Gabi na at nasa school field pa si Baekhyun, wala nang masyadong tao. Yung mga varsity players na nagpa-practice papauwi narin. Unti unti nang tumatahimik ang paligid, ayaw nya pang umalis, hindi pa.
Kasalukuyang naka upo sya ngayon sa damohan, lumalamig na rin ang ihip nang hangin na dumadampi sa kanyang mukha. Inayos nia ang kanyang pagsandal sa malaking puno at tumingala sa langit. Napakaliwanag nang ulap ngayon, kitang kita ang mga nagsisikinang na mga bituin, sobrang salungat sa nararamdaman nia -- makulimlim, walang liwanag.
Napangiti siya nang makakakita nang falling star, napakaganda -- ang isa ay nasundan nang pangalawa. Naalala nia, tamang isang buwan ngayon, gabi-gabi dito ang tambayan nila nang kaibigan nia, tamang isang buwan na hindi na sila nagkakasama. Sa tuwing nandito sila, saktong lugar kung nasaan siya ngayon, tumitingala lang silang dalawa sa langit walang kumikibo basta masaya na sila na kasama ang isa't isa, kasama ang kalangitan at mga tala, pakiramdam nia buong buo siya -- noon.
Biglang napawi ang ngiti sa labi niya nang maalala nia ang mga panahong sana hindi nalang nawala, sana wala nalang nagbago, sana puro saya nalang wala nang sakit, wala nang lungkot, wala nang kirot. Unti unti siyang napayuko para punasan ang namumuong likido na nagbabantang tumulo sa kaniyang mga mata. Sa ginagawa nia ngayon, napailing at napangiti nalang siya sa mga nangyayari kasama na yung nararamdaman nia, kung tutousin hindi naman kasi dapat -- wala siyang karapatang masaktan kasi wala namang pinag-usapan.
Inayos nia ang kanyang sarili at naglabas siya nang isang mabigat na buntong hininga, napahinto siya nang may kamay na bumungad sa gilid nia, may dalang strawberry milkshake. Muli napangiti siya, ang kamay, alam na alam nia kung sino ang nagmamay-ari nang kamay na yun, tumingala siya sa taong nagbigay sa kanya nang paborito niang inumin -- Chanyeol.

"Hi! Pwedeng maki-upo?"

Umusog siya nang konti, yun lang ang tanging nagawa nia. Gustohin nia man pero walang salita ang kayang lumabas sa bibig niya, mahirap para sa kanya. Ilang minuto na rin ang nakalipas pero ni isa walang nang nagsalita. Nakakabingi ang katahimikan, meron namang gustong sabihin ang isa't-isa pero kahit si Baekhyun mismo hindi niya magawa, hindi niya pa kaya.
Biglang bumilis ang tibok nang puso niya nang marinig niya muli ang boses ni Chanyeol -- oo na miss niya.

"Na-miss ko to. Na miss kita Bae..."

Alam niyang nakatingin si Chanyeol ngayon sa kanya, ramdam niya. Hindi siya nagsalita kaya nagpatuloy ang katabi nia.

"Ngayon nalang kita nakita dito. Ang saya ko nang makita kitang nakaupo dito sa tambayan natin." Ngumiti si Chanyeol, ngiting punong-puno nang lungkot at saya, ngiting hindi niya maipaliwanag. "Kamusta ka na? Isang buwan din."

"I'm leaving. We're migrating to Soul Chan." Napatingin siya saglit dito, bago nia alisin ang kanyang mga mata nakita niyang sumimangot ito, parang nalilito.

"What?! When?

"Tomorrow morning, it's my last day today at Uni."

"Why didn't you tell me Bae? Ba't parang ang bilis?"

"Matagal nang plano to nina Mommy. Una kasi ayaw ko kaya 'di ko na sinabi. Pero ngayon parang kailangan na." Biglang lumiit ang boses niya sa huling sinabi niya.

"Bakit kailangan na? Bakit hindi mo sinabi agad sakin Bae? Hindi na ba ako importante?" Hinawakan ni Chanyeol ang braso niya para magkaharap silang dalawa. "Ano bang nangyari? Ba't parang naging ganito tayo? Isang buwan, isang buwan na bigla ka nalang umiwas sakin."

Sa pagkakataong 'to pinilit ni Baekhyun na tagpuin ang mga mata ni Chanyeol, nalilito ito. Kahit siya sa sarili niya nalilito din siya, hindi nia kaya, hindi niya na kayang manatiling malapit kay Chanyeol, alam nia kailangan niya nang umalis. "I'm sorry Chan." Napayuko na naman siya, hindi nia kaya. "I'm sorry for deciding to leave without telling you."

"Don't you think it's unfair for me Baek? Sobrang tagal na nating magkaibigan, halos lahat alam na natin sa isa't isa. Nangako tayo diba? Nangako tayong kahit anong mangyari magkasama parin tayo, kasi tropa tayo, para nang magkapatid. Pero ano to? Iiwan mo ko? You're being selfish."

Chanyeol is confused and in pain right now, he knows, he can feel it. Pero kasi hindi pwede, hindi pwedeng iikot lagi mundo nia dito.

"If you think this is being selfish Chan, then yes, I am being selfish."

"Why? Why do you have to do this? I like you as my friend because you are selfless Baek, you always remind me to do good things. What am I--"

"You don't get it don't you?!" Biglang tumaas boses niya kay Chanyeol at napahinto naman ang isa na parang nadagdagan pa ang pagkalito. "That's the point Chan, we're just friends, tropa lang and I can't handle it myself. Alam mo naman na pag kaya ko sinasarili ko naman ang problema diba? Pero kasi iba ngayon eh, I know you will always there for me pag alam kong kailangan ko na nang tulong. But how? How can I ask for your help if my problem is you Chan? How can I even stay if I kept hurting myself?" Taas baba ang boses nia, nanginginig, nalulungkot, nasasaktan.

"Tangina Baek! Don't tell me....please don't tell --"

"I am in love with you !" He made a sharp look and released a pale smile. "You know I'm gay, you weirdo!" He's making the mood light as much as possible, he doesn't want to cry, not in front of Chanyeol.

"But I have a girlfriend, I'm in love--"

"I know. And I don't ask you to love me back. I know from the beginning there's no chance between us but sometimes you know, at some point, I'm hoping that there's the slightest chance." napabuntong hininga siya ulit nang malalim. Alam naman niya na masasaktan siya pero hindi niya inakala na sobrang sakit pala. "The moment I saw you look at her, I know you like her and you will love her." Damn, she can't even say the girl's name! "And I don't blame her, I don't blame you, please know that. This is all on me Chan, I fell in love with you knowing the consequences will be hard. Hindi ko nga lang alam na magiging ganito ka sakit, akala ko kasi makakaya kong patayin nang ganun ang nararamdaman ko. Pero tangina nga talaga, ang hirap!"

"Please don't do this Baek. I can't..." Hindi na alam ni Chanyeol kung anong gagawin niya para manatili ang matalik niyang kaibigan. "Sobra akong nasaktan sa isang buwan na hindi tayo nagkausap, paano pa kung habang buhay?"

"I'm sorry but we have to. I have to. I can't live like this. I can't take myself seeing you happy with someone else while I'm slowly wrecking, please understand."

"Why didn't you tell me? Only if I knew early...only--"

"What? will you love me back?" He raised his hand reaching Chanyeol's face. "I know you love me Chan, but not the way that I do. And I don't wanna force you to love me because I have deeper feelings with you. You won't be happy like this if I'll do that."

The moment he put his hand on Chanyeol's face the guy slowly closed his eyes and reached his hand pressing it to his face, feeling Baekhyun's warmth, the warmth hell lose any time now. "I will miss you..." The moment he saw tears from Chanyeol freely flowing from his cheeks, he knew he can't hold it anymore, they're both crying now.

"I know. And I will miss you too. This big round eyes..." He's holding Chanyeol's face with both of his hands now tracing the guy's face he'll probably love forever. "...this perfect smile, your soft lips, ghad! You don't know how much I want to steal a kiss from you..." he chuckles, he clears his throat. He saw how Chanyeol was shocked by his revelation. "..kidding aside, I will miss your face Chan, your big ears, your deep and husky voice and this..." He gently presses his hand on Chanyeol's chest. "...this pure heart. Please never lose that, with that heart, you made me fell in love with you." Dahan-dahan kukunin na sana niya ang kanyang mga kamay na nakahawak sa mukha at didbdib ni nito nang pigilan siya.

"Let's stay like this for a while..." Ramdam nia ang mahigpit na paghawak nito sa mga kamay nia at napaluha na naman siya, parang ayaw niya nang umalis. "Are you sure about this? Will you surely be happy?" Chanyeol looked at her swelling eyes, still crying."

"I am really happy that you are happy Chan, I do. But for now, I need to find myself too. So yes, I will probably be happy if I'll leave." He tried to release a  small smile to assure him that he's telling the pure truth from his heart. "I will stay if I can but I'm slowly losing myself right now and I don't know what will happen if I'll let this feeling break me. I'm sorry..."

Sunod-sunod na tango ang kanyang natanggap mula kay Chanyeol kasabay nang pag bitaw nang mga kamay nito sa kanya. Alam niyang yun na ang hudyat, unti-unti niyang inalis ang kanyang mga kamay at napayuko sabay patak nang kanyang mga luha.

"Please never say sorry to me, it was never wrong loving a person. I'll say thank you instead. Thank you for being so selfless despite you being hurt, thank you for taking care of me all these years, thank you for telling me even if I can't return the amount of love you pour in me." Chanyeol's voice is cracking again, and it made him cry even more. He raised his head again even if his feeling is too heavy already. It's like he's carrying the heaviest object in his heart and any time soon it will crash without warning. He smiles again, he will smile all through their conversation if that's the only way to lighten up the mood, even if deep inside he's in pain.

"Thank you for accepting me, for who I am. Thank you for not judging me despite my uality." He wiped Chanyeol's face before he said his last favor. "And one more thing, please don't come to the airport tomorrow, I will not handle it. I'm okay with this, please..hmn?" He can see how Chanyeol is not in favor of the idea but he gently raise his head anyway. He pulls his hands from the guy's cheeks and smiles again. "So this is goodbye then?" He said cheerfully, but who is he fooling though? His voice is cracking again.

"I guess..." Chanyeol said in a low voice. "Can I leave first Bae? Hindi ko kayang tignan ka na umaalis palayo sakin."

Isang mapaklang ngiti ulit ang binitiwan niya sabay tango sa lalaking sobrang mahal niya. "Goodbye Chanyeol. Don't skip meals, please be healthy and be happy always."

He saw Chanyeol smirked before saying a word. "It's funny how you tell me to be happy when part of my happiness is leaving me tomorrow."

"Chanyeol..."

"I understand Baek. Don't hold back. I'm sorry. Paalam..." Bago ito tumayo hinalikan nia ang noo ni Baekhyun, puno nang lungkot ang halik, panghihinayang at sakit. Ilang sigundo rin bago siya pinakawalan nito sabay tayo at talikod sa kanya.

Inihatid niya nang tingin si Chanyeol habang naglalakad ito nang mabilis papalayo sa kanya. Hindi ito lumingon o huminto manlang, sobrang bilis ang pagkawala nito kagaya nang bilis nang pagtulo nang kanyang mga luha, hindi na ata titigil yun sa tingin niya. Napahagulhol siya nang malakas nang masiguro niyang sobrang layo na ni Chanyeol sa kanya at hindi na siya maririnig.

-END-