[YUMJI]

A/N : This is my first time doing this. The words exceeded my limit. I wanted to delete this because the story didn't end in the way that I want.

PERSONAL

Umji's POV

The smell of the new book I bought always calm the anxiety of going back to the dorm, knowing I have to put up again with the girl who always makes me question my uality. I clutched the book that I bought tightly to my chest as I entered their dorm, my dorm mates are Yerin and Yuju; both have a weird personality.

 

Yerin is not there because she goes to SinB’s dorm to watch a movie with her, the only person left is Yuju; the girl who I wanted to avoid but faith have a funny way to make me suffer.

 

I saw Yuju sitting on the floor while writing something on her journal, I said hello to her but I think she didn’t heard me. That’s one of the reasons why sometimes I hate her, she made me feel like nobody but on the other part of me telling me that Yuju is too drowned inside her thoughts that no one can enter. Once she got in too deep, her whole system shuts down the unnecessary noise.

 

Whenever I saw her in that state, she looks like floating in a bubble of different space; her body is emitting a sparkly shield that even I can never enter.
I continue to my room and decided to take a rest; I don’t want to deal with her nor with my feelings.

 

It’s so confusing.

 

It’s literally confusing me. I want to forget my feelings for Yuju because this really affecting me on daily basis. How does one person forget it? How do I move on from someone who is always there knocking out my defense?

The only distractions that I can do is reading books, and walking at night. Books are the thing that can make me forget her name even existed, walking at night releases all my pent up emotions after having her beside me for almost all day.

 

It’s good but not until she walks inside the room, wearing a baggy clothes on with her messy bun, going to her same spot on the floor at the living room with her journal as she write down things that no one can ever know. Yuju will occasionally squint her eyes when she’s concentrating, and then bites her lower lip as she slowly writes on her journal. And there goes my distraction. Even if she does nothing, it still takes my breath away.

 

I love watching her.

 

I cannot think straight. I tried everything to forget my feelings for her, I know everyone noticed how I became distant to Yuju but I did it for myself. I tried pushing her away but just a single hug from her takes all these bad thoughts away from me. Every moment I have with her is a mystification that even I was left on the edge of my emotions; perplexed. I tried looking for her imperfections but I just ended up loving all of her flaws.

 

It’s hard.

 

It’s really hard when I know her feelings for me will stay as a friend. She’s sweet, caring, all the things that can make my heart flutters but she also do those things with everyone on our group, especially with Yerin.

I think this is the downside of catching feelings with your friend because you don’t have any reason to feel “jealous” but can you blame me? Love tends to make people go selfish when it comes to their loved one.

 

It hurts.

 

What actually funny about my situation is Yuju’s happiness is my priority. Her every smile, her laugh, everything that will make her feel contented matters to me a lot. I want to know if she’s okay or if she’s feeling sick. 

 

What I have for her is not an ordinary crush anymore and it really scares me.

 

A knock on my door stopped my reverie; I walked slowly and twisted the door knob gently. There I saw Yuju standing with a big smile on her face, “Hey, Yewon!”

I love how my name roll off on her tongue, it actually sounds like she’s an angel singing my name. She always use my name when we are not in front of the camera.

I was in trance before I realized I was smiling like an idiot in front of her.

 

“Oh, hey Yuju. W-What’s up?”

 

“Yerin and I decided to buy groceries. Do you want us to buy something for you?”

“Oh…”

 

She and Yerin will go out. Of course, they want to go out without me. Gosh, stop it, Umji.

 

“I want grapes. Thank you.” I gave her a small smile before closing the door.

I don’t want to stare longer at her face because jealousy is actually gnawing inside me and it’s making me think toxic things.

 

 

“This is getting worse, Yewon.”

 

I slumped my body on the edge of my bed and took the book that I bought earlier, “Do I Wanna Know” that’s the title. I opened the first page and read that the character is a singer who was reunited with her ex-band mate.

“Why do I feel like this story will hurt me?” I muttered to myself. I continue to read the next paragraphs until I didn’t noticed that I slowly dozed off thinking the female lead character have the same situations just like her.

 

 

~

 

The clamor of the utensils and the laughter between the two girls in front of me are the only things that I can hear right now.

“Umji how’s the dinner? Yerin prepared all of them. She’s great, right?”

I looked at her, seeing Yuju smile like makes me feel two things right now. I love her smile but knowing I am not the reason why she’s smiling makes my heart aches. I put up my biggest smile, "It's really delicious, Yerin. You can be a good chef!"

Yerin smiled shyly, the smile that makes me so soft for her, "Really? I have a plan to build a restaurant, do you want to invest on me?"

Yuju put another dish on my plate, "Eat more, Yewon. You've been dieting so bad. Your body is getting thinner, even the fans noticed it. Next comeback, you'll just a walking air if you continue this."

 

Stop it, Yuju. You're making me fall harder.

 

I wanted to tell her that but of course, I am too scared to tell her about my feelings. I stared at her again, she's looking at me with concerned on her eyes. Tell me how can I really move on from this girl when she's doing all good things to make me love her even more?

 

I almost forgot that Yerin is sitting with us until she coughed to get our attention.

 

Yuju turned away from me then held the glass of water to .

Yerin stand up, cleaning her place then smirks at us, "I'll just put my plate on the sink. You two continue on eye-ing."

 

The food on my mouth just got stucked and almost choke me, that statement from Yerin caught me off guard. Yuju spit the water on her food and ran towards Yerin to slap the back of her head, she whispers something on Yerin's ear and which made the latter laugh loudly.

 

 

"Jeez, Yerin..." I muttered as I eat my food.

 

~

Crickets are music to ears when one does know how to appreciate the sound of nature. The sky is not like any other night, it is full of grey clouds hiding the stars and the moon from me.

It's kind of bummer since it is one of the highlight of my every night walk. I put my hands inside the front pocket of my black hoodie and reminisce all that happened today.

While busy in thoughts, I feel another presence behind my back, I quickly look around me just to see a couple doing nasty things in the dark.

 

"Ew, they need holy water."

 

I decided to return home since my mood is ruined now but a familiar figure caught my attention. She's standing behind the tree, it's little bit dark on that spot and if I didn't knew her, I would not notice her standing there, heck I would not even recognize that it's her.

Thanks to the cap she's wearing.

The question is why is she here?

I made sure that everyone is sleeping earlier before I go out, and I did not even feel that someone is sneaking behind me.

I don't want to overthink so I think it's better to pretend that I did not see her and if she started to ask me why I am here in the middle of the night, I'll just shrugged it off.

~

The Moon Is Beautiful, Isn't It?

~

Third Person's POV

Every night, Umji secretly walks all alone at the Han River. It is her way to free her mind from stress. It's the only time she can really relax without thinking about work, or about her life.

Yuju knew about this. She accidentally discovered this one night when she woke up from a bad dream. Yuju got up, feeling the need to drink cold water but she heard their dorm's door opened. She quickly sneaked to see who are still up at this wee hour and saw Umji with her black hoodie going somewhere.

It's been weeks and the routine remains the same. Yuju don't want to bring this issue to the oth