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      You are my sweetest downfall,
         I loved you first
        Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth...
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It was autumn, I think. Early in September, when the leaves of the ginkgo tree were just starting to change color, from fresh green into light yellow orange. Whenever I walk on the side of the street on my way to school, I count the number of leaves falling off from the tree branches and sometimes pick one or two of them and keep it inside the pocket of my backpack. I can't recall why did I do that but maybe the sixteen year old me have sound reasons. School was just starting then, the second semester to be exact and as a student in his last year in junior high, I cannot say I was really excited, nor looking forward to anything school or academic related. It'll be safe to say that I was just counting the days until it's February. If there's one thing I'm excited for, it's the idea that next year, I'll be in the same building as Jaebum hyung and Jackson. They're both in the eleventh grade and they seem to be enjoying it so I'm looking forward to share the same experience, too.

I remember walking across the open field, fifteen minutes away from my first class in the morning which unfortunately was Biology. And then I came to notice this guy wearing a black beanie, walking to and fro. He looks like he's lost or something. I immediately got the idea that he's not a student of the university because one, he's not wearing the prescribed uniform, and two, like I said he looks a lot like lost.

Mark Tuan.

This lost but nonetheless endearing guy. The way he stares with those almond brown eyes. How each word comes out of his thin but pink lips. It's all perfect. And although he doesn't understand any korean word being born and raised in L.A., I still somehow find it fun just having him around.

Okay. Maybe not just fun. Maybe it's more. 

It was more.

And maybe it has always been more. I just didn't see it, then. I should have known, anyway. As soon as we started hanging out even outside of school, at this park near our neighborhood... those times I stay with him, sitting on one of the benches, talking about random things until late at night, never minding all the nagging I would get when I reach home... yeah. I should have known.

It was autumn, I think...

when I first fell in love.

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       You are my sweetest downfall,
       I loved you first
      Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads...
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I never thought those small dates between a two high school boys will blossom into something more- something far beyond than just eating ice cream together and talking about silly and random things. And that got me thinking, isn't it always like that? There's always something more when it comes with Mark. He is always something more.

"Mark Tuan, Bachelor in Business Management."

I didn't know why I did cry back then, but heck I cried! I probably looked overly dramatic crying amongst the crowd as I took pictures of him, walking his way up the stage, getting his diploma. It just brings a flooding warmth inside my heart, seeing him finally getting the fruit of his labor. I was there with him through every ups and downs; through each of his struggles; through all those long nights of no sleep and just coffee, we have each other.

We always had each other. 

And how nice it was to keep it that way.

"Will you move in with me, Jin?" 

It was a month after his graduation and Mark had just bought his own place, in Myeongdong. It's near to where he is working so it was pretty convenient. I didn't expect that he'll ask me this particular question. We have been together for five years now and of course I would love to spend each of my every waking day with him but... "aren't we doing things too fast?" I asked him this. But he just held my hand gently, looking at my eyes with nothing but love and that ought to make me feel the certitude he's feeling when he said, "as long as I love you and as long as you love me, we can handle everything together."

And maybe time and destiny were on our side because things did go smoothly after that. I moved in with him, me and all four big boxes of my stuffs with me. Mark did make room for all of it. It took us a few days to sort everything out, but everything else went by smoothly.

I spent my last year in college, and graduated with a bachelor's degree in political science. Mark supported me through everything and even helped me to find the best law school where I could continue my dream on becoming a lawyer.

A month after my graduation, I looked for a part time job because I figured Mark could not be the only one working for the two of us. With the help of Yugyeom, a friend of mine, I got a job in this cafe owned by his bestfriend- Bambam. I got my first ever salary and Mark allowed me to do the budgeting. Only then did I realize how hard it is to be a legally working a