prompt from cc: viseul - I have this really ugly sweater that I threw into the back of my closet, but now you've found it and you're wearing it and it's never looked cuter

This was only ever meant to be for one night. Then one night became two, three, and now Vivi didn't quite know what they were. Or even what she wanted them to be. Honestly, she was a little terrified that she had, somehow, already gotten too close, too involved in this almost-relationship they had.

Haseul never stayed over. She usually made some excuse to leave around midnight, or even later, leading to Vivi driving her home because it was far too late for a girl like Haseul to walk home alone. (Yes, she knew that Haseul only lived a few blocks away. Yes, she knew that they lived in a safe neighbourhood. She just wanted to be around Haseul for a little longer, for some reason.)

Vivi would never admit it, but she always wanted Haseul to be close to her. But when she was, it was hard to tell what Haseul was after. Did she want this just as badly, as desperately and completely, as Vivi was beginning to? Vivi didn't think she could handle if the younger girl didn't, if the budding feelings in her chest had no chance of becoming mutual.

So when Haseul didn't make a move to pick up her clothes and get going, Vivi lay back in her bed thinking about what to do. Turning to her side, she saw Haseul - eyes closed, a small smile on her face, lips slightly parted - and wondered what it'd be like to have Haseul sleep next to her all the time. If Haseul was hers. Shaking her head, Vivi tried to rid herself of such useless thoughts. Fantasising didn't help to make it true, actions and words did. And Vivi was too afraid to do or say anything. Stuck.

She stood up slowly, not wanting to disturb Haseul's rest. The younger girl had seemed so stressed when she called Vivi a mere three hours ago, and even more so when she turned up at Vivi’s door all dishevelled. Vivi was glad to see Haseul so relaxed now, legs propped up on Vivi’s favourite pillow and eyes shut, breathing slow. Almost serene. Vivi was elated to be the cause of it.

If I stay here and look at her for too long, Vivi thought to herself, I really might fall.

And that wouldn’t be good for either of them. When Vivi fell, she fell hard, her feelings never changing. And how terrible would it be to fall alone? She would only ever have half of Haseul, would be stuck pretending that she didn’t crave more, pretend that she was satisfied instead of yearning. Reciprocation.

Vivi could never let it reach that far. She wasn’t selfish enough. So she took in a breath, shut her eyes, promised herself not to fall in love. But even without seeing her, Vivi could feel her. Her warmth underneath the blanket they were sharing, her arm half-draped across Vivi’s torso. It was maddening.

Struggling to tear herself away, Vivi let out that same breath shakily.

"I'm just gonna shower," Vivi said quietly, to which Haseul let out a murmur.

When Vivi turned the handle of her bedroom door, she was shocked to see Haseul sitting there on her bed, watching TV. Not because Haseul was still there (though that was still a little odd, different from the routine Vivi was so used to), but because of what Haseul was wearing.

It was the sweater. The very same one Vivi’s dad had given her a year before he left, and probably the ugliest thing Vivi owned. A mess of mustard yellow mixing in with an almost puke-like green colour, with a dodgy English phrase - "Have a "good" week!" - printed on it.

Vivi probably should've thrown it away, it was always too big for her, and far too hideous to wear outside, but the fact that it was one of the last things her dad gave her made that impossible for her to do. Instead of giving it away, she had thrown it into the back of her closet, never wanting to see it again. Because it hurt.

It hurt to look at - not just because it was god awful - but because it brought back bad memories. How her dad used to hoist a tiny Vivi above his shoulders so she could see better on their weekly walks, how he would always help her with the parts of her homework she didn’t understand, or when he taught her how to play piano. When he walked away without a single explanation. As if Vivi was easy to leave behind, easy to stop loving.

A thousand times, Vivi had considered burning it. Giving it away to charity. Cutting it up into a hundred tiny pieces and throwing them off a cliff somewhere.

Now, Vivi was almost glad she didn't, because damn, Haseul looked good in it. With the sleeves falling past her fingers, it made Haseul look like she had sweater paws, adorably soft in how the oversized sweater almost swallowed up her frame. With her knees drawn to her chest, Haseul looked so small and adorable. Vivi had never wanted to hold the younger girl so badly -- just knowing it'd be warm and comfortable.

"You're wearing my sweater," Vivi stated, surprise evident in her voice.

Haseul gives her a small smile, letting out a sleepy yawn which she hid with her sleeve-covered hand. It looked right. As if the sweater was meant to be Haseul’s all along. God knows Vivi wasn’t using it. Maybe in the morning, Vivi would officially give it to her. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.

"Yeah... hope you don't mind,” Haseul replied. “You, uh, kinda tore up my clothes earlier."

Ah yes. Usually, when Vivi saw her she wanted to take off Haseul's clothes as quickly as possible but now... she kind of never wanted to see Haseul wearing anything else. All it took was a glance, but Haseul had taken away any resentment towards the sweater and turned it into a lovely soft thing, full of cuteness and warmth.

No, Vivi didn’t mean to fall. But Haseul had just made it way too easy.

Vivi slipped back into bed, pulling the blanket over both of them. She pressed a small kiss into the corner of Haseul’s mouth - a thank you for something Haseul didn’t even know she did. Vivi’s heart leapt in her chest when Haseul’s mouth quirked into a smile.

"Turn off the TV and let's go to sleep?" Vivi said, relieved when Haseul just nodded and didn’t question the half-kiss. She didn’t think she could handle a question right now, not when she was so soft and so close to jumping off the edge into fully falling in love. Surely, Vivi would spill her heart out if Haseul ever asked. I love you, I love you, I love you, I didn’t mean to.

Vivi wanted, no, she needed to know if Haseul could actually fall for her. But those thoughts could wait another day. For now, she’ll be content sleeping next to the most adorable girl she’d ever seen.