Zoning out was one of Heejin’s many talents. She was never the best at multitasking - quite the opposite actually - and often stopped paying attention to her surroundings whenever her thoughts became too crowded. Just like right now. 

Looking out at the expanse of people who had come all this way to see them... it was a humbling sight, to say the least. The audience’s cheers were so impossibly loud too, every shout and clap heightening the buzz throughout her body. Performing on stage was always as thrilling as the first time. With the bright lights and cameras trained on them, Heejin felt special like never before. Special, and also overwhelmed. Any mistake and everyone here was bound to see it, any wrong move could turn all they had worked for into public humiliation.

Despite her worries, Heejin pushed down her fears and tried to focus on the positive. This was her dream, and she was fulfilling it with eleven of the best people she’d ever met! This was amazing!

She smiled out to the crowd, waving at the direction of someone calling her name. Heejin couldn’t really see (the lights had a double effect of making them easier to see, but everyone else not so much), but she knew from the happy squealing that she had managed to wave in the right direction. Good.

Busy focusing on the audience, Heejin didn’t even notice that she began to space out. As the members formed a line across the stage and started taking questions, she moved on autopilot to a spot next to Hyunjin. Where she always wanted to be.

“You did well,” Hyunjin whispered to her, handing her an open water bottle. 

Hyunjin didn’t even turn to face her, but Heejin felt herself swooning all the same. Hyunjin always had a way of making her feel better, her little three words alleviating Heejin’s worries better than anything ever could. It was like magic, the way Hyunjin could make everything - the loud audience, the other members on stage, even Heejin’s tension - and just make them all evaporate away. Like nothing else existed except for Hyunjin and her.

As Heejin took a sip, she saw Hyunjin wink at her, the small but bold action almost making her cough the water back up.

“--not too sure. So many of our members have such cute charms that it’s hard to choose!” Heejin heard Jinsoul say, snapping her back to reality. The other members nodded at Jinsoul’s non-answer and Heejin, pretending she had been listening all along, nodded as well. 

Lost, Heejin stood there as Haseul - who was next to answer, being on Jinsoul’s left side - brought the microphone closer to . Not having paid enough attention to her surroundings, Heejin hoped that Haseul’s answer would indicate some sort of clue as to what the question could be. She didn’t want to sound like an idiot when it got around to her turn, which was getting closer as seconds passed.

“I would definitely pick Vivi!” Haseul confidently answered, nodding as cheers came from the audience. “She cares for me and the other members so well and she always helps me so I think it’d be okay, if it were her…” she trailed off at the end, a teasing smile on her face accompanying Vivi’s smile across the stage.

Heejin might have found it adorable if she weren’t busy internally screaming at how unhelpful it was. Seriously, there were no hints in that at all! Heejin already knew from Jinsoul’s answer that she’d have to pick one of her members forsomething but what exactly? Heejin hoped that she could get away with just picking a member at random and saying something nice.

Hyunjin raised her mic, Heejin’s panic heightening when she realised that she was going next. Their eyes connected, and Hyunjin must have noticed Heejin’s distress because she repeated “If I were a guy, what member of LOONA would I date? That’s a tough question.”

Heejin’s freaking out immediately ended at Hyunjin’s words. Not for the first time, she was glad that the two of them had always been able to understand each other even without words. It was like a superpower, almost. A very specific form of telepathy.

Once Heejin was done marvelling at how awesome it was that she and Hyunjin could somehow read each other's minds, her eyes widened as the question registered in her head. Did she seriously have to admit that she would 100%, without a doubt, want to date Hyunjin? And what was Hyunjin going to say?

Heejin watched as the sides of Hyunjin’s lips curled into a mischievous smile. 

Oh no, Heejin thought, worrying because she'd seen that exact smile too many times before, what's Hyunjin going to do now?

“Who do you guys think?” Hyunjin coyly said, moving her arm to point the microphone towards the audience. 

Hyunjin’s smile didn’t once waver when the audience shouted back Heejin’s name, as if she had been expecting the response all along. Heejin, on the other hand, did not. Embarrassed, Heejin’s gaze turned to the ground and a blush settled on her cheeks. Did I really make it that obvious? She jerked her head up when Hyunjin laughed into the mic, eager to hear her answer. Eager for Hyunjin to pick her.

“Well, I think I’d have to pick Vivi too,” Hyunjin answered, much to Heejin’s surprise. “Like Haseul said earlier, she’s so caring and sweet… if I were a boy, I think I’d really like to be taken care of like that.” 

With every word Hyunjin said, Heejin felt a tiny prickle in her heart. All of Heejin’s hope fizzled out, and she was left with a sinking feeling in her stomach. Because of course Hyunjin wouldn’t pick her. Why would she? There were so many other members that each had their own great qualities. She was deluding herself in even thinking she had a chance.

“It seemed like Orbit wanted you to pick Heejin,” Sooyoung said jokingly, teasing her members like she always did. “Any reason why you didn’t?”

If she could, Heejin would have walked directly backstage and never returned. Maybe quit being an idol, pick up a normal job and leave it all behind. Hearing Hyunjin pick someone else was bad enough, but hearing the reason why? Hearing why Hyunjin thought she wasn’t good enough? That would be the end of Jeon Heejin. 

Heejin started to speak. “I don’t think we need to--”

Hyunjin’s laughter cut her off, as she contemplated the question. 

“It’s no secret that I love to eat, and I especially love it when someone cooks for me but Heejin doesn’t know how to cook! She’s terrible at it -- I swear once she almost burned the house down! But Vivi’s cooking is soooo good. She even knows how to cook Korean dishes perfectly!” Hyunjin nodded at her own words. “So that's why, if I were a guy, I'd rather date Vivi over Heejin.”

The rest of the members started talking too, either agreeing about Vivi’s cooking skills -
“she still owes me chicken,” Chuu burst out - or clowning Heejin for lack thereof. Go Won even got pulled into the conversation for almost burning the house down, and they made Heejin and Go Won stand in front and formally apologise for putting them into danger with their culinary attempts. The jokes died down after a while, and it was Heejin’s turn to answer.

Maybe it was awkward to admit that she’d date Hyunjin, especially when the girl had just publicly rejected her for her poor cooking. And yes, it would definitely be pathetic to say so. But still, Heejin couldn’t stop her name from leaving . 

“Hyunjin,” she answered truthfully.

She was grateful to hear the audience burst into laughter, not wanting to ruin the mood. If all went well, she could play it off as a joke. 

Instead of the pout that she wanted to show, Heejin faked a grin. “No particular reason. In fact, Hyunjin’s so mean to me I don’t even know why I would want that!” She lifted her free hand, now a fist, pretending to be ready to fight Hyunjin who was standing beside her.

The other members laughed - “they always act like this!” Yeojin revealed - but Hyunjin didn’t. Looking into Heejin’s eyes, it was as if she could tell that Heejin was just trying to play it off, as if she knew Heejin was hurt by her words. Still, Hyunjin didn’t say anything, so Heejin was left there wondering if she even cared. Maybe she didn’t. 

Heejin let her arm fall to her side, still faking a smile.