you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest

Seulgi wonders how it felt to be Joohyun—how she could manipulate her mood so quickly Seulgi didn’t have a moment to figure anything out. One moment she’s cold and the next she’s snuggling up close to her without understanding the concept of personal space.

And Seulgi couldn’t say she didn’t like it, being close to Joohyun. Because she does.

She just wonders how it was like for Joohyun—snuggling so comfortably, limbs entangling, and closer to her chest as if she belonged there.

The raven-haired monolid sighs, raking her fingers softly through brown locks.

Unfortunately, it’s one of those days where Joohyun’s roommate was out and she’s just forced Seulgi to sneak into her room that was just a few doors away like a secret lover of some sort because it was in the dead of the night and it was raining hard and Joohyun couldn’t sleep.

And now she’s laying on her back with Joohyun in her arms.

The storm has subsided, and only the gentle pitter patter of raindrops and the ticking of the clock’s arms could be heard. Joohyun stopped shaking and was sound asleep.

Seulgi smiles as she reaches up to brush Joohyun’s fringes.

“Goodnight, Joohyun.” She slips a gentle peck on her forehead.

Seulgi would like to stay. But she knew she has to go.

It wasn’t good for her heart.

Seulgi wonders how it felt to be Joohyun—how it felt to single-handedly gain everyone’s attention with just the sound of her footsteps and a flick of her hair. She radiates a smile that lights up the entire room and she manages to yet again, take Seulgi’s breath away.

If only she didn’t have an arm looped around, yet again, a boy’s arm.

It was different every week and Seulgi stopped remembering the names.

Joohyun smiles as she led both of them to her friends’ table.

“Hey, this is Sehun.” She introduces the boy next to her who only nods and attempts to smile his charming smile to everyone.

Her new boy toy.

“What happened to Bogum?” it was Yerim and Sooyoung was quick enough to latch a hand on Yerim’s mouth.

Joohyun smiles again.

“Which Bogum? I only know Sehun.” She says this, peeking at Seulgi. Joohyun knows Seulgi would scold her again about playing around with people’s hearts. Only that, Seulgi kept mum the entire time.

She knew Joohyun and Sehun wouldn’t last that long anyway.

And she was proven right. Because a week later, she walked towards their table with a different boy again.

“This is Taehyung.”

Seulgi wonders how it felt to be Joohyun—to have everyone wrapped around your finger, to have everyone on their knees and singing promises in her ear, promises she didn’t even take heed.

So one day, Seulgi drags Joohyun away from the crowd.

It was Friday night, and one of the frat boys threw a party in which everyone was invited. Of course, Joohyun has to drag Seulgi again because she needed a sober friend to take her home safely. She knows Seulgi refuses to drink because she’s a lightweight. Plus, seulgi’s complained enough about how alcohol stinks.

“Joohyun, I thought—hey, stop that, I thought you were dating that Taegong?” Seulgi takes Joohyun’s hands that were fumbling on her collar and gently push Joohyun into a more secluded hallway. Joohyun giggles (not even realizing Seulgi's said the name wrong) with face flushed and continues to literally push Seulgi’s buttons anyway.

“Joohyun, I’m serious.” Seulgi was furiously blushing, but it’s all right, she guesses. Drunk Joohyun wouldn’t even realize that because her mind’s all over the place. Seulgi knows Joohyun tends to be a little more clingy when she’s drunk.

“Heehee~ we aren’t even dating”

They came to this frat party to unwind, exams have just finished and Seulgi would prefer to stay in her room to catch up with sleep if it weren’t for Joohyun’s insistent pouting and then, here she was. Maybe it was because she was worried. Maybe that was just an excuse to spend time with the girl she’s in love with. But she wouldn’t want to admit that out loud, not yet at least.

At first, Seulgi was quite confident nothing’s gonna go wrong because Moonbyul, Solar and Sooyoung were also there. But it still hurt seeing Joohyun making out with another boy after a couple of cups down . She managed to push the drunk boy away and drag Joohyun into this area.

“You’re beautiful, Seulgi-yah~ Didya know that” Joohyun’s eyes were hazy as they stared into hers.

If only Joohyun meant that. Seulgi brushes it off instead, because she doesn’t want to hope.

“You’re drunk, Joohyun. Let me take you home.” Seulgi announced.

She pushed through the crowd and has let Joohyun cling to her arm the whole time. And when they were out on the street, Seulgi dials Seungwan’s number to pick Sooyoung up.

Then, they were alone treading the lonely street back home.

Joohyun lets her arm go, only to skip on a few box drawings on the ground. Seulgi chuckles seeing drunk Joohyun playing hopscotch with wobbly feet, it made her rush towards her when she almost slipped. Drunk Joohyun is clumsy Joohyun.

She’s adorable.

Joohyun giggles and pushes Seulgi with all her might which only felt like a tap on her chest. And Seulgi worries when the brunette rushes into the street (good thing it’s empty) and she looks back at Seulgi with a grin and holds out a hand, the street light was illuminating her face and the cool night’s wind just brushing the locks over her shoulder. It made Seulgi’s beats per second skyrocket, and her breath hitches.

“Dance with me, Seulgi-yah”

Seulgi wonders how it felt to be Joohyun—to have one of her closest friends look at her the way Seulgi always does, with stars in her eyes and love on those smiles.

“I don’t dance, Hyun-ah” to which Joohyun only grins and takes the monolid’s trembling hands (she hopes Joohyun would be too drunk to notice) in hers and into the empty street.

“Take my hand, I’ll teach you to dance” Joohyun whispers quietly as soon as she crashes herself into Seulgi’s chest and closes her eyes.

“I’ll spin you around, I won’t let you fall down” Seulgi continues softly it made Joohyun look up at her with a smile and something in her eyes that’s both quite foreign and familiar at the same time for her. But it vanished as soon as it appeared. Joohyun giggles instead and pushes Seulgi gently and motions her to twirl her under her arm. And Seulgi did.

They continued their little dance with Joohyun occasionally stumbling and giggling and it was probably too much for Seulgi’s sober mind. It was simple, dancing in an empty street and under the dimming streetlight. It was simple and yet Joohyun always manages to make everything exquisite with just her presence.

Until the dance slows to a stop and Joohyun just wraps her arms around Seulgi’s neck and a smile ghosting on her lips. Her eyes remained hazy and there was that familiar glimmer in her eyes again, one that Seulgi couldn’t quite understand.

“You’re beautiful, you know that, Seulgi-yah?” she asks the second time.

Seulgi still blushes and some voice in her brain tells her to just kiss this woman in her arms. But she shakes her head and smiles down, tucking a strand behind her ear like she always does and kisses her forehead instead. She doesn't really want to take advantage of the drunk love of her life.

But Seulgi wonders, too, who wouldn’t really love Joohyun?

They reached Joohyun’s dorm room and the owner was knocked out on her bed the moment the door was opened. Seulgi followed behind, closing the door softly and trudged towards the brunette. Sooyoung was Joohyun’s roommate and they didn’t seem to have come back from the party yet.

The bed dipped and Seulgi gently removes Joohyun’s shoes. She took some aspirin and a bottle of water and sets them on the bedside table.

Joohyun looked spent.

But she still looked beautiful, when she smiles—or even when she doesn’t.

Seulgi treads as softly as possible across the room, careful not to wake her, until she reaches the door.

“I love you”, it was a soft whisper but Seulgi hears it and whips her head back to the sleeping figure. Her heart ached and it wasn’t the usual heartache that she feels around Joohyun. It feels heavier this time, so heavy it had her momentarily close her eyes.

Who could Joohyun be in love with?

She hopes it was her.

Joohyun has always been a little unpredictable, a little difficult to understand. She’s never expressive with her feelings, so when she says something about emotions, Seulgi would just believe her because couldn’t understand her either.

Sometimes she’s clingy and a moment later, she’d be cold. It was the latter this time, Joohyun was giving her the cold shoulder since last week and Seulgi guessed it would pass for a day but it has been a week now and Joohyun is still ignoring her.

She recently introduced the captain of the football team, Suho. And it has been more than a week then that this Suho has been hoarding all of Joohyun’s attention. It didn’t really bother Seulgi at first, but their dating lasted more than a week already. It’s unusual.

Joohyun had always eyed the football captain before, Seulgi notices the subtle glances. She even asked Seulgi about him.

“Oh, good thing you remembered us.” Sooyoung muttered jokingly when Joohyun sits with them one lunchtime after. The latter playfully glares at her.

“Unnie, it’s more than a week now, is it getting serious?” Yerim inquires, propping an elbow against the table to listen to the juicy details about Joohyun’s latest relationship.

Seulgi was uncomfortable as she only looks down at her half-empty plate of mac and cheese, suddenly feeling a little squeamish with how yerim’s facts had hit her. A hand hovers over hers.

Seungwan was rubbing her trembling knuckles with her thumb, subtly sending worried glances her way.

“He’s actually a nice guy…” Joohyun says in a dreamy voice and Seulgi’s eyes hurt, burns. She looks up to see Joohyun looking at her worriedly.

“Are you okay, Seul?” she asks.

Seulgi blinks and resists the urge to burst into tears right then and there.

Of course, it wasn’t her. Of course, it had to be a boy that Joohyun has to be in love with. It was not okay for a girl to be in love with a girl, after all.

“Um… I-I’ll get… w-water…” she points at and squints her eyes and leaves as quickly as she could.

Her mind was a mess and she has already come up with different possibilities and signs she might’ve overlooked that she didn’t hear footsteps following closely. She might’ve excused herself for water but she literally went out of the campus and into her dorm room. She curled herself up under her thick blanket despite the heat. Quiet sobs came after.

“Seul…?”

Seulgi bites down on her palm to muffle her sobs but she guesses the latter has already heard her the first time the moment the floodgates opened. She felt the bed dip, but she refuses to say anything to the intruder.