sana flutters her eyes open as the sunlight quickly wakes her up from it’s brightness. the room looks so alive, but the person lying on the bed is lifeless as she tries to reach out the girl that used to sleep beside her. 

they shared kisses and hugs she never knew would complete her.

they were both in their comfortable clothes (just an oversized pyjamas), lying in the bed, enjoying the freedom they’re having. it’s holiday and they decided to just lie in bed all day to appreciate each other’s company.

nayeon leaves a peck on sana’s lips when she caught her staring at her for no apparent reason. “stop looking at me or you’ll melt me.”

sana hums, snaking her arms around the girl’s waist. “i can’t stop, you’re just really pretty.”

the older girl rests her head on her hand, enjoying the view of her lover, smiling widely. “you know what’s the best thing i ever did?”

sana looks at her with a furrowed eyebrow, anticipating her old but gold cheesy lines. she used to hate how nayeon can make her heart beat in such a rapid speed, but now, she loves it. she didn’t know she was foolishy in love with a girl that’s about to die in any moment.

“the best thing that i ever did was that i met you.” she plays with sana’s hand as she says it, sneaking a peak to look at the younger girl’s reaction.

“you know what’s the best thing i never did?” the japanese girl giggles as nayeon kisses her neck softly, taking every moment. she wishes it’s like this every day.

“what is it?” she asks.

“i never broke up with you, and that i’m still with you. i love you.”

it’s been a year already, but sana still feels like it was yesterday. she gets up from her bed to dress up and brush her teeth quickly before heading out.

it’s also been a year since she quit in her job. she didn’t have the courage to speak to anyone, especially to see jeongyeon everyday just to remember nayeon in her.

“you know, someday, i’ll be gone. just know that jeongyeon’s always there for you.”

sana wipes a tear the streamed down on her cheek. she didn’t want to cause any concern since she’s in public. she’d look like a miserable person with a heavy heart that’s missing someone everyday, which she is.

she quickly composes herself as she takes deep breaths before proceeding to walk.

nayeon used to buy her coffee in her favourite local coffee shop, the usual being café au lait. she’d ask for an extra scalded milk for sana before she goes to work.

“special delivery for the girl i love.”

she’d always wake sana like that—either knocking at door even when she have a spare key or would warm sana’s cheeks until it begins to be too hot.

nayeon would always win her heart every time—she’s the only person she will ever love.

the street is nothing but a mundane to others, but to sana, it’s a special place where she can make the memories alive with nayeon.

“when i leave this place, i hope you can remember me, even with amnesia. i hope you’ll never forget that i loved you.”

sana can’t help herself but cry as she holds the older girl’s hand firmly. she’s pale and even with the multiple clothes she’s wearing to keep her warm, it’s still noticeable how much she lost weight. she knows it’s about to end, but she can’t accept it. not with this, not together.

“don’t say that,” sana pleads as she places a kiss on the older girl’s forehead. “even when you’re beside me, i still miss you. don’t let my heart break.”

“let’s just hope my fate would give me more days,” nayeon tries to smile, but she knew better. nothing will heal her. “to tell you how much i love you.”

“i love you,” sana says for the millionth time to this day. nayeon kept hinting her to let go of her, but she wouldn’t. “please don’t let go.”

sana watches the three young girls play a snowball fight. they’re all laughing while shouting each other’s name that they’re dead. nayeon, with her free time, babysat them before since she doesn’t have a work due to her heart. she takes the lightest work, just to lift heavy responsibilities sana’s already holding. 

“come on, school meal club!” nayeon throws a fistful snowball at their manmade wall to cover themselves at the ‘enemy’. it already broke down into pieces, giving the three no protection. 

their plan is to make snowballs first as many as they can, but they failed when their wall is shot by nayeon’s snowball. they start attacking her, throwing it weakly as opposed to what they see in their imagination.

“private chou, make more snowballs while private son rebuilds our wall. i’ll distract the enemy.”

“yes, general!” tzuyu and chaeyoung both says loudly at the same time, doing what dahyun told them to do.

when chaeyoung took a peak at the enemy’s wall, she had a wide view of the enemy’s image with her lover, greeting her with a kiss after her work is finally done.

“general!” chaeyoungs calls the oldest girl. “the enemy is distracted with disgusting kisses, shall we do the death protocol?”

the three looked at each other, peeping before dahyun finally decided. “private chou, private son—run to the enemy as i shout ‘fuego’.”

they all went into their position, waiting for the perfect time.

“fuego!”

nayeon kisses sana again and that’s when they heard the children’s footsteps approaching them.

“private chou, take her down!”

tzuyu jumps into nayeon with a koala hug while chaeyoung brought the snowballs, letting dahyun take it and hit nayeon.

the oldest girl looses her balance, hence falling of the ground with tzuyu giggling. she doesn’t understand their definition of ‘fun’, they always want something dangerous. “again, again!”

“tzuyu, your sister’s going to kick my if i keep you falling in the ground.”

“jihyo’s no fun,” the young girl pouts, trying to change nayeon’s mind with her puppy eyes.

“think about it,” nayeon tries to reassure the girl. “their sisters are way no fun than jihyo.”

“hey!” dahyun hears it loud and clear. “mina is fun!”

“momo, too!” chaeyoung adds as she puffs a frustration.

“sana!” the three girls quickly ran into her to give her a hug. “is nayeon still on her adventure?”

sana gulps. “y-yeah, it’ll take years because her adventure is really fun.”

“really?” chaeyoung asks with wide eyes. “i wish she let us join so she can have a team!”

“me too,” sana sighs, guilty to pretend to the kids. they’re too young to know that she’s never going back.

jihyo, mina, and momo were in charge of looking after their younger sisters, but they were too busy chitchatting. 

sana smiles, “sana has to go, too, but give your sisters a hug from me, okay?”

“okay!”

they all run into their sisters and hug them, tzuyu saying, “sana told me to hug you for her.”

“you saw her?!” jihyo quickly stands up to check if the japanese girl is still there.

“how many times do we have to tell you to tell us if she goes to you guys?” mina sighs as she arranges dahyun’s hair.

“she always leave early because she has an adventure just like nayeon,” chaeyoung pouts, looking at momo. “i miss playing with them.”

“me too, chaeyoung,” momo hugs her sister as she side eyes the two older girls. when it was nayeon’s burial, they told sana that she can always go to them, but that’s the last time they ever spoke with her. they never saw her again, even with multiple times knocking at her door, no one would answer. it used to be nayeon greeting them energetically.

sana smiles to herself when the three older sisters finally gave up looking for her after greeting their younger sisters. it’s better this way, to live like this in low profile.

“you like kids so much,” sana smiles as she watches nayeon play with tzuyu. “do you want to have one?”

“i do,” nayeon pinches the young girl’s cheeks on her lap. “just like tzuyu, attacking me always with koala hug.”

tzuyu stopped what she was doing and proceeded to face her sitter, yawning as she slowly close her eyes. she leans on the older girl, making herself comfortable. “i’m sleepy.”

“okay, you can sleep on me,” nayeon hugs her back while she hums a song to give her a more peaceful sleep.

“you’re going to be a great mom,” sana smiles at the view. she always wished she’d have a moment like this with nayeon.

“maybe in my next life with you, we’ll have kids.”

sana didn’t like that nayeon always cut her dreams with her by reminding her she’s going to die soon. nayeon didn’t want her to dream a future with her because it’s nonexistent. she’d always say that sana should let go of her, but she never did when nayeon was still alive. 

her fingers traces the girl’s name, recalling all of her memories with her. she visits her headstone every day with a sunflower nayeon loves at a supermarket flowers store.

“i love you.”

“i’ll probably see you here everyday with a sunflower.” 

they went to the graveyard where her grandmother lies, a bittersweet tear leaving on her eyes. she’ll soon be beside with her, her name sculptured while her bones remain underneath.

she faces the younger girl and holds both of her hands, “don’t say goodbye to me, just say that you love me. we’ll both let go until we meet again.”

sana can’t stop her tears from pouring as she says those three words. she hated the fact that the three words between them means letting go, even though sana just really wants to have nayeon beside her—to kiss and hug her every time she misses her. though it’s just the cold wind blowing her hair as her scent scatters past her head. 

she closes her eyes, recalling her smiles only reserved for sana. if she close her eyes, while she says she loves her, will she come back?

“i love you,” she mumbles again.

everything reminds her of nayeon. forgetting her is hard when the wind always embraces her just like the times nayeon was with her—their future was nothing but sadness. she can’t help herself miss her even when she tries not to.

“i love you,” sana says for the last time. “we’ll meet again.”

“when you look at the sky, don’t think of me. when you see the places we used to go, don’t look back on our memories. i don’t want to see you hurting.”

“sana, hey.”

the shorthaired girl greets the japanese, offering her a seat on the bench. they’re at the beach overlooking the sea.

“jeongyeon.”

nayeon knew from the very start her best friend likes sana, but the japanese girl has always loved her even with knowing she’ll die. she wanted to make the most out of it, to love nayeon each day and remind her that she’ll forever be with her, even when she’s gone.

it hurts nayeon to see sana love someone else, but she’s destined to die. sana’s happiness is her happiness.

“you’ll start a new life without me and that’s okay.”

“i love you,” jeongyeon holds the younger girl’s hand as they watch the sunset together.

“i love you, too,” sana replies, but she was rather looking at the sky. she beams to herself as she inhales the fresh air. it isn’t nayeon anymore that scatters past her head when the wind blows.

nayeon’s probaby up there, proud of her.

sana’s happy with that idea. nayeon’s happiness is sana’s.