Chapter 4: The Peace

Wheein let the door slam shut behind her and waited for the sound of it auto-locking as she let out a frustrated huff, frowning at the back of Yongsun’s head as she followed the woman. When Wheein opened her front door that morning, she was again surprised to find someone other than the creepy man from upstairs, but her surprise was instantly replaced with confusion as she was met with the sight of her nervous leader. And when Yongsun ordered her to get dressed for practice and told her she would be escorting her there with a serious face, Wheein really didn’t have the energy to argue with her.

“I don’t care if you don’t want to talk to me, you’re getting in the car.”

Wheein sighed as she followed the voice of her leader, annoyed that Yongsun was being so demanding given that she was the reason for the bags under her eyes and the thumping in her head. They were quiet as they descended the stairs in Wheein’s apartment building and got into the car, and Wheein was surprised the woman even knew her address in the first place. She was definitely the most private and antisocial of all the Mamamoo members when it came to having people over, and it was the first time Yongsun had visited her since she had moved into her new place almost two years ago.

“How did you know where I live?” Wheein asked quietly as she settled into the passenger seat and Yong started the engine. The older woman looked over at Wheein and frowned, then leaned over to pull the girl’s seatbelt across her and click it firmly into place. Wheein gulped at the scent of the vanilla perfume Yongsun had been consistently wearing since trainee days as the girl sat back in her own seat and began to drive.

“I asked Hyejin-ah,” Yong replied, surprised at Wheein’s willingness to converse with her; a stark difference from the radio silence she had been experiencing for the past two days. Wheein nodded once in understanding, then rested her chin on her fist as she distracted herself with the grey sky and busy streets outside. “She said you haven’t been answering her calls either…” Yong probed quietly, her eyes drifting from the road every so often to catch a glimpse of Wheein in her mirror, not missing the way the girl’s lips pursed slightly, or the tension in her jaw.

“I’ve been busy,” Wheein said, letting out deep sigh and using the condensation on the window to draw aimless patterns on it as she spoke. “Why did you pick me up, anyway? You’ve never done this before.”

“Because I wanted to make sure you were ok, and I really didn’t want you to turn up to practice hating me,” Yongsun replied simply. Wheein frowned. “But I understand that you’re entitled to feel whatever you want to feel about me.”

“Hate is a strong word. I wouldn’t ever hate you,” Wheein replied, turning to look at Yongsun’s side profile and sitting up straighter in her seat. “I just needed time to…to feel what I was feeling, I guess.”

Yongsun let out a small “oh” in response, and Wheein didn’t miss the way the older girl’s shoulders relaxed a little at her words. “And what did you feel?” Yongsun asked, genuine concern lacing every syllable she spoke. Wheein bit her lip as she turned back, her hands fidgeting as she spoke.

“Uh…angry? At first?” She began, her words quiet and gentle. “And then hurt and confused. Like, the most confused I’ve ever been in my whole life,” Wheein admitted, shaking her head slightly as she looked up and half-heartedly smiled at the other woman in the car, the woman causing the subtle shaking of her hands and erratic thumping of her heart. ”And now…now I just feel like I need answers, honestly.”

Yongsun nodded knowingly as she drove, turning off the highway and driving for a few minutes in silence before pulling into a small carpark. She turned off the engine and turned to face her passenger, forcing her fears down and the corners of up in a warm smile. “Wanna get a coffee and talk it out?”

Wheein groaned loudly, shattering the intimate atmosphere that had been beginning to build in the car as she whined in annoyance. “Yah, you really need to stop hanging out with Byuli unnie so much. You sounded like a greasy guy from a drama,” Wheein said with an embarrassed laugh as she grabbed her phone and got out of the car. Yong rolled her eyes as she watched the younger girl get out, unable to hide the fond smile that always seemed to appear on her face whenever she heard Wheein’s laughter – even if it was at her own expense.

The women found a quiet booth at the back of the small café, ordering their drinks with a waitress as they sat down across from each other. They looked at each other awkwardly for a second, suddenly aware that they hadn’t ever really spent time like this together since they’d known each other, before bursting out in stress-induced laughter.

“Why is this so weird?” Yongsun whined loudly, forcing Wheein to hold a finger to her lips as her cheeks reddened from her unnie’s lack of sound control. The café wasn’t overly busy, but it was quiet and Yongsun’s voice was twice the volume of the music that played ambiently in the background.

“Control yourself,” Wheein teased, and Yongsun mocked zipping her lips and throwing away the key, making Wheein sigh exasperatedly at the girl’s antics. It was hard to believe the woman in front of her had lived for three whole decades.

“Now how am I supposed to get my answers?” Wheein frowned as she reached forward to Yong’s lips, her finger barely grazing the woman’s skin, but enough to make both girl’s flinch at the feeling. Wheein retracted her hand instantly, as though she’d touched a flame, and both women averted their gazes, flustered.

“So…what do you want to know? I’ll answer anything you want me to,” Yongsun said, shaking off the embarrassment and folding her arms on the table, leaning forward as she waited expectantly.

“Wait, what time is practice? Aren’t we going to be late?” Wheein asked, and Yongsun shook her head confidently.

“We don’t have to be there until 10am, I asked manager-unnie if we could schedule it later.”

“So you could kidnap me?” Wheein joked, then gasped when she realised what Yongsun meant. “You mean I didn’t have to be dragged out of my house at 8am? Are you serious?” Wheein groaned and Yongsun felt her cheeks redden as she answered.

“It was the only way I could think of to get to talk to you on your own. And since you did a very good job of not replying to my texts or calls…I had to get creative,” Yongsun shrugged, and Wheein rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Fine, I get it. I won’t ignore you next time if it means I get an extra hour in bed,” Wheein relented. Luckily, the waitress returned with their drinks and set them down, earning words of thanks from both women before they returned to their conversation.

“Come on then, hit me with your best shot,” Yongsun said goofily, attempting to lighten the mood and offering a gentle smile to Wheein. The girl stirred her drink quietly, thinking over her questions and swallowing the anger that was beginning to swim on her tongue as she thought back to the day at Yongsun’s house. It had only been two days since the incident, but Wheein had already managed to bury it in a dark corner of her mind somewhere, and it took her a minute to relive the painful memory.

“Why didn’t you ask me before you met with my father?” Wheein asked quietly, still stirring her drink as she watched the cream on top of her coffee swirl round and round. She heard Yong in a small breath.

“I wanted to fix it for you myself. After that night when we went out to drink after rehearsal and we…” Yongsun hesitated as she recalled their kiss, and shook her head free of the apology that was begging to be spoken to the girl in front of her for how she had handled that night. She would apologise later. Answering Wheein’s questions first was most important. “After that night, when you told me about him and I saw how much you were hurting…I don’t know. I think the leader inside me was activated and I wanted to stop you being unhappy.” Yongsun took a long gulp of her drink in an attempt soothe the pinkness of her cheeks, unused to speaking so honestly around the younger girl.

Wheein nodded twice in acknowledgement of the woman’s answer and her spoon clean, set it down on the table and took a sip of her own drink. “You could have told me first, though. I could have stopped you giving him your own money, unnie,” Wheein said and Yongsun nodded.

“I know. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I suppose I just had this picture in my head of your face when I got to tell you that he was gone and wouldn’t hurt you again, and I wanted to be the one responsible for you not having to worry anymore.” The woman shrugged, trying to shake off how vulnerable she felt in front of Wheein. She had yet to work out how to control herself around the younger girl ever since their newfound feelings. Wheein bit her lip, trying to hide the small smile tugging at her lips as she took in Yong’s words.

“Okay. But I’m paying you back however much you gave him,” Wheein said and Yongsun protested immediately.

“Wheein-ah, no. I chose to give it to him, he’s not your burden anymore,” Yongsun replied, knowing she’d struck a chord when Wheein looked up at her sadly.

“He’s been my responsibility for my whole life, and it’s not any different now,” Wheein said, her words quiet and vulnerable, her eyes big and helpless as she spoke. Yongsun pouted at the pain in Wheein’s voice and reached over the table to place her hand over Wheein’s.

“It is. This time you don’t have to be on your own. I’ll help you with whatever you need,” Yongsun promised, squeezing Wheein’s hand in reassurance. Wheein looked at their hands and a small smile crept onto her face.

“Smooth,” Wheein chuckled, enjoying the way Yong got flustered and withdrew her hand to run it through her hair with a bashful smile.

“Do you have more questions?” Yongsun asked, picking up her drink and downing the rest in desperation. Wheein’s bottom lip jutted out in thought.

“The contract you got made…was that to protect me too?” Wheein asked.

“Yes. That’s the one thing I’m most sorry for, really. I didn’t think it through too much and I should have asked you before trying to take your father away from you altogether,” Yongsun replied sincerely, glad to be finally given the chance to speak the apology she had rehearsed countless times in her head.

Wheein sighed nonchalantly. “He hasn’t been my dad for a long time. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to get mad at you.”

“No, you were only reacting like any normal person would. I’m just sorry I was so tactless with my actions. I won’t ever keep things from you again, Wheein-ah,” Yongsun said firmly and Wheein nodded as she finished her coffee and set down the empty cup, then let out a long breath, feeling some of the weight on her shoulders begin to disappear.

“Okay then. I think I’m finished being angry with you. But we’ve still got to manage things with the idiot who helped give me life,” Wheein said and Yongsun let out a small laugh of relief at Wheein’s much lighter disposition.

“Is the Q&A over now then?” Yongsun asked and Wheein shook her head in big, dramatic motions, her hair flying wildly around her.

“Don’t you think we should talk about…about the thing that keeps happening whenever we hang out?” Wheein whispered playfully, tapping her lips twice when Yong tilted her head in confusion. The older woman’s mouth turned into a small ‘o’ shape when she realised what Wheein was referring to, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“I thought we already talked about that last time?” Yong asked, looking around the café and noting the other customers sitting nearby. She swallowed and checked her phone, letting out a relieved breath when she saw the time. “We’ve gotta get moving or we’ll be late to practice,” Yongsun said, standing up and gathering her things as she waited for Wheein to follow her. She noticed Wheein’s crestfallen expression and reached over to grab her hand and pull her up. “We’ll talk about it on the way to practice, okay? I promise,” Yongsun said quietly in Wheein’s ear, interlacing their fingers and guiding her out of the café and to her car. She opened the passenger door for Wheein and shut it carefully, then got into the driver’s side and looked over at the younger girl. She was looking back at her expectantly, her eyes wide and hopeful and Yongsun couldn’t help but smile endearingly at the sight. “Seatbelt,” was all Yongsun said as she fastened her own and began driving, feeling Wheein’s eyes burning into her face and making her cheeks redden.

“I just wanna talk about it because we’ve gone so long without being honest about our…our feelings and things,” Wheein said softly and Yongsun swore if she wasn’t preoccupied with keeping the girl next to her as safe as possible, she would have crashed on purpose just to stop the annoyingly loud thumping of her heart in her ears and the warmth flooding her face.

“You’re one of a kind, Jung Wheein,” Yongsun said with a shake of her head and Wheein giggled proudly. “What do you even want to talk about, huh?”

Wheein hummed in thought, bringing her legs up to sit cross-legged in her seat. “Do we…are we…ugh,” Wheein whined as she stumbled over her words and Yongsun chuckled at the girl, glad she wasn’t the only one flustered by her feelings. “I don’t know how to act around you when the members are there,” Wheein said honestly and Yongsun nodded, having had mutual worries herself about what today’s practice would be like. Of course, she was mostly worried that Wheein would still hate her and there would be an awful atmosphere, so it was definitely reassuring knowing she wouldn’t be subjected to an onslaught of questions from Moonbyul about what happened, but this was something she had never had to deal with before. An unfamiliar territory she didn’t know how to tackle.

“I don’t know. You know how bad I am at lying, Wheein-ah,” Yongsun said as she indicated right and to the familiar street where their studio was. She pulled into the carpark and parked, then rested her head on the steering wheel as she thought over what they should do.

“Well, let’s think through our options, unnie,” Wheein suggested and Yongsun turned to face the girl. “Number one, we could tell them. Hyejin…Hyejin may or may not already know a little about what’s been going on anyway…” Wheein said with a slight wince as she anticipated Yongsun’s reaction. The leader had been adamant that no one should know anything of their drunken kisses or possible feelings and she was sure a drunken confession to her best friend wouldn’t suffice as a good enough excuse.

“Oh, I knew about Hyejin already,” Yongsun said calmly. “When I called her asking for your address…she had a bit more to say than just telling me you wouldn’t answer her texts,” Yongsun attempted to joke, but Wheein could noticed the way her words were heavy with something other than a laugh.

“What did she say to you?” Wheein asked, recalling the way Hyejin had promised to talk to Yong herself after she found out how she had been mistreating her friend. Yongsun brushed off the question with a wave of her hand.

“Nothing I didn’t deserve. She’s a good friend, Wheein-ah,” Yongsun replied, making Wheein sigh. “Anyway, what’s option two?”

Wheein shrugged. “We act like normal and try not to act like kids with a big old crush on eachother.”

Yongsun gasped loudly, sitting up and covering with both hands. “Wheein from Mamamoo has a crush on me? THE Jung Wheein?” Yongsun mocked, earning a frustrated whine from the other girl.

“You’re so annoying,” Wheein said with a pout, annoyed that the woman had managed to make her blush for the hundredth time that day.

“You love it,” Yongsun said and pinched Wheein’s cheek proudly. Wheein huffed, feigning annoyance, then held Yongsun’s hand in place against her cheek and nestled into her touch sweetly. Yongsun couldn’t hide the shock on her face at the sudden contact and watched dumbfounded as Wheein smiled up at her.

“How does it feel to have THE Jung Wheein’s face, and heart, in the palm of your hand?” Wheein said cheesily and Yongsun shrieked in disgust at the girl’s antics, her heart racing but head unable to stop herself from pulling her hand back and grimacing at the giggling girl. A knock at the driver’s window brought both girls out of their playfulness as they were greeted with Moonbyul waving goofily at the girls and Yongsun waved back animatedly.

“Why don’t we just act like us? If they ask, we tell them. But for now, I’d only be comfortable telling the members,” Yongsun said quickly and Wheein nodded in agreement as she got her things and got out of the car and Yongsun followed suit.

“I didn’t know the YongTaxi was in service today,” Byul frowned at Yongsun as Wheein joined them at the driver’s side and the trio made their way into the RBW building, Byul hanging off Yong’s arm as Wheein watched the pair argue amongst themselves with a smile. Of course, things were far from perfect and there would be hard decisions to make in the coming days, but Wheein felt oddly at peace for once, and with Yongsun finally beginning to open up and be honest with her, Wheein really couldn’t find a reason not to smile.