Yujin’s POV

My name is An Yujin.  I’m a 16-year-old member of an idol group called IZ*ONE. Recently, I’ve come to become very aware of a certain someone. This certain someone named Jang Wonyoung. Okay, maybe that was a lie. I was aware of her from the very beginning though I would never really admit it to anyone.

When we first met, she was only in elementary school. Just a week after she joined us at Starship, a few trainees and I played a little prank on her. She was born in 2004, and I was born in 2003. Our birthdays were only a day apart, but I was a year older than her.

She didn’t know that though because we managed to trick her into believing we were the same age. For quite a while, she was calling me without any honorifics and thanks to that, she got comfortable around me really fast! However, I felt guilty and eventually told her.

I still remember her cute shocked face when I told her the truth. I remember the way she exclaimed “Yujin unnie!!!” loudly at me.  She was so adorable I couldn’t help but to squeeze her cheeks and laugh at her.  She pouted at me at first, but her gaze become softer as she smiled gently back at me.

“Wonyoung?”  I curiously questioned her. She didn’t say anything at first, but instead poked my cheeks with her fingers. She then let out a little laugh.

 “Unnie, you have the cutest dimples!” she exclaimed as she looked right into my eyes. Suddenly, I felt my heart beating so rapidly as though it would burst out of my chest any minute. I couldn’t even look at her, but somehow I managed to mutter thanks back to her softly.

She didn’t seem fazed at all and instead, she quickly started talking to me excitedly about her new favorite movie. Every time she’s excited her eyes would beam so brightly, and I would just patiently listen to her. I loved listening to her talk. I could do it all day.

Ever since the day we met until today, nothing has changed. We would always talk about anything and everything under the sun.  I had only known her for a year more than the other IZ*ONE members, but honestly, it feels like we’ve known each other forever.

That’s just how comfortable I’ve come to be with her. We always joked and played around, and so I thought that what I felt for her was normal you know, just like how anyone would feel for their own dongsaeng.

During Produce48 too, she never once left my side. When I lost all confidence in myself and couldn’t perform I Am properly, I was so upset and even lashed at her. I accused her of wanting to pick Miru in her team from before because she knew I would fail and bring her down. I couldn’t deal with all the criticism I received and the harsh words I saw from the Internet, and it was breaking me apart. That was just how worthless and useless I felt.

That’s why I thought, what would she know? She wasn’t struggling like me. She found herself and was thriving. I mean her performance Rollin’ Rollin’ won the most votes. Her future was set and her debut was certain. Not like mine after I’ve messed up like that.

Don’t get me wrong. I was happy to see her do so well, but I tried to push her away because I thought there was no way she could understand what I was going through.

I know I definitely hurt her a lot, but even then she refused to leave and stayed by my side. While I sat in a corner and cried pathetically, she embraced me tightly without saying a single word. I wanted to push her away again, but I didn’t have the will nor the strength to do so.

Plus, I felt comfortable in her arms and didn’t want to let go. I remember just crying to my heart’s content on her for God knows how long. Once I calmed down, she loosened her grip on me and wiped the tears off my face gently with her hands.

“Your hands….they’ll get dirty…” I whimpered at her.

“So what? You’re more important to me than that. I’ll always be here for you Yujin unnie. When you need to cry and don’t know who to turn to, you can run to me.  I’ll always wipe your tears when they fall. No matter how many times,” said Wonyoung reassuringly to me as she pat me on the head.

“Wonyoung…thank you…but next time we can use tissues you know.”  I chuckled at her with my signature dimples. She chuckled back and sat beside me on the floor. With our hands entwined, she laid her head on my shoulder.

“Yujin unnie, back then I said I’ll pick Miru unnie instead of you because I wanted us both to shine. I don’t want to debut without you unnie…” said Wonyoung as her voice slowly started to trail off.

It had been a long day. We were both exhausted, and so she had now fallen asleep. I stared at the angel now lying on my shoulder with a wide smile plastered on my face. I really don’t know what I ever did to deserve Wonyoung or have her care so much about me. My heart brimmed with so much emotions I could barely contain it.

I silently kissed her on the forehead and whispered “I love you bunny”. I would never have the guts to do anything like that when she’s awake. So, I hope she somehow knows just how much I care about her and how badly I wanted to debut with her too.

I can also still remember the day of the Produce48 finals vividly. I remember being so nervous as they were announcing the final member lineup one-by-one, and they were still yet to announce mine.

I promised Wonyoung we’ll debut together, but would I really make it? I suddenly felt so afraid because what if I was unable to meet all those hopes and expectations that were placed on me? What if I ended up being a disappointment for those who so warmly supported me and cheered me on?

All those thoughts haunted me, but my biggest fear was being separated from her. I never realized how big her presence was in my life till that day. I couldn’t imagine not having her laughing by my side and going through the ups and downs together like we always have. 

She really supported me and believed in me more than I did in myself. I wanted more than anything to proudly debut with her and be there for her too whenever she needed me.

When my name was announced in the final lineup, I could barely believe it. I started to hyperventilate like mad, and Yena unnie who was just by my side gave me a warm, reassuring hug. I still couldn’t calm down, so I frantically searched for her in the crowd of people who were congratulating me.

When I finally found her, I reached out to her and embraced her tightly. It didn’t matter what others said or thought. No one could make me feel the way Wonyoung did. She is home to me. Being in her arms always gave me comfort and relief, and somehow it always felt so right like it was where I was meant to be.

We let go for a bit as the rest were congratulating me, and I still remember how attentively she looked at me as she wiped the tears off my face with her hands. I told her before we could use tissues but I guess neither of us had tissues on us again. Haha. I’m older than her, but yet she is always taking care of me like this. That moment, I told myself I needed to be a reliable unnie to her too.