Kris likes to think he is a man of sophisticated tastes, whether it comes to clothing, cars or people he dates. But he also knows how to appreciate simpler pleasures, such as an exceptionally perky almost peeking out from tight shorts worn by a guy, who looks like he belongs on a cover of a punk rock album.
“I’d his so hard he wouldn’t be able to walk for a week, and he would still beg me for more. My would split that tight in two,” Kris says to his friend, not trying to keep his voice down. The object of his… compliments is talking animatedly to another guy, except he is using his hands only. He must be deaf, so Kris doesn’t worry about it.
His friend, Chanyeol, has been studying in China for the past two years, and his Mandarin still isn’t the best, but Kris taught him all the important phrases. Chanyeol might not be able to order a meal without making at least three mistakes, but he can discuss fine aspects of butts and like a professional producer.
“Look at how slim his hips are, I’d breed him like a thirsty all night long.”
The guy in question suddenly turns around, mocking expression on his handsome face. His nose is a bit too big, but it’s not like Kris would…
“The only thing you’ll be ing is your own hand, and that’s only if you don’t mind seeing your grandma’s face every time you’re about to .”
“What?”
“You’ll be seeing your grandmother’s face every time you are aroused, and that’s a promise. Enjoy, Yifan.”
Kris looks at Chanyeol, who seems equally confused (although that’s probably because he didn’t quite understand the exchange), and when he turns again to the stranger, the boy is nowhere to be seen. And neither is his friend. It’s almost like they vanished into thin air, but that’s just ridiculous.
“What did he mean by that? And how did he know my Chinese name?”
“Yifan, your name?” is all Chanyeol manages to articulate.
Kris manages to forget about the stranger for all of two days, but it all comes rushing back when he brings a girl home to have some fun. Everything is going smoothly, her bounce enticingly very time she moves, and Kris’ is ready for action. The girl, whatever is her name, slips out of her flimsy dress, while Kris puts on a rubber. He is about to enter her hot body, when his nan’s face appears in front of his eyes. Not literally, but he just can’t stop thinking about it, and his softens just as it touches the girl’s body. He desperately tries to bring it back to life, assuring his partner that it’s never happened before, but his biggest pride isn’t cooperating. The girl rolls her eyes and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ‘yeah, I bet it never happened’ and then leaves.
He tries to e few hours later, but every time his nan’s face pops into his mind, and he simply can’t finish. He loves his grandmother a lot, but he doesn’t love her like that. That would be gross, and Kris isn’t gross.
He also doesn’t believe in supernatural phenomena, yet he finds himself googling curses, hexes and spells. Two hours later he is pretty sure he’s been cursed, but he doesn’t know what to do with this knowledge. According to the internet, the easiest way to get rid of the curse is to convince the person who cursed him to reverse it. But how does he find someone who can use magic?

It turns out to be surprisingly easy, even though he hasn’t started looking properly yet. ual frustration and related sleep deprivation are taking a toll on him, so he stumbles inside the coffee shop next to his Uni. There aren’t many people inside, so he takes a quick look at the menu and is ready to order, when he realizes that the owner of a beautiful and awful personality is staring at him from the other side of the counter.
“You! You are a wizard!” Kris whisper-shouts, not wanting to draw any attention to them.
“No. I’m a witch. Can I take your order?”
“No! Remove the curse!”
“Did you change?”
“What?”
“Did your attitude change?”
“Why would it?” Kris asks genuinely confused and the witch – whose name appears to be Zitao, rolls his eyes.
“Because you’re a little boy, who needs to be taught a lesson.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m older than you. Also, you, I’ll find a way.”
“Mhm, good luck with that.”
Kris storms out of the coffee shop without buying any coffee. He is angry enough to keep himself awake for the next few hours. Instead of taking notes during the class, he researches witches and discovers that there is at least one witch hunter in the area. He goes back to the coffee shop after he is done with classes, feeling more prepared for the confrontation. Except Zitao isn’t there. Kris learns that his shift ended half an hour ago, so he goes home and tries to . Perhaps the witch took pity on him. Just as he is about to come, his grandma’s face pops into his mind. He lets out an angry growl and decides to take a cold shower.
He goes to the coffee shop bright and early, hoping to avoid the morning rush. He doesn’t want anyone to think he is crazy.
Zitao blinks at him slowly when he approaches, and Kris has to admit that the boy is as attractive as he was when they first met. Pity he is such a .
“I could just go to a witch hunter,” he announces victoriously. “He will force you to remove the curse!”
He doesn’t know what to expect, but a flash of fear in Zitao’s eyes definitely isn’t it.
“You know that he will try to kill me, right?” the witch asks, worrying his plump bottom lip.
“What? No! I’ll just ask him to help me with the curse. No killing will be involved.”
“That’s not what witch hunters do, Yifan. They kill us.”
“Oh. Uh. How old are you?”
“Eighteen.”
Kris looks into Zitao’s dark eyes and comes to a conclusion that eighteen is awfully early to die and maybe he doesn’t want anyone to die for his ’s sake. There are other ways. Or one way, because finding another witch seems impossible. Unlike witch hunters, they don’t advertise on craigslist. Probably because of said witch hunters. Anyway…
“Just remove it then.”
“No. You have to change,” Zitao raises his chin stubbornly. “You need to become a better person.”
“What do you care?”
“Well, it’s my you wanted to ‘split in half’, so I feel like I should do something about it. The girls you don’t have the abilities that I do.”
“You little punk… How do you know my name anyway? Can you read minds?”
“I read it from your aura. You’re so self-centered that it almost smacked me in the face.”
“I could smack you in the face with something else,” Kris mutters, not sure whether he means his hand or his . This time, he orders coffee, black, and goes back to his flat to regroup.
He comes back two days later, but even he has to admit that his idea isn’t the best. Still, there’s no shame in trying.
“I will pay you. How much do you want? You’re working here, so you must be poor.”
“That’s offensive,” Zitao scoffs, “and I don’t want your… your mother’s money.”
Kris wants to argue, but it’s a little difficult since the witch is technically right. The money he owns has been given to him by his mother, but they’re closely related, so it shouldn’t really make a difference. But he can tell Zitao sees it differently.
“Listen, Zitao, I will…” he doesn’t finish the thought, distracted by a girl in a tiny dress. “Look at her legs,” he wolf whistles, and the girl sends him a coy smile. At least she can appreciate when a handsome man compliments her.
“You’re worse than a dog,” there is so much disgust in Zitao’s voice, that Kris almost feels like he’s done something bad. Then again, so many girls and guys slept with him because he pursued them in such manner that surely it’s the witch who is wrong.
Since Zitao doesn’t want his money, Kris decides to harass him every day. He can be annoying if he wants to, and he hopes to break the younger man.
Sadly, Zitao seems far more resilient than Kris suspected.
Two weeks in, the witch throws him an apron and says, “You might as well work here with how often you are around. I already told Han we’re hiring you part time.”
“What? But… what do I do?”
“You never had a job before?”
“I’m rich,” Kris deadpans.
“What a spoiled brat,” the witch mutters, but there is a small smile on his lips betraying his amusement. “Let me show you the ropes.”
Kris doesn’t even know why he decides to stay and do everything Zitao tells him to do. The only perk he can find is that he can ogle Zitao’s as much as he wants, since the witch spends a lot of time with his back turned to him. But it shouldn’t be enough to make up for the fact that Kris is, objectively, absolutely terrible as a barista. Granted, it’s his first day, but he is used to being good at everything, so his pride takes a blow.
But Zitao smiles at him by the end of the shift, so at least there is that.
Kris doesn’t quite think it through, because after the first week he has to change his schedule, since he still has to go to classes. Zitao doesn’t take the same classes, so they have different shifts two days out of five, which really isn’t helping Kris make any progress. And he can’t stomach Dylan, the guy who shares those shifts with him, so it would be best for Kris to give up, find another way to break the curse.
But he doesn’t. He continues spilling coffees and breaking cups just to have a chance to bother Zitao three days a week. Which, he argues to himself, is more than he would have if he didn’t work there at all.

Kris’ mom laughs her head off when she learns about his new job. Then, she decides to visit him, because she cannot comprehend that her son suddenly decided to find a job. Kris laughs with her, but he isn’t really feeling it. She is the one who raised him, so it’s slightly unfair for her to undermine him like that. He never thought about it before, but he also never did anything that wouldn’t be expected of him.
He doesn’t really believe his mother will come for a visit, she is much too busy most of the time, but she surprises him in the middle of a shift. Zitao is working that day, and Kris is sure the witch is going to have a field day once he realizes that they are serving Kris’ mom.
Kris’ ego can be, admittedly, quite fragile, so his hands shake while he steams the milk for his mother’s latte. He doesn’t spill anything for once, but he doesn’t do it perfectly, and he can tell by his mother’s little smirk that she notices.
“Shouldn’t you draw me a flower or something?” his mom suddenly asks.
“I… We...” he stutters, unsure how to answer without sounding like an idiot when Tao swoops in, snatching the cup from his hand.
“Actually, I still haven’t trained Yifan to do that, so I’m responsible for coffee art at the moment,” Zitao pours steamed milk into the coffee as he says it, creating a perfect rosetta. He isn’t lying, but Kris is still grateful that the younger man decided to interfere.
“So you’re the one training him? Tell me, Zitao, how bad is he? It’s his first job, he is probably annoying you with his incompetence.”
Tao seems confused, he sneaks a glance at Kris before turning to his mother again, “He is still new, but I can certainly say he isn’t the worst employee we had here. I once had to tell my boss to fire someone after day and a half or the coffee shop wouldn’t survive it, and all our customers would leave. I’m yet to hear any serious complaints about Yifan’s coffee or tea. Ah, excuse me, I have to check up on the scones.”
Kris’ mother looks stunned, but then she smiles knowingly and winks at her son.
“Now I understand why you’re working here. Go get him, tiger!” with that, she leaves.
When Zitao returns from the backroom, Kris approaches him shyly.
“Thank you for having my back… I didn’t think you’d lie for me.”
“Lie? I wasn’t lying, it’s not your skills that are the problem. It’s your attitude. It’s normal to make mistakes while you’re learning.”
Kris feels overwhelmed by the urge to kiss Tao’s stupidly pouty lips, but the witch goes back to working, as if they didn’t just have a moment™. Which they did, Kris can vouch for that.
Nothing exciting happens for the rest of their shift, so Kris spends the day wondering if he should go easy on the witch and stop bothering him so much as a thank you. That lasts until the evening, when he thinks a bit too much about Tao’s thick thighs and magnificent , gets a hard on, and… Still doesn’t manage to .
So yeah, he definitely can’t forgive Zitao for what he’s done.

Kris doesn’t really know why he’s been invited to Jackson’s house, but he’s been promised free alcohol, so he showed up, even though he barely knows Jackson. He expected a party with girls, but it turns out to be a sausage party more than anything else, with people Kris doesn’t know well. But there is enough alcohol to keep him interested.
There is also his boss, whom Kris has never met before, so that’s a bit awkward. Especially since at first he doesn’t realize it’s his boss, so he stares at him, contemplating whether he wants to hit that or not. They guy is quite soft and feminine, and Kris would prefer his skin to be slightly more tan and his features to be sharper. It’s a recently acquired taste.
“Oh, hi, you’re Yifan, aren’t you? You’re my newest employee.”
“...what?”
“I’m Lu Han, the owner of the cafe you work at. You’re the guy Tao hired, right?”
“...yes. Um. Nice to meet you, sir.”
“No, nononono, please, no. I’m not a sir, you can call me ‘Han’, I’m not much older than you, if at all.”
Now that he knows he’s been staring at his boss, Kris definitely doesn’t want to bang him. They chat for a while, and he learns that Han is straight and has a girlfriend, and that Tao is basically his right hand man. Kris wonders if Han knows Zitao is a vindictive witch.
“Tao? I know Tao,” Jackson butts in. He is swaying slightly, already buzzed. “He is a pretty little , isn’t he? We used to date.”
“And then you cheated on him, you ,” someone mutters, Kris doesn’t remember his name, but he seems to be close to Jackson.
“Well yeah, he shouldn’t have left me without any action for so long! I have needs!”
“He went away for a week! For his grandfather’s funeral!” another guy joins in, and Kris wonders why everyone seems so involved in the drama.
“Yeah, imagine having someone as hot and willing as Tao, and cheating on him with a who wouldn’t even do . I don’t really care about him, but man, he would dress up and role-play for you!”
Han starts to look mildly constipated, probably because he is Zitao’s friend, but even Kris isn’t comfortable with the conversation. And that’s saying something.
“That, he did. I might apologize to him just to be able to hook up again, I still to his pictures.”
“Pictures?” it slips out, but Jackson quickly pulls out his phone, more than willing to show Kris the pictures he took. Zitao in lingerie, Zitao in a y nurse outfit, Zitao in a flimsy dress, on a lollipop… None of them are , but they’re still terribly intimate, not something that should be shared with random dudes at a party. Kris’ takes interest, of course it does, but… “Can I send them to myself?”
“Sure dude, knock yourself out,” Jackson snickers, giving him the phone. Han glares at him.
“Have you made any copies? You know, as a backup?”
“Nooo, but I probably should. Thanks for the idea, dude.”
“No problem,” Kris replies as he deletes everything that seems too intimate to be on Jackson’s phone. It’s not just Tao’s pictures, there are some random guys too, and Kris deletes them all.
He hands the phone back and watches Jackson turn red, white and then red again. But he is slow, too drunk to move properly, and Kris is out of the door before Jackson can reach him. They aren’t friends, he doesn’t care.
Once he gets home, he opens his laptop and deletes pictures of his ex-girlfriend. He never showed them to anyone, didn’t keep them as a blackmail material. He kept them for his own pleasure, it never occurred to him that his ex would want him to delete them. She never told him to. Then again, she might have been afraid he would post them online out of spite. He shoots her a message, just so you know, I deleted the pictures you sent me and is surprised how good it feels to be a decent person for once.
The next day at work Tao almost nudges him into the wall, and Kris thinks he is in trouble. For what, he doesn’t know, but he is sure the witch would easily find something to be angry about. Maybe he didn’t clean the tables properly, or maybe Zitao finally noticed the broken pot Kris hid in the bottom drawer they never use. It was one of the fancy pots they kept on display, and Kris wasn’t supposed to touch them, but they were so pretty...
“Han told me what you’ve done.”
The noise Kris makes is something between a whine and a whimper.
“I haven’t done anything! ...I think.”
“You deleted my photos.”
“Ah, that. Yeah, I did. Didn’t seem right, unless you wanted Jackson to be showing them left and right?”
“No, I didn’t. I… I asked him to delete them, but he just laughed. Told me it’s my punishment for breaking up with him, even though he was the one who cheated on me.”
Kris doesn’t really know what to say, so he settles on… “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that, I know you hate me for the whole curse thing… I… Uh...”
Zitao comes closer, and despite everything – Kris expects to be hit. Instead, Zitao presses a sweet kiss on his cheek.
“Thank you, again.”
“Y...y...you’re welcome,” Kris stutters, red as a tomato.

Almost three months after he started working, Kris comes to a conclusion that he actually likes it, even the morning shifts. He likes inhaling the smell of brewing coffee, joking around with his coworkers as they wipe the tables and swipe the floors, but he especially likes eating leftover pastries with Zitao after closing, chatting about the day they had and marveling at how much food Tao can put away without gaining a single pound.
What he doesn’t like is the customers. Some of them. The ones who shout at him for being too slow or who deliberately spill the coffee because they claim it tastes bad, even though he made it exactly the way they asked. But there is one customer whom he dislikes in particular. He is around thirty and goes by the name ‘Show Luo’. Kris knows it isn’t his real name, but the one time he tried to say something about it, Zitao shut him down by pointing out that ‘Kris’ isn’t exactly his name either. Arguable, but Kris doesn’t like losing, so he kept his mouth shut.
The problem with Show is that he likes Tao too much. Kris can see the way Show looks at the witch, at his body… it’s inappropriate for a thirty year old guy to lust after an eighteen year old boy. Zitao needs someone closer to his age who won’t ize him.
Tao is manning the register, when Show saunters over, smiling like he’s won the lottery. Kris is pretty sure he is richer than him, but okay, whatever.
“Hey Zitao.”
“Hello! What can I get you today?”
“Hmm… how about a soy latte with two pumps of caramel syrup and your number?”
“One soy latte with two pumps of caramel coming up!” Tao laughs, ringing the man up. Kris, who is responsible for preparing the drink, considers using regular milk, let Show spend some quality time on the toilet, pondering his life choices. He decides against it, if Han fires him there will be no one to protect Zitao from the erts.
“He is such a creep, Han should ban him from the cafe,” Kris grumbles when Show finally leaves, as far as he knows - without Tao’s number.
“Why? I think he is sweet.”
“Sweet? SWEET? He is trying to date you! He is thirty! THIRTY!”
“Show is only twenty nine.”
“Still too old for you, and he knows it. Everyone knows it, and… What are you looking at?”
“This girl,” Zitao nods towards someone, and Kris follows his gaze to check who managed to grab Tao’s attention. The girl is tall and leggy, quite attractive, but as far as Kris knows, Zitao doesn’t fancy girls. He snaps his fingers to distract the younger boy.
“She is pretty, yes, but we’re talking about something else, so it would be nice if you could focus on that.”
Their conversation goes nowhere, because Zitao refuses to see reason, so Kris decides to take things into his own hands. He doesn’t have to wait long. Week later Tao gets sick and has to take few days off. When Show comes to the cafe, Kris puts on his best face and growls, “Listen, Taozi is too nice to tell you off, but if you won’t stop harassing him we’ll talk differently. He is my boyfriend, so back off, old man.”
Show looks mildly terrified, probably because Kris is at least head and a half taller than him. Thankfully, the older man doesn’t know that Kris lacks the dexterity to use his long limbs to his advantage, and he isn’t strong enough to beat anyone up. Well, he could probably win against a small teenager. Maybe. But Show doesn’t know that, so it works.

From: Taozi

I ran out of food, buy me some before you come over. My address is (...)

Kris reads and then re-reads the message five times before it really sinks in. He doesn’t remember writing down Tao’s number, it’s definitely been done without his consent. The witch must be really sick, if he decided that Kris is the right person to help him, perhaps even dying. Kris quickly drives to the store, buys whatever his eyes land on (including some rather questionable items, such as wet wipes and courgettes) and speeds towards Tao’s flat. He needs to make sure the witch removes the curse before he succumbs to illness. Some sources claim that the curse would be lifted after the witch dies, but other people disagreed with it, so Kris would rather play it safe.
Zitao doesn’t look like he is dying when he opens the door. He looks perfectly healthy, eyes bright and skin glowing.
“Hi, come in. I’ll make us some dinner.”
“Aren’t you sick?”
“I’m better now, I just wanted to talk to you without other people around.”
“Okay, but let me do the cooking, you shouldn’t exert yourself.”
Instead of sitting down, Zitao stands next to him and watches him chop up everything. Kris is offended, he is a great cook, thank you very much. The ingredients aren’t the best, but he can still whip something up and impress the witch.
“Han said you told Show you’re my boyfriend.”
“How the does he know that, he wasn’t in the cafe, and Dylan was on a break!”
“Han is a mage, he doesn’t have to be there to know what’s going on. Anyway, you...”
“A mage? A MAGE?!” Kris knows he is shouting and that he should stay calm, but his employer IS A MAGE. Nothing prepared him for that, even if Zitao is a witch.
“Yeah, but it’s not important at the moment. Why would you tell Show off?”
“Because he is an old ert and you deserve better.”
“Interesting. What about the girl we saw a week ago?”
“What girl?”
“The one who came to the shop and showed us her when she bend over to pick something up?”
“What about her?”
“You politely told her we can see her underwear when she does that, and that she should be careful about it.”
“Well, what else was I supposed to do?”
“Drool over her? Like you’d have done few weeks ago? By the way, she did that on purpose, she was making eyes at you, and you didn’t even notice.”
Kris thinks about it for a second. He obviously remembers the girl, but he doesn’t remember being interested in her at all, or her hitting on him. He mostly remembers that Zitao was wearing a pair of deliciously tight jeans that almost gave him a . Oh.
“I think you find me attractive,” Tao murmurs, pressing against Kris’ back.
“I always found you attractive, that’s how this whole show started.”
“Yes, but you also like me now. Before, you wanted to me and then leave. Now you want to and date me.”
“...maybe.”
Tao is rock hard against him, and he isn’t shy about it. He is slowly rubbing his against Kris’ , and the older man finds himself enjoying it. He doesn’t usually bottom, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad with Zitao.
It turns out Tao isn’t interested in ing him, it’s just a very pleasant introduction to the main course. It’s only when he disposes of a that Kris realizes he just came without thinking about his nan. In fact, he didn’t think of her even once while he was and ing Zitao.
Seeing his astonished face, the witch asks, “Haven’t you noticed I lifted the curse two weeks ago?”
“No..? I haven’t really tried getting off in some time now, alone or with someone else.”
Zitao’s happy smug face tells him everything he needs to know. He changed without even realizing it.
Well, .

Outtakes (aka why Jackson escaped Tao's wrath):

“Why didn’t you curse Jackson?” Kris asks, because Jackson is the only other person he can think of, who could really use a lesson in humility.
“I wanted to, at first. I have this ability, so why wouldn’t I use it for revenge? But my grandma always told me to be careful and not let my emotions guide me. If I cursed Jackson, he would think I did it to get him back. And maybe he would be right. I wasn’t emotionally involved with you, I just wanted there to be one less in this world.”

If you enjoyed this silly nonsense, you can buy me a coffee