Red dim lights, black and velvet leather couch surrounding a round table. Speakers pumping from the ceiling, the sides, outside the door, and under the couch. A group of friends drinking, ages at around 16 or so. The night is young and they’ve only started yet half of them are either already drunk flailing around to the music, making out with their boyfriends or girlfriends, or downing more drinks. Everyone’s having the most fun they can have.

She sits on the couch as she quietly watches her friends in the room. She sips on her beer and winces as it hits her tongue. She lays it back down on the round table, laughing at how Jacskon, one of her friends fall to the floor after tripping on a piece of food or something.

               “You ing s! Who left a ing pickle here?! You sons of es!” The boy shouts at no one as soon as he gets on his feet.

Jackson seems to be a lot more intoxicated than they thought. They’ve ordered around 4 buckets for them and the boy has probably drunk about 2 bottles or so. Talk about a light weight.

She glances to her right, spotting an auburn-haired girl about her height. Nice brown eyes, glasses, amazing smile and one heck of a rollicking laugh.

Scratch that. She didn’t spot her. She’s been trying to find this girl in this room of rowdy teenagers ever since she lost sight of her.

A small smile grows on her lips as she watches this girl laughing, which later turns to a broken one and ends as a frown she’s barely proud of. So, she looks away.

Yet it’s like the whole world is against her because by the time she looked away, she feels the couch sink right beside her and the smell of alcohol reeks as two hands engulf her into a back hug.

She let’s out what seems to be shriek at the unexpected warmth. The girl lands her chin on the other’s shoulder and sighs.

               “Are you ok?” Mina, the girl’s name, asks drunkenly.

She panics at first. Her heart seems to be all over the place and she doesn’t know what to do.

               “Yeah…” She managed to let out, loud enough.

               “You sure?” Mina asks again.

And she chuckles. Because she knows. The feeling of it, at least.

The feeling of not being okay but having to lie. But she knows Mina has had enough bull about pretending to be ok so she never lies. Every time she asks Mina if she’s ok, she’ll answer a no as if it’s easy for others to say they’re not okay. Maybe because people don’t like admitting that they’re really not okay.

Pride? Maybe. Shame? Maybe. Worried of being a burden? Yes, more or so.

But is it really? Is it really being worried that you burden someone even if you know they don’t give a single about you? Maybe it’s your fault too. Because you hoped.

Did you know that Elpis, the Greek Goddess or rather the personification of Hope was trapped in a jar by Zeus along with other evil spirits? No matter how young and beautiful she was. No matter how attractive she made herself look with the flowers in her hands… The Greeks never saw her as a god, but as an extension of suffering.

Hope is a weird drug. It makes you imagine scenarios like walking down in a flower path where everyone in the streets greet you with a sweet hello, help you pick up the basket of fruits that fell from your bike, and the warm sun hits your face perfectly while the wind balances out the heat and blows your hair away. It makes you happy for a while. And it will hurt you. It will hurt you because people are mean and oblivious. No one says hello to you while you bike down a flowery road and no one will help you with the load you dropped because you can no longer carry them. It will hurt you because not everything works out the way you want them to. It will hurt you because you’re disappointed. Because you hoped.

               “Hey, are you really ok?” Mina lifts her chin from her shoulder.

               “Yeah I’m fine. Don’t worry. I should be asking you that.” She counters the girl

               “Of course, I am. I’m having a good time. I’m dizzy but that doesn’t matter right now because let’s drink!” Mina hands her another bottle of beer as she leans on the couch beside her.

She and Mina stay quite as they watch their friends. Until she hears the girl sigh right beside her. So, she brings her attention to said girl.

               “You ok?” She asks Mina as she shifts her gaze from the former to wherever said girl is staring at. And she sees it. “Oh.” She lets out. “Heh…” She chuckles lightly and drinks from her bottle. “See, I told you I should’ve been the one asking you that.”

               “Ughh, I don’t wanna witness that.” Mina looks away, and takes a sip of her beer.

               “That’s ok.” She scoots closer to Mina. “It’s ok.” She faintly repeats and copies the girl.

               “Ughh, seriously. Can’t they get a room. It’s annoying.” The girl whispers as she closes her eyes and lays her head on her shoulder.

               “Come on… They're kinda cute you know… Sana and--”

“Stop! No. Don’t even… It’s not like I care anyway… ‘Cause I don’t….”

               “Yeah… keep telling yourself that…” She chuckles. “Do you wanna go home? I can take you home if you like. I’m not drunk yet so I can drive you.” She glances at the girl on her shoulder, her eyes observe her face, admiring every detail. Her eyebrows, round eyes, heart shaped lips, her cheeks, her moles on the left side of her nose… no her right... How can someone be so…

               “No… I don’t want to go home yet… Let’s go somewhere.”

               “Huh?” She asks, high key confused and low key trying to hide the fact that she’s been staring. Mina opens her eyes and lifts her head from her shoulder, but their faces never moved an inch apart.

               “I said…” Mina starts and she is intoxicated. She doesn’t know if it’s the smell of alcohol from her breath mixed with mint and the perfume or is it the fact that the 6 bottles of beer, she drank earlier plus the one she has on her hand, are finally hitting her. “Let’s go somewhere…”

She doesn’t know what got into the other girl but she lets Mina take her hand, with a proud smile and lead her out to the back exit of the bar. She hears a few of her friends call them out, asking where they’re going and even before she could answer herself, Mina shuts them off with a “Somewhere.” And the next thing she knows they’re running towards the pier, with the cold midnight wind blowing their hair away and giggles naturally coming out of their mouths.

Their laughs drown the dead night and the loud sound of the splashing waves altogether as they collapse on the wooden floor facing the dark sky.

They lay side by side, shoulder to shoulder as their laughs die down and all you can hear was their faint breaths and panting. She glances to her side to see Mina looking at the sky so fondly.

               “Did you know… all those stars we see right now, and I mean all of them are a lot bigger than the sun? Only a handful are as big as the sun and the rest are… bigger.” Mina says, her voice low, soft and raspy.

She chuckles at the random fact the girl suddenly blurted out in the dead silence.

               “What?” Mina brings her hand out. “It’s interesting ok? We always think that the sun is so big and so… impactful. It is… but it’s not the most significant one is it?” The girl moves her head to face her.

She panics at the thought of eye contact and so she avoids and looks up.

               “What do you mean it’s not the most significant? We need the sun for all kinds of things. Heat, light… Without the sun, we would all die. Plants, animals, planets…”

               “Yeah, that’s true…” She feels the girl remove her gaze to look up at the night sky again.

               “And here I thought you were going to counter that with a meaningful metaphor that’ll change the way I look at the sun and the stars.” They chuckle at the thought.

They spend the next moments staring at the stars and nothing but steady breaths filling up their space

“Hey, you ok now?” She breaks the silence and glances to her side but she was greeted by a sleeping girl with slightly open. She smiles and lets out a small laugh at the sight.

They’re at the Mina’s house now, carrying her to her room. Thank god, Mina’s parents aren’t home, if not they would have been in big trouble.

She finally, reached her room. They tripped a couple times, almost fell down the stairs but at least they’re here now. She softly lays the girls on her bed, takes off her shoes and her sweater and starts to slowly tuck the girl in.

Mina lets out muffled groans at the movement but suddenly she says something audible.

               “Ch-chaeng…” The girl says, her eyes still shut

               “What?” She stops tucking the girl in and looks at her.

               “Ch-chaengie…” Mina says louder this time and she doesn’t know what to say. “Come here… closer.” Mina continues, prompting her to go closer. “I have to tell you something.” The girl chuckles as she sits up shakily and her eyes having a hard time to keep them open. “I-I… I like you... So much…”

Mina chuckles again and oh , she feels like she shouldn’t be hearing this.

“L-like… a lot… a-and, I don’t know if you understand but—”

Mina continues and it feels like in a few moments, she’s going to have her heart more broken than it was before. Because just like what the girl was saying earlier…

“I t-think you’re the most important person in my life right now…”

The sun may not be the biggest star in the universe…

“and I don’t want to lose you and…”

And no matter how much we want to think that the sun is not the most important thing in life…

“you’re so beautiful and your eyes are amazing…”

Because there’s so much more bigger stars out there in this wide world…

“they could bright up my whole ing life…”

We think… Think that we can replace the sun with the number of stars there are…

“and… and…”

But we can’t… No matter how hard we try… No matter how hard we convince ourselves…

“and… a-and Chaeyoung…”

“Hmmm?”

Because the sun, you see, without it?

 “I-I…”

Everything dies…

“I love y—”

“I know you do... I know how much you love your sun..." Jeongyeon whispers, her lips lifting into a broken smile as she tucks a drunk Mina in. She places a light kiss on her forehead as a single tear rolls down her face.

"...Because you're mine..."