Seun-ah

The first time he heard that nickname, he didn’t even realize the nickname was for him.

They were in the dance studio, practicing their Stop Stop It choreography, when someone kept shouting “Seun-ah, you’re using the wrong foot.” or “Seun-ah, timing!” in the middle of the dance. He just shrugged it off, thinking it was nothing. He was fairly sure he wasn’t the one making mistakes. What kind of a nickname was Seun-ah anyway?

Jaebum called for a water break to talk to their manager, and as he reached for his towel, Jinyoung hit his shoulder with a pout.

“Yah, why do you keep ignoring what I’ve been saying!” Jinyoung whispered with a whine, and he just answered with a bewildered look.

“Huh? When did you talk to me?”

“I kept trying to tell you that your footwork was wrong!” Jinyoung explained, giving Jackson his patented mom look.

“W-What? Jinyoungie, you’ve never called me Seun-ah before! How would I know it was meant for me...!” He retorted.

Jinyoung shrugged. “It’s so much easier to say. I’ll call you that from now on.” He grinned, walking back to the center of the studio when Jaebum called them back.

He was dumbfounded, staring at Jinyoung’s retreating back until he was jolted back to reality.

“... Yah, what do you mean my footwork’s wrong! This is what I learned!!”

—

Seun-ah! Seun-ah! Seun-ah!

He was walking back from the convenience store with three ice cream cones for him, Jinyoung, and Youngjae, when he heard Jinyoung shout his newfound nickname.

He still hadn’t gotten used to hearing it. Even then, months after their promotions for Stop Stop It had ended.

They had a rare day off, and the three of them spent it walking Coco along Han River.

“Yes, yes, the ice cream is coming! Don’t be impatient!” He yelled, hastening his steps toward where he left the two vocalists, his view still blocked by a tall bush.

“No, I mean come here! Seun-ah, look!” Jinyoung called back, sounding excited for some reason. He wondered what got Jinyoung hyped enough to call for him impatiently.

That is, until he saw Jinyoung lying on the grass, giggling as two big golden retrievers were clobbering him with sniffs and .

He laughed with Jinyoung and took his phone out to snap a photo before he tried to help Jinyoung up.

Easier said that done, though.

Just a few seconds in, one of the golden retrievers excitedly tackled him to the ground too. He barely managed to save the ice cream cones.

If anyone would ask what he remembered the most about this day, he would say Youngjae’s loud laugh, the retrievers’ fluffy fur, and Jinyoung’s bright eye-wrinkling smile.

—

Seun.

He could barely make sense of what Jinyoung was saying, but he knew Jinyoung wasn’t amused.

What did he even do earlier that day?

Ah, right. He was out late at Gangnam with his cousins who decided to visit from Hong Kong.

And then..? Then what happened? Everything was a blur after the third soju bottle.

“... sorry I couldn’t get to him sooner. I didn’t think his cousins would leave him for a bunch of girls...”

He heard someone talking, but wasn’t sure who it was. He tried to lean into the source of sound, but ended up stumbling forward.

He felt a pair of arms automatically wrap around his waist to steady him and slowly drag him to the couch. Ah. It was Jinyoung. Jinyoung always took care of him when he got this bad.

“Thanks, Mark hyung. I’ll take care of him. You should catch some sleep.”

“Catch sleep? When did sleep escape and run away...?” He blurted out loud, and heard a deep sigh in response.

“Come on, Seun. Let’s get you to bed.” Jinyoung dragged him, going through the motions of  the Take-Care-of-Drunk-Jackson routine.

The next morning, when he sees the Aspirin and mug of organic hangover tea by his bedside table, he washes up and goes straight to Jinyoung’s room. He walks into Jinyoung reading on his bed, and Jinyoung doesn’t even look up to acknowledge his presence.

“I’m really sorry. I don’t ever want to do that again. Please don’t be mad, Jinyoungie.” He said quietly from the foot of Jinyoung’s bed.

Jinyoung didn’t look up, but he huffed.

“I promise, Jinyoung. I won’t do anything that would affect the group’s image anymore.”

Jinyoung finally looked up, glassy eyes locked with his. Jackson bit his lip.

“That’s not why I got mad, not really.” Jinyoung mumbled quietly, and Jackson just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“I wish you’d take care of yourself more. You drank so much last night, Seun-ah. We were all worried.” Jinyoung whispered.

He somehow felt even worse than he initially did that morning.

—

S-Seunnie...

It was a normal night. The seven of them had some down time between schedules and spent it doing their own personal activities. If he remembered correctly, Jinyoung and Bambam were in the living room sifting through their fanmail. They invited him to do the same earlier, but he turned the invitation down in favor of working on more songs in his shared room with Jaebum.

He was startled out of his reverie when he heard frantic knocking. He got up quickly and opened his door, only to see a distressed looking Bambam in front of him.

“What’s wrong, Bammie?” He asked, worried that something might have happened.

“Jacks, hyung, you’ve got to help me! It’s Jinyoung hyung, he… Well… We were reading our fanmail, right? And it was all good until he read this one fanmail and suddenly stood up to go to his room – without saying anything at all! I tried to get him to open his door, but he wouldn’t listen to me and wouldn’t let me in… Hyung, you’re the only one who he’d listen to.” Bambam frantically tried to recount what got him looking so worried and on edge.

“What did the letter say, Bam-ah?” He asked, starting to worry about Jinyoung too.

“I haven’t checked yet, but this is the letter he held last…” Bambam bit his lip, holding up an opened fan letter. It looked so cute and innocent on the outside, and it made the both of them feel furious. It was definitely rude of the sender to mask hate-mail as something so unassuming.

He took the offending piece of paper from Bambam’s outstretched hand, opened it, and held it up for both him and Bambam to read it. He felt his anger gradually become worse as he read line after line of the sender expressing his blatant hate for Jinyoung about anything and everything – from him presumably “stealing lines” from the main vocals in their songs, to how he should give up on his acting career because it “wouldn’t go anywhere”. He didn’t even get to finish reading the letter before he became too furious to continue and resorted to crumpling the letter and throwing it in the trash immediately.

“I’ll do my best, Bammie. Go help me fix the rest of the fanmail, ok?” He told the younger boy, already turning down the hall to go to Jinyoung’s room. He tried knocking on the door and calling out to Jinyoung, to no avail. After many failed attempts, he sighed.

“My door’s always open for you, Jinyoungie. If you feel like talking about it you can always go to me. I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.” He said, hoping it would get through to his friend, and returned to his room.

It wasn’t until the next night that Jinyoung decided to approach him.

He was mixing some songs in his room again when he heard Jinyoung call out to him quietly from his open doorway.

“S-Seunnie…”

He jerks his head up and rushes to Jinyoung right away, leading him to sit on his bed. He plopped himself beside his friend with barely any space between them, offering warmth and silent comfort. He wanted to wait for Jinyoung to talk first.

“What do I have to do to be good enough, Seunnie…?” Jinyoung sounded so hurt and broken, and he wasn’t used to it. He hated it when other people made Jinyoung feel this way. He still didn’t say anything, but he wrapped his arms around Jinyoung and pulled them to sit against his headboard, rubbing soothing circles on Jinyoung’s back. Jinyoung clung onto him and started to reveal how affected he was about his insecurities. He keeps hugging Jinyoung until Jinyoung falls asleep, arms still clinging onto him for comfort, exhausted from crying.

“Like I always tell you, you’re a star. You’re our star. I believe that, and I’ll keep reminding you until you believe it too.” He whispered against Jinyoung’s hair even if he knew Jinyoung wouldn’t remember him saying it.

 —

I always practice with Seunnie

Over the years, he couldn’t deny anymore that he felt something more than friendship for Jinyoung. Jinyoung was his confidant, his precious person; the one person who knew both sides of him and still accepted him. He was in too deep, and he knew it. And he swore to himself never to let anyone else know or notice.

Which is why the current situation was a tiny bit problematic.

He still stood shell-shocked at Jinyoung, still trying to process what he was being asked of. Jinyoung had just cornered him in the kitchen, asking for kissing practice… What?

“I’m not sure I… understand your request…” he said carefully.

“Please, Jackson. This is the first drama where I have more than one kissing scenes. And it’s the first time I actually have to INITIATE these kisses. The last few ones, I had to just kind of… stand there and be kissed…?” Jinyoung had the gall to actually look sheepish. The nerve of the man…

The thing was, it wouldn’t have been a problem for him. Jinyoung obviously didn’t make a big deal out of it, so he shouldn’t really make a big deal out of it either.

Except, he was totally making a big deal out of it.

How could he not, when he was harboring the biggest crush on Jinyoung and was so desperately trying to get over said crush? And why would Jinyoung even say all of that about kissing other people, anyway? Did he have to make him feel jealous on top of his confusing train wreck of emotions regarding this man? He swore, Jinyoung would be the death of him someday.

“Sure. Go for it, if it’ll help.”

Oh he was SCREWED.

But he couldn’t do anything anymore, as Jinyoung dragged him to his room and locked the door, taking away the chances of anyone walking in on them and more importantly, of him escaping his fate.

Jinyoung stepped closer to him and awkwardly leaned in. He closed his eyes and just felt a pair of soft, plump lips tentatively press against his. It was so painfully awkward and weird, but Jinyoung was kissing him. Kissing him. Willingly.

Someone let out a whimper, and the kiss suddenly took an intense turn. It deepened and turned heated. His hand found itself carding through Jinyoung’s silky hair, and Jinyoung’s arms found their way around his neck, pulling them flush against each other. And just as suddenly, Jinyoung broke away. He watched as a deep red blush worked its way up Jinyoung’s neck all the way to his ears. Jinyoung squeaked out a rushed “thank you” and ran out the room, leaving him confused and frustrated.

They took to avoiding each other for the next few weeks, and everyone noticed.

Yugyeom, bless his pure soul, tried his best to be a mediator between the two of them since he always used to do so for anyone in the team who fought or had a problem. But seeing as there was no actual problem they had to fix, Yugyeom just got frustrated as each day passed. 

It proved to be too much after a while, and Yugyeom decided it was a great idea to lock him and Jinyoung in the cramped laundry room that could only be opened from the outside.

“You better fix this, because we won’t let you out until you guys are disgustingly cheesy best friends again!” Yugyeom said in his usual high pitch when he gets frustrated.

He looked at Jinyoung, finding it hard to find the right words to say. Jinyoung wasn’t even looking at him. He sighed, quickly losing hope that they would be something more.

“I’m sorry. I made things awkward with you.” Jinyoung was the first to speak up.

“No, it’s alright. It’s not entirely your fault. I also had a hand in making this really awkward.” He said, trying to make Jinyoung feel better. “I just… I missed you, you know…? I missed having you as a constant presence these past few weeks.”

Jinyoung finally looked at him. “I missed you too. Too much. I felt so stupid…”

He laughed. “If anything, I was the stupid one. I made myself hope that you would feel the same just because of one kiss…” He mumbled, then quickly covered his mouth, eyes widening as he slowly realized that what he said was practically a confession on his part. And judging by the widening eyes, Jinyoung realized it too.

“Oh my god— I— Forget what I said, please, I didn’t—”

He was cut off by the feeling of warm lips pressing against his.

“I feel the same. I do. I have for a long time.” Jinyoung whispered against his lips, smiling. 

He’d never felt this happy in his life. His feelings were actually reciprocated. All hope wasn’t lost.

Needless to say, the other members were happy for them, too. Even a few weeks after, when they were recording for their recent Idol Room episode. None of them even flinched when Jinyoung said

“I always practice with Seunnie.” 

—

S-Seun… ah—!

The desperate call of his name from Jinyoung.

The nails that dug into his back.

The smell of sweat coming from the crook of Jinyong’s neck.

Everything just drove him over the edge.

—

My Seun-ah

It’s what Jinyoung liked to call him after they officially got together.

The rest of the group called him our Seunnie, but naturally, My Seun-ah was reserved for Jinyoung. The other members fake-gag every time they hear Jinyoung say it, even years after they first became a couple.

Jinyoung was only usually comfortable with calling him that in private. They had both agreed that they wanted to keep their relationship between them and the members to keep it special and sacred. Jinyoung was a fairly private and reserved person in general, anyway.

Which is why he was so surprised the first time he actually refers to him as My Seun-ah in public.

They were at a presscon, and Jinyoung jokingly said “I like you” in response to his “Do you like green mango or yellow mango?” question. Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue because it didn’t indicate anything about the true nature of their relationship. But then, a fan yelled out from the audience.

“But Jinyoung oppa, you can’t like him!! We love him!”

“But he’s my Seun-ah.” Jinyoung said it so nonchalantly.

He automatically went into a split-second panic mode as the fans squealed in delight. Did Jinyoung want to expose their relationship and tell all the ahgases that they’ve been dating for more than three years? He was not prepared for this. What if the other members didn’t approve of them being public?

His head was spinning with all his insecurities and doubts.

Until he felt a nudge from his side, and he looked up to see a small fond smile from the love of his life. He started to calm down and smile back. He looked around the table, and saw the amused looks from the other members. Everyone was still laughing and having a great time. 

He was struck with the realization that it was going to be ok. He had his family right here with him, he had the understanding and adoring fans, he had everything he could ever wish for right here. Maybe everything will be alright.

End.