Endorsing Death had been a curse for as long as Siyeon could remember. But it had been her salvation not to rot in hell for the rest of her days. She had been warned not to play with fire, but she did, and as a punishment she would be the one to welcome poor souls to the afterlife, to guide them through the different paths they had, a road to redemption or a road to eternal suffering. Depending on their life choices, their options would be limited to what Death had in store for them. Surprisingly a lot of deceased beings would chose the eternal suffering, not knowing that roaming forever on Earth wasn’t gonna make them feel better about their own outcome and the outcome of their loved ones. They just thought wandering around with every living person ignoring them was gonna bring them something resembling joy. But how naive. The loneliness given by this choice was like agony. 

Like the loneliness Death herself experienced. On earth, no one would pay attention to her, as she was an invisible veil traveling the streets with no goal, but the simple wish for someone to pass away, so she could collect their soul and accomplish her task. She could not prevent any death from happening, even if she wanted to. She was Death but she had no power over tragic life events, she had to accept any person of any age, of any background. She had no right in refusing the small child that had just been killed in a car crash, nor the mother of two that had been murdered by the very own father of her kids. Death was unfair, so she couldn’t bring justice on this world in any way. Her job was to collect souls and nothing else, even if she desired to do more than that. 

Nevertheless, her life had taken a brighter turn lately, as she was walking in the tumultuous Seoul. Waiting for an incident, she had been distracted by a young beautiful girl walking eagerly to a dance studio. Death’s clock was ticking quicker as she was approaching the building and she suddenly felt fear. Fear that her next guest would be the stunning woman she was following. Until she realized that the noise filling her ears was her own heart beating faster than ever, and not the clock on her wrist. No one would die in that building today. So she happily kept following the other woman around, stopping at the entrance of the locker room. She would give her privacy to change clothes. Meanwhile her heartbeat kept increasing its frequency, she felt as if her heart was about to burst her thoracic cage open and get out. Stupid feelings, why would Death need them? 

The other woman got out of the locker room after 15 minutes, a high ponytail balancing from right to left with every graceful step and a red sweatshirt ending right above her belly button, letting appear defined abs. Siyeon was enraptured by the smaller woman and the aura she exuded, and even more after she started warming up her muscles with smooth dance moves in front of the mirror covering the practice room. Siyeon learnt quickly that the woman was a dance teacher of the name of Kim Bora, and she was one year older than her. That if Siyeon had still been alive. Age stopped counting once one would pass away because time didn’t matter anymore, it held no meaning whatsoever. Life was absurd but death was even more. 

The following weeks, in between welcoming the souls to the afterlife and roaming in the streets, she kept assisting to Bora’s dance classes. Always staying in the same corner, observing with care and dreaming of being able to exchange some words with the woman. She dreamt of more than exchanging words but she couldn’t admit it or it would be more painful than it already was. If she dared to touch someone, they would instantly die, creating chaos in both the afterlife and Earth, because it wouldn’t be their right timing and Death would be punished in the flames of Hell. So Siyeon could never risk it. Deaths, before her, had tried to get their loved ones to reunite with them selfishly before their time was due, and eternal agony was the price to pay. Perhaps it was the only fair thing happening in that kingdom of despair.

Siyeon had learnt with time that the best thing she could do to spare herself tempting thoughts and useless suffering was to distance herself from her family. Turning the page was her own road to redemption. Because seeing her parents suffer after the so sudden and tragic loss of their daughter only brought terrible despair in her mind. She tried to yell that she was there with them, that she would never leave them, that she wasn’t completely gone, but they wouldn’t hear anything and would continue to grieve right in front of her. There was nothing worse for her than to feel so powerless. Death was unfair to the ones dying, and to the ones staying behind. And for that she felt guilty of the world’s misery. 

But Bora made her feel a bit better, her life wasn’t so grey out of a sudden. She had brought some colors and had definitely made Death smile a couple of times. Siyeon wished she could go to her and at least thank her, but she was invisible to everyone that wasn’t dead. Or at least she thought so, until that day where the dance teacher went to practice a bit earlier and the building was still empty. Siyeon as her usual, wearing her black cape and holding a scythe, was sitting in a corner. She was supposed to appear scary, all in black and holding an intimidating weapon, but she only looked like a sad child at a bad Halloween party. The previous Deaths would probably mock her for the lack of poise. 

However, nothing really mattered at this moment, because Bora played the music and started dancing to it sensually, like Siyeon had never seen her dance before. She even had to contain a choking sound as the other woman basically felt herself. But Siyeon couldn’t look away, she was fully hypnotized. And neither did she want to look away and miss the show that was unfolding in front of her eyes. This was exactly how it felt to be a sinner, prying eyes on her unaware prey. But what she didn’t know was that she wasn’t so unaware. As Bora finished her solo performance, Siyeon froze upon seeing the other woman staring directly at her through the mirror. Surely it must have been a coincidence. Her whole body was suddenly tensed up, as the dancer winked at her. 

« When are you gonna dance with me? You’ve been standing in that exact same spot for the past 8 lessons. » The smaller woman asked, as if nothing. 

Complete silence came out of Siyeon, she was unable to say anything, there were way too many questions flooding her mind. Her brain didn’t know how to give orders to her muscles to work again. She was completely dumbfounded. That woman was alive, she was absolutely sure of it, and yet she was there talking to her, looking at her. It was her first interaction in the past two years. Usually when souls get welcomed in the afterlife, there is no word exchange, only dramatic gestures with sad looks. Not one single soul had ever addressed a single syllable to her. But this woman, this beautiful woman, who wasn’t even supposed to see her was directly talking to her. Perhaps she was a fallen angel. She never thought they actually existed but she was starting to question everything. 

« Are you talking to me? » 

She asked, not expecting an actual answer, thinking that everything must have been a mistake and she was probably rehearsing for a show. Because in her past 2 years as Death, she had been disappointed many times in thinking some people had seen her and had talked to her, when in fact they were talking to someone standing behind her. She had been hopelessly lonely, but now a living being might actually be aware of her presence. She couldn’t believe what was happening even when the dancer excitedly nodded her head, confirming the facts. 

« How…how can you see me? You’re not dead. » 

« My biological parents called me Satan’s child before trying to get rid of me. Apparently I’m cursed. I can see dead people and I can see Death. » 

Siyeon had never heard of such power. And she couldn’t imagine what it was like, being alive but seeing all the lost souls wandering in despair, searching for a meaning, for a certain freedom. If it had happened to her before becoming Death itself, Siyeon would have probably gone insane. There was peace in oblivion, knowing that the dead walked the Earth would have been a nightmare as a simple mortal. But this woman right there, was perfectly calm despite having Death following her around for weeks. It made her even more endearing to Siyeon. She had a strong personality and her confidence was unmatched, it made her so incredibly attractive to the supernatural entity lurking in the corner. Which was an extremely odd feeling as Death never thought she would be able to fall for a person, even less a living being. And now that said being was aware of her existence, it made everything more complicated. 

« Let’s just say I’m extra lucid. Now come dance with me, I’ll show you some steps. »

« I can’t. » Death has to refuse, despite wanting it so badly.

« Why? »

« If I touch you, you die. You are cursed, well so am I. Death will only bring death to this world, as only one skill is given to it, bring back the lost souls to the afterlife where they belong. » 

« That sounds depressing. »

Siyeon acquiesced. It was depressing to be in the abyss, lingering in the darkness as people kept deceasing for all kinds of reasons. As she went to collect the soul of the dead, she could hear the pleading from the entourage asking for a second chance for their loved one. But Death could never give it to them, Death could not grant wishes nor make people happy. Death was the synonym of misery and sorrow. Death looked like a cold smoggy morning, like rain pouring down on a Sunday evening and it smelled like sulfur. It was all sadness and bitterness, but Siyeon wanted company. She wanted for her loneliness to disappear, for her melancholia to be replaced with something to look forward to. But she was cursed, she could never have it and she knew there was nothing to do about it. Still, she had hope. 

For weeks she would attend the classes. Most of the times they didn’t share mote than looks and smiles, as they were never truly alone. She felt more human than ever, more alive than ever. But reality was there to remind her that she wasn’t, in fact, any of these. She wasn’t alive and she wasn’t truly human. She was an entity, a tool used by the Creators in order to classify the new souls entering the kingdom of the afterlife. There was nothing glamorous or envious about her role. But for a while, she forgot she was Death. For a while. she was simply Lee Siyeon and she had fallen for a simple mortal. Unattainable mortal. But there she was, still hoping for something to change and for her loneliness to vanish. 

« What if you touch me? » Bora asked her, as they were just the two of them left in the practice room.

« I told you, you die. »

« But we would be together. » The dancer said in an optimistic tone. If only it was this simple. 

« We would not. I would go to hell. » 

« Okay, then…what if I commit a crime, and then you touch me? I would deserve to go to hell as well. » The mortal was looking for solutions for them to be together, only breaking Siyeon’s heart into a million pieces, as no solution was to be ever found.

« Hell is synonym of suffering and loneliness. You would be somewhere by yourself, burning for eternity, and so would I. We wouldn’t be reunited. »

Bora didn’t say anything, defeated. She seemed to realize the impossibility of them ever having more than these subtle interactions. Because like Death, she had developed feelings for the other woman and she had never felt so safe than when she was around, watching her dance. Suddenly being able to see the lost souls roaming Earth didn’t feel like a gift. Perhaps her parents had been right, and she was a cursed child. It had never made her suffer, but now it did as it hit her that the afterlife was even worse than her current life. The company she longed for would get even further from her. Filling her whole self with an incurable misery. So every time she would see Siyeon, her heart would ache more and more. Because knowing they would never be together, felt worse than being stabbed. There was no hope left, only sad and pessimistic looks being exchanged at every encounter. The dancer’s happiness started to get absorbed in a spiral of negative emotions. And Death felt it. 

So, Death stopped coming altogether. Even if it hurt both of them, it was the best option for them. Bora would have disagreed, but Siyeon knew that in the long run, Bora would have got more and more miserable seeing her regularly. She did it for the dancer, not truly for herself as she could not forget, time didn’t heal anything. Death would remember as if the memory was freshly created. There wasn’t any way for her to clear her mind of the pain. Everything was engraved forever inside her brain, for her to live over and over again. Being Death was a cursed existence, but nothing could save her, not even the flames of Hell. But she would rather keep the suffering for herself than share it with the woman she had fallen for. 

And the years passed without her seeing Bora again. But not once had she stopped thinking about her. She simply hoped she was leading a happy life as she kept doing her job collecting souls. She couldn’t stop thinking whether Bora had found someone, whether she was still a dance teacher in that same dance school, whether she had kids or pets, whether she had forgotten about her or not. It had been over 10 years now, Siyeon had counted, despite time not meaning anything in the afterlife. But it was the only thing she had left. The only thing that made her a little bit human. But she didn’t let anyone know about the feeling she had contracted. She would be laughed at for the lack of insensitivity by her peers. However, it didn’t really matter, nothing did once you weren’t alive anymore. 

The watch she had on her wrist kept on ringing, it was the time for someone to go and they had been assigned to Siyeon, once more. It was her routine. Monotone routine. So she put her pointy black hood on and grabbed her scythe. It was ridiculous, she looked like a complete idiot, but it was her uniform and she needed her scythe to welcome the souls, it held all the power, without it, she wasn’t anything, she had no worth. So she walked the streets to the hospital, where her target was. The report said the cause of death was a sudden cardiac arrest of a 37 year old woman. No family, no loved ones, the woman had died alone with no one to mourn her. The name was never mentioned in order to protect the deceased’s identity. They said a better job would be done in anonymity. So when Siyeon got to the right hospital room, she understood why. 

The woman lying lifeless on the bed was no one else but Kim Bora, the dance teacher. Siyeon felt her knees failing her as she took a seat next to the body. No one to grieve for the loss of such a wonderful woman. Bora didn’t lead the happy life Siyeon had wished for her. She lived alone, and died alone. Death sighed before taking the small cold hand in hers, caressing the fingers with her thumb, now she could finally touch her. However now was too late anyways. She stood up and brandished her scythe over Bora’s neck, reciting a few words and feeling as the soul was out of her body to enter the blade and the afterlife. Suddenly transported in another dimension, Siyeon waited at the gates for her new guest to arrive and follow a chosen path. The entity prayed for the dancer not to choose the road to Earth. But as she had left no one behind, she probably wouldn’t. She also prayed for her to spare her a look and a smile, and who knows, perhaps even a word. But like every new coming soul, she ignored Death as she passed by her, not lifting up her head to give her one single glance and simply getting on her new path to redemption.