Jaebum parked his new car in front of a very familiar café. As he waited for Jinyoung to come, he tried not to stare at the girl that was wiping the tables and talking to customers but he couldn’t help himself. It’s been almost a year and everything has finally been cooling down. Just as he was about to go down to memory lane, Jinyoung came and entered the passenger seat.

“What took you so long?” Jaebum asks, putting his seatbelt back on. “I literally only took five minutes, hyung.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes. They were going to Bambam’s at the excuse of celebrating their upcoming comeback but they were pretty much just hanging out because they’ve been too busy lately. As he looked back up to the café, the girl he was staring at was looking right back at him. It surprised him, she couldn’t see him; the windows were tinted. But he still stared back. They stared at each other long and hard but was interrupted by Jinyoung’s, “Hyung?”

Jaebum snap back to reality and drove away. Meanwhile, the girl watched the car until it disappeared. The window was tinted and she couldn’t see him at all. But she saw Jinyoung entered and she immediately know it was him. No wonder she felt like she was being watched over. He changed his plate number and even changed the car to a shimmering dark blue colour. But she was the one to choose the car for him, she’d know it anywhere. She sighs and finished cleaning the table she was cleaning. It’s over, she reminded herself again. It’s over.

Jaebum was quiet all the way to Bambam’s and was also quieter than usual for the rest of the day. When the boys looked at Jinyoung for answers he only mouthed a name to make them all understand. It has been a while since they’ve seen him being to solemn again. But as the good brothers that they are, they tried their best to get their leader distracted. It worked for a while. But as everyone was falling asleep and leaving, Jaebum was left alone with his thoughts.

“No… Don’t. You promised!” Under the rain, she fell apart right in front of him. A girl who never cried in front of people, who never cried in front of him… She is now desperately holding on to him, begging for him to stay. “It’s getting too dangerous…” He lets out. He had a script for this, where are all the words he wanted to say? It’s all gone after seeing her. “I can handle it. I told you, I wouldn’t have started this if I was too weak to deal with everything that would come with your fame.” She forced him to look down at her. He was taller, she had to tug harder. Jaebum gulp when they meet eye to eye. Sincerity flashed in her eyes. She meant every word. He is now hesitant.

But then the news of her house getting break into, the stalkers that creeped on her and not to mention somebody tried to rig her car… He looked back at her, determination back. “We’re over. Hate me all you want. I am not going to continue this.” He says, trying to sound firm but he was just as fragile as her at the moment. She shakes her head, just as determine, “You don’t mean that.” She says. A statement. No room for arguments. “…I do.” He stammered out. He clears his throat when it came out barely louder than a whisper. “I do. I mean it.” He says again. She shakes her head as the rain poured more heavily. “Please.” He was begging too. “Don’t make this harder than it is. I can’t be with you if all you get are death threats!” Tears fell down his cheek, together with the rain. “I can handle it! You can’t leave me for that reason, I’m willing to stay. Why aren’t you letting me stay?!” She yelled.

“Because your life is not only about me! You have so much offer to the world and all I’m doing is pulling you back from your full potential!” He yelled back, backing away from her touch. “But you promised.” She repeated, staring at the new distance between them. “You can’t do this to me. We were happy.” Jaebum smiles because she was right, but then he added, “You won’t be able to say that forever when you want to do something but held yourself back because of me and the relationship. You’ve cancelled so many plans, drop so many dreams just to keep us together.” She nods, not denying it. “So why are you putting all my sacrifices down the drain? Don’t they mean anything to you?” This time he takes her hand after taking a step forward, “You keep making sacrifices. That’s the problem. You keep on giving and never cared about you. I love that you are selfless. But that is not what I want you to be when you’re with me. You shouldn’t be sacrificing and suffering so much for me. I can’t take it. I’m never gonna forgive myself.” His broke voice down.

“We could still work…” Her voice breaks too, not breaking eye contact with him. “We can still…” He hugged her, cutting her from her sentence. “We won’t. Not the way I wanted us to be. I want you to be happy. But not like this babe, never like this.” She hugged him back. “Don’t leave…” She tried one last time. “I’m sorry.” He says, pushing her away after a lingering kiss on her forehead. “Please…” She says, holding on to his shirt. But he made up his mind. They couldn’t stay like this. “I’m sorry.” He repeated and walked away as fast as he can. He went into the driver seat and drove away without turning back. The girl watch him drove away, crying “No, no, no…” under her breath.

“Are you okay?” Mark’s voice suddenly pulled him back to reality. Jaebum turned to see the taller hyung watching him over worriedly. Jaebum smiles, “Is it really that obvious?” he asks, drinking the beer he was holding, Mark went out to the balcony where he was standing and sighs, “So you saw her today.” Mark said instead. Jaebum nodded. “How did that make you feel?” Jaebum sighs, “Makes me feel like I should still be apologizing to be honest.”

“Why?”

“Because after seeing all her success after we cut the relationship made me think she could’ve achieve all that earlier if I have never asked her out.”

“Jaebum, you can’t keep blaming yourself for this. She chose to do what she did.” Jaebum scoffed to himself. “I know.”

“So?” Mark went on. “Why do you keep blaming yourself? You were in love, it was only natural you would want to be with her.”

“Because…” A pause. “Because I knew she would always stay and fight for the relationship no matter what. She never put herself first and I knew that. I knew she loved me enough to put a hold on her life’s dreams. To make sure I was happy with what I’m doing even if it meant that she had to settle with something mediocre when she could be doing so much more.” Jaebum takes another sip from his beer, “You see, I was selfish. I didn’t want her to go. To leave me even for something that she loved doing. I should’ve supported her and let her wings fly. But… But all I did was cut her wings so she couldn’t go anywhere else but be right beside me.”

Mark stared at their leader, “And all these times everyone thought you broke up with her because of the sassaengs.”

“Well, there’s that too. But like she said, she could handle that. Besides, after some time, I was the one who couldn’t stand seeing her get lock in a box while I had the key to set her free all those times.” Jaebum finished his beer. “Goodnight hyung.” He says and went back in.

Mark watch him go. So the relationship really was deeper than what everyone expected it to be. But Jaebum was right, she really did soar high with all the success that she gained with her new movie and drama productions. He never thought she had that much talent in her. They really thought she was a part-time writer that was working in her brother’s café to get by. Boy were they wrong. Mark went back inside too. He wonders if Jaebum would ever do something about the fact that he was still in love with the girl he broke up with.

“I’m sorry.” Jaebum mumbled in his sleep.

“No matter what, you can’t break up with me if I don’t agree. Promise?” Jaebum smiles and nodded confidently, “A mutual break up. If there is ever gonna be one.” She slaps his shoulder playfully, “Promise me, c’mon!” Jaebum laughed and kissed her forehead, “I promise.”

They were too mature to say forever and always when the future was so unclear. That was one of the thing he loved about her. She was always real.

But then again, the break up was never mutual. “I’m sorry…” He mumbles again. Tears flowing down his cheeks even as he sleeps. A promise broken. And he can never fix it. “I’m sorry.”