It has been a long day for Hitomi.

It started fine, with breakfast cooked by her favorite unnie. But when they started going to their schedules, everything began to crumble down around her. She was criticized harshly for her dancing by their teacher, and because of that she felt awkward during the photoshoot. She took longer than everyone else and she could feel their impatience from where she was standing. After a grueling, extra-long photoshoot, they found some acceptable pictures of her and sent everyone home. She was in the second car, carrying the other people who live in her dorm. She sat in the back with her hoodie pulled over her eyes, a clear sign she didn’t want to talk. Really, all she wanted to do was to go into her bed and sleep off these bad feelings. Wake up to a new day, a new start.

As they pulled in to the dorms, Hitomi noticed the car carrying the other members already arrived. “They must have been able to avoid the traffic.” Chaeyeon said, hopping out of the van. Hitomi shrugged. Yuri, Sakura, Nako and Wonyoung all walked ahead to their dorm, leaving behind Chaeyeon and Hitomi.

Chaeyeon matched Hitomi’s sluggish pace and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Are you ok? You seemed out of it today.” Another shrug. Chaeyeon lightly squeezed.  “Do you want to go see Chaewon?”

Hitomi tensed. “No. I’d rather just go back.” She sighed but agreed nonetheless and pushed Hitomi along. The two of them caught up to the other members in their dorm and started the elevator to their floor.

Chaeyeon’s phone buzzed, signaling a text. Not even a moment later, she pressed the floor number belonging to the other dorm. “Change of plans. Yuri, Sakura, Wonyoung, Nako, and I are going to the other dorm for dinner.”

“What about Hitomi unnie?” Wonyoung asked, throwing her arm around the smaller girl, and putting on her puppy dog eyes.

“She isn’t feeling good, right?” Chaeyeon’s eyes were intense, as if Hitomi didn’t really have a choice in the matter. “If she wants to, she can come. But rest for at least a few minutes please.”

And so, she walks up to her dorm, unlocks the door, and kicks her shoes off. She notices another pair by the door. Everyone went to the other dorm so who could be here? “H-hello?” Hitomi cautiously calls out.

 “Hitoma?” A soft voice comes from the living room. Hitomi peeks around the corner and any fear she had at all immediately dissipated when she spots Chaewon, wrapped in a blanket. Her face was bare—but if Hitomi was being honest she preferred her that way. This was raw Chaewon, a version of her that she only lets the members see.

“What are you doing here?” Hitomi asks, approaching the other girl.

“I wanted to see you. You seemed down.” Chaewon said as she reached for Hitomi’s cheeks, swiping the pad of her thumb across them. She moved from her cheek to her chin and guiding her head upwards, forcing Hitomi to look at Chaewon “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really…” Hitomi mumbled. She placed her hands against Chaewon’s shoulders in an attempt to put a Nako sized distance between the two of them. Chaewon didn’t get the memo, and instead pushed their bodies closer together.

“That’s ok.” Chaewon said, patting Hitomi’s head. “Follow me. I think I have an idea.” Chaewon wasted no time grabbing Hitomi’s hand and dragging her to Hitomi’s room.

Chaewon wasted no time climbing up to the top bunk and settling in. Hitomi followed, but stopped before climbing in. She eyed the bed wearily, looking at the minimal space left. “I don’t think there’s enough room for the two of us.”

“That’s the point.”

Hitomi’s face heated up. “I’m sorry?”

“I wanted us to cuddle,” Chaewon pat the free space next to her. “So, get up here,” she whined.

Hitomi did as she was asked, climbing onto the bed, and laying next to Chaewon. The older girl wasted no time tangling their legs together and sneaking an arm underneath. She pulled up Hitomi’s hoodie and shirt barely an inch, slipping her hand underneath. When Chaewon placed her icy palm on Hitomi’s stomach, Hitomi let out quiet yelp. Chaewon jerked away immediately. “Is that not ok?”

“No, no it’s ok.” Hitomi grabbed Chaewon’s hand and laid it upon her bellybutton.

Chaewon giggled in her ear as she quickly rubbed her hand up and down her abs. “Nice.”

The tips of Hitomi’s ears turned pink. “Behave yourself, Kim Chaewon.” And like an obedient dog, she stopped.

They laid there for a few minutes in complete silence. Hitomi eventually relaxed and melted into Chaewon’s embrace. “Chaewon unnie…” Hitomi started, twisting to see if she was awake. Her eyes met Chaewon’s expectant ones. “I think I’m ready to talk about earlier now.” She took a deep breath and started at the beginning. “The day started good with my favorite unnie cooking breakfast—”

“What do you mean? I wasn’t there.” Chaewon teased, a cheeky smile upon her face. Hitomi bumped her shoulder and pouted. “Kidding! But don’t let Eunbi hear you call Chaeyeon your favorite or else she’ll be really upset.”

Hitomi stuck out her tongue and continue with the rest of her day, telling about how everything that could go wrong—did.  “Today was just a reminder that I’m not as good as the rest of you all.”

“Is that really how you think?”

Hitomi nods.

“Come here. Let’s change to a different position.” Chaewon said, pulling Hitomi on top of her. “Wrap your hands around my body and lay on top of me.” Hitomi did as she was told but hesitated to drop her body.

“Are you sure I won’t be heavy?” Hitomi asked, holding herself up with one arm.

Chaewon nodded and pulled the younger girl down. Hitomi released herself and waited for Chaewon to complain, but she didn’t make a peep. Taking comfort on top of the other girl, she buried her face into her neck and took a deep breath. She smelled of roses and home, a comforting smell she found in very few places.

As they laid there together, Chaewon began to run her fingers through Hitomi’s hair, gently massaging her scalp every now and then. “This is my favorite position.” Through the intimate position, Hitomi could feel Chaewon’s heartbeat. It was faster than normal. Hitomi hoped she wasn’t exerting herself taking upon Hitomi’s weight. “You’re not just as good as the rest of us, you’re amazing. You bring something to this group that’s unique and special. IZ*ONE wouldn’t be IZ*ONE without you or any of the members. Please never forget that, Hitomi.”

Hitomi didn’t respond, instead opting for silence.

Minutes passed, and Chaewon spoke up again. “Hitomi, can I admit something?”

Hitomi moved her hands so that they were on either side of Chaewon’s head and lifted herself up. She hovered above the other girl and seeing her disheveled hair caused the smallest of heart skips. “What is it, unnie?”

“I…I…” She stuttered, looking everywhere but Hitomi. She squeezed her eyes shut and mumbled, “I…can’t say it while we’re in this position. Please go back down.”

Hitomi was confused but resumed their previous cuddle position.

“I love you.”

Hitomi held her breath, afraid even breathing on Chaewon would turn her to dust and blow her away, revealing it was all a dream.

“I know this is a weird time to confess my feelings, but it felt right. If you don’t return my feelings then that’s okay, I just needed you to know—”

A kiss on the underside of her jaw shut her up.

“I love you too, unnie.”

Chaewon squeezed Hitomi into a tighter hug, the gap between them so small not even an ant could fit. Hitomi buried herself back into Chaewon’s neck inhaling her scent.

Hitomi could see why this was Chaewon's favorite cuddling position, because in that moment, all she knew was Chaewon, her heartbeat, and “I love you’s”.

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i miss cuddling. this is me living vicariously through ssambbang in my fanfics.........