“Hwang Eunbi” calling...

Just by reading those two words, I am feeling a bit exhilarated and a bit nervous. It was really just a rollercoaster ride between those two. For one, I am so happy that I’ll be able to hear her voice again. And second, I am nervous on why would she even call me? After how things ended between us? Does she know that I’ve been longing for her presence all these years? My mind basically run on auto-pilot not knowing what to do on whether I should answer the call or not. But when will I get a chance to get a call from her again, and wait, she didn’t changed her number? I should’ve just called her then instead. That’s when Umji grabbed my phone, pressed something and placed it beside my ear.

“Hello, is this Jung Yerin?”. the person on the other line said.

And that instant I knew that I am not talking to Hwang Eunbi, instead I am talking to her mother. 

“Uhm, yes this is Jung Yerin.” I replied while grabbing the phone from my sister’s arms.

“Yerin, can I ask you a favor and come to the hospital. It’s just that Eunbi got into an accident. I’ll fill you in later, but please can you come see my baby. 

I can assume that she had just finished crying because of the way how her voice longs out for air in order to breathe properly. 

“Yes, Ms. Hwang.” I said in an almost panic state matter.

“I’ll send someone to come pick you up and thank you.”

“No problem…”

Guess my bad day turned into the really worst day of my life. No, the history of all lives recorded. Here I am thinking that I would be able to have a good time with her or at least have a decent conversation. But no, the creatures above must’ve like toying with my life. For years without contact, the thing that would reunite us is an accident. A chance that I might lose her and never get to actually say that I still love her.

“Hey, what’s with her?” Yuju asked Umji who is now seating in front of the television. “She looked liked she’s been dumped by her boyfriend.”

“You are partially correct. Base on my gut feeling, there is a problem with her relationship. I mean one-sided relationship.”

“Ohhh, you mean her ex-girlfriend. You mean she haven’t move on to her? It’s been years”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been telling to her as well.”

“Hey, you two. Stop gossiping about me. I’ll be back soon. The driver’s already here.” I said while smacking the heads of both of them. “And, Yuju take care of my sister for me.”

On the way to the hospital, I keep on thinking of multiple scenarios, mostly bad ones. I know I shouldn’t but it is not helping me that the love of my life might be on her deathbed. I just can’t seem to process all that’s happening. Even the weather is not helping, as the rain started to pour down as well as my tears. The air-condition that is on, the frigid temperature outside, and the tears that made me helplessly catch my breathe ended up tightening my chest. Due to this, I can’t really think straight anymore and I let my tears voice out the pain, the sadness, and the guilt that I am feeling.

~~~~~

“Umji, what time do you think will your unnie go home?” Yuju asked after seeing the clock’s hour hand pass the number twelve. “Umji?” she said waiting for someone to respond, but no answers were replied.

The sound of the television, the raindrops hitting the square-shaped window, and the sound of the inhales and exhales, Umji and Yuju do are the only thing that can be heard in the little room. 

After getting the blankets and fixing it on Umji, Yuju stared at her thinking of things that she will do when they started dating together, but the only problem is that Yuju doesn’t have the courage to tell her that she actually liked her. Even though she was always this close to her, she is scared of one thing that might happen, and that is rejection. She doesn’t want things to change between them and that she prefers being like this than reach a point. Where they will be awkward and distant between each other because of how she feels towards her. 

Yuju sighs as those thoughts are starting to consume her mind. She sat on the floor beside the couch that Umji was sleeping on and ended up caressing the girls face, making sure that the girl would not wake up. “I promise that even if I were to die, I would bury these emotions with me.” She concluded to herself while letting tears escape her eyes. It was evident that her words are not matching with her feelings. And on that night, at that small dark little room, only the tick-tock sound of the clock and the confused thoughts of Yuju were noticeable.

But then Umji must’ve mistaken the girl’s hand as a pillow and immediately tucked it in between her hands and placed it beside her head, making it as a substitute for a pillow. Yuju knew that if she decided to release herself from the grip of the younger girl, she would wake up. And so, she decided that she will just sleep beside the little girl.

~~~~

“She got caught in an accident that happened in the park and was diagnosed with post-traumatic amnesia while suffering some minor injuries. We still don’t know how long her memories will come back.” Sinb’s mother explained to me. “And she’s been longing for your presence ever since she woke up.”

“I understand.” after I said those words. I started to prepare myself and before I can open the door knob. Sinb’s mother tapped my shoulder and asked me a last request. “Can you act like you and Eunbi are still together. The doctors concluded after running some several tests and questions that her memory is back to when she was around graduating high school. 

The thought of it scared me as I have always had a soft spot for the girl and I may not be able to get ahold of myself. But I’m thankful that her condition is not as bad as I was thinking and I’m also thankful that I was given a chance to be her girlfriend again even though it’s just pretending. After I said that I’ll do it, I opened the door.

“Yennie!” Sinb screamed, as if we haven’t seen each other for years, which is technically true. “Where have you been? I’ve been asking my mother to call you for hours now, why did you just arrived?” 

“It’s just there are errands that I need to attend to.”

“You mean those are more important than me?” she said in a cute low-pitched manner with her head slightly facing down but her eyes staring at you intently.

“Of course you are more important, don’t worry I will not leave your side anymore.”

If you can summarize this interaction in a single term, this is what you can call a heart attack. But instead of some muscles of the heart malfunctioning, she constantly attacks my heart by increasing the number of beats that it produces in a second. And I swear that I would like this moment to feel everyday, every hour, every minute, every second, and every mini-second. If only this was real though…

We continued talking for two to three hours. Basically, I asked her questions and she responded to them. I asked her how she was doing, what she was doing for the couple of months, if she have new interests and such. I asked this questions in a manner in which she would believe that I asked this in order to know if she really remember something or not, to avoid suspicion that we are not together anymore. But when I asked her if she knew what happened on her life on specific dates, she can not answer, not even a single word, and silence was the only thing that was omitted. 

I can see that she was really trying had to give an answer not because she was obliged to but, because she doesn’t want to feel disappointed at herself for forgetting something valuable. I’ve known Sinb for years and I can tell that she really values the time that she was given because she believes that time is not a permanent thing in the world and so she must live her life to the fullest and treasure every moment. So without thinking much I hugged her, making sure that the hose connected to her body will not be dislocated or removed from her, and reassured her that it’s okay. I keep on tapping her back, still hugging her. I know for myself that I am acting, but it’s hard to resist the urge not to show the years worth of love that I was keeping to myself from her. I insisted that she should rest for a while and removed my arms between her body and let her lie on the bed. That’s when, she intertwined her fingers between mine and took a sleep. 

After several minutes, her mother called me outside. Luckily, she didn’t wake up after removing my hand from hers. When I reached the other side of the door I was greeted by someone, which is around Sinb’s age. A girl with a blonde hair, slightly smaller than me, and a cheerful and friendly aura around her. You can tell that everyone’s liked by her judging from her appearance.

“Yerin, I have to introduce you to Dahyun, Eunbi’s current girlfriend.”

My world crumbled into pieces, as I’ve heard those words. I know I don’t have the right to feel this way. But, I just thought that I was given a chance to be with her again. To be her girlfriend again. Those three to four hours that I get to spent time happily with her were easily replaced with numbness. Guess now, I’ll really just have to act now in sake of my ex-lovers life.

“Hi, I am Dahyun, I hope that you’ll not fall for my girlfriend’s charm again, Eunbi’s mom already told me the necessary information on you. I trust you that you will help with her condition.

Just the thought of someone, claiming property on Sinb, infuriated me but because of her aura which speaks of natural kindness. I just cooperated with her, even though it still stings a little.

“You can trust me that I’ll help with Bi’s. I mean Eunbi’s recovery.” Shoot! I can’t believe I slipped and called her nickname. Guess my possessive state just took over me naturally. Good thing that she didn’t knew that Bi is Sinb's nickname.

“For the time being, I will not visit my girlfriend because apparently she doesn’t even remember a thing about me. But, I’ll be constantly keeping in touch with her so you better watch your actions, okay? she said in a jokingly matter.

“Okay, okay…” 

“Come on, no need to feel nervous around me.” I know that we both just want the best for Eunbi, right.”

“I’m sorry, is it that obvious?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Just act naturally in front of me.”

How can she be that charismatic? No wonder Sinb falled for her. 

“You know, it took me years to be close to Eunbi. She always has that face where she looked like she’s irritated, angry or annoyed. But, you know once you made her smile even once, her alluring charisma starts to kick in and you’ll just be captivated by her beauty.” she said in a bright way. 

“Trust me, I know what you are talking about.” I said with a smile on my face.

We continued talking for a couple of minutes and I asked her what Sinb was doing for the time that we are not together specifically after graduation. I took note of her favorites, such as her favorite food, favorite place, favorite thing to do. I don’t know why I even asked these questions maybe I just really missed Eunbi. And it’s so odd that she answers my questions without even a taint of jealousy. Maybe she really just trust me that much or that she is in no position to have an argument with me because I’m closer in terms of the Sinb’s current condition? Either ways, I’m glad to not have those cliche drama-like scenes where the present girlfriend would have a fight, whether it be physically or verbally, between the ex-girlfriend after resurfacing for months or years. 

“When I first entered the hospital’s room. She was staring coldly at me, when I almost destroyed the cat stuff toy that she really treasures in her room. For some odd reason, she wouldn’t allow me to touch it.”

“So she still keeps that cat around.” I uttered in my mind.

“She didn’t even remember my name and that part hurts the most so that’s when I decided that I’ll leave her for quite a while. she continued.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve keep on saying to myself every night, if whether she could still remember me or not, and that it is so painful to think about what if she already forgot you.” I uttered still in my mind.

“And the thought, that I might lose her really scares me the most. So, I’ll leave everything to you. Just don’t fall for her again or else you’ll see a different side of me and you’ll regret it, mark my words.” she said in an intimidating manner, like her cheerful aura completely turned the exact opposite of it. Frightening was the word for it. Then, she left to get some refreshments for everybody.

“I might lose her…” 

I repeated those words again and again subconsciously. 

“How could I have lost her? You really are that dumb, huh, Jung Yerin.”

After the girls silhouette disappeared from my sight. I thought that if only she was not related to Sinb, then we could’ve been great friends. It’s just that. I don’t want to have anything related to Sinb. I know that it will only grew into a deep wound in my heart. As of know, I still love her but because she replaced me with someone, even better than me. I can’t seem to bear up the pain of being replaced and I decided that the last thing that I’ll do for her is to help her recover her memories then I’ll go and leave her and just be a nobody in a world that was once her everything.

Oh, how I wish we could go back to time, when we we’re just first years. When everything is just starting between you and me, between us.