Cough, cough. Blood, petals and red.

Cough, cough. Red carnations falling from a pie hole.

Cough, cough. Chanyeol is the given name.

  "Why is your bathtub full of red carnation?" my mom asked. I looked at her, my tired eyes trying to squint as I do.

I closed my eyes, "Mom, they're beautiful right?" I asked back. Avoiding any more questions that might form in her head.

  "They are. But, where did they come from? It's too much!"

  "I bought them."

She asked me again why it's too many that it almost filled my tub. I told her I just love it. I have no choice but to do so. She left after so much convincing.

As soon as she left, I started coughing again. My chest begun constricting. I started to breath erratically as I tried to run towards the tub.

I buried myself deep in the tub full of carnations. My one hand clutching my chest whilst the other holding the shower curtain for support.

The nauseating feeling in my stomach causes me to puke. There's tears in my eyes as I watch, for many years now, myself vomiting petals of red carnation. 

**

I knew I was different. There is something weird about me that I can't even tell. When I was only five, I told my mom that my chest aches everyday. She said it's because I keep on playing until wee hours. I'm just tired of playing all day, mom assured me.

  "Hey!"

I watched him as he dash towards me. His chestnut hair bouncing softly as he did. His smile is captivating and his eyes... Well, it's always the calmness of blue.

Chanyeol is a weird guy with weird habits. He's not one of those 'Popular type of guys' even with his looks. All because no one likes a guy who spends his time inside his house watching marvel movies and anime's. Or a guy who spend his weekends cleaning his collection of figures room.

But, I like him. I like him more than just a childhood best friend should be.

  "Are you alright? You look sick!" 

I smile sheepishly at him, "I always look like this. Nothing knew" 

  "You sure?" 

  "yeah"

Butterflies and slow motions. Fleeting glances and then, crimson cheeks. With just one look at him,  I was overwhelmed with so much feelings I tried so hard to hide. 

If I had known that feeling this much for him would made me like this, I would have chose not to. But I was young back then, and his azure eyes are beautiful, and captivating and assuring. 

But upon realizing how much I like him, it triggered something that was set deep within me ever since. 

The first time it happened, I thought it was a dream. The second time, my mind playing tricks with me. On the third, I visited a doctor. 

Hanahaki disease. 

An illness that suffocates a person to death as flower blossoms in its chest cavity. The cause of it is because of one sided love. The patient vomits petals as a sign. Even non-stop coughing can be considered a symptoms. The only way to stop it, is if the person suffering from it undergo a surgery which would numb her emotions or die. If the person is lucky, it will stop if the feelings are returned. 

***

We're sitting on a bench in front of the lake. Our bare foot caressing the grass beneath. I'm looking at his reflection on the water whilst he sat there, whistling, eyes roaming around the area. 

  "Tell a line in a poem or book you have read." he said, his azure eyes now staring at me. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat, my heart beating so fast as I searched for something in his eyes more than just the excitement it shows. I found none so I look away. 

  "I love you  as certain dark things are to be loved, in secrets, between the shadow and the soul" 

  "Wow! That's heavy. Who wrote that?" 

  "A poem by Pablo Neruda" 

And maybe I was him. Just the same thought running thru our minds. I could love in the dark just the same. I can love him in folly.  

  "Ask me! Ask me!" he demanded, clapping his hands twice. 

I laughed at his childishness but end up asking, "Fine. . So what line in a poem or a book have you read?"

  "I love you"

My eyes went wide. My hands started shaking as the pain in my chest crawl through my every veins. "Wha- what?" I exhaled. My breath becoming labored. 

The excruciating pain is starting to act again but then, his in front of me, unaware of my struggle as he smiled so genuinely at me. 

  "Remember the girl I like in sixth grade? She wr