5th January, 00:01

 

Yoseob blinked as he stared up at the ceiling, lithe form sprawled out over his bed. A faint smile tugged at his lips as his gaze flickered to the clock resting on the dressing table. He was officially a year older now; twenty four years old — or young, however one chose to see it — but he didn’t seem to feel any wiser or different. He absently mused over the fact that technically one wouldn’t turn a year older until the exact time of their birth; if that were the case, there were still about five more hours to go before he could call himself a year older. 

He sighed and turned over, hugging a pillow to his chest, and pouted faintly. Call it childish, but the fact that he hardly ever got birthday wishes from anyone outside of his family made him feel a little upset. It seemed to emphasize his lack of friends, or any social life at all for that matter; this again brought back the dull, hollow sense of loneliness that seemed to be plaguing his heart for an exceptionally long time by now. 

He felt pathetic, mourning and whining over his lack of friends, knowing that his own lack of confidence and introvercy played a big part in this. However, it didn’t help the fact that, at the end of the day, he was still alone. He still didnt' have anyone to talk to, no one to go to when he felt lost or upset or scared, no one to have lazy days with or talk to about trends and ideas and jokes. And that made him even more withdrawn over the years as he waded through life, as invisible and unnoticed as ever. He blended in with the crowd, never stood out, never attracted attention— he flinched internally at the path his train of thought was taking. He needed to stop bringing himself down so often. 

His thoughts were cut off as his phone buzzed and vibrated, the sound seeming unusually loud in the still air of the room. Curious, he pushed himself up on his arms as he sat up and reached out for his phone, turning on the screen and leaning back. His gaze flickered, eyes roaming across the flat screen, before curving up slightly as his features relaxed into a gentle smile. 

 Yoseob, my darling,
 Happy birthday! 
Your father and I miss you lots and lots and think you
should come visit more often. I can't wait to see my handsome boy
and hug him and kiss him! And god, you look so thin in the
last photo you sent of yourself, just wait until I see you, young man,
there is alot to be done about that skin and bones look you've 
taken on! 
I'll call again tomorrow morning to talk to you about that, but for now
let me take this time to talk to you and tell you something while I
still have it in my mind.

I’m sorry I haven’t been the mother you deserved, the figure
you needed, and darling, sweetheart, I hope you can find a way to forgive
me for it. 

Yoseob swallowed thickly as he continued reading the message, smile fading to give way to warm tears prickling at his eyes and threatening to spill over as he tried to breathe past the lump in his chest.

  I know your sister would be so proud of you if she could see you now. 
 My son, her little brother, a doctor! A doctor! Baby, I am so proud of you.
Appa and I, both. You are more than we could have ever asked for or hoped
for. 
You’re becoming distant lately though, and darling, please don’t keep everything
bottled up inside yourself. I know you. You’ll cry and let the hurt eat you away
from the inside, but you will never tell anyone else about it, never bother anyone. 
Let it out, Yoseob-ah. Be happy. Smile. Your smile is your beauty. 
Ahh, there’s so much more to say, but not now- we’ll call you in the morning
and talk to you then. This was a lot to type! Are you not proud of your eomma?
Until then, take care and stay safe, my baby. Try to have a nice day, okay?
Go out and see some friends! 
            Love always,
                Mom

Yoseob’s shoulders shook as he took in a deep, shuddering breath, vision clouded and cheeks wet with a familiar warmth as he clutched the phone tightly, fingers trailing against the cool screen. His chest ached, both painfully and comfortingly, making it difficult for him to breathe. 

 

Curling up in bed once more, phone held to his chest, Yoseob eventually fell asleep, his sobs dying out into soft breaths as slumber wrapped her graceful fingers around his lithe form.

 

14:35

 

As expected, Yoseob didn't get many calls or texts for his birthday from anyone, except for an uncle or two, an aunt, and an old childhood friend. Despite being used to this, he couldn't help but feel a little neglected, especially when he'd see all his friends get along with everyone so wonderfully, always so social, so popular and liked, and sought after. Yoseob, on the other hand, always seemed to blend into the background, always played the role of the simple wallflower who none but a select few seemed to notice, if at all. 

 

What Yoseob wasn't expecting however, was a message from a not-so-familiar number on his phone, reading simply, 'Happy Birthday.' Confused, Yoseob frowned as he stared at his phone, leaning back against the bench he was sitting on. Nose buried in the top of his scarf, he tilted his head forward, large beanie falling partially over his eyes as he went over the phone number once more. He couldn't recall having met anyone recently, especially not someone he'd talk to his birthday about. Kikwang was the only person he'd met most recently, and even meeting him seemed to be so long ago now, despite it having been hardly a month or so,

 

Kikwang's number though, he had saved on his own phone. And he wouldn't admit it, but often over the last week, he'd find himself opening up his contacts' list and clicking on the younger's name, fingers poised over the screen to type out a text, before he'd hesitantly put his phone away for the umpteenth time. Yoseob bit his lower lip, eyes glazing over thoughtfully as he found himself once more staring at the other's name; it wouldn't hurt to send a text, would it? Maybe then Yoseob would finally manage to stop thinking about him, and feeling that strange jumpy sensation in his stomach. 

 

Completely engrossed in thought, he hardly noticed as a light weight fell onto the bench beside him, leather hitting the wood with a light thud. His fingers were still hovering over his screen as he blinked, only shaken out his thoughts by a familiar voice, nearly making him jump and protest out loud in surprise. He looked up immediately, neck snapping back almost painfully as he straightened up, eyes wide. 

 

"Hellooo?" 

 

He blinked as a hand was waved before his face, his lips curling down into a faint pout as his gaze travelled up to meet Kikwang's amused one as the younger repeated himself and plopped himself down on the couch beside Yoseob. 

 

"What's up with you?" chuckled Kikwang, pulling his messenger bag over his shoulder as he leaned back against the bench. "Surprised to see me again?" 

 

His smile was playfully as he cocked his head to the side, newly dyed auburn hair falling over his eyes. Yoseob sat stunned for a moment, breath momentarily taken away by just how good someone could manage to look in the middle of the day on their way home from school, dressed in a simple sweater and jeans. Averting his gaze, Yoseob shifted minutely and shrugged, managing a small, sheepish smile. "A little."

 

Kikwang's laugh rang through the still, crisp air, making the hairs at the back of Yoseob's neck stand up, his own lips unable to keep themselves from pulling up in a besmused smile, his eyes softening. Kikwang shrugged and shook his head a little, saying, "I always walk home from this route." 

 

Yoseob smiled and hummed, looking ahead as he leaned back and slipped his phone back into the pocket of his double-ed coat. "How's the studying going?" he asked, his tone light as he glanced at the other.

 

Kikwang shrugged and blew out his cheeks a little, nose wrinkling rather cutely; "What studying?"

 

Snorting, Yoseob shook his head and laughed. "You do know you have to do some sort of studying to pass, right?"

 

Kikwang rolled his eyes and chuckled, turning to stick his tongue out at the elder. "What're you, my dad?" 

 

Yoseob grinned and shrugged, quipping, "Maybe. You should listen to me."

 

"And call you Daddy?" Kikwang smirked playfully, eyes alight with amusement as he stared at the youth beside him. His tone was mischievous and teasing, and Yoseob knew there was more than a double entendre in that question somewhere as he laughed and shrugged, playing along, his own features relaxing into an impish smile. 

 

"Why not? You look like you'd need someone to keep you in your place."

 

"Oh, you have no idea," drawled Kikwang, smirk blending into something a bit more sultry, his eyes suggestive as he crossed his legs and threw an arm over the back of the bench. 

 

Taken aback, Yoseob swallowed dryly, smile faltering as he looked up into the other's eyes, before clearing his throat and awkwardly glancing away again, earning an amused chuckle in response. His cheeks took on a faint, pinkish tinge as he saw Kikwang grin out of the corner of his eyes, his chest expanding and hollowing at the same time. 

 

"Do you have any plans for today?" 

 

Yoseob glanced up at Kikwang's question and bit his lip before smiling faintly and shrugging, murmuring, "Not really, why?"

 

"Let's go to a movie," murmured Kikwang, shrugging nonchalantly. "If you're free, that is."

 

His gaze was focused firmly ahead, jaw set as he stayed still and waited for a response from the elder boy. Glancing at Yoseob, he raised an inquisitive brow in question, before asking, "Well?"

 

Blinking, Yoseob fought back the foreign butterflies in his stomach as he tried to keep a straight face, lips twitching upwards in a smile. "I'd love to."

 

 

 

After some time, both boys had gotten up and parted ways, each heading to their respective homes and agreeing to meet up later at a set time. Giddy with excitement, Yoseob could hardly contain himself as he hurried home, arms wrapped around his slim figure to keep himself warm as he trudged through the frosted streets, snow crunching beneath his shoes. His fingers were stiff as he pushed past the revolving doors to the entrance of the apartment complex where he lived, nose red from the cool wind outside. Pressing his hands over his ears to warm them, he flashed the security guard a small smile on his way to the elevator before making his way up to his floor and to his flat. 

 

Yoseob's apartment was nothing special. The area he lived in was old and hadn't seen signs of renovation in at least twenty years. The walls were chipped and the paint was discoloured; the entrance lobby smelled musty and the carpeting had become faded over the years, greyed and flattened, worn out with use. Stepping into his apartment, he sighed and closed the door behind himself, looking around and biting his lip. His gaze roamed over the small flat, from the small, open kitchen, to the compact living and dining room, to the narrow passage that separated the rest of the house from his bedroom. Locking the door, he stepped out of his shoes and hung his coat and scarf up on the coat rack next to the door, before making his way to the kitchen, toes curling against the cold, black and white tiles. Turning on the tap water, he rinsed out a kettle before wiping it dry and setting it on the stove, half filling it with water and leaving it to boil. He glanced out through the living room window as he took a biscuit from the tray on his kitchen counter and bit into it. Glancing at the time, he idly stretched and hummed before dusting his hands off on his jeans and deciding to get some cleaning done around the flat. 

 

 

 

 

It was nearly seven by the time Yoseob had finished cleaning up, showering and getting ready, unable to decide what to wear. Settling on a white shirt and dark jeans, he pulled on a grey sweater on top and turned his attention to the mirror, giving himself a once over. Brows furrowing slightly, he bit his lip and turned slightly, observing his reflection, suddenly wondering if he was overdressed for a movie. He bit his lip and glanced at the digital clock which rested on his bedside table, before glancing back at himself and running a hand through his hair, fixing it. 

He jumped in slight surprise when someone rang the doorbell, his heart speeding up and his cheeks flushed. He frowned at his reflection, mentally kicking himself for acting like a schoolgirl, before patting his cheeks anxiously as he sighed and went to answer the door. Pulling the door open, he plastered on a smile, gaze traveling up to meet Kikwang's, only to be rendered temporarily speechless as he took in the younger's appearance. 

 

Light hair, dark eyes – was that eyeliner? – dark blue shirt, and dark jeans; he looked stunning, and Yoseob knew that Kikwang was well aware of that fact with the way he carried himself, confidence practically moulting off of him. Grinning lightly, Kikwang tilted his head to the side, seemingly pleased with the effect he seemed to have on the elder, before holding a hand out to him. "Let's go?"

 

Clearing his throat, Yoseob nodded sheepishly, tearing his gaze away as he stepped out of his flat and locked the door behind him, awkwardly ignoring Kikwang's outstretched hand. Kikwang blinked and raised an eyebrow, sliding his hands into his pockets as he waited, watching Yoseob pocket his keys and fix his clothes before looking up at him and smiling unsurely. Chuckling, Kikwang shook his head and started off towards the elevator, Yoseob following close behind. 

 

 

 

By the time they'd reached the cinema, both boys had relaxed into a more comfortable sort of silence rather than an awkward one, occasionally making small talk and catching up on what they'd been doing recently. After stopping by the confecionary stand and purchasing a bucket of popcorn and two bottles of soda, they made their way to the designated cinema, tickets in hand. 

 

The movie was mildly interesting, with poor editing and mediocre casting. Yoseob and Kikwang spent the entire two hours pointing out flaws and choking back hushed giggles in response to agitated ahjummas and ahjussis in the neighbouring seats. Their faces were red with suppressed laughter, bodies sunken down against the seats as they clung to one another, holding back giggles and trying to keep down their voices as they whispered loudly and lifted their hands towards the screen. And when an elderly lady reached forward from behind them to smack Kikwang's head, Yoseob completely lost it, dissolving into a fit of uncontrolled laughter as he clamped a hand over his mouth, spilling the popcorn onto the floor. 

 

 

 

"Ah, that was fun!" exclaimed Yoseob, eyes bright and cheeks flushed as he exited the theater with Kikwang, the cool, night air hitting his warm face and extracting a shiver out of him. 

 

Kikwang's gaze was close to affectionate as he glanced at the elder and nodded. "Yeah, it was nice," he chuckled. He slid his hands into his pockets as they walked side by side, their breaths coming out in short wisps of velvety air. "We should do this again sometime," he murmured, glancing at Yoseob who blinked and looked up at him, wide eyed.

 

Surprised, Yoseob faltered for a moment before breaking into a breathless smile, palms barely an inch away from his mouth as he blew warm over them to bring up their temperature. Nodding firmly as he smiled, his eyes curled up into dark crescents, thick lashes coming together as his cheeks dipped inwards to form slight dimples. Kikwang grinned faintly at how adorable the elder looked, his grin widening ever so slightly as Yoseob chirped out a, 'Yeah, sure!'

 

Their short conversation was disturbed by the ringing of Yoseob's phone, and excusing himself, he turned to answer the call, pausing in his steps. Kikwang watched the gradual change in Yoseob's expression as the elder's features shifted from a curious frown to a look of understanding, to pleasant surprise as his lips quirked up into a smile. "Ah, thank you, really," he murmured into the receiver, his gaze soft and his smile appreciative, "Yeah, sure, it's fine, thanks."

 

Raising an eyebrow, Kikwang tilted his head to the side inquisitively as Yoseob bit his lip and smiled bashfully, turning off his phone and slipping it back inside his pocket. Fighting back an instinctive feeling of envy, Kikwang raised his voice slightly as he tried to play off his unexplained unpleasant emotion, "Boyfriend of yours?"

 

Blinking in surprise, Yoseob blushed deeply and frowned slightly, biting back a grin, "Don't be silly; it was just a friend."

 

"Oh, what was he saying?" Kikwang asked, brows furrowing at the blush painted across Yoseob's cheeks. 

 

"Ah, just..." Yoseob shrugged, embarrassed, as he hesitated, "Just calling for...my birthday..." 

 

Taken aback, Kikwang blinked, eyes widening a little, "It's your birthday?"

 

Yoseob shrugged and nodded, smiling sheepishly. "Yeah..." 

 

Kikwang frowned, displeased, and he whined, "Why didn't you tell me?"

 

Yoseob rolled his eyes and chuckled as he continued walking. "It's not important, is it?"

 

"Of course it is!" Kikwang protested, a small pout tugging on his full lower lip. "We could've gone somewhere else and done something fun!"

 

Laughing, Yoseob shook his head, repeating "Don't be silly, Kikwang. I had a nice time anyway."

 

Sighing, Kikwang huffed and frowned, falling silent as he walked alongside Yoseob, arms folded across his chest. Yoseob smiled faintly, amused and a little touched by the apparent concern in the younger's voice. 

 

 

 

Lapsing back into a somewhat comfortable silence after a while, the two made their way to Yoseob's apartment block on foot, each occupied with their own thoughts. On their way, after spotting a small convenience store nearby, and after much insisting, Yoseob managed to drag the younger inside, offering to treat him to bubble tea. Never having tried it before, Kikwang refused, only to be cut off by a plastic cup being shoved into his hands as Yoseob paid for both their drinks, a smile on the elder's face. 

 

"Try it; it's not so bad," Yoseob giggled, bringing the straw to his mouth as he took a sip, gaze fixed on Kikwang's wary face.

 

Wrinkling his nose slightly, Kikwang hummed and took a tentative sip before his lips dryly. 

 

"Well?" Yoseob inquired, brow arching. "How is it?"

 

Kikwang shrugged and pouted, murmuring, "Unusual...but I guess it'll grow on me." He grinned at Yoseob's light laughter, his stomach doing odd flips and flops as he took another sip of the tea, fingers curled around the plastic. He glanced up as he felt Yoseob's gaze on him, before smirking playfully, quipping, "Ah, no wonder I felt the temperature go up a little suddenly, what with that stare at all."

 

Embarrassed, Yoseob scoffed and pushed his way past Kikwang, cheeks taking on a reddish tint. "Come on, it's late," he called out, walking ahead hastily.

 

Kikwang grinned, amused, as he followed after him, taking small, occasional sips from his cup. Upon reaching the elder's designated destination, the two paused at the doorway to the building, both suddenly overcome with the same query of whether or not the day had been a date or not. Hesitating by the doorway, Yoseob bit his lip and managed a small, shy smiled as he bowed his head forward slightly. "Thank you for the movie."

 

Shrugging, Kikwang cleared his throat, unsure of how he was to end the day. "Yeah, it's...no problem; I had a nice time with you." 

 

Yoseob nodded slowly, gaze falling to the ground as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. "Yeah, so I'll...see you around?" Chewing on his lower lip, he lifted his eyes to meet Kikwang's dark ones, their gazes holding each others' for a lingering moment, before Kikwang broke the short eye contact, his gaze flickering to the elder's pink lips. Unsurely, he took a step forward as he glanced back into Yoseob's eyes, noting the way the elder's pupils dilated slightly in wonder as he neared him. Kikwang sighed quietly, hesitating as he leaned forward, his breath ghosting over Yoseob's parted lips. His gaze was questioning as he stared at Yoseob, their surroundings silent save for the quiet gust of the wind and the occasional chirp of a cricket as they stood standing at the doorstep. 

 

He didn't have to wonder for long though as he found soft lips pressing to his own, his eyes widening minutely in surprise as he blinked at Yoseob. He stood still for a moment, not responding, not moving at all as he stared at Yoseob's closed eyes; it took but another part of a second for him to allow his eyes to slide shut as he leaned forward, bridging whatever gap had been remaining between them, his heart picking up its speed as a delicate hand curled into his jacket and pulled him closer to the warmth of the body before him. 

 

When they pulled apart, both boys were breathless, eyes bright and cheeks dusted with shades of pink. They stared at each other for a minute or so, silent, before breaking into identical grins as Yoseob giggled quietly. Pleased, Kikwang smiled and stepped back, slipping his hands into his pockets. His voice was soft and affectionate as he smiled up at Yoseob and murmured, "So I'll see you around?"

 

Grinning shyly, the elder nodded as he pulled the door open, replying, "I'd like that." 

 

Their gazes met once more, both feeling slightly reminiscent of the feeling one would get on their first date with their frust crush at high school. The atmosphere suddenly felt a few degrees warmer, their hearts beating at a matched rhythm as they nodded slightly in farewell, Kikwang standing by the door until Yoseob had left, a grin on his lips. And Yoseob smiled his way up to his flat, heart fluttering and lungs out of breath, every negative thought he'd ever had about Kikwang dissipating from his mind, not even pausing to consider their short acquaintanceship, nor their unpleasant first meeting, nor the fact that he'd never rush into anything he wasn't sure of, never fall for someone like him, like Kikwang. 

 

But as he locked his door and fell back against it, a giddy smile on his lips as he pressed a hand to his chest, feeling rather cliché and not unlike a young schoolgirl, he found himself thinking that he simply didn't care. Maybe, just maybe, it was finally time to turn over a new leaf and try to take those risks he'd been thinking about lately, try allowing himself to find companionship and the happiness he so well and fully deserved. 

 

 

 

---

 

 

A/N: OKAY I JUST REALISED THAT I ALWAYS FORGET TO SAY THIS (lolwhutalways sob i never update anything sob badbad) BUT THANK YOU GUYS LIKE SOSO MUCH BTW FOR THE COMMENTS AND THE SUBSCRIBES AND EVEN YOU SILENT READER-PEOPLE AND LIKE, UHM, I'M GOOD WITH CRITICISM BY THE WAY, SO I'D APPRECIATE ANY HELP YOU ALL CAN GIVE AND UHM, THANK YOU AGAIN. VERY MUCH. A LOT. AND I SHOULD UPDATE SOONER, YES? YES? NO? sobishouldtbhbecauseiwanttoknowhowthistoryendstoo. BUT YES, SI, NEH, HAI, OUI OUI, I SEE ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND COMMENTS AND STUFF BUT I'M JUST LAZY AND I FORGET TO REPLY HONESTLY BUT I ANSWER YOU GUYS IN MY MIND I SWEAR AND AGAIN, MERCI, THANK YOU, GOMAWO, AND Y'KNOW.