Where are you now, when you promise me that you will never leave me? That you will always stay by my side, no matter how screw up I am. 

 

Where are you now? Now I am in misery, I need you to be by my side. But you disappear, you leave me in darkness. 

 

“Promise me you will never leave me, Bora, please.”

 

“I won’t babe, I won’t.” 

 

“Promise? I don’t want to be alone anymore. I am scared.”

 

“I promise, Siyeon.” 

 

You broke your promise, you leave me alone in the darkness, you leave me alone to deal with my misery. 

 

What is the point of living when you are not here? When no light can light up my way. I start to fade. 

 

“Siyeon, you should stop this. No matter what, you shouldn’t be doing this. This is not good.” 

 

“I tried, Bora. I ing tried! But it’s hard! I had been using it for years and you expect me to stop?! Don’t you think I didn’t try?!” 

 

“I know you tried Si, but still, doing drugs won’t help you feel better. It will make you feel worse.” 

 

“What?! So now you want to be like those people, who called themselves family, those that leave me alone just because I can’t get over my addiction?!”

 

“I won’t leave you, Si. Just try to stop… I beg you this time…”

 

In the end, you still leave me… I stop Bora… I stopped. I stop myself from using those drugs, but why are you still leaving me? Why can’t you trust me and stay a little longer? 

 

It’s not just you that left me, but also all of my friends. Our friends. They stop trusting me, and eventually they all leaving me behind. They turned their backs on me. 

 

Where are you now? Was it all in my fantasy? Were you only my imaginary? Does all of our interaction just an imagination of my clouded and crazy mind? 

 

But you feel so real, when you talk to me, when you touched me, hugged me, and kissed me. 

 

I am drowning in misery, in the darkness, with no light that can shine my way out. I feel like I am drowning under a deep sea. Dark, cold, silence. But I am breathing, alive. 

 

The monster inside me start to run wildly, telling me to let go, telling me to stop breathing. 

 

But I still have a little fate in miracle that one day you will once again set my heart on fire. Where are you now?

 

“I can’t Siyeon… if you keep on like this, I can’t take it anymore. This is too much for me to take.” 

 

“You promise, Bora… you promise you will stay…”

 

“And you promise you will change.”

 

“I never promise, I just said I will try…” 

 

“But you never try, you keep on going, you act like it’s nothing. I am tired.” 

 

“Please, Bora. Stay…”

 

“I can’t. Goodbye.”

 

Where are you now? This monster inside me can’t be controlled anymore. It’s eating inside of me. I am under the sea, feeling cold, dark, silent. But why am I still breathing?

 

This must be another dream. Because I am always in the darkness.

 

There was never a light from the beginning. You are a dream, an imaginary that I create. You, Kim Bora, is my imagination. 

 

I am faded, I am lost, and I give up. Letting go of all this, I will stop breathing, stop feeling the darkness, coldness, and silence under the deep sea. I will let this monster took all of me. Because it is better like this.