Jongin sat on the couch between the two men, shoulders tense and hands in his fists resting on his knees. His eyes stared at the rug underneath the coffee table before him, not feeling brave enough to even glance at the expressions on the other men’s faces. The silence in the air was unbearable. No one had said a word for what felt like forever, but it was probably no more than a couple of minutes. Jongin’s teeth dug into his bottom lip as the tension in the air got thicker, his heart beating rapidly in his chest from the nervousness running through his veins. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself, but it was futile. He didn’t even notice the lump of saliva stuck in his throat until he unconsciously swallowed out of habit. Jongin didn’t know what to do, what to say, or rather, what the two men beside him were going to say. Jongin was afraid.

The first time Jongin met Chanyeol and Baekhyun was during the first week of university at a 9AM Chemistry lecture. Jongin was still in holiday mode and accidentally slept past his multiple alarms causing him to turn up to the lecture ten minutes late. He quickly took the first empty seat he saw, five rows from the front of the lecture theatre, and ended up next to Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Jongin spent his time in the lecture typing up as many notes as he could get down, not noticing how much the two men next to him were struggling to understand the lecture content. It was only at the end of the lecture as Jongin was putting away his laptop that words were exchanged between the three of them. Chanyeol and Baekhyun didn’t understand Chemistry and Jongin was apparently a genius who had a weird love for Chemistry, so they didn’t hesitate to ask Jongin to help them throughout the semester.

Tutoring sessions in the library led to tutoring sessions in bedrooms which led to hanging out in cafés with their textbooks which led to friendly outings that didn’t include any studying at all. It wasn’t long before Chanyeol and Baekhyun became Jongin’s best friends. The three of them were always seen studying together or eating together or laughing at something stupid Chanyeol said. They would spend their time watching movies, playing video games or crying over heart-wrenching Korean dramas – though, that was mainly Bakehyun. Jongin never expected to find friends in Baekhyun and Chanyeol but through all his ups and downs, they were always there for him to talk to or as shoulders to cry on. Jongin had friends but Baekhyun and Chanyeol were different. They were so easy to connect with and they understood him. They never judged him, never made him feel any less than what he was.

It was amazing how the three of them fit together so well, like pieces of a puzzle. Baekhyun was always level-headed with Jongin, always giving him advice when he needed it most. Chanyeol was always making Jongin laugh, brightening up his day when he felt like the whole world was going to come crashing down. It was amazing how Baekhyun and Chanyeol balanced each other out but they also balanced Jongin out. Even during Jongin’s darkest moments, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were always there, to talk him through it, to give him the comfort and love and attention he needed. And all the same, he was always there for each of them when they needed him most. To most people, the friendship they all had probably wasn’t the most conventional and probably didn’t make much sense. But to the three of them, it was exactly what they needed. It was perfect.

Jongin truly treasured the two most important people in his life.

It didn’t take long for Jongin to realise what all the little touches and smiles between his two best friends meant. The relationship between his best friends wasn’t entirely obvious but Jongin spent so much time with them, it would be ridiculous if he didn’t notice. He was also stupid enough to not notice his own feelings for best friends, but he didn’t want to acknowledge them. It was hard enough to have feelings for one friend, let alone two. And his two friends were in a relationship with each other. Jongin had no place getting in the middle of that. He was sure Baekhyun and Chanyeol had never even thought of him that way. To them he was Kim Jongin, Chemistry extraordinaire and best friend, not a potential life partner. Jongin learned to accept this and tried to push his feelings as far down as possible. However, every time Chanyeol put his arms around Jongin’s shoulder or every time Baekhyun gave him a friendly hug or every time he was sandwiched between the two of them during their weekly movie nights, it got hard for him to ignore the feelings stirring up inside of him.

Jongin tried. He really tried. He started to hang out with Chanyeol and Baekhyun less and less, which only confused and annoyed the couple. They thought that maybe Jongin just needed some space and that he would come to them when the time was right. Jongin tried to convince himself that this was just a stupid crush, that his feelings didn’t mean anything, but he knew he was lying to himself. Every time he saw Baekhyun and Chanyeol hold hands or share a kiss or even just smile at each other, he could feel his gut twisting and the pain in his heart intensify. He wanted to be there with them. He wanted to feel whatever they had between them. Jongin tried so hard to keep his feelings at bay but there really was only so much he could take.

All of this led to this very moment of Jongin sitting on Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s couch, awkwardness settling between them.

“What do you mean you don’t want to be our friend anymore?” Baekhyun asked, voice quiet.

Jongin could imagine the hurt expression on Baekhyun’s face without looking at him – the furrowed eyebrows and mouth set in a frown, looking like he was about to cry. The guilt of hurting Baekhyun settled in his stomach and made his chest feel tight. Jongin felt a warm hard on his back and stiffened, his heart beating loudly in his ears.

“Did we do something wrong? Were my jokes about how much you love Chemistry too much?” Chanyeol asked, concern etched on his face as his hand moved slowly up and down Jongin’s back, aiming to soothe some of the tension out of Jongin’s body.

Jongin continued to stare at the carpet as he struggled to come up with an answer. He was trying to form sentences in his head, but nothing was coming together – nothing that made sense, at least. Chanyeol’s hand on his back wasn’t helping his mind focus either, making his struggle that much more difficult.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Baekhyun comforted as he placed his hand on Jongin’s shoulder reassuringly. “You can talk to us. We won’t be offended or angry. We just want to know what’s wrong.”

Jongin sighed and shook his head. “I can’t talk to you about this.”

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asked. “Jongin, if it means losing you, we need to talk about this. You mean a lot to us.”

Jongin bit into his bottom lip, and dropped his head into his hands, trying to hold back the scream that was threatening to come out of him. “Please don’t say things like that. You’ll only get my hopes up,” he mumbled softly to himself, hoping his friends didn’t hear him.

“Jongin, will you please look at us and tell us what’s going on? If you tell us what’s wrong, maybe we can fix it,” Chanyeol suggested.

“No. You can’t fix this.”

“What is it we can’t fix?” Chanyeol replied. “I’m sure if you tell us what it is, we can help you through it, just like we always have.”

“I told you already, you can’t fix this.”

“Why? Why can’t we fix it?” Baekhyun asked, almost shouting out of frustration.

Jongin stood up abruptly, pushing Chanyeol and Baekhyun off of him. He was getting annoyed at how much his friends were prodding him with questions. All the things he wanted to say about how he felt were building and stirring up inside of him, wanting to be desperately let out. Even if it meant losing his best friends, Jongin just wanted to get it off his chest. He didn’t want to be suffocated by his feelings anymore. Jongin turned around and faced his best friends, taking a deep breath.

“Because you can’t fix my ing feelings!” Jongin shouted, panting as if the confession took every ounce of energy he had left in his body. “You can’t fix how I feel about you, about both of you. I can’t be around you guys all the time struggling with how nice and kind you guys are to me because it gets my hopes up when I know that it’s hopeless for us ever to be together. It hurts seeing you two so happy together when I want to be happy with you guys too. I want us to go on dates and hold hands and kiss and cuddle in bed and do a bunch of cheesy because we can. I know it’s stupid and greedy of me to like both of you, but I do.”

Jongin felt like crying, tears already prickling his eyes. All the pain and hurt he felt came up to the surface and he just needed to let everything out.

“And the thing is,” he continued, “I see how much you guys love each other and I could never come between that. It would just be easier for me to forget about my feelings and move on if I didn’t see you guys anymore. So please don’t make this harder for me.”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked at Jongin in stunned silence, their heads trying to process his speech. Jongin stood in front of them, his arms wrapping around himself as if he was trying to comfort himself from the pain he was feeling. He felt the urge to run out the door and never come back but there was a part of him that wanted to know how his best friends would respond to his confession.

“Can you guys please say something?” Jongin asked, unable to look them in the eye.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked at each other as if they were having a silent conversation.

“Jongin, look at me.” Jongin slowly lifted his head, eyes trained on Chanyeol. “What if we don’t want you to forget your feelings?”

Jongin furrowed his eyebrows and looked back and forth between the two men sitting before him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

Baekhyun chuckled and shook his head. “Jongin, you’re so stupid. We tell you all the time that you’re important to us and that we care about you. We even tell you that we love you. Why do you think that is?”

“Because I’m a good friend?”

“Yes, you’re a good friend,” Baekhyun replied causing Jongin to feel deflated. “We have a lot of good friends. But you’re the only one we want to spend all our time with. You’re the only friend Chanyeol will share his precious food with. And you’re the only friend I am willing to cry in front of when we’re watching Korean dramas. You’re the only friend we want to, how did you say… go on dates with and hold hands with and kiss and cuddle in bed with and do cheesy with. It’s because we like you. A lot.”

Jongin’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait. Give me a second. What?” he asked, trying to wrap his head around what Baekhyun said. “You like me? Both of you?”

Chanyeol grinned and nodded. “Yep. We both like you. A lot.”

Jongin dropped into a crouching position, arms wrapped around his legs and head resting on his knees. He groaned loudly in frustration before looking up at Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this before I went and embarrassed myself?”

“What are you talking about? That confession was so much better than any loving thing Chanyeol has ever said to me,” Baekhyun said, pulling Jongin back onto the couch in between him and Chanyeol.

“Hey!” Chanyeol complained. “I’m sorry I’m not like those boys in your dramas. All those dramas are messing with your head.”

Jongin chuckled softly and nodded in agreement.

“It’s nice to see you smiling again,” Baekhyun commented, petting Jongin’s head. “You know, we didn’t want to say anything to you because we were scared that it would freak you out. We didn’t know how you would react and if you were ready to be in a relationship like this. But I’m happy with how things turned out.”

“Please don’t ever tell us you want to leave us again. I swear, I could feel my heart breaking,” Chanyeol said, putting his hand over his chest and looking forlorn.

“Stop being overdramatic,” Baekhyun chided, hitting Chanyeol on the head.

“Seriously though, Jongin,” Chanyeol continued, rubbing his head and pouting. “Just talk to us. Any time you have a problem, please talk to us. This is only going to work if we have open communication. I didn’t know what to do when you were avoiding us and hearing Baekhyun complain about it nonstop was really doing my head in.”

“I’m really sorry,” Jongin sighed, resting his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, taking comfort in the smell of Baekhyun and his cologne.

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun reassured, rubbing Jongin’s arms. “And I really wasn’t that bad. Chanyeol’s just exaggerating. It just bothered me, that’s all.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes and scoffed, earning him another hit on the head.

“So, this is really happening?” Jongin asked, sitting up, still in disbelief.

"Of course!” Chanyeol replied, putting an arm around Jongin’s shoulders and pulling him close. “Tomorrow we’re going to start going on dates and holding hands and kissing and cuddling in bed and do all the cheesy you want.”

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Of course not,” Baekhyun replied, smiling brightly. “Who do you think we are?”

“I hate you guys,” Jongin groaned.

“No, you don’t,” Chanyeol said as Baekhyun chuckled.

Jongin looked back and forth between his boyfriends and smiled.

“Yeah, I don’t.”