It was raining again.

Ever since the purifiers had been launched, it was supposedly possible to walk outside without a mask filtering the air. From being somewhat harmful, rain had morphed to being healthy, cleansing the air, and hopefully, in the long run, the soil, too.

Chanyeol had told him that.

Of course the other would know about the details that might influence flowers and their growth.

 

Sehun softly tapped his nail against the window sill, the sound completely swallowed by the rain pattering down on the nearly deserted streets below. He felt it in his nail though, felt the rhythm that seemed natural but that he couldn't quite place.

There was nothing magical about it though.

It was just some melody slipping to the surface from his subconscious, flirting with the quiet music coming from the speakers. Sehun knew that.

Rainfall was supposedly safe now and yet barely anyone dared venturing out, much less without a mask. To Sehun, this degree of mistrust seemed healthier than any rumors. Time would tell whether the purifiers did their job.

He wouldn't hold it against him if he didn't want to go out in the rain, either. He really wouldn't.

Even so, Sehun was almost certain he'd show up.

 

He heard the other's slightly ragged breath just as his shadowy silhouette was mirrored on the glass.

"Sorry, I got held up at work."

People were subtly staring, and Sehun didn’t blame them.

Junmyeon was dripping wet, his dress shirt clinging to his chest where the jacket hadn't been closed, droplets of water caught in his lashes and gathering at the tips of his slightly messy fringe. Neither water nor wrinkled clothing nor exhaustion would be able to ruin his good looks though. Not when his eyes were shining like that.

Sehun bit back a smile as he scooted to the side, making room for him.

"You shouldn't run through the rain like that."

"My skin can take it," Junmyeon dismissed him, already flipping through the menu on the table. He had to be really hungry after such a long shift at work and yet his eyes kept glancing over at Sehun, seeking eye contact as he asked about his day. It made Sehun feel irrationally warm, and in the end, he had to order him to focus on his food first, customizing a shabu shabu set for themselves even though it meant moving away from their seat at the window. Sehun wasn't too sad about that since he preferred to pay attention to his company, anyway.

In his pocket, his phone vibrated. It was probably Chanyeol, sending him something random. He'd reply later.

Chanyeol would whine about him not being available at all times, and Sehun would endure it. He probably would hold back on mentioning Junmyeon for a while longer.

Just a little longer.

 

"I've had my nails done yesterday."

He’d said it almost bashfully. Sehun only nodded approvingly, looking at Junmyeon's nails.

"That's good, isn't it? They were bleeding the last time we met. That shouldn't be a default," Sehun commented. Sure, his earnesty and diligence were what got him into his position in the first place, and being an employee manager worked best when working among said employees, according to Junmyeon. That didn’t mean he liked seeing all the cuts and bruises on him though.
Being bashful about his own interests and decisions wasn’t something he saw a lot coming from Junmyeon though. 

It was probably showing off that didn't come naturally to him.

Or maybe it was the tiny little star dotting his ring fingernail.

"Cute."

The star vanished from his sight, slightly calloused fingers wrapping around a glass of chilled water.

"The lady at the parlor was just very enthusiastic," Junmyeon laughed awkwardly.

Sehun hummed and let him be.

 

That evening, he lay in bed, inspecting the nails of his left hand in the moonlight. They were every bit as unblemished as they'd been in the restaurant.

With a sigh, he pulled up the covers.

 

---

 

It had been a few months since Sehun had first met Junmyeon. They'd met exactly where Sehun was currently standing, in the entrance area of one of their largest grocery stores. Spanning over four large floors, it was one of the best equipped stores in town, the assortment ranging from exotic fruits and imported sweets to kitchenware.

 

Sehun preferred to buy his groceries at smaller, less busy stores but that day, he'd been in the area and in dire need of iced coffee to get through an exam phase.

It hadn't been raining back then, and Sehun had been tired enough for his vision to blur at the edges. So tired, in fact, that he'd forgotten his mask inside the car when his friend had dropped him off. He'd stood in the entrance way, all out of spare change, and feeling like an idiot. If only he'd packed his cards at least.

With a sigh, he'd walked up to the information counter to return enough of his purchases to afford buying a disposable breathing mask.

Instead of the usual, generically pretty-looking lady, a young man wearing a dress shirt was bustling behind one of the counters, hectically cleaning up, a phone pressed to his ear.

Patiently, Sehun had waited for him to end the call, giving himself a little pep talk. The guy in front of him may be shorter than him, but he was most certainly handsome and busy, which was somewhat intimidating. On the other hand, being incredibly stressed meant that he'd forget about Sehun as soon as he'd turn his back on him.

For the time being though, he'd smiled at him.

"Pardon. How can I help you?"

Awkwardly, Sehun had dug around his bag of groceries.

"I'd like to return a few things."

"Sure. Any particular reason?"

The question Sehun had expected and dreaded. He mentally shrugged it off and decided to be honest because lying had never come easy to him.

"I forgot my mask and need to buy a disposable one," Sehun muttered, instinctively hurrying as to not waste the other's time. "This much should be enough, right?"

A flash of sympathy flickered over the other's expression, and then he dug through the bag hanging from his hip.

The fabric landing on the counter looked slightly wrinkled, but the mask was still wrapped and not particularly cheap-looking.

"Here, just take this one."

"Are you sure?"

Back then, the man Sehun hadn't even known the name of, had simply smiled and made a dismissive wave of his hand.

"I have enough spare ones, just take it."

 

Sehun had been the first to wish him a nice day, head ducked and feeling a bit embarrassed.

Wishing a nice day or asking to come again were such retail-related things to say, and the guy behind the counter hadn't initiated any of that. He'd talked to him like they were same-age pals, like they'd known each other for years.

It had probably been that very attitude that had Sehun coming back after his exam, awkwardly sitting at the small bakery in front of the tills until Junmyeon appeared to buy himself breakfast, only to shoot to his feet and offer treating him to a coffee.

Back then, none of the employees had paid them any heed as they'd sat at the small table, properly introducing themselves and chatting between crispy bread rolls and croissants.

 

By now, the bakery ladies had long sparked the gossip which had spread like wildfire, leading to a good chunk of employees recognizing Sehun.

He was leaning against the wall of the entrance area, watching businessmen rip the masks off their face to enter the store while families patiently fixed the masks for their children, and most employees passing by sent him a quick nod.

Sehun was already nodding towards the next employee, a stray greeting dying on his lips when he realized that he was looking at Junmyeon.

"Sorry for being late," he said sheepishly, and Sehun only gently shook his head.

"It's okay. You're not even late."

As they walked to his car, Sehun pondered about the fact that 'Sorry,' was usually the first thing coming out of Junmyeon's mouth whenever they met. He forced his mind to focus on this, instead of the more obvious line of thoughts. That worked until they were almost back at Junmyeon's apartment.

"You dyed your hair," Sehun stated, already regretting it. If it was supposed to be a casual statement; he shouldn't have waited this long to make it.

Junmyeon hummed.

"I thought some change would be nice. I've never tried it before - do you like it?"

Sehun swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded, eyes trained on the side mirror instead.

"It suits you well."

It wasn't a lie. Dusty brown did look good on Junmyeon, and it was a change from his natural, black hair.

In the mirror, Sehun couldn't help seeing his own, black hair, however.

Just another affirmation that this person he'd been spending time with the past months, this person he'd grown to like... was probably not his soulmate.

 

"So... did you have any fun dreams recently?" Junmyeon asked carefully, and Sehun's heart sank a little further. Lying wouldn't do any good, either, though, so he tried to cover it up with a weak laugh.

 

"I never dream anything interesting, remember?"

 

---

 

Sometimes, Sehun felt like a time traveler. He was skidding from the quiet university and the scent of old books to the bustling, jarringly bright store Junmyeon worked at; from the quaint flower store Chanyeol worked at to the luxurious, sparkling glass house on top of Junmyeon's apartment building. There were so many kinds of loud and quiet, of solitude and company, and Sehun didn't mind the stark difference.

He felt like a time traveler who visited every scenario, never staying too long. Never truly belonging. Which was alright, because Sehun liked the change.
It was alright, but that didn’t mean he didn’t sometimes lie awake at night, asking himself the same questions over and over again.

Chanyeol was always the first to assure him that finding your soulmate was not a life goal, that he was perfectly whole and worthy on his own. That maybe his soulmate and him simply hadn't triggered their bond yet.

Sehun usually shrugged it off, but secretly, he'd tried so many things already. He’d never signed up for any of these pathetic online portals because he told himself he wasn’t that desperate but secretly, he’d kept dream diaries, taking notes of colors or images that seemed significant to him. He’d went through lists of the most common soulmate indicators. He’d dyed his hair, doodled on his leg with all kinds of pens, slowly convincing himself to stop being hopeful as he did so. His attempts became more casual as time went on, ducking in fear of disappointment, and finally, they stopped.

His soulmate could be long dead already.

That would be sad, of course, but in a way, Sehun hoped that was the case.

In a way, that would free him, allow him to be with whomever he liked without having to constantly fear his soulmate showing up at his doorstep.

But even if he was free... would Junmyeon be?

 

---

 

"Is this really okay?"

Junmyeo only chuckled, plucking the lid off the container, filling the air with the smell of fried vegetables.

"Why wouldn't it be? What are they gonna do, send me a warning?"

With a grin, Sehun made himself comfortable on the cushion.

Sometimes, he forgot that Junmyeon was not nearly as righteous and proper as one would expect, based off his appearance.

"It just seems a little... wrong," Sehun shrugged, plucking a pair of chopsticks out of the box.

The rooftop terrace was deserted as usual - it was a little sad that such a beautiful place full of light and flowers was only accessible to those too busy to visit it. Luckily, Junmyeon seemed to agree with him.

"Not like the smell of your food is gonna make the flowers wilt," he joked.

They were sitting close enough to have their thighs brush and that little touch alone made Sehun feel ridiculously excited.

Last week, they had met for dinner, and Junmyeon had touched his hand on the table, brushing his fingertips over Sehun's knuckles, unbothered by the fact that they were in public. It was a small gesture, barely worth mentioning, really, but to Sehun, it was a confirmation that yes, the other was interested in him. In being a bit more than friends. Junmyeon hadn't touched him like that before. Despite being somewhat touchy with his co-workers, there had always been a fine line drawn between them, and now Sehun was sure that this was a good sign, that being close to him meant something to Junmyeon.
That he was now toeing the line without ever overstepping it could only be led back to one thing.

Sehun knew. He'd known for ages.

"You know, I thought of getting tattooed," Junmyeon said conversationally, and before he knew it, Sehun cut him off.

"Already did that, don't bother."

 

The following silence was tinged in embarrassment and regret. He could feel Junmyeon stare at him, but Sehun only bit his lip and stared at the ground. Now that he'd said it out loud, it had sounded so arrogant and presumptuous. It was true though. There was simply no need for any of this.

"I've had my ears pierced, too, years ago," he added, swallowing down the awkwardness. There was really no reason to feel sick to the stomach. He'd known this all along, had known the conversation was going to happen eventually.

Better now than later, Sehun thought bitterly.

Out of the corner of his vision, he saw Junmyeon's hand fly up to touch his own ears. Of course he didn't find miraculous little holes he'd missed for years.

Instead of growing angry or voicing out his pent up frustration... Junmyeon chuckled.

"I was really obvious, wasn't I?" he asked quietly, gently, with that little self-deprecating smile that made Sehun's heart stop for just a second, only to then squeeze him with the urge to make him feel better.

"It's okay," Sehun shrugged, doing his best to look and sound casual. "I mean, considering I tried it all before, what does that say about me?"

Junmyeon made a sound between a groan and a sigh, soft and somewhat tired as he dropped his gaze and covered his face.

"I'm always so embarrassing," he hummed into his palms, and Sehun pushed the food container aside enough to properly face him.

"There's nothing embarrassing about this," he insisted. "You just wanted to know, it's normal. Honestly, I'm honoured you'd want to know. That you’d even consider- that."

He cringed at how awkward the end had come out. How juvenile of him, to hesitate saying it out loud. It.

Soulmate.

There was really no use saying it out loud though. There was no use hammering home the point.

"Maybe it's something else," Junmyeon tried, but Sehun wouldn't have it.

"Stop getting your hopes up. You'll only end up being more disappointed."

It was meant to sound final, probably even bitter, but it came out weak and dejected.

Again, Junmyeon only grinned awkwardly.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

For a moment, it was silent as they both stared into the night sky and a single petal floated to the ground. Sehun saw it clearly, heard the way the flowers rustled in the faintest breeze coming from the air conditioner, watched the shadows of the blossoming tree above them shiver on the ground. Anything to avoid the dreaded question.

Junmyeon broke the silence first, slow and careful.

"So, you don't really want to...?"

"Want to what?"

He'd expected Junmyeon to fidget, to back down, to stay at a polite distance like he usually did. What he didn't expect was for the other to answer without hesitation.

"Be with me."

Sehun stared at him, his mind wiped blank. Junmyeon seemed to horribly misinterpret his reaction, though, judging by the way his shoulders were sinking.

"Of course. You want to wait for that special someone-"

"I don't have anyone," Sehun cut him off a little too quickly, lips moving before he'd made up his mind. "But you deserve better - you shouldn't waste your time on me."

"Wasting my time?" Junmyeon echoed, gently shaking his head in disbelief. "Don't be silly."

"It's true though," Sehun insisted, crossing his arms in an effort to curl in on himself. "What if your real soulmate appears?"

"And?" Junmyeon only asked, encouraging him to go on as if he wasn't following at all. Sehun swallowed down the lump of growing frustration which had formed over years of silent fears and bitterness.

"And then you're with me instead, and you'll stress out over how to leave me nicely, because you're good like that, but even if I know that's how it works, I-"

His voice broke abruptly, refusing to finish the sentence.

I would still cry.

Junmyeon tilted his head, his full attention on Sehun and the nonsense he was spewing.

"You?” he echoed slowly, but this time, Sehun didn’t fill the gaps, so he continued on his own. “You... would be sad? Because you want to be with me?" 

Suddenly, their four year felt like 15 years instead. Sehun felt the heat rise to his cheeks.

"Of course I want to," he burst out, because of course he'd confess on a whim, defensively even, lacking any confidence or romance - not like it mattered, anyway.

Junmyeon however, relaxed at that.

"Okay, good. I was starting to worry here."

Upon Sehun's almost scandalized look, Junmyeon actually shrugged.

"What, you think that if your soulmate appears, you're obligated to drop everything for them?"

If he said it like that, it sounded stupid, but on the other hand, that was the point, wasn't it?

Junmyeon stayed patient, leaning back on his palms.

"I used to think that, too, and I've somewhat held back in the past. But if you think about it... there's no reason to wait for happiness to be given to you by someone else."

"Of course not," Sehun agreed with a thoughtful hum, trying to properly gather his thoughts. "But if someone's out there, destined to be your partner no matter what-"

"Then that means someone out there would fit effortlessly," Junmyeon cut him off calmly. "So what? It doesn't mean other relationships are destined to fail. Just because an easy route exists doesn't mean there's no others. Humans aren't like a puzzle - we change and adapt all the time. And just because someone out there will always work out with you no matter what doesn't mean you're obligated to give yourself to them. It's kind of a lonely, boring concept, the longer you think about it."

It was probably stupid, but hearing this made Sehun feel incredibly relieved. Sure, in a way, this was similar to what Chanyeol had been telling him all along, but Junmyeon simply seemed to... get it. Everything.

Junmyeon's head dropped as the embarrassment came rushing back.

"I sound so bitter, don't I? Hypocritical, too. After all of those silly attempts..."

Sehun shook his head.

"You're curious. Who wouldn't be?"

"It's not like I'd change my mind either way."

Sehun hummed, gazing up into the dark sky, all the stars swallowed by the light coming from inside the glass house.

"But you know... you're right. If we actually were the ones for each other, then that would be really boring, wouldn't it? Because it doesn't really matter what you or I do, we'd be drawn to each other, anyway."

It sounded almost clinical now, routinely, like they'd been a couple for ages already.

"Right?" Junmyeon asked in the tone of a person who had been battling these thoughts for a long time already.

"So..." Sehun trailed off awkwardly.

"So we agree?" Junmyeon offered,  and then there was a warm hand in Sehun's neck, encouraging him to lock gazes despite the fireworks in his stomach.

"We can do whatever we feel like."

His voice was low and yet oddly light, confident and carefully shy at the same time, silently asking Sehun to play along, to give him a sign. Junmyeon was such a peculiar, complex person beneath the pleasant surface, and suddenly, Sehun felt all the more excited. Running his hand over his thigh was exhilarating, knowing that he felt like this, that they both felt like this, with no inborn soulmate bond telling them to.

"Any ideas?" he asked lowly, trying his best to sound confident and sultry, but it just came out breathy.

Junmyeon actually smiled at that; small, warm, and happy.

When their lips touched, Sehun knew that this was it, this was him. Magical hair colours be damned, this was bigger than anything he'd felt before and it had to be him. The sensation was so violent it was almost overwhelming; a tug in his stomach, a strong fluttering sensation, a sigh being swallowed by Junmyeon, who kept seeking his lips, slow but sure. Firm, anchoring, uplifting, it was everything at once, and when Sehun drew away, his head was spinning.

He saw the other blink rapidly, blinking away the haze, and it was surreal to think that it was Sehun who had made him like this.

"Uhm. This probably sounds very cheesy," Junmyeon began, clearing his throat to will the raspiness away, "but did you see the lights?"

Sehun stared at him, caught between shock, daze and confusion.

He could only nod.

 

Was that the sign? The link, the hint, the indicator?

There was no telling, and there never would be.
Even years down the lane, they would see the lights and never know for sure.

That was alright though, because to them, the lights had another, very obvious meaning.