AN:

1-There will be a lot of Ji Chang-wook and Nam Ji-hyun as we go further, but this is Ji Min-seo's story.

2-You don't have to read "That June Everything Changed" but it will give you backstory!

 

Prologue

 

Looking back, all these years later, I wonder whether I ever could have imagined my life the way it is today. I was sixteen when I started my diary. It was a birthday present from our neighbour and had bright purple dinosaurs on the cover. I thought it was so childish at the time. A hardcover, shiny and pink, and then those dinosaurs. But that summer we went away to Jeju and as the youngest and only minor, I started to write out my thoughts—the childish, self-centred kind of writing that I cringe at when I read back fifteen years later. 

 

It is hard not to feel nostalgic today. Especially since the summer I started journalling was the summer everything in my life, that summer started to lead me to where I am right now. Sitting in a Bride’s Room, waiting for the first guests to come in and wish me the best in my marriage. The dress I’m wearing is old fashioned because the last time it was worn was in 2021, by my eomma when she was about twelve weeks pregnant with my oppas. There are some small alterations: my waist is smaller than her's was at the time, my bust is bigger, and I am a little taller, very well, a lot taller than she is. There wasn’t enough material so the designer just added a band of fabric at the bottom. Even eomma says it looks better with the band of fabric at the bottom. I don’t know what Aba-mama thinks, he keeps tearing up whenever he sees me. His little Gongju all grown up.

 

And there was a lot of growing up I had to do between then and now. Realising that who you are and who you want to be is not the same is heartbreaking sometimes. When that happened, when my dreams came crashing down around me, that oppa was there. Not so expertly picking me back up, dusting me off, and sending me into the world again. Of course neither of us saw it that way. Who does? After all childhood friends only become lovers in dramas. It doesn’t make sense for someone you’ve known almost your whole life to go from friend to boyfriend to husband. But that is what happened to us. 

 

I’m glad I didn’t know it at the time. Can you imagine? Finding out at sixteen that your future husband was your tormentor? Thank you, no. Not only would it be unbelievable but it would also be against every hope and dream sixteen-year-old me had. But that oppa…looking back maybe he guessed a little about who we would be. Strangely enough our parents said from the beginning that we were destined for each other. It was a horrible joke. The same story they would bring out any time we fought: “Be careful, it looks like you are flirting! You might end up married if you act like that!” 

 

Right now I am holding that diary, the very first one. It is one of my wedding gifts for him. My first description of him. I will give him the diaries on our honeymoon. I will also give him something that might kill him—from happiness that is. I cannot believe that Aba-mama is letting me give that oppa one of his vintage motorcycles… but then again, nothing is ever too good for his little Gongju.

 

--

 

Chapter 1

 

Dear Diary,

 

My name is Ji Min-seo. I am (unfortunately) the daughter of Ji Chang-wook and Nam Ji-hyun. Everyone thinks this must mean I know all the celebrities and always get to go to amazing places. I do not. I have never left Korea… ever.

 

Being Ji Min-seo means that my eomma wants me to get amazing grades like my twin oppas—Hyung-min oppa1 and Hyung-joon oppa 2. And I do… And she expects me to be perfect with everything I do… which I also do… And when I say “do”, I mean that I am in the top twenty at my school, have never failed to get a part I auditioned for (starting from age eight), or be on time… I am, as a rule, always late.

 

Then there is my Aba-mama. My Aba-mama lets my Oppas get away with everything—you only need to look at his old instagram posts to see how much they did when they were babies. Meanwhile, he treats me like a Gongju-mamas. Oooo! That does sound good, doesn’t it? But Gongju-mamas—if you have ever read a history book or watched a sageuk you know that—have to obey all the rules, they have to do exactly what they are told, and they cannot disobey their Aba-mama. So I call Ji Chang-wook, Aba-mama. Only halmoni thinks this is funny. 

 

My oppas, though, are the worst. They are not only smart but they pretend that they are wonderful people. Both of them decided to do their military service early, which everyone, and I really mean everyone—all the knetz and international fans—thinks this shows their filial nature. But really they wanted a break from studying. But that isn’t why they are the worst. They are the worst because they are six years older than me and so make sure that I have 1-never had a boyfriend and 2-never had any fun. Everyone—and did I mention they have fans?—thinks this shows how much they care for me. Why do people think all these things? They share it on SNS—a shared account called “ Gentlemen Hyungs”—you can here the girls hitting the floor as they swoon. 

 

There is good news though: my oppas… are gone for two years!!! I cannot wait to get a boyfriend.

 

The only people I really love are my halmonis and my hal-abeoji. They at least are nice to me and support my desire to be an actress. You’d think with parents, who have won multiple awards for their acting, would appreciate and support my dreams… but they don’t. Eomma thinks that I should be writing because I’m always making up stories—which is why I was given this journal, which is ugly and childish. But our neighbour gave it to me and she is nice, more than nice because she always gives me ice cream when I visit. And Aba-mama thinks I’m too young to be making these decisions—I think he is still mad that I went to audition on my own when I was eight and he had to call off an interview with GQ to come and find me… The interviewer, of course, didn’t care. Look at all that fatherly love… barf.

 

I guess that is everyone. 

 

Not quite. I should explain. We are currently on Jeju Island having a “family” vacation. Except it isn’t really “family” because my only family here are my eomma and Aba-mama. My oppas are in the military and my grandparents didn’t want to fly. But eomma insists that the other people with us are family. They are my parents’ friends and their son. BUT, therefore, they are family friends NOT family. I like Park Seo-joon and Won Jin-ah. They are also actors, award-winning actors who are much more supportive of my dreams. Maybe I should say “sympathetic”. Their son is a nightmare. I hate him. He is beautiful to look at and does modelling. He isn’t as smart as I am. But because he is older (four years) and has flown to Paris and Milan, he tells me that he is smarter than me. Luckily he has a really boring and common name: Park Joon-ho.

 

The story is that they picked it at random while his eomma was giving birth. 

 

There are sooooo many famous Joon-ho’s though, that they were able to say they named him after Bong Joon-ho the famous, no LEGENDARY, Korean director. Because of that Joon-ho wants to become a director.  He isn’t good enough. Instead he is modelling and going to film school—though eomma says he must be good or have potential because he got into a very prestigious film school.

 

Aish. I have to go. “FAMILY DINNER”…

 

—

 

I never pay attention when I run down the stairs. We have been renting this villa on Jeju for years and I know it almost as well as I know our home. The best thing is putting out your hand and swinging around the last landing and jumping on the floor. My oppas and I always do it so no one really waits at the bottom of the stairs in case a 180cm man-child is racing down the OR me—and I go around faster because I’m 1-lighter and 2-reckless.

 

Poor Joon-ho, however… This is his first trip to the Jeju villa with us. And there he was at the bottom of the stairs calling my name and WHACK I careened right into him. We both fell hard on the ground and started shouting at each other almost immediately. 

 

“YAH! What were you doing standing there?” I shouted.

 

“What were you doing jumping down the stairs like that.”

 

“This is what we do… Aish. Didn’t they tell you anything?”

 

“Yeah, like the hyungs do anything like that.”

 

“They were the ones who started it.”

 

We were still on the floor while we had this argument. Then Joon-ho stood up. He held out his hand. I reached for it but he pulled it away at the last second. He grinned.

 

“Call me oppa and I’ll help you up.”

 

“No.”

 

“Fine,” he shrugged and walked away.

 

I rolled my eyes. It was strange but every time I wanted something from him, he asked me to call him oppa. I used to call him oppa all the time. But then someone overheard me and was confused and thought he was my biological oppa. So I stopped. That was about three years ago. Overnight I stopped calling him oppa. It took a while for him to notice but when he did it bugged him for some reason. Then he went to Paris for Fashion Week and came back thinking he knew everything. And he stopped caring what I called him. 

 

“Hey! Geogeo, get a move on.”

 

That is what he calls me, by the way. Geogeo. My mother had a cat called Geobug and when I was a baby I loved her. But I got confused because I thought all cats were geobugs. So every time I saw a cat I called it geobug. No one told me the truth until Joon-ho told one of his friends and the rumour spread around that a two-year-old thought cats were called geobug. They never let me forget it. 

 

Dinner tonight was outside. The big table set for six people. The sun setting, reflecting off the pool. Aba-mama and ahjussi-nim (what I call Park Seo-joon) were grilling meat, eomma was mixing a salad, and Hyung-nim (what I call Won Jin-ah) was setting out the side dishes. 

 

“Hyung-nim? Can I do anything to help?”

 

“Omo! Min-seo-ah. What did you do? Why do you have a bruise on your face? Your knee is all cut up!” Hyung-nim held my face in her hands and moved it back and forth.

 

“Geogeo ran into me. Aren’t you concerned about your son?” Joon-ho walked out carrying a tray of drinks.

 

“Joon-i, you should not say things like that. How could Min-seo running into you cause all these injuries on her?”

 

Now, I’m smart enough to know when to keep my mouth shut. If Joon-ho told the story, I would look reckless but he would look mean because he didn’t help me up or prevent me from falling.

 

“She was coming down the stairs and jumped into me!”

 

“Joon-i,” my eomma shook her head. “I doubt that she jumped. The children always come down the stairs like that. You must have been right at the bottom…”

 

“She… She was being… behaving like a child.”

 

“And you refused to help me up,” I smiled at him. I wasn’t going to defend myself. I was behaving like a child. The way we went down the stairs was childish. 

 

“I did offer…”

 

“But only if I called you oppa,” I reminded him.

 

Our eommas looked at each other. It was the kind of look that spells trouble. I shot a glance at Joon-ho hoping that he could think of something to get us out of a telling-off. He shook his head just a little to say he didn’t have a plan.

 

“Aba-mama!!! Ahjussi-nim!!! Do you need any help?” I ran over to them. 

 

“Gongju! Aish, what happened to my pretty daughter…”

 

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Eomma and Hyung-nim have already told us off.”

 

“Us?”

 

“Joon-ho was in the way when I came down the stairs, I fell into him, and he refused to help me up unless I called him Oppa, which, you’ll be surprised to learn,” I grinned at my own sarcasm. “I didn’t.”

 

“Ji Min-seo…” Any time I hear this kind of warning note in Aba-mama’s voice there is only one solution: aegyo.

 

“Min-seo-ah is sorry. Min-seo-ah will be better next time…” I pout and he crumbles. Before he regained his composure, I grabbed a plate of meat and brought it to the table.

 

“Aish, You really are trouble, you know that?” Hyung-nim laughed. “Here, come sit next to me. I want to hear all about the new drama.”

 

“Jin-ah eonnie, please don’t encourage her! She is taking off time from studying! I know I shouldn’t complain but I want my children…”

 

“Hyun-i! Don’t worry. Jin-i won’t encourage her too much,” Ahjussi-nim replied.

 

“It isn’t like she is particularly good…” Joon-ho said.

 

There was a hush. An angry, hostile hush as the parents all turned to Joon-ho.

 

“Oh, don’t listen to him!” I broke the silence. It hurt, it really, really hurt to hear him say things like that. Still he was just angry about what happened earlier so I could kind of forgive him. “He is just jealous.”

 

I stuck my tongue out. He stuffed a ssam wrap into my mouth.

 

“You two… I never know which way is up and which is down when I’m with you.”

 

After we cleared the table and finished washing the dishes, I sat by the pool. There were crickets chirping. There was a sea breeze but the stone terrace and soaked up the sun so felt warm to the touch. I lay down to look up at the sky.

 

“Don’t stay up too late,” Eomma called. “I’m turning the lights off!”

 

“Ok!”

 

Eomma, despite everything, is very understanding. She knows that I want to stare at the stars so she will make sure that all the lights are out so that I can see them better.

 

Now there was nothing to keep me away from gazing at them. Twinkling little stars and littler stars and the big moon. It was never like this in Seoul. Even though we lived outside of the city centre, you always had light pollution wherever you were. But on Jeju, here on the terrace, if it was a clear night you could see all the stars. It made me a little sad sometimes when I looked at them. In The Lion King, they are described as the kings of the past. What if, unlike what all the science books said, they were the souls from the past… did it mean that some souls were up there and some were not. Logically there were billions and billions of stars all over the universe. But here on earth we could only see some of them—only a few million souls looking down at us. Tonight was one of those nights. For no reason at all, I was feeling profound.

 

The breeze picked up and I hugged my arms to me. I wasn’t going in just yet but I was getting cold. Something soft and warm was dumped on my face. A blanket.

 

“Yah!” I pushed it off.

 

“You should say thank you,” Joon-ho said.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You also shouldn’t say “Yah!”… what if it had been one of our eommas or appas?”

 

“They wouldn’t drop a blanket on someone’s face. And be quiet. I’m watching the stars.”

 

He sat down next to me. When I turned my head, I saw he was drinking a beer. He was twenty, I realised all of a sudden. It made me frown. When had he turned twenty? When had he turned nineteen?

 

He looked down at me. Then spread the blanket over me. Then lay down to look up at the stars with me.

 

“Are you cold?” I asked.

 

“Sure.”

 

He pulled some of the blanket over himself. The warmth of his body added to the warmth of the blanket. I wouldn’t get cold now.

 

“Geogeo, you need to grow up. Stop acting like a kid. Running around. Using aegyo to get away with things.”

 

Even though I heard his words, my attention was focused on the stars. Which souls were watching over us tonight? And in Australia and the Southern Hemisphere there would be different stars entirely. What if the stars could come down? Like in the old stories or fantasy dramas. They would come down and cause problems or fix them. Or a star would fall in love with a human and try to become human so that they could be together. I was a little relieved that I had turned my sad thoughts about the stars being souls into happy thoughts of make believe stories. Dramas and movies that I could star in. Maybe even one day be in the same movie as my parents. People might like me then. Urgh. Back to sad thoughts. I took out my phone and pointed it to the sky. The camera captured the stars—beautiful pinpricks in the night sky. Perfect. I have a private account, well not private but secret from everyone else, where I take pictures and write stories. And I had the perfect story for this night sky. It would be two stars who come down to Earth and found themselves trapped. The only way they can return to the sky is to have their heartbroken. Except they fall in love with each other and are trapped on Earth forever.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

 

“Nothing…”

 

“No, here…” Joon-ho grabbed my phone and looked at the picture I had just posted. I bit my lip and prayed that he would just hand it back and not comment on the story. 

 

“Please give it back” my voice sounded strained, a little pitiful. 

 

“Fine. But you are still not a very good actress. You should listen to your eomma and write stories like this instead.”

 

“Why do you have to say that? Why do you have to be mean?” I didn’t sound angry. My voice just sounded dead. Like the person who reads out the next bus stop. “I never tell you that your dreams are bad. I never tell the twins that their dreams are bad. But everyone tells me my dreams are bad. Even halmonis and hal-abeoji are only nice because they love me. But they never encourage me. Am I really that bad? Honestly. Tell me the truth.”

 

“Geogeo… I… Geogeo, you aren’t bad. No, really you aren’t. And don’t listen to people who say you only get work because of your eomma and appa,” I heard him breathe in and out, in and out. “Just… you… you tell beautiful stories. Like this one.”

 

“Those are just silly stories. They aren’t serious.”

 

“If you are going to be a kid and not listen to what I’m trying to say… then… Why do I even bother trying to help you? All you are is a pain in the . You get into trouble and get out of it. You are allowed to do whatever you want. You are smart and… and… You think you have a hard life. You don’t. So get over yourself. Stop needing to be told how amazing you are. Not everyone is so lucky.”

 

His rant only confused me. It started off angry then it went, almost kind, then back to angry. I my side and looked at his profile. He took after his father but had his mother’s big, soulful eyes. These were glaring up at the night sky. 

 

“What did the sky ever do to you?” I asked. I hadn’t meant to say it out loud but I wasn’t going to take it back. His head flopped over. He gave me a funny kind of grin.

 

“Call me oppa and I’ll tell you.”

 

AN: Hi! Dropping this chapter now. Will try and update once a week or so.