I am in an abyss, a black hole. And everything happens to be in pitch black. I walk  endlessly inside this infinite world without the thought of stopping. 

I. Need. To. Find. A. Single. Hole. Or I am gonna die. 

No, I won't let that happen. But the more time I spend inside the black hole, the more it embraces me towards death. No escape  and no hope. Not a single shine of light peaks in the distance. But I can't give up, not until I see a glimpse of light from far away. A dot, a spec of hope.

As I run closer to the light, I notice how it forms a recatngular array of lights. It was a door leading to a place that I have no idea. I grab the knob, turned it and slowly open it. Bright white light penatrates my eyes even when it's closed. The bigger I open the door, the heavier the athmosphere becomes, as if the area is vaccum sealed. When the door is fully open, I notice how vast the other side— a world full of bed. I walk in awe as I inspect every inch my eyes can reach. Infinity. A few steps ahead, I notice a tall man in a gentleman suit. Quite a looker, black wavy hair, pointy nose, big round eyes, fair skin, and to be honest, he reminds me of someone I know.

"Excuse me but do you know where is the exit?"

He chuckles and spread his arms as if he owns the whole place.
"This place doesn't have an exit" 

"Then where am I?" I walk closer to him. He doesn't bother doing the same and now I find myself standing close to him and whispers

"A place between dream and reality. The conscious and subconscious. A blank space in your mind" 

It's cold— His breath, the room, and my body that it brings shivers down to my last bone. This place is far from warm. The lights decieves its viewer— this is a purgatory. 

3 steps backward, he chuckles. Another step back, he grins. This guy is, instead of intimidating, is full of himself. 

"Then why did you call me here?" 

His smirk, why is it making me confused. I find it very familiar. He spreads his arms once again and a bed just fly through between us. 
"This bed is yours, and these beds that you see belongs to other people. This is your portal through dream and reality"

But his words were not as pleasant as it seems. 
"But it can turn in to your deathbed" 
Those words send chills as if the temperature is already cold. I gulp, frozen on my spot, speechless and in constant fear. Who would like to know that a bed can be your coffin? And as I realize that these beds that float around has bodies in it, some has its covers all the way up to their head, feet are aligned— like dead people in morgues. 

They are dead. Unmoving and breathless. People die here and I can be one of them. 

I think I am going to puke and die here instantly. 

"Now hold on. It's true that you can die here, but my purpose— my existence is to guide and help you avoid it. Those bodies that you see, are those who didn't take this world seriously"

That didn't help. All it did to me is add the pressure and get terrified. He walks towards me but this time, his smile is different. He is actually encouraging me. 
"I'll give you a fact. Those who survive here figured out that everything related here can be solved in the real world"

He pulls me towards him and lay me softly on the bed.
"We'll see each other again, soon" 

And the moment I lay down my head, he kissed my forehead, sending me back to reality. 

I woke up. 

I remember dreaming about this weird dream the day before I got accepted in to the soccer team. It was the day I found out that the owner of the room facing mine is actually the girlfriend of the captain of the men's team that I was crushing on. Never was this dream ever popped up again in forever and I hope it will never. 

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I can't sleep. I worry that I might mess up the game tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Because it is my last game tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Are my team mates mad at me for quitting because I don't enjoy the sport anymore? 
I can't sleep. My neighbors said they will watch my last game.

I can't sleep, simply because I am insomniac.

I stare at the ceiling as the light slowly penetrate the window curtains as each seconds pass. It's already 5 AM.

"Can my heart stop beating fast so I can sleep for 4 hours" 

I know I can't. It is hard, and I have been like this since I was little. I will eventually fall asleep later, if I just stop constantly overthinking that makes my heart beat fast.

The chunk of blood pumping tissue said no, so.

6 AM. The sun is fully up in the sky.

"Ughh I give up" I curled inside my blanket, shut my eyes and do wish that I fall asleep.

I didn't. 
I find myself at 2 PM, inside the scorching field, running and blocking players, trying to help the team score a goal. Ecstatic shouts from supporters from both teams. And beneath those loud scream, I can quite distinguish my dorm mates' voices.

"Tzuyu! Woooooh go kick that goal!" Nayeon unnie screamed. 
"That's our dorm mate woooh! Chou Tzuyu from Engineering! Wooooh"

I never liked attention. With how they scream my whole name, jersey number, my college department, for sure, people have their eyes on me for a while now. 
Though I noticed one thing. An unnoticeable person. Where is Mina unnie? Maybe she went on a date around the campus with her boyfriend— her too good looking soccer player boyfriend— or maybe she's around the bleachers, watching with him. 
Well, not that I care. I find her boyfriend attractive, and it feels awkward to find my team mate walking my dorm mate home— the team mate thing makes it hard for me not to be attracted. There is nothing wrong with attractions, I know. But it feels wrong to be attracted to the boyfriend of my dorm mate who lives across.

That aside, I kicked the ball to another player. And that was the last thing I did in my career. We won. I know it that I wasn't the one who made the victory possible, but I never wanted it. I am fine with being an anonymous player, who anonymously drops out of career too. But that, too, is not the case for me. I have always been in the rosters. A permanent player that always last in the whole game.

After my team mates hugged me in the showers, saying their farewells and wishes, I went out of the lockers for the first time as a former athlete.  My eight dorm mates— who previously shouted their whole soul and insides out just to cheer for me— waited for me and greeted me with congratulatory words. 
"But I didn't score a goal this time" I smiled. I question their happiness on my performance.

Jeongyeon unnie made sure to tug me and envelope her arm around my shoulder, assuring that I did well.
"Hey, you're the most nimble there okay? It doesn't matter if you scored a goal or not"
"And besides, you were the MVP of the match even without a goal" Nayeon unnie followed.

"Ah, so you do admit that I look cool out there? " I retorted back in a sarcastic manner. I must have ticked her there. 
"Hey, I am serious at all. There might be no proclaimed MVP, but you are the most active and quick among them. You're still the MVP for us" though it might look like we just love to play with eachother, somehow, I feel glad she said that. I don't want my last game to be a bore that I didn't manage to get a wink last night.

I noticed someone behind all of them, a woman clad in black hoodie, black jeans, and black shoes. Someone who stands behind a group of friends— like I do. That someone who I always stand with behind them. Myoui Mina, the girl who was absent throughout the whole game.

I leaned to the side and peek at her.
"Mina unnie, you didn't watch the game?" I asked her with a smile. I would understand since her boyfriend would be leaving the school to join the nationals. It is either watch my match or spend the remaining time with him. I would even urge her to pick the latter.
"She watched. Everyone's so busy cheering for you yet she just waved her hand while sitting" Jihyo unnie explained, her arms crossed, looking at Mina unnie with disappointment that she can't do anything about it.
"I am too tired to stand. But I did cheer for you and wished you luck!" she smiled. I guess cheering so loud like the others doesn't match up with her personality.

Unlike Mina unnie, everyone in the dorm seems to be different— different from us in the least. When everyone is in different bright color, chatting, having fun. Us, the two of us, are in grayscale with splash of color from their own paint, as we watch them play with glee.

"Barbecue night is tonight, right?" I ask
"Ohhh, your treat right?" Dahyun claps her hand in excitement "That's what I love you for" she adds 
"I never loved you"

Maybe I won't treat them tonight.

Mina unnie excused herself while we roam around the school, saying "It's his last day here. He requested this meeting, too. I'll go straight there"

Understandable. Mina unnie is not the kind to leave us for unreasonable excuses— though there are things I really don't like with their relationship. Mostly it is his cause.

"Hey Tzuyu!" I turn around and find him running towards me and enveloped me with a big, deep, hug. Chaeyoung who is beside me is startled.

"Congratulations on the win!" he smiled at me as he grabs my shoulder. I, who maintains my straight posture, stiffen by his touch. His blonde, wavy hair dominates my peripheral vision, as if the things I see in front of me doesn't exist. His manly scent intoxicates me, removing my consciousness little by little. 
He breaks the hug but his hands never left my shoulder.
"I hope the next time we meet, you are either back in the team or you are having a healthy sleep again. Anyways, I need to leave. Congratulations again!" he kept me frozen on my spot for a minute after he left. 

"Earth to Tzuyu" Chaeyoung claps in front of my face, successfully retrieving me back from my outer space-like journey towards short term Nirvana.
"Oh?" I stuttered as I give half of my attention to her.

She stared at me unammused. Silence were our friend for a moment. 
"Mina unnie will kill you"

I think of her again. I don't know her that much to make such statement as Chaeyoung. I would either believe her or say that she is exaggerating things.

Chaeyoung and I hurriedly walk towards the restaurant where we are supposed to meet. Everyone except Mina unnie is there. The aroma of the grilling meat, the loud noise emmited by the grilling and the natural oil of the meat, the smell of the smoke, and the slightly dimmed lights of the restaurant gets me at ease after the hug. Mina unnie can't ever know what happened.

Speaking of her, she already arrived. Gloomy, red eyes, and stuffy nose. In what place or event did she come from? Did she know what happened? I am curious, but that is not what I should be thinking of. 

"What happened?" everyone except me asked her.

But she ended up crying again.

Everyone decided to have our scheduled monthly party day be held in advance just to tend Mina unnie. Inside Nayeon unnie's dimly lit room, we sit inside in circle and listened to her. It turns out her boyfriend broke up with her because of his career

That's what I hated about her boyfriend. His only good keeping features are his looks. He is a selfish guy who is possesive of Mina unnie to the point that she haven't been with us for a while. He will call her out of the blue while she is with us and she will immediately comply to go to him.

It was toxic. Manipulative even. His good looks will make you think he seem to be an angel in disguise— but it was the counter part.
Everyone comforts her as much as they could. I saw Nayeon unnie eyeing me to try and comfort her and talk. Internally panicking, All I could think of is giving her advice on something I never had experienced before. Each second that passes, Nayeon unnie constantly signals me to do it.