circumstances. The fame, the dream, it was what we both were working so damn hard for. It was how we even came across each other. So, I thought we had the best of what was possible. It seemed enough. That was...until you ended it.
Well, obviously something wasn’t good enough. Whatever that happened to be, it didn’t allow us to stay together. But I had hoped that at the very least, the memory of it - the memory of our love - was something good enough to hold onto. Something which gave you strength and motivation. Not this horrible portrait of your experience in love which you’ve painted with your words.

If it’s as horrible as I’m hearing it as, how did you keep going? How did you manage to stay despite the terrible experience you were having? I’m now re-analyzing the reason of how I thought you managed and I really don’t want to let my assumption to be wrong. You had to have moved on. 

That single reason is how I’ve managed to stay by your side, it’s been how I’ve managed to ignore my own pain. I thought you had grown to become happy or content, at least. I guess, I had hoped that our relationship wasn’t this open wound of yours, which it’s certainly beginning to sound like right now. I convinced myself and believed you had moved on. You’ve always been the stronger one, so I believed you had taken that step. 
I mean, now listening to your story, it seems that it was only wishful thinking. That maybe you hadn’t moved on at all. You’re reliving that pain whenever we’re together.

Because there was no way in hell that I could or would leave you back then, I desperately craved to believe in something to make me strong enough to stay. Otherwise, I couldn’t have trusted myself around you, I would’ve left. Thinking that you had moved on became that something. 
I’ve never felt so wrong, so stupid.

I can’t believe I thought that was a good enough reason. 
I accepted it and I took everything that came with it. As sick as it is, the thought of you having moved on made it possible for me to still do everything with you. I thought that since you no longer felt for me that way, I would somehow fulfill your wish of keeping it strictly professional. You had to have moved on. You just had to. Because then, how else could I have settled for what you did give me after it all. You gave me the affection which I craved from you. It was restrained, but it was more than I was entitled to. If it wasn’t for you remaining by my side, we wouldn’t have made it as far as we have. Mamamoo would have never survived without you. I certainly couldn’t have, and that’s a sad fact to admit. 

I’m trying not to stare at your profile, you’re still telling your story. I drown in you everytime I see you, every time you look at me, every time you’re near me. So, I need to stay afloat desperately right now because I need to hear it, all of what you have to say. Otherwise, I’ll never find the true answer to that persisting, nagging question I’ve pushed to the back of my mind. And this is as close as I’ve come.

Why did it have to end, Byul? 

I still can’t settle on a single reason why we ended, even though there seems to be too many reasons to count. There isn’t one justifiable reason for why which I can accept. Sure, there was the whole ‘looking out for the group’ thing, but couldn’t the whole ‘us’ thing have stayed? As much as I hated it, we hid us well. In fact, I thought we hid us very well. The company never found out, the world never found out. They make playful teases about us, but they never truly knew anything. They never even scratched the surface of what we had. You were my best friend and I was yours. It didn’t matter that we were opposites, we shared more in common than possible. You were literally the calm to my storm. You helped me find myself when I had no idea who I was, who I wanted to become. I tried to do the same for you but I don’t know if I helped, but I tried my hardest to help you. You supported me through criticism and I did the same for you. You, it was all I needed. You’re still everything I need and god, did I want nothing more than to be that for you. I loved you and you loved me even though it was in secret. 
Heck, I still love you. Possibly even more than I did during our relationship. I never stopped although I assumed you had. Strangely, that is what kept my sanity intact. But obviously, that’s flawed. Maybe I am just a little bit crazy for even thinking like that.

“After I broke up with this person, I debuted. And I haven’t dated anyone.”

What do you mean? 
You saw others, you met others. You saw many others especially after debuting. The men and especially the women flocked towards you, you didn’t have to do anything other than exist. I watched as you treated them the same way you used to treat me. Dates, late night walks in the park, the hugs and kisses. It hurt to see it, but I was happy for you.
I could feel my heartbeat in my throat now. , I’m so close to losing it. I’m sad, I’m upset.
But I can’t determine what’s making me more sad from your last sentence. 
Is it the fact that I know the truth of you seeing many others? Or the fact that in reality, these others you saw never became anything similar to what we had? I wanted you to have something better, something which it seemed I couldn’t provide you. I thought you had received that from them.

Gosh, I wanna look at you. I need so badly to look at you, but again, I shouldn’t. I’ll break down if I do. So instead, I look towards the hosts. They show worry for you, they worry about what your statement means. A resounding ‘that’s not good’ echoes throughout the studio. And they’re right. 
Nothing has been good for you. It that I only realized that now.

“I do want to date someone, but I can’t open up. Work is always my priority.” 

I don’t know why I know that you’re lying. I’ve heard you say that latter sentence countless times and every time, I’ve willingly believed it. Maybe the revelation of your experience behind those lyrics has finally forced me to look behind the curtain which I never knew existed between us.
My eyes land on your face faster than I can restrain myself. What I