Today was the day, Hyejoo was finally going to meet Chaewon. They matched on Tinder about a month ago and have been texting and Face-timing ever since. Hyejoo had never met someone that she clicked with so easily. In order to get to Chaewon she had to take a 2 hour train ride but it was worth it.

When Hyejoo got to the correct stop she got off the train and walked towards the parking lot to meet Chaewon. She looked down and noticed her phone was dead. Just her luck that on one of the coldest days of winter she was stuck at a train station outside with a dead phone.

Oh god, what if she's going to show up here and kidnap me? What if I’m getting catfished?

Hyejoo’s mind was running rampant of multiple scenarios when she heard a loud beep. Her head quickly turned to the direction of the horn and she saw Chaewon waving at her.

“Get in!” She yelled.

Hyejoo felt a rush of anxiety noticing this was all real and that she was going to finally hangout in person with Chaewon.

“Hi.” She said while getting into the car.

“Hi yourself. I tried texting and calling but you weren't answering.” She said.

“Yeah um my phone died.” Hyejoo said shyly.

“Here, I’ll plug it in.” Chaewon took Hyejoo’s phone and plugged it into her car charger while Hyejoo watched her.

“See something you like?” Chaewon teased.

“Yeah, you.” She responded confidently.

“Oh wow, what a smooth talker.” She responded.

Both girls giggled and smiled at each other.

“Its nice to finally see you. I’m really glad you're not a serial killer.” Hyejoo said.

“Well, you don't know that yet. Come on lets go to my house.” Chaewon started the car and the two girls sat in a comfortable silence.

When they got back to Chaewon’s house they went straight to her room.

“Mom I have a friend over!” Chaewon yelled then shut her door.

“I don’t know if you told me this or not but does your family know you’re gay?” She asked curiously.

“Oh no, I’m not gay.” Chaewon said.”

“Oh alright well do they know you're biual?” Hyejoo tried again.

“Hyejoo, I’m straight.” Chaewon said seriously.

Hyejoo bursted out laughing. No way was Chaewon straight. They’ve definitely flirted and Chaewon even sent her a picture of her in her bra once. No, Chaewon was not straight.

“Ok very funny and I have 12 toes.” Hyejoo said sarcastically.

“I’m being serious, I’m straight.” She said.

Hyejoo locked eyes with Chaewon and saw the sincerity in them. What the hell was she doing over at her house right now?

“So why have you been flirting with me and leading me on for the past month?” She asked getting irritated.

“I do like you, I’m just confused because I’ve never liked a girl before.” Chaewon said quietly.

Hyejoo didn't know what to make of this situation. Sure she enjoyed getting to know Chaewon and had even developed a bit of a crush on her but she didn't want to get involved with a “straight girl”. She decided to push her thoughts aside and just enjoy the day with Chaewon, she traveled 2 hours to be here so she may as well enjoy it.

They spent the evening watching TV and talking. At one point while they were talking Hyejoo noticed Chaewon kept looking at her lips. Straight my she thought.
Hyejoo didn't want to make the first move because she knew Chaewon was confused and she didn't want to ruin things between them. But sure enough, the tension became too much and eventually Chaewon kissed Hyejoo.

Chaewon leaned in slowly and brushed her lips so gently against hers that she wasn't even 100% sure they kissed. Chaewon then came back for more and kissed her harder this time. They kissed harder and faster until they both needed air.

“Woah.” Chaewon said.

“Yeah, still straight?” Hyejoo teased.

“Shut up.” She replied.
_____

Hyejoo and Chaewon continued to hangout for a month before Hyejoo wanted to label things. She was over at Chaewons one night when she decided to ask.

“What are we?”

“What do you mean?” Chaewon replied.

“Like are we friends?” Hyejoo asked.

“Of course.” Chaewon answered.

Hyejoo nodded feeling sad. The more she got to know Chaewon the more she liked her. She knew Chaewon felt the same about her, she could tell by the way she looked at her.
_____

Another month passed when Hyejoo dared ask the question again.

“Chae, are we still just friends?” She asked shyly.

“I- no. I don't think so.” Chaewon said whispered.

Hyejoo smiled satisfied with the answer. They didn't need to be girlfriends but as long as they were more than just friends, Hyejoo was happy. Maybe she was a fool for liking a girl who was straight but she was happy. With Chaewon she was so happy.
______

About 2 weeks had passed since Hyejoo had last seen Chaewon and she was starting to get antsy. She would keep asking her when they could hangout but she was always given a new excuse. It was either “My parents are getting suspicious about us.” or “I have too much homework.” Hyejoo didn't know what else to do so she asked her older sister for advice.

“I mean don't you think its a little weird thats she's never once came to our house?” Sooyoung asked.

“No, why would that be weird?” Hyejoo responded.

“You put in all the effort. I get that you really like her but you always travel 2 hours there and back to see her but she never puts in effort to see you. Are you sure she isn't dating someone else?” Sooyoung asked cautiously.

Hyejoo’s mind started to wander and she started to think Sooyoung was right. It would make sense if she was just Chaewon’s dirty little secret.
____

That night Hyejoo called up Chaewon for answers.

“Hey.” Hyejoo said.

“Please don't be mad at me. I’m sorry we haven't been able to hangout lately. I can explain.”

“Are you dating someone?” Hyejoo asked nervously.

“What? Of course not! How could you think that?” Chaewon yelled.

“I don’t know. We live far apart and I never know what you're doing.” Hyejoo asked feeling embarrassed.

“Look Hyejoo, my parents are very religious and they'd ship me off somewhere if they ever found out about us. My mom asked my why I only hung out with you and I panicked so I’ve been hanging out with some other people from college. I don't want her to find out because then she’d make sure we’d never see each other again.” Chaewon explained.

“Are you sure? You're her daughter, I’m sure she'd accept you.” Hyejoo suggested.

“No. You don't get it. I’ve heard the things she's said about gay people. But look, you can come here tomorrow if you’d like.” She offered.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”
______

A couple of weeks went by and everything was starting to feel right again. Hyejoo realized she was falling in love with Chaewon and decided to tell her. When she got off the train she walked over to Chaewon’s car so excited to see her and spend the day with her.

As they were cuddling in Chaewon’s bed Hyejoo felt like she just had to confess her feelings to her even if they weren't reciprocated.

“Chae, I love you. You don't have to say anything back but I just needed you to know that. You make me so happy, I hope we can be in each others lives forever.” Hyejoo smiled.

“I love you too. I’m sorry for the way I treat you sometimes but I do love you. You make me happy also.” Chaewon pulled Hyejoo into a kiss pouring all of her emotions into it.
______

“Lets go on a date” Chaewon said suddenly.

“A date?” Hyejoo asked.

“Yes babe, a date.” Chaewon said.

It was the perfect first date. They went out to the city for dinner. When they got the menus Hyejoo realized she picked a very pricey Italian restauratn. She didn't mind thought, Chaewon deserved the best. Chaewon ordered the past and since Hyejoo didn't have enough money she just opted for a salad.

“Why’d you get a salad?” Chaewon asked.

“Uh… I’m watching my weight.” Hyejoo lied.

“What? You're perfect.” She responded.

“I’m just not hungry. Anyways, its supposed to snow tomorrow.” She said changing the subject.
______

While the couple walked around the city Chaewon noticed Hyejoo shivering. She took off her own scarf and wrapped it around her neck. She then pulled her closer by the scarf and kissed her slowly.

She kissed me. She kissed me in Times Square in front of everyone. Hyejoo thought.

“You kissed me.” She said smiling ear to ear.

“Yeah I did.” Chaewon said smiling.

This was progress, Chaewon had kissed her in front of people.

“I love you.” Hyejoo gushed.

“I love you too babe.” She responded.

They really did love each other. Hyejoo didn't know how much effort Chaewon truly was putting in. She didn't realize how hard it was for Chaewon to lie to her family an friends about her relationship with Hyejoo. Hyejoo made Chaewon so happy and she wanted to shout it from the rooftops but she couldn’t. The time they spent together was the only time Chaewon was truly happy. The time they were not together Chaewon was falling apart and Hyejoo didn't even know it.
_____

Things were good between Hyejoo and Chaewon. They were so good Hyejoo began to believe that they could overcome any obstacle that hit them. They started seeing each other more often and Chaewon even went over Hyejoo’s house. Things were ok, they were going to be ok. They loved each other and love always wins.

Hyejoo and Chaewon were young and naive. They were each others first loves and truly thought they could be each others last loves. They had a month of happiness until things got bad. When things got bad, they got really bad. Chaewon could no longer lie to her mom. She hated lying, it was tearing her apart.
_____

“Well what if you told her?” Hyejoo offered.

“Stop. She will break us apart.” Chaewon said sternly.

“Babe, you don't know that.” Hyejoo tried.

“How could you be so stupid? She's my mother of course I know she’d ruin us.” Chaewon screamed.
_____

The fights only got worse and so did the stress. Chaewon had tried to end things but Hyejoo kept convincing her not to. Hyejoo was putting so much time and effort into trying to begging Chaewon to stay with her that she felt pathetic. Should she have to beg her? No. Begging was a degrading feeling and she was quite ready to give up.

Hyejoo was oblivious to how much this situation was hurting Chaewon. She didn't know Chaewon cried herself to sleep every night over this. She didn't know that Chaewon had blocked her number multiple times to make it easier on them. She didn't know Chaewon would unblock her number immediately because Hyejoo was Chaewons only source of happiness.
_____
When Hyejoo received a text from Chaewon saying it was done for good she wasn't surprised or sad. She was numb. She was expecting it to end soon. She felt her heart would forever be broken. She couldn't move on and she didn't want to. Numb, numb, numb. No emotions. She didn't eat and she didn't sleep. She allowed Chaewon to be her only source of happiness so when Chaewon left her she had nothing. She didn't know who she was without her. What made her happy before Chaewon? What made her smile before Chaewon? What did she live for before Chaewon?
After about a week the numbness passed. Now she felt everything. When it finally hit Hyejoo that she would never see Chaewon again it hit her like a ton of bricks. The tears came slowly and then all at once. She cried and she cried and she cried. The only time she wasn't crying was when she was sleeping. However, she tried to avoid sleeping because whenever she closed her eyes she saw Chaewon. She was dreaming about her all the time. Why was Chaewon brought into her life? Just for her to end up heartbroken? Just to make her happy and then to be ripped away from her? She knew no one compared to Chaewon and no one ever would.