"i simply want to remain as your younger brother."

 

Myungsoo stared down at the bathroom floors as the hot water from shower poured hard onto his head in silence, getting drowned into his own mind.

 

" Does that mean things are going to be different from now on?"

Myungsoo shook his head and glanced slightly at the door. Out there, he could hear the twins talking with Sungjong in the living room. Myungsoo took a deep breath and switched off the shower to pull the towel around his waist. He put on loose pants right after he stepped out of the bathroom and quickly stormed into the living room to find his brothers sitting side by side with different activities depend on their personal interests; like, Kwangmin was reading a book, Youngmin playing his nintendo DS, Sungjong getting immersed into a TV show.

Myungsoo sighed and squinted his eyes at the clock hanging up there on the wall, thinking that today Sungjong usually would spend the night in Myungsoo's room, or in the other words, sleep together. Myungsoo approached them by dragging his feet heavily, half-dazed after the steamy shower. " Why are you guys doing here?" he barked, " You have classes tomorrow, Boys, and Sungjong, today is Sunday, means you sleep in my room."

Sungjong quietly switched off the television while a sigh was escaping from his lips, that he had to leave his favorite TV show. Myungsoo watched Sunjong trudging to his room and said, " Give me a kiss before you sleep, after all, it is my room." The boy rolled his eyes and quickly pecked Myungsoo's forehead, murmuring a soft "Good night" before he ascended the upstairs towards Myungsoo's room.

The oldest son fell into his own mind wondering, what could be the difference because he did not feel any. In Myungsoo's opinion, nothing changed in Sungjong. Rather, he acted normally like how usually he did..

Right?

 " Brother," suddenly Youngmin spoke, " I wonder what happened to you two yesterday." Myungsoo turned his head in surprise and blinked confusedly. " What?"

" You are so slow, Hyung," Kwangmin commented, not taking his gaze off of the book he was holding, " It is obvious already."

" Yeah," Youngmin remarked, " It is so awkward that i could cry, between both of them."

Myungsoo, still not comprehending the situation, hurriedly asked, " what are you guys talking about?"

" You know," Youngmin put down his nintendo DS, " usually, when it is Sunday, Sungjong would always enter your room without asking a permission."

" But today he waited you to finish your shower first - he figured out something that it would be extremely odd if suddenly he asked a permission because usually he did not do that so he sat here and by you telling him to sleep in your room, that was how he found his way to get into your room without looking so suspicious."

" But really, Hyung," the other twin continued, " none of us is fooled by his actions. We pay attention too, you know? It seems that it is only you who have not yet grasped the situation - at least, Sungjong's behaviour."

 " We are worried too, idiot," Kwangmin finished the last statement by looking the oldest son down. Myungsoo groaned, " Well, i thought you guys never really cared so much of us! You rarely showed the affection and - "

" What did you expect?" Youngmin hissed, " You are too overprotective and shower him so much love, even Sungjong seems he only needs you, so basically we can not do anything more, right? That is not counted, about how you could become a predator if someone shows off his or her love towards him." Myungsoo looked defeated after the twin brothers stated everything right into his chest mercilessly. His head drooped and sighed, feeling upset. The twins stole glances at each other sureptitiously. They seemed they had a same thought, so it was Kwangmin, who finally spoke out what was in his mind. " Brother, do you love Sungjong?"

without any single hesitation, Myungsoo replied " Of course i do."

" I see." Kwangmin nodded. " i love Sungjong too." Youngmin glanced at his brother and clicked his tongue.

" Yeah. More than anything as a brother, Kwangmin loves Sungjong."

 Myungsoo's eyes went wider. The smiling Kwangmin walked closer towards Myungsoo and ditched his book. " You know, Sungjong is really cute, a true beauty," he said, " like, he has almond-shaped eyes, red lips, high cheekbones, sharp nose. He is gorgeous. Every man adores him. Every woman goes insane looking at his ageless beauty, don't you think?"

" That slim body, Kwangmin," Youngmin added, " and slender hips that cause all men want to devour him right away." Myungsoo suddenly got dizzy and lost at where the twins led this topic to - but imagining those dirty things, somehow made Myungsoo half-hard and jealous too - why were they thinking of his Sungjong like that?

" I have had this kind of thought for a while, Brother, that.. Well," Kwangmin smiled slyly, " Both of us are not blood-related - me and Sungjong, so.."

Myungsoo felt his breath just stop - a raging feeling risen up in his chest.

 " It's okay for me if i own Sungjong.. Right?"

That moment Myungsoo leashed out his anger - he lost control and yanked Kwangmin's collar insanely, furiously. " You little - " Myungsoo gritted his teeth, " Don't you dare to lay a touch on him! He is mine!"

And after that, Myungsoo was snapped with his own words. Kwangmin stared into his brother's eyes deeply as he finally sighed.

" So you said it, at last," he mumbled, " Don't worry. I did not mean it, because if i really did, Youngmin would kill me because he would think that i had cheated on him."

" Hm?" Myungsoo rapidly blinked, " What? How? Why?" Kwangmin chuckled breathlessly.

" You sure are one kind of slowest person to ever exist."

" Huh?" " Don't worry," Kwangmin quickly shook his hands, " We just have an extreme brother complex towards each other.. Eager, aren't we, Youngmin?"

" Shut up," Youngmin barked, but his cheeks were as red as tomato, making Kwangmin snicker in joy. Youngmin glared at the other twin, but Kwangmin pretended he did not care. He patted Youngmin's shoulder lovingly while the other man rolled his eyes, but the vivid blush didn't come off. " You see, Hyung," Kwangmin continued, " i think you should put your feelings first before you consider the relationship you want with Sungjong, be it brothers, or something else."

The eldest froze instantly as the twins finally excused themselves quietly with a sheer of smirk drawn on their faces, leaving Myungsoo stay quiet and ponder in silence.

 

 

 

What do i need?

Myungsoo bit his lower lip.

What do i hope?

 

" I should text Sungjong that i will pick him up.." He mumbled to homself as he began smashing the buttons and sent the text to the youngest brother. Myungsoo stared at his iPhone screen and slipped it into his pocket quickly to search the car key. Once he got the key he hurriedly got into the car and drove it silently - his mind was full of the twins' and Sora's words.

" He is adopted child, isn't he?"

" The relationship you want with Sungjong."

Like puzzles, fitting each other perfectly - the questions that were asked to him, and Myungsoo knew that he would have to find his true feelings.

" Ah." Myungsoo almost drove past too far from the school gate and quickly parked his car at the nearest place could be spotted. The school was over already since ten minutes ago - and students walked to home one by one, but Sungjong did not show even the bridge of his nose. Myungsoo decided to look for the young boy around the building - only when Myungsoo saw Sungjong talking with a girl.

Or, to put the situation clearer, the girl was confessing to Sungjong.

" i like you, Sungjong," she said, " i always have been watching you. You are gorgeous, smart, and you have a sort of aura that makes people feel in ease.. I want to know more sides of you.."

Sungjong stared at the girl emotionlessly, but his eyes clearly showed how to answer the love confession, and Myungsoo, somehow, felt nervous. For some reasons, he hoped that Sungjong would turn her down. " Ah.." Sungjong spoke, " i am sorry, i can't go out with you."

" I see.." the girl drooped her head weakly. " You have someone you treasure.. Don't you, Sungjong?"

Sungjong clenched his fist, but still looking determined. " Maybe."

That time, Myungsoo thought his heart was about to burst. He felt so relieved. But why did he feel like that?

You feel something more than what you think, Myungsoo.

The oldest man gasped in shock as he shook his head. The inner voice that just spoke inwardly made him taken aback. He shut his eyes and thought it would be extremely odd if he kept standing there and when Sungjong found him after this, he would think that Myungsoo was eavesdropping and smack him afterward. Myungsoo decided to walk in as if he were accidentally going there and as the result, Sungjong looked startled. " B-brother?"

" Oh, Sungjong!" Myungsoo tapped his hands altogether. " I have been looking for you - ah. What are you doing here?"

" I.." Sungjong seemed he bought Myungsoo's excuse and glanced at the girl next to him who blushed, because she was found after confessing and second, Sungjong's brother was really handsome and dashing. " We just had a talk, but it's finished already." 

" Good," Myungsoo smiled and leaned in, kissing Sungjong's forehead quickly, causing the girl jolt in shock. " Let's go home. The twins are cooking western cuisine right now, you may as well like it." After receiving the kiss, Sungjong stared at Myungsoo for a moment and spoke, " ... Well, i always like their cooking."

" Nice," Myungsoo ruffled the boy's locks lovingly and shifted his gaze to the girl. " Have a good day, Miss." he pulled Sungjong and sent a wide grin to the girl whose cheeks turned redder. Sungjong snorted at his fliratious brother but still let Myungsoo have his way to lead him to his car.

" So," Myungsoo spoke after closed the car door, " What were you two talking about?"

" She confessed to me."

" Oh." Myungsoo acted looking surprised. " And what did you give her as the reply?"

" i rejected her."

" i see." even though Myungsoo had known it, hearing the answer directly from Sungjong's mouth made Myungsoo feel the doubled relief. " You often get confessions, don't you?"

" Quite so." The answer now caused Myungsoo goggle his eyes and nearly choked. " W-wow. That's impressive."

" Why is it so?" Sungjong looked at Myungsoo in disbelief. " You were a host before so you must have a lot of experiences more than me."

" i don't think so.." Myungsoo mumbled while scratching his head and Sungjong responded with a low 'liar' under his breath. Myungsoo went back concentrating on driving and asked again, " from males too?"

" for some unknown reasons, yeah. I am a bit more popular in males population," Sungjong leaned his back, " the last confession i got from male was yesterday - his name is Youngwook. He is very charming and smart, too pity that i have no sort of interest in him in the first place, but if i did meet him a long time before, i might accept his confession." The honesty gave Myungsoo a heart attack that he almost lost his control in driving. He quickly regained composure and thanked God that it did not really happen - about if Sungjong met that Youngwoo guy first.

Sungjong peeked at his brother quietly and entangled his fingers. " i thought you were never gonna touch me like the kiss earlier."

" why did you think like that?"

" you know.." Sungjong blankly stared at the outside of the car. " because i am your brother." Myungsoo laughed. " it is a kiss on forehead." The answer made Sungjong flinch slightly, but he tried to look composed. " you're weird."

It seemed that Myungsoo wanted to forget what had happened in the other night.

“How could i do such nasty things to my brother!"

Sungjong turned silent.

Myungsoo's the most precious ones, someday, would be divided into two categories; 'family' and 'lover or girlfriend'.

The love Sungjong carried for Myungsoo was not counted as 'brother love'. Nor this could lead them towards a relationship further than what they already had been now. Sungjong felt a twinge of pain crawl in his chest and winced a little.

It hurts when i think of this way like that.

 

 

 " Myungsoo.." The call made Myungso snapped back to the reality and he turned his head to find Sora staring at him in dirty look.

" Why do you look so dazed and spacing out?"

The man folded a napkin quietly and put it on a table. " i am just thinking.."

" of what?"

" nothing."

Sora sighed. " well, if you wanted to avoid this conversation, you should at least have said 'nothing' in the first place," she barked, " and you can't fool me now. What's it about?"

Myungsoo's face fell and he drooped weakly, then in time Sora soon comprehended the main point there. " Sungjong.. Right?" she stated, and when there was a changed expression, Sora shrugged. " No wonder. You are like madly in love with him." The man choked on the blunt statement. " A - am i?"

" well, you are, duh." Sora emphasized deliberately the response.“ The last time I saw you look all chapfallen like this was when the twins rejected your skinship.. but later, you were back to see me again with stupid smile of yours because you finally could hug them again with that power of ‘older brother’ you always proudly carried, but where is the pride now? Can’t you just do the same thing to him?”

Between the chairs he was tidying up, Myungsoo shook his head. “ I can’t.”

“ Why’s that?”

Myungsoo tightened his fist. “ I’m starting to think that the feelings I have for Sungjong is kind of different.. and whenever I want to use ‘brother’ as an excuse, my chest feels hurt.”

Sora quirked at the answer. “ So you mean that..”

“ I don’t know,” Myungsoo sighed, “ I am doubting myself because it’s too confusing. I am certain there’s a boundary between him and me. Sometimes I just want to keep things as they already have been, but I have a feeling that if I did that, I would not be able to reach Sungjong.” He pushed the chairs. “ I will wind this up, though, to make sure that nothing will be changed between us.”

“ Really..” Sora tilted in confusion. She knew it too that the problem lies within Myungsoo and Sungjong was kind of difficult, because they were both in the position where if they took a wrong step, they’d be forever distant. Myungsoo was the one who saved Sungjong from the darkness in his heart, and Sungjong was able to make Myungsoo’s heart turn upside down like this, something more than just a brother-complex. Something like this occurred when they had not talked about their own feelings so they had not realized either – well, maybe Sungjong had, but things did not go well for Myungsoo. He was kind of slow – no, he might have realized it in the first place but refused to think further because if he did, he probably thought it would ruin the current ‘peaceful’ situation.

Looking at them made Sora feel upset.

At the same time, someone was walking in to the café, and when they both turned, they saw Sungjong standing there – but with someone else.

“ I will fetch the book you need, Youngwook.” Sungjong replied, but no expression changed. Sora quickly assumed that Sungjong didn’t consider his friend more than anything, but the blush in that Youngwook guy’s cheeks clearly told her that he kept feelings for Sungjong. “ Okay.”

Sora quietly glanced over her head and watched how Myungsoo looked really jealous of Youngwook walking side by side with his brother Sungjong.

Maybe this time he needed to put down ‘brother’ term and just remarked ‘his Sungjong’.

Youngwook cluelessly stood outside the front door but Sora predicted that he was having a hard time because a certain guy was staring at him with a intent to kill. He is shivering and trembling, poor Youngwook.. Sora smiled to herself when she got an idea and walked elatedly towards Myungsoo, poking the eldest. “ Sungjong’s friend?”

“ Yeah.” The stern face Myungsoo made had explained everything to Sora. She chuckled evilly under her breath. So I guessed right. “ You know,” she began attacking him, “ They look really good together, don’t you think? I bet he has a crush on Sungjong too..”

Myungsoo flinched. This kind of reaction made Sora want to flip in jubilation.

“ I won’t forgive it,” he gritted his teeth, “ If Sungjong shows any cutesy to him that I have never seen, I will kill him.”

Sora’s eyes squinted.

That.. threat was dripping with ulterior motives.

“ It is totally emphasizing your ersity that I am about to cry, Myungsoo.”

Sora chuckled again. Messing around with Myungsoo was probably one of the fun things ever Sora always loved to do.

 

 

“ You have a homework, Sungjong?”

The youngest glanced over his shoulder and went back working on the questions. “ Yeah. It’s math, but no worries, Myungsoo Hyung.” Sungjong spoke with no hesitation, “ this looks easy, even though there are thirty questions I need to solve..”

“ Whoa,” Myungsoo blinked, feeling irked to think of his school days doing this stuff. He always hated math, that’s why. “ Can I sleep here?”

“ Hm? It’s quite surprising..” Sungjong commented without taking his eyes off of his homework, “ Usually it was you who cooed me to sleep in your room.”

Myungsoo laughed oddly. “ Sometimes a change is good.”

“ Oh, really?” Sungjong hummed when he managed to answer one question, “ Suit yourself, then.”

“ Okay,” Myungsoo smiled happily, “ So I just have to sleep and – ouch!”

Shockingly, Sungjong grabbed a handful of Myungsoo’s hair and glared. “ So you are gonna sleep while I work on 30 mathematical questions? Are you? How dare you, stupid older brother. If you want to sleep here, stay awake until I am done.”

“ Oh – yes, yes!  Ow! Not the hair, seriously!”

Sungjong sighed as he let the hair go. “ If you really want to just sleep, go back to your room.”

“ Don’t wanna,” Myungsoo smirked, “ Can’t sleep if I am not with you.”

“ Stop lying!”

“ I am not,” he giggled, “ Hey, Sungjong..” Myungsoo reached Sungjong’s arm gently and looked at him straight into his eyes. “ Are you avoiding me?”

“ No,” Sungjong replied, “ I am talking with you now.”

“ Then,” Myungsoo traced his fingers on Sungjong’s palm, “ Are you scared?”

“ Why would I have the reason to be scared of you?”

“ Because..” Myungsoo kissed Sungjong’s palm. “ Didn’t I do something horrible to you?”

“ It was you who were drunk and you said you’d never touch me..” Sungjong mumbled, and he wanted to squeak in annoyance when Myungsoo suddenly threw his arms around Sungjong’s hips and pulled him closer. “ You’re so important for me, Sungjong. I would not know what happened to me if you hated me,” he murmured, “ If someday, you’d leave me and be so distant.. whenever I think of it, I can’t focus on anything else.”

Sungjong stared down at his brother quietly.

What Myungsoo really wants..

Is a family that’s always there for him.

Brothers who need him and his protection.

And one day, he will find a very decent lover that always depends on him despite how independent this lover can be.

“ Don’t worry,” Sungjong latched his fingers into Myungsoo’s black hair, “ I won’t leave you. Never. I was the one who wanted to be with you..”

Someday, Myungsoo will notice..

“ I won’t go to anywhere.”

I don’t fit into any of those things..

And he’ll be disappointed.

 

 

Myungsoo slowly pulled Sungjong until he fell onto his chest and tightened his hug, cupping Sungjong’s face as he planted a soft kiss on Sungjong’s lips.

What’s with this kind of feeling?

Myungsoo twitched as he cracked his left eye open to see his brother.

Something.. that feels so warm.. makes me feel butterflies in my stomach.. yet I get so anxious..

Actually, Myungsoo had been thinking over and over about this.

He had felt these feelings for a long time since he finally had Sungjong in his arms. A warm feeling that enveloped his heart, an urge to protect him and not let anyone else to have him except Myungsoo – but whenever he thought about this, he refused to make this more complicated.

Maybe it was Myungsoo, after all, who felt scared in the first place.

 

 

The next morning, Myungsoo was the one who woke up first and found Sungjong sleeping peacefully on the top of him. Myungsoo rose up carefully not to suddenly surprise Sungjong and sighed. “ Crap. He didn’t get to finish his homework, after all.” He gazed at the boy in his embrace and his hair tenderly. His neck is so slender.. Myungsoo thought. The pale yet rosy skin..

An imagination of other males targeting his brother irked him – and top of all, yesterday that Youngwook guy actually walked his Sungjong.

Perhaps all of them had the same thought about how delicious Sungjong looked..

Out of his mind, Myungsoo leaned in to kiss Sungjong’s cheek, and proceeded down kissing the neck, the soft flesh until it left a red mark. Sungjong twitched in his sleep, and slowly opened his eyes. Myungsoo loosened his embrace. “ Morning.”

Sungjong rubbed his sleepy eyes and mumbled. “ Huh? Did I just fall asleep without..”

“ Yeah. Pretty much.”

They both stayed in a short pregnant silence while looking at each other until Myungsoo said again, “ Well. Good luck.”

Later, loud footsteps stomped in Sungjong’s room as the youngest boy screamed, “ My homework!!”

“ You’re such a dedicated student..”

“ You idiot brother! Don’t ever step foot in here again!”

 

 

“ Mm? What have you been doing?” Dongwoo suddenly appeared and looked at the book Sungjong was working on. “ Homework.”

“ English?”

“ I am exempt from English. Teachers said I don’t have to do anything concern English. It’s math.”

“ Well, lucky you who was raised in Canada. I hate English,” Dongwoo commented, “ I am quite good in math too so this just makes me feel rather envious.”

“ Oh really?” Sungjong scratched his head. “ You know, my skill in Korean suffers more.”

“ I think that it’s not Korean literature you’re bad at, it’s just modern linguistics you’ve gotten problems with, being such all emotionless and what’s with that formality? I thought you happened to be born fifty years ago,” Dongwoo corrected, almost laughed, but he held it back. He pulled a chair next to Sungjong and poked him. “ Hey, hey. How’re things going with your boyfriend?”

“ Boyfriend? I don’t have any.”

“ Come on. Your older brother is not blood-related with you, right? You don’t need to hide it if you two are going out.”

“ He is just my older brother.”

Dongwoo snickered. “ Yeah yeah. So any progress between you two?”

“ Nothing.”

Dongwoo noticed that there was something weird in Sungjong’s tone, so he hurriedly asked. “ What? Something wrong? Is he cheating on you for some girls?”

“ No.”

“ Is it you?”

“ Nobody is cheating on anybody here, Dongwoo.”

“ Then what?”

Sungjong stopped writing as he contemplated for a moment. “ It’s just..” he answered, “ a misunderstanding on my part, from the very beginning.”

“ Ah..” Dongwoo felt sorry, feeling that he should not bring up the topic, but it’s no use crying over spilt milk. He sighed and gaze floated randomly, somehow attached to the explicit red mark on Sungjong’s neck. His brows rose as he took a look closer to get a better view – and he gasped after he realized it.

“ What?”

“ N – nothing..” Dongwoo then looked all over them to make sure. Usually, around this time, mostly males would line up trying to start a conversation with Sungjong and impress him, but now it was only him who stayed beside Sungjong. Dongwoo blinked.

Even until the class ended, no boys dared to make a move on him, and it happened until five days later.

“ I wonder..” Sungjong mumbled, “ Why do they seem avoiding me? Before, they were the ones who insisted talking with me?”

‘They’ referred to Sungjong’s fans, even though Sungjong didn’t want to admit it, and they had fallen hard for the beautiful boy. Dongwoo, being the closest friend he was, could tell why. Every single day, there was a very obvious hickey on Sungjong’s pale neck that made it even look contrast. He also could predict who had given the hickey – because it clearly showed a sign that someone already owned Sungjong.

Hickeys could be meant as a ‘sign’ of ownership, threat, and protectiveness.

So what kind of misunderstanding could be? Dongwoo pondered.

“ Hey, Dongwoo,” Sungjong elbowed his friend, “ Do you think they hate me? Why do they refuse talking to me?”

“ Probably..” Dongwoo wondered if Sungjong had realized it or not, but looking how clueless Sungjong seemed, Dongwoo concluded that Sungjong really had no idea. “ The red marks on your neck,” he pointed. Sungjong touched his neck in confusion and ran to the bathroom, looking at himself on mirror. There was a very big red mark indeed – yesterday Sungjong thought it was just mosquito bite, but when Dongwoo told that it was the cause of it, he began asking where did he get this mark.

“ Do you know this?”

Sungjong shook his head.

“ It is a hickey. You’ve had this for five days already and it seems to be even much clearer and more obvious, like planted on your neck every single day.”

“ What’s hickey?”

Dongwoo sighed. As expected, he didn’t know what hickey was. “ Kiss mark,” he replied, “ To show someone’s love, protectiveness, and ownership so everyone who tries to flirt with you will be taken aback knowing that somebody else already owns you.”

“ Who could be – “ Sungjong gasped as Dongwoo nodded while shrugging. “ Who else? You live with your extra protective oldest brother.”

Sungjong widened his eyes as he rubbed the hickey softly.

A sign of ownership and love?

“ I..” Sungjong bit his lip, “ I’m going home first. See you later, Dongwoo!” and with that he rushed out and ran quickly after he fetched his bag, leaving the snorting Dongwoo behind.

 

On his way to home, Sungjong could not help but feel so confused, angry, and anxious.

Why does he do like that?

What does he mean?

Sungjong was running out of breath – but he didn’t stop making tracks. He wanted to confirm everything.

Isn’t this just misunderstanding on my part?

Why do I keep getting a false hope?

Even..

The youngest son slammed the door open, shocking everyone in the café, including Myungsoo. “ S – Sungjong? You came early..”

Sungjong gritted his teeth as he scurried forward, pulling Myungsoo’s collar and hissing, “ Come with me.”

Myungsoo looked confused but still followed him nonetheless, and Sungjong apparently led him to his room. He locked the door silently, while Myungsoo, on the other hand, could feel the sudden tense. “ S.. Sungjong?”

“ .. is..?”

“ What?” Myungsoo frowned. “ Can you repeat – “

“ I said, what’s this hickey?!” Sungjong finally leashed out his anger and pointed at the red mark on his neck. “ For what reason you left this on my neck? All boys in my school avoids me – also some girls! Apparently it turned out that this is the cause for five days! What are you doing to me?!”

Myungsoo seemed he was lost for words. He tightened his fist while staring at Sungjong wordlessly. Sungjong’s anger was raised to the highest peak and screamed, “ Answer me!”

“ I thought it’d be wonderful if no one gets too close to you.”

“ Why?!”

“ Because.. I..” Myungsoo didn’t want to meet with Sungjong’s eyes.

It felt hurt, and painful.

I was thinking..

How wonderful it could be if your world crumbled and fell apart except for me..

“ I don’t want you to look at anyone else except me.”

Sungjong’s eyes went wider, while Myungsoo closed his eyes.

The more I saw you, my heart thumped and my chest was in pain – because I got anxious when you weren’t here with me.

The thought of losing you one day hurts me so much – yet the boundary between us can’t be erased.

Why do I feel that you’re so far away to reach?

Because what I do to you doesn’t have anything to do with ‘brothers’ to begin with, but what can I do to make myself stop feeling this anxiety?

The bond between us has transcended past all this.. and now, is it just me who realizes these feelings?

The label of ‘brother’ and ‘family relations’ that affected us.. yet I used them as an excuse.

Emotionally-wise, I think what I feel towards him is so dangerous – that I have no idea what to do if I leash it out.

Sungjong’s emotions are developed simple, even lack of the emotional growth.

Seeing how all of my brothers live so far away from parents and lack of their loves, makes me feel so obsessed creating such a happiness for them – and yet, the time I have spent with Sungjong makes me feel only one thing, and I am scared if I do something weird.. and Sungjong leaves me.

Then.. there’s a wall.. between us, that shuts the other one out, before I realized it.

“ I’m sorry,” Myungsoo chuckled dryly. “ You must be afraid of me now? I took advantage of you, using our brotherhood as the excuse to stay with you, yet I was doing this kind of thing.”

I am such a terrible adult.

I keep wanting Sungjong for myself, yet all I do is hurting both of us even more.

What if he feels disgusted and he will never walk to me anymore?

“ I should have realized it and. I should not do that to my own brother, I’m sorry.”

Hickeys, as the sign of ‘ownership’.

If no one approaches him, except me, and if his world revolves only around me, I’ll be happy.

But this is confusing me now – where will this lead me?

Will everything reoccur the same again over and over?

Where’s the end of this confusion?

“ I won’t repeat that, I promise,” Myungsoo murmured, “ I fail as a brother.”

Why..

Why should we feel like this?

“ How..”

Myungsoo quirked. He thought he heard a trembling voice.

“ How could you..”

Myungsoo looked up at his brother and was stupefied.

Sungjong was crying.

“ How could you do this to me..” his lips shivered, “ You kept doing confusing things to me over and over.. and yet you’d run away, telling that ‘we are brothers’ and apologized, but in the end, you would repeat the same thing again.. leaving me all anxious and upset..”

Myungsoo thought his heart was dropped and pierced seeing his precious one cry – Sungjong never cried before. He rarely showed emotion.

Did he hurt him this bad?

“ Why are you like this, Hyung.. Wanting me not to be with anyone else except you, but you would end up pulling the same boundary again by reminding our brotherhood and leaving me all hurt and suffering..” Sungjong sobbed, covering his face with his hands, “ Why, Myungsoo? Why..”

The room was filled with Sungjong’s soft cries and Myungsoo was speechless – he didn’t know what to do. He was at loss for words.

“ What are we, Hyung? I am not your real brother, nor I can be any further than it because you keep telling me ‘brother’ all the time.. I don’t understand, I want to accept things like it should be, but you’re always making me confused..”

Maybe,

The problem lay within Myungsoo since the very beginning.

“ What am I to you? A toy?” Sungjong bit his lower lip, “ Because of this, I can never stop from putting my hopes high..”

And maybe, if Myungsoo had overcome his doubt from the first time,

Things would not go so hard and difficult.

“ Why are you so cruel, Hyung?” Sungjong whispered, “ Ever since you saved me that day, telling that you would be the one who loved me, I’ve always wanted to be with you.. yet you hurt me repeatedly..”

They both needed each other so much that they could go insane if they’re apart, but how they treated the feelings they had was wrong in the first place.

“ Even so, no matter how many times I convince myself that we can not go further than ‘brothers’.. I am still anticipating something in return.. Wonder if one day..”

‘But at the end,’

‘You are still the one I need.’

“ … you could love me properly.. just like how I love you so much..”

 

Myungsoo’s eyes went wider at the love confession.

Seeing how Sungjong looked so broken-down in his cries after telling him that he loved Myungsoo made Myungsoo’s mind become clear.

Ah, I see..

It’s not only me who feels this.

Myungsoo reached out for Sungjong’s wrist and pulled him suddenly, making the young boy gasp. He looped his arms around Sungjong tightly, snuggling his face into Sungjong’s crook of neck.

It is not ‘acceptance’ as ‘brothers’ that we really see.

From the first time, since the very beginning,

We are seeking for each other’s love.

Just like when I tried to get closer to him after I met Sungjong,

And how Sungjong accepted to be showered by never-ending love comes from his ‘brother’.

 

“ I am sorry, Sungjong..”

“ You always apologize!” Sungjong screamed, fighting back to break loose from the embrace but to no avail. “ You keep making me feel bad, you dumb!”

“ I’m really sorry..”

“ Stop apologizing!”

Myungsoo tightened his grip.

“ I am sorry.. because I did many horrible things to you,” he whispered, “ and I never admitted that I wanted to make you mine only, because I love you so much.”

Sungjong’s cries stopped. “ W – what?”

Myungsoo pushed Sungjong a bit gently so their eyes met, smiling.

“ I love you too, Sungjong,” he confessed, “ like the way you feel towards me.”

“ You lied..” Sungjong’s voice sounded shaky and his eyes went round in disbelief, shaking his head frantically. “ No! You can’t give any false hope – it’s enough, Myungsoo!”

“ Some part of me wanted you to recognize my existence as your brother, but the other part..” Myungsoo kissed Sungjong’s forehead, “ I didn’t want that.”

That seemed working to turn Sungjong’s cries into soft sniffles as he kissed Sungjong’s nose and cheeks carefully.

“ Now I know what I do really feel for you.”

Myungsoo felt Sungjong’s body tensed in his arms. He smiled and cupped Sungjong’s face with his palms gently.

“ I love you, Sungjong, not as a brother,” he murmured, “ not as a brother, but as a man.”

Sungjong widened his eyes even more, and Myungsoo chuckled in return.

“ I’ve said ‘I love you’ to you three times already, haven’t i?”

That made Sungjong finally break into tears as he launched himself into Myungsoo’s body and hugged him tightly, not wanting to let him go.

“ If you take your words back, I will kill you, Hyung.”

Myungsoo smiled as he pulled Sungjong and kissed him eagerly, passionately on the lips, tongues battling for dominance.

“ I know.”

This time, the kiss wasn’t because they were brothers.

But now, they kissed because they were lovers too.

 

 

Sungjong was already about to enter the café after he walked home from school, when he accidentally heard, “ Myungsoo-ssi is really good with kids, especially girls!”

Sungjong tilted and peeked into the café, seeing that Myungsoo was carrying a young happy girl.

“ Is that so? My place is full of men.. I wonder how it feels having a little sister.”

Sungjong turned silent as he carefully walked in, and Myungsoo noticed it instantly. He put down the girl and approached Sungjong excitedly. “ Welcome back,” he kissed Sungjong’s cheek, making the women in the café squeal in happiness. The twins exchanged gazes, so did Sora. They both just didn’t know that a lot of customers were waiting around this time just to see that.

Sungjong and Myungsoo proceeded to the closest table after the oldest brought him an ice tea.

“ Here.”

“ Thank you,” Sungjong drank in a gulp and fell in silence again for a moment. “ Myungsoo Hyung.”

“ Yeah?”

“ Sorry.. That I wasn’t a little sister.”

“ Huh?” Myungsoo raised his left brow, “ You were listening to that earlier?”

“ No. I wasn’t deliberately. I happened to accidentally hear it.”

“ I was just wondering, come on,” Myungsoo commented as he Sungjong’s cheeks. “ Man or woman, there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“ Mm..”

But Sungjong didn’t look convinced at all, so Myungsoo had another idea and smirked, leaning in closer to whisper.

“ You are not exactly just my brother, after all.”

And at the end, Sungjong blushed so hard making the eldest son chuckle with joy.

While on the other hand, some customers who Kwangmin was serving, asked like a bunch of fangirls. “ He is the youngest child huh? You guys are all similar, even though I heard he is not blood-related..”

“ Huh? Similar? Us?” Kwangmin frowned. A woman with short haircut laughed. “ Well, you’re siblings, right? You guys feel similar, I mean.”

“ Especially..” another woman paused and pointed at the two boys sitting over there, “ Your oldest brother and the youngest.”

Kwangmin glanced at his brothers and smiled to himself. “ Well, yeah.. but maybe..” he commented, “ there’s something more about this..”

“ Eeeh? What’s that?”

Kwangmin laughed. “ Don’t mind it. I don’t understand either. So, do you like something to drink, Ladies?”

Another peaceful day in the small café of the four siblings had just begun.

 

 

 

 

Sorry for the late update because i went to overseas for 10 days and any errors. i typed this on my iphone first ;D I am planning to write a oneshot as the sequel to this story, what do you think? c:

comments are appreciated <3