He relishes in the moonlight, while she fears the break of dawn.

The last thing they want to do is lose her forever.

[Based on the MV for "Let Me In" by Haseul.]

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Haseul steps forward. The room is the same as it’s always been, but something feels unfamiliar. Like a bubble suspended in time while the world revolves around it, gaining momentum. Fingers streak across a dusty book cover. Curtains draw back to reveal a glowing full moon. Its craters are deep and textured, reflected in the shimmering tides below.

Eyes scan the bare wooden wall of the bedroom. Yet a wistfulness takes over Haseul as if the wall displayed a whole life’s tale. Haseul grasps at it. It slips away like smoke. Flashes of rooftops, of the sunrise, of dark hair and laughter failing to hide adorably large front teeth.

No, Haseul thinks, that can’t be right. Jinsoul’s golden tresses are unmistakable. And her grin makes her teeth look small, makes her eyes look wide and curious.

The clock above the bed chimes midnight. It’s time.

Haseul pads over to a basin of water. A few splashes to the face feel like a cleanse after ages of wandering the desert. Haseul stares into the cracked mirror hung on the wall. Droplets stream down the sloping jawline and create soothing ripples in the basin. The reflection smirks back, reaching up to style the short hair to a peak down the center with a dab of wax from a dented tin.

Why bother? Jinsoul always messes it up.

So Haseul continues. Because he’ll do anything to make Jinsoul happy. When he steps out the door, all is forgotten.

A storm brews miles above the humble fishing town. Clouds roll in to swallow the stars. A looming force forever chasing him. A boom shakes the ground, but Haseul doesn’t break step. He darts down the cobblestone roads, through the market square, behind the boisterous tavern with drunken guards, up the hill. The wind slices across his cheeks and grains of hail pound against his back. Jinsoul jumps when she spots that remarkable head of snow-white hair. She welcomes him with open arms. He lifts her easily, twirls them around. The thunder protests against their giggles. Their hands find each other’s naturally. Haseul pulls her onward, off the beaten path to a stone ledge that hugs the cliffside. He holds a protective arm around Jinsoul’s waist. The boulders crashing into the rocky abyss below don’t faze her.

It’s one of the many reasons Haseul loves her.

The tides are fiercer now. They slam against the foot of the cliff, clawing higher and higher, hoping to wrap around their ankles and fling them to the depths. Jinsoul staggers into the hidden cave. Haseul tumbles in right after. The raging sea sprays salty mist into the air. They lie spread-eagled on the cold floor, puffs of air diffusing from their pants, fingers locked tightly.

Haseul rolls onto his knees and crawls toward an ashy mound of sticks and sand. He digs around in his pocket for a bundle of fresh dry hay. The flint stones crackle in his palms. Sparks ignite when he strikes them together, a warm fire lighting up their haven. He crouches down to blow gently on the flames, nurturing them. He stares across the light and sighs.

Jinsoul embodies grace in every step she takes. Her touches are featherlight, caressing the scribbles on the cave wall. Stick figures drawn with jagged rocks. Letters carved with a rusted shucking knife. Soot smeared into handprints. She places her palm against the black splotch. Haseul holds her from behind and places his palm next to hers.

He closes his eyes, ears trained on Jinsoul’s low drawling laugh. It reaches deep within, nestles in his chest, calls it home. He feels a hand cup his cheek and pull him closer. Jinsoul kisses him with a playfulness nobody in their village possesses. With a passion the most robust fisherman wouldn’t show in a shipwreck. With a love so deep, it nearly cracks the earth, parts the sea, and shatters the sky.

He doesn’t understand how a renowned merchant’s daughter chooses a poor fisherman’s son over her line of wealthy suitors. But Jinsoul reassures him time and time again. It’s the calloused hands running down her arms that give her thrills. It’s the strong arms around her waist and the gentleness with which he spins her around to their low humming that lets her escape. It’s the heart that beats steadily, the warmth that never ceases when she sleeps in his hold, that keeps her grounded.

It’s the chance to run her fingers through needles of white hair however she pleases. Make it look like the goofy, evenly parted wig a duke from the kingdom dons. Make it resemble the dual-horned updo of the tavern keeper. Make it ruffled and mussed until she’s had her fun and her eyes flash with something darker, an allure that presses down on them. Haseul’s hair doesn’t stay in place anymore. He thinks (and she only allows him to briefly) that Jinsoul couldn’t care less, with her straddling his lap and teeth scraping against his bottom lip. No, she doesn’t care as long as her fingers can brush it back and pull him closer by the nape.

They’ve shared stolen pastries and smoked meats in this cave. They’ve shared tearful stories of loss and joyous celebrations alike. They’ve shared fairy tales, dreams, adventures. They’ve also shared fears. Tonight is no different as they lay by the firelight under a thick quilt, Jinsoul’s head on Haseul’s chest, the malevolent storm concealing their hideout.

“What’ll we do when your father settles your hand in marriage?” Because Jinsoul had smacked his shoulder one too many times for saying you or I instead of we. Haseul’s voice is low. It needs to be said, but he hopes his words aren’t willed into existence.

Jinsoul shrugs, her voice remains light. “I do not know. I guess you will have to ask for it first.” She grins up at him. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Can you see it?” Jinsoul asks. “A sky so blue, it blends with the sea. Gulls diving in and out of the water, great silver fish thrashing in their beaks. A humble cabin on the highest hill. A lovable mutt scampering around the flowers and herbs in the garden. A little girl with a handful of seashells for her father…”

“And a small boy, skilled with a knife by seven years, stars carved out of the finest wood for his mother,” Haseul finishes. “Yeah. Yeah, I can see it.”

Haseul would marry Jinsoul in a heartbeat. God, if he had the money, he’d knock on her window and ask her to run away. But he can’t promise her a life with a hearty meal every day in a safe home, where the sun shines and soldiers aren’t scouring the land for her. That and…

The shadows. The dormant ones that flit across his mind when he’s not careful. When he’s not focusing on the currents beneath the waves, the ropes in his hands, the wind against the sails, or the yield of his nets. When he’s not focusing on the delicate skin of his beloved, her blinding smile, her scorching touch, her unwavering faith. The shadows come when the sun rises, on random days. Sometimes they come months apart, sometimes mere hours. He only gets a few minutes of warning. He never knows why, just that he needs to disappear.

What sort of a lover would he be to subject pure-hearted Jinsoul to that?

A selfish monster. Sometimes the desire chains him down and rips him apart. He doesn’t know how he falls back together, but he always wakes up bathed in moonlight. Always alone. Always to Jinsoul missing him.

She’s kind like that. Understanding. Gives him space. Sometimes he wishes she wouldn’t. It would make the prospect of hurting her less of a burden.

“Where?” Jinsoul croons drowsily. She nestles under Haseul’s chin. “Where in the universe exists such a place? A place for us.”

“I don’t know, Love. But when I find it, I’ll take you there.”

~|~|~|~

Haseul wakes to a cool breeze tickling his nose. The wind blows some of the snow from above into the entrance of the cave like a dusting of powdered sugar. Seabirds land on the ledge outside, squawking at the morning sun.

The sun.

A pang hits him in the gut. His head throbs and the ceiling flips under him. He takes a deep breath to steady himself and brushes the hair out of his eyes. He freezes. It’s softer, longer. He lowers his hand. Gone are the callouses and veins, replaced by slender fingers and decorated nails. He blinks. His palms are rough again, his hair short and weightless.

He has to leave.

He slides Jinsoul off his chest as carefully as he can. He nudges her by the crackling fire to keep her warm. Shame churns in his stomach. A tear splashes on the stone floor as he crouches down and presses a parting kiss to Jinsoul’s cold lips.

He turns toward the rising sun. His pupils dilate; dawn has never looked so dim. The shadows come faster than ever. If he moves now, he might tumble down the cliffside. He risks the wait. He wills them to give him a moment’s reprieve. He pulls the image of the love of his life to the forefront of his mind, banishing the darkness.

There she is again. How curious. A tall figure reaching out to him, graceful in a way that shows she has control over her body. Dark curtains of hair brushed to one side, cascading down to her waist. A rounded face with big eyes and a teasing smirk. Clothing he’s never seen before, of bright colors and shining materials, showing more skin than any fair maiden would be allowed in the kingdom.

And yet, he’s inexplicably drawn to her. But how? How, when not a minute ago—

“Haseul.”

The sunlight burns. It takes a moment, but the shadows dissipate. The icy sea comes into view, deep blue, glistening with orange streaks and white sparkles. But the hand wrapped tightly around Haseul’s wrist burns more.

“Haseul, look at me.” Jinsoul sounds so broken, Haseul has no choice but to obey.

It feels like a millennium watching Jinsoul take it all in. She doesn’t gasp in shock, nor does she grip her chest in revulsion. She steps forward. Fingers thread through chestnut locks. They caress fuller cheeks and brush along a softer jaw. Her hands slide down to rest on Haseul’s chest, no longer flat and muscular. They rise and fall with steady breaths, searching for the familiar pulse that had lulled her to sleep the night before. She finds it. She tilts her head down, for this woman is shorter.

When their eyes meet, clarity strikes Haseul like a bolt of lightning. This is his world. But she’s supposed to be somewhere else. On the other side of the wall. She remembers, and so does he. Because they are one. Perhaps it’s the shadows’ last push to get her moving. Although someone’s waiting on the other side, she stays rooted in this cold cave.

Haseul needs to know.

“Do you think me a devil? A sin of nature?”

It’s curious how distinctly high her voice is. The words sound outdated. Haseul reminds herself, this is him speaking through her.

Jinsoul furrows her eyebrows at the most ridiculous query as if Haseul had asked whether the sky is above or if water is wet. She responds with a question of her own. “If I sought out my lover, would my journey lead to you?”

“Yes.”

“If I brought you the smoothest pebble from the shore, what would you do?”

Haseul has to smile. “I’d tell you we are not southern flightless birds, but I’d treasure it all the same. And…” It’s still hard to swallow reality, though Haseul’s have merged into a great mess. “And I’d dream of when you’d present another, so that I may fit a ring around your finger.”

Jinsoul’s eyes shine. Her voice is barely audible above the waves and the morning bells of the docks. “And if I told you to kiss me like the fourth night we met? When we sailed out on your father’s boat to the eastern island and spotted this cave from afar.”

Haseul acts on instinct. She pulls Jinsoul into her small frame by the waist and captures her lips. It’s a slow dance, intense nonetheless. Jinsoul tends to get carried away. She adds more pressure. Her impatience is obvious. But Haseul’s always been there to match her adventurous spirit. Haseul is passionate in ways that melt Jinsoul to her core. A hand slides up to Jinsoul’s neck, thumb rubbing soothing circles just below her ear where it’s most sensitive. Just like he does.

Jinsoul breaks the kiss. They breathe the same crisp air, and she forces the words out before she can submit to her craving for another taste.

“You are still my Haseul. Whatever you look like, however you speak, no matter your height—” Their chuckles sound strangled with sobs. She kisses Haseul’s head and presses a hand to Haseul’s heart. “You are still there, Love. And I will have all of you, if you will have me.”

Haseul feels the veil lift. The shadows seep out of her, whispering in disdain at having lost such a healthy host. They disintegrate into dawn’s light. Haseul’s spirit soars high and far.

All this time not knowing who’d she wake up as.

Finally, the shackles are broken and they walk the path to truth within.

All this time they were afraid of Jinsoul locking them out. But it was they who needed to let Jinsoul in.