the council meeting was supposed to be over fourteen minutes and thirty one seconds ago, yet here they are, with the sun setting behind them through these glass windows like walls and the impatient tap of jihoons foot under the table. 

 

fifteen, sixteen, seventeen minutes pass by before they settle on another meeting date for the situation at hand-one jihoon doesn't really care for he just needs to leave. he's at school all day and even some after hours he dedicates to the council and his rep of president but these twenty one minutes over time it had taken, time he was supposed to spend being selfish-sue him for being over it. 

 

so he scurries away the moment they adjourn, because it's currently 7:27 by the time he's run all the way to the third floor and the third room down the hall to his right, flung himself through the door and dropping his bags at the sight. 

 

sighing a little because, "you're still here." 

 

"and you're late." seungcheol laughs, taking in his flushed expressions and motioning with a tilt of his head for the younger boy to come closer. after all he's all the way at the end of the room, sitting on top of desk nearest to the window. the sun, it makes seungcheol look wonderful, crinkled eye smiles and honey silver hair melting into his skin. most times jihoons here at the perfect time. before seungcheol. whos always still in his baseball uniform, covered in soot and sticky in all the places where his clothes hug his skin from practice. he'll usually apologize but he doesn't ever let that stop him from holding jihoon. and jihoon sits in that very seat near the window, waits for him with his own back to the sunset because views or non, seungcheol is the only thing he wants to see.

 

its second nature to drop his own bags and make his way over to the older boy-this is something he's grown used to. being close. groaning a little when seungcheol kisses the top of his head, he's always too fond. too warm. can't feel jihoons own face burning up where its pressed into his chest but that's just fine with him. takes a long relieved breath in and tightens his arms around seungcheol, presses so far into the older boy he wishes he'd just melt himself into the scent of lemons and laundry detergent. all this heat, all these noises around them from the tick of the clock in the corner of this classroom. seungcheols quiet humming against jihoons head with his cheek pressed there as well. just hugging him. tight. close. 

 

"i missed you." jihoon mumbles, stands on his tippy toes to hook his chin over seungcheols shoulder so he won't have to look at his face as he says this and the suns warm colors don't blind him, surprisingly. 

 

"you OK?"

 

"im OK." jihoon says and he really is in the moment. a bit in love. a lot in love when seungcheol catches his hand to drag him over to the teachers desk and sit him atop it. stands with his own fingers still laced in the youngers but its still intimate-because intimicy is seungcheol. he does things and feels with meaning. its one of the reasons he scares jihoon. 

 

they stay until eight, the way they do everyday since forever and the next day during school hours they never once look at each other. pass the other in the hallway, share classes with one another-jihoon in the front and seungcheol looking out the window, gazing. waiting. waiting for lunch, fifth period. seventh, practice and meetings and life to be over before escaping these people, these crowds just to be. 

 

just for the sun to set and the day to end-just to do it all over the next day and the one after. 

 

it makes jihoon tired. 

 

there's something about it all, the pretending, the ignoring, all the longing and the ache he feels in his chest when he hears seungcheol laughing in the hallway with his friends and he has to force himself to go the opposite direction. 

 

he's in love, god he's in love and he wants to be in love but if it isn't miserable. 

 

so maybe that's why he's stupid. that's why the days pass and jihoon grows greedier-risks more. catches seungcheols eyes when they pass each other up and demands more affection. longer hugs even when they never pull apart in the first place. wants more. wants it all. needs seungcheol to just be with him. 

 

they need to just be together already. 

 

its all real scary, this sneaking around. it drives him crazy. makes him snap when he and the council have a meeting with captains of all the schools sports teams. it goes well enough. the entire time though, he's staring shamelessly at seungcheol who won't meet his eyes. not once. doesn't say goodbye to him, gives a bow to everyone on the council except jihoon and takes off with his team like he can't be bothered. 

 

like he doesn't know him. 

 

exactly fourty seven minutes and tweny three seconds after the meeting they'd all held, jihoon gets a text back from seungcheol saying he's sorry. that he's waiting. doesn't tell him where. doesn't need to. but seungcheol is the selfish one right now. to expect that jihoon would just run to him-come at his beck-and-call. knowing damn well that he will. 

 

he takes his sweet time, another twenty minutes when the suns already set and its almost so late the school will lock its gates and everyone has to leave. its dark. its night out when he's entered the room, dropped his bags to his right and shut the door behind him. seungcheol doesn't look back at him. his silhouette, the moonlight that turns his hair white and skin milky hues. he looks like a painting. not even wearing his uniform, just jeans ripped at the thighs-against the school rules. a pink shirt so pale he'd think seungcheol shirtless. 

 

"im not late." jihoon tells him, doesn't move from where he's standing. waits and watches seungcheol turn and look at him over his shoulder before saying he knows. 

 

he's gorgeous.

 

moves slow from the desk and comes over to jihoon just to take his hands like normal except his arent. shaking. whether it be fear or excitement. they're cold, make jihoon shiver when they unbotton the cuffs of his sleeves and slip under the cloth to touch his wrists. to hold them. 

 

"do you need something? kinda wanna go home and get to bed." 

 

"are you angry with me?" seungcheol wonders quietly, a puppy lilt of the head, takes a step into jihoons space and then another and the only other place for jihoon to go and panic to is the wall. which is also very cold against his back, seeps through his shirt and raises goosebumps that even seungcheol doesn't fail to miss. 

 

"i am."

 

he just wants seungcheol to hold him. 

 

like they always do. 

 

so he won't have to face these feelings, or these thoughts they both share and know they do. 

 

"why's that?" 

 

"you know why." he's sure seungcheol doesn't but he's bitter. tears threatning to fall over and wet his cheeks but he won't let them, he'll squeeze his eyes shut and pretend he doesn't know seungcheol leans in to look at him. 

 

the lemons have even been covered with sugar, as if it would help. 

 

in his head they play it off. in his imagination they poke faces and leave school since it is late. they don't like each other. they're only people in his head, not this.

 

he's not the same person in his head that pushes seungcheol off of him and punches his arm. he doesn't have the strength. not the same willpower to stay hiding and take what he's given: he wants. and he's greedy, makes a pathetic sound when seungcheol leans away and takes a step back and now the tears really are everywhere. he wants to hate seungcheol, he loves him so much. 

 

"jihoon-" 

 

none of it is as loving as he'd have liked. all of it-desperate. because its still late and the sun rises and sets in the same day he confesses hes in love and he can't take it anymore. rushes forward to kiss seungcheol. to taste him and wrap himself around the older boy pressing him further and further into the wall. like a blanket, his body warms jihoon up, icey palms pressed to the small of his back, hold his hips and guide him down when clothes are abandoned and endless gasps from the younger are swallowed down because its too warm with seungcheol in him and around him and its so scary. but he's in love. and he wants this. its too much to miss out on and he's desperate in the way that he yanks at seungcheols hair to ask for more. ask for his hands all over, to never stop touching him. it has to be now. they have to be together now or he'll lose this, the love, the feeling, the need he has to be seungcheols and be close this way till the sun comes back up. so he cries. cries when he's close, when he falls apart at seungcheols hands and cries when he gets so warm he feels cold. 

 

"one more time." jihoon mutters out, all but fifty two minutes and thirty two seconds later because he's currently sitting without anything on but seungcheols shirt that passes his thighs. his own pants off somewhere below him, near the wall. or the teachers desk. because its a lot harder to kiss someone from behind and jihoon complained for a solid twenty minutes to seungcheol until he'd given in and picked the boy up, laid him over the teachers desk and held jihoons hands to his sides when seungcheol had begun moving and jihoon said he wanted to hug him. 

 

he feels sticky. 

 

its not the most pleasant thing. seungcheol keeps kissing him. taking minutes away from cleaning jihoons stomach up, his thighs, between them and and all the places too sensitive to touch but he does anyway because he knows the younger will complain if he doesn't. but he tells him how beautiful he looks. simple brushes of his lips to jihoons forehead, his eyelids, cheeks and lips like a coldpress. dressing him up in seungcheol sweats from his bag, laughing a little when jihoon near 'bout falls because they catch under his feet, they're too long for his own legs. 

 

"you're eyes are puffy." seungcheol tells him after everything's over and they're just sitting. but its different now, not because they've touched and been touched and there were reasons to be afraid. 

 

there still are. but jihoon guesses they'll always have reasons to be afraid. things to be angry about. stuff that makes them sigh, like the fact that they may be locked in the schools campus because its almost nine and the moons still high in the sky. no sunlight. but that's alright. he can see seungcheols smile quite nicely this way, arms circling ssungcheols neck, long milky fingers tugging jihoons hazel locks and touching red patches of skin at jihoons shoulders, his neck. its beautiful. the scent. the warmth. the sticky, the moon, the uncomfortable burn in-well- places and the very uncomfortable seating in seungcheols lap since they're on the window seal now and its not working so well but its fine. 

 

"its because-" 

 

"i know why, jihoonie. you're still beautiful." 

 

"you're not just saying that since we-" 

 

"please don't ruin the moment." 

 

the next day, the day after, the one after that day and all the others-jihoon and seungcheol don't know each other in the halls. not like people see them. because they still co-exist in this big school of theirs, just separately. and when the days over, when meetings have been held, when teams leave-they meet. 

 

the same floor, the same room to the right-seungcheol meets jihoon. 

 

they meet each other. the hug and hold, they feel. on the occasion jihoon will question why they do this. what any of it means. sometimes seungcheol wonders the same thing. so he'll say, "let me know when you've found those answers out." tastes like lemon lollipops and melted sugar. kisses like he's in love, which he is-says it everytime jihoon cries. says when they leave. says it when they meet. on the occasion they'll walk past each other down the hall and he'll look at the brunette. if he's lucky he'll catch seungcheol without his tie of his shirt untucked and correct him in a class they share. and seungcheol feels nice when he walks jihoon to council meetings. five feet behind him. eyeing the floor the entire walk. 

 

sometimes they stay late. most times, really. now, here, in these moments he needs needs needs to do it now and love seungcheol. and he does. all in hiding, in moderation. but its something. he can tell seungcheol feels the same when he wakes a drowsy jihoon leaning against his chest in his lap and tells him to wake back up with the moonlight shinning down on them-kisses him here since he loves him. holds him together like he's fragile. precious.

 

"i want sleep." jihoon complains, knocking his forehead to the older boys softly.

 

"i want you." he purrs,

 

"we have tomorrow." 

 

"don't fall asleep, its too early." seungcheol says, rolls his eyes when jihoon mummbles a lazy, "i won't." 

 

shuts his eyes. 

 

waits for the sun to come up so he can do it all again.