His words fell as cold as a bucket of water, a bucket of water that felt even more icy due to the heat in my body, all due to the fury.

I no longer remember exactly why we had started fighting, and the truth? It was probably something meaningless.

"You have to start thinking more about our future!" I had yelled at him.

"Simply maybe I don't see a future together!" there it was, he had said it, I could see the truth in his words.

And these had not hurt me so much, yes, they were like slaps in my face, but slaps of realization.

I was tired.

Tired of not receiving support from him.

Tired of silly excuses not to see us.

Tired of feeling that he was not sincere.

Tired of the routine.

After 7 years, I was tired of everything, after so many years, love had finally gone out.

"Didn't you saw us sharing an apartment? Weren't we supposed to wait to equal marriage to become legal in order to share a life together? Wasn't it you who was already planning every ornament in our future department?" I sighed, no longer screaming, letting myself fall on the couch.

"I don't know anymore" Mark bowed his head. "I know nothing…"

"Then this is it?" I asked, a lump had formed in my throat, Mark kept ignoring my gaze. “Mark, look at me, are we breaking up?” I stood up, walking to him.

The other slowly raised his almond orbs towards me, reminding me of the first time I saw him.

We were stupid high school kids, we didn't even knew what love was, we knew absolutely nothing about a stable relationship, he had just moved from Los Angeles and I was the president of the class who died to be popular and had all the attention, he wanted them to forget that he was just “the new boy" What better than being the first couple of the same with a semi-public relationship? We were only going to need each other for a short period of time, however, separating us after that became difficult, and we considered that we had fallen in love.

I guess it was never love, because when it is love you never hurt the person you are supposed to love.

"To forgive is to love" Mark had told me when I heard about him "I couldn't  do anything because it was not you" he had said, and I, illusively believed him, that hadn't  been a complete infidelity, Jackson and he had only kissed, or at least that's what he had told me, it hadn’t happened more because Mark loved me, he had thought of me until the last moment and knew that I was the person for him. Later I would find out that they indeed slept together, but I decided to ignore it, we loved each other, and to love is to forgive. 

And then I found myself in the same situation "you just need to try something different, you need to have turkey dinner, instead of just ham" Jaebum had said, and I, foolishly, got tangled up with Hyunjin, not caring about his feelings, for me it was just , there were no feelings, I just needed to try other things than just Mark, besides, I had forgiven Mark, he owed me.

We both must have realized that something was wrong from there, but we were young and dumb, the mere idea of ​​separating caused me fear. How was I going to start all over again after so many years of being with him?

So again, we decided to go for the familiar, for the custom, for what was easier for us, for what we both thought was love.

Because, for us, it was love, Mark has taught me so many things and he had learned other things from me, we had both taken our hands to overcome obstacles, the problems we had in the past had been forgotten, he had helped me become a better person and overcoming my own fears and traumas, just as I had supported him in every decision he made, in every surreal dream he had, I was confident that he was going to achieve every goal he set his mind on, and I was going to be by his side, helping him to get up if he fell, to be his support, because that is what people who love each other do.

What had happened then? Why, when holding his hand, there was nothing of that flutter that I used to feel at the beginning, and his presence alone did not encourage me to want him to make love to me until I was tired. God! I didn't even remember the last time we had made love, without pretending, without finishing things early because "we were tired"!

Had the flame simply gone out?

That love we swore would last forever had finally come to an end?

Mark looked away from me, because thick tears had begun to run down his cheeks.

“I want to tell you no, let's stay together” Mark sobbed, shaking his head “But I can't...I don't feel the need to beg you to stay, I can't find the will to tell you that I will change, that everything will be better, that we will overcome it together, I know that we will get back together and we are going to be fine for a while, but then we are going to end up in this vicious circle, and end up hating each other.”

"I initially told you that we were going to be together as long as you wanted." I held my gaze firmly on him, even though Mark kept his gaze fixed on the floor, his thin shoulders being shaken by strong sobs. “So tell me, is this the end?” the last note of my voice came out somewhat strangled for the lump in my throat had tightened.

There was a long silence, Mark bit his lip, thinking about things, while in my brain I only heard a kind of blank hum.

“Do you think this time is like the other times we have broken up? Mark asked with a hiccup.

“No” I replied dryly “I think this time we both know it's really goodbye.”

“I'm sorry” Mark said with a trickle of voice “I'm sorry for wasting so many years of your life, for hurting you this way, you don't deserve it…”

"I don't think I wasted them" I said, taking his chin and forcing him to look me in the eye. "You'll always be a very important part of my life, you were my first boyfriend, my first time, you were with me at my high school graduation, you supported me when preparing for my university exam, you were always there for me when I wanted to drop everything, and I never had a best friend like you, who knew me so perfectly, that knew with just one look that something was wrong” Now it was impossible to deny that we were both crying “As you said, It's better to finish now, before this becomes more toxic and more hurtful.” I wiped the tears from my face “You leave me because you love me, I leave you because I love you, but it's simply not the way we should love each other, this is the end.”

A/N

This was inspired after "The End" of the Spinning Top album, if you haven't read the translation (as I did) go and do it know, and you will understand me.

I don't know why I wrote this, I don't even know what to say...guess I am also tired in my own relationship? IDK

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Thanks for reading!