Siwon’s day starts at 6:30, every day. His alarm is loudly beeping but he is already awake. He fights for few seconds with the urge to wrap himself in the blankets again but he can’t. He must get up.

 

Siwon stands up with a sigh and stretched his back before hurrying to take a shower. After shower he shaved and put on grey suit pants and white shirt, his grey suit jacket and navy blue tie are laying on his bed. It is almost 7:00 when he opened door of his brother’s bedroom.

 

Yesung must have some inner clocks because every day he wakes up around 7. Yesung has already opened eyes and waved to his brother.

 

“Hi!”

 

Siwon smiled because his baby brother is always so happy despite his life. Well, he isn’t exactly his baby brother, not his body. Only Yesung’s brain stayed like a brain of one year old baby. Siwon kissed Yesung’s forehead and then uses corner of the small towel which is tied around his neck to wipe a bit of drool from Yesung’s small chin. 

 

“Hi Yesung.”

 

Siwon pulled away his blanket and he is careful to not push all of his stuffed animals out of the bed. Yesung is clutching his favorite black stuffed bear in his hand and now rubs the bear against his cheek. Siwon untied a string on his sweatpants and pulled them down to his ankles. Then he gently rolled Yesung on his side and started to take off his used diaper. Siwon is a pro now so it only took him three minutes to take off the dirty diaper, clean his bottom and then putting a new diaper on him. Siwon threw the dirty diaper and wet wipes in a small trash bin and then washed his hands. He started to Yesung’s pajama top and then managed to undressed completely. Siwon grabs a small plastic basin and filled it with semi warm water and throws a washcloth inside. 

“Lets wash you so you can start the day all fresh and clean.”

 

Siwon smiled on Yesung and pays attention if he stands in his field of vision. Yesung is blind on one eye while the second one is sparkling with joy that his hyung is here. Siwon kissed his forehead again and then started to gently wash him with the damp washcloth. It is 7:30 when he finished bathing him and dressed him in a fresh T-shirt and shorts. In a corner next to a window is Yesung’s wheelchair so Siwon quickly sat him inside and buckled a safety belt around his waist.

 

He wheeled the highchair in the kitchen and stopped at the dining table. He cooked crunchy French toasts and then checked the time and sees that he has no time for breakfast. At least he is going to feed Yesung. Yesung is happily babbling nonsenses in his own language and eats the bites which is Siwon offering to him. Siwon almost inhaled his toast and then they hear keys rustling in lock of their front door.  

 

“Hi Sunny!”

 

Siwon got up from his chair and goes to finish dressing up and took his briefcase. Sunny, who is Yesung’s health visitor, smiled and took off her jacket and shoes.

 

“Good morning sunshine!”

 

Sunny walks in the kitchen and Yesung started to happily flap his hands in happiness.

 

“Sunny, don’t forget that I am going to come home later than usually.”

 

Sunny nodded because she remembers what Siwon told, he is reminding it to her every day, countless times. She is going to stay longer today because Siwon is having a date with Ryeowook.

 

“Enjoy your date and remember that I can stay with him overnight.”

 

Siwon is tying his tie and then kissed Yesung for the last time. Sunny wiped Yesung’s mouth which is a bit messy from honey from the French toast.

 

“Say bye to hyung.”

 

Yesung jerkily turned his head toward the front door and smiles on his brother

“Bye bye!”

 

Siwon waved to him too and then left their apartment. He would like to get a bit better apartment, this one has only two rather smaller bedrooms and one big room which is kitchen connected with living room. Siwon would like to have a room for gym where he could work out and Yesung could do his physiotherapy with Sunny. But for now it must be enough. 

 

Siwon works as a project manager and his salary doesn’t allow him to buy a car so everyday he takes a subway to get in and back from his office. At 8:00 he is turning on his computer and started to work. At 12:00 is a lunch break so Siwon goes in the cafeteria which is in the building and texted Sunny if is everything okay. Sunny texted back that they are okay and Siwon put his phone away because one of his coworkers sat down next to him. They are eating, chatting together a bit but they aren’t real friends so they mostly speak about work. Then they go back to work and at 17 Siwon can leave and hurries back home.

 

His date with Ryeowook is staring at 18:30, they are going in a cinema and then they will have a dinner and who knows, maybe even . Siwon takes a quick shower and then changed into blue jeans and white sweater with black stripes. He goes in the living room where is Sunny doing some stretching exercises, Yesung can’t walk because his legs are partly paralyzed but at least when they are exercising with him it doesn’t hurt. Yesung is laying on his back on a padded mat while Sunny works on his muscles in his legs. A bit of drool is dripping from corner of his mouth and Siwon gently wiped it off.

 

“Goodnight and be a good boy.”

 

Yesung only smiled and brings two of his fingers in his mouth. He doesn’t even know how to be a bad boy, he is intellectually disabled with very limited knowledge about the world around him. Siwon kissed his forehead and then left. 

 

He arrived to the cinema where is already waiting Ryeowook with tickets for movie The King’s Letters. They go inside and Siwon bought them popcorn, Ryeowook’s favorite gummy bears and some soda. Then they go cinema hall and find their seats. Soon the movie started and Ryeowook cuddled closer to him and laid his head on his shoulder. Siwon put his head and top of Ryeowook’s and they are watching the movie while eating and drinking. At 21 the movie ended and they are looking for a place where they can eat. Siwon finds a small restaurant so they go inside and ordered bear and chicken wings. He is really enjoying spending time with Ryeowook but the man doesn’t look very happy. Of course that Ryeowook isn’t happy, he is mad. 

 

Their friend introduced them and they have had 11 dates since then. Seven dates ended with great but all of them were nice. The only problem is that Siwon has never spent night with him and Ryeowook is starting to feel that he is only occasional fun to him. And tonight it happened again. They were in a cinema, they had dinner and now Siwon is rushing to catch a train home. Ryeowook got a kiss on his pouty lips and then Siwon hurries away while Ryeowook is angrily marching home.

 

Siwon is soon entering their apartment and finds Sunny who is folding clothes.

 

“How did it went?”

 

Siwon sat down next to her and started to fold Yesung’s pants.

 

“Like always, few minutes of crying but then I read him another fairy tale and we were okay.”

 

Sunny is leaving and Siwon locked the door behind her. Then he peeked in Yesung’s bedroom and sees that he is fast asleep. Siwon carefully checked his diaper and then goes to take a shower. It is almost midnight when he got in bed but at least he fell asleep right in moment when his head touched his pillow.

 

Eight days later he and Ryeowook want to have another date. Ryeowook prepared food for picnic and Siwon’s only duty was to come to house where is living Ryeowook. But unfortunately Siwon has another, more important duty.

 

Previous night wasn’t very good for Yesung. Siwon was working on his notebook in the living room. His eyes were hurting from working until such late hour and suddenly he heard groans and whimpers coming from Yesung’s bedroom. Siwon felt how are his guts twisting with fear because he knows what he is going to find there. Yesung’s eyes are wide open but rolled in back of his head and rest of his body is convulsing. Siwon can only helplessly watch how is his baby brother having a seizure. This happens from time to time even if they give Yesung his medicine. Siwon leaned closer to Yesung and started to talk to him.

 

“You are okay, hyung is here. Don’t worry, hyung is right here.” 

 

Drool is running out of Yesung’s mouth and he is making lots of guttural noises while Siwon his hair. He is watching the time because Yesung’s seizure can’t be longer than 5 minutes. Luckily it lasted only three minutes so they are okay. Siwon wants to hug his petite brother but suddenly he started to spasm again. Yesung is already out of breath and another seizure is starting but no one asked him. He is completely exhausted after the second shorter seizure and crying Siwon gently scoop him up in his warm arms. Yesung weights only 50 kilos so Siwon is maneuvering with him quite easily. He carries him in the bathroom and the shower. After such long years of taking care of his brother Siwon learned what he likes and dislikes, what can soothe him if he is distressed and of course that he also learned about all of his health problems and what to do in case of emergency. Siwon carefully moved Yesung under the shower so water is running through his black hair. Yesung whined a bit and cries because he is confused. He doesn’t know what happened and he is only staring on his hyung who is giving him feeling of safety. Siwon turned off the water and grabbed a hairdryer to dry Yesung’s hair and then laid him back in his bed. Now it is important to change his diaper and then Siwon finds the medicine for Yesung. He cleaned Yesung and then his hair. Yesung’s hands are searching for his stuffed bear so Siwon put the toy on his chest and sighed. He can’t leave him alone, not when he is crying like a wounded kitten. 

 

“Tonight we are going to sleep in one bed, okay?”

 

Siwon wrapped him in a fleece blanket and picked him up again. He laid Yesung in his bed and then turned off his notebook because he isn’t going to finish any work tonight. Siwon put few pillows around fragile Yesung and then laid down next to him. Yesung’s seizure always scares him really much and he is also exhausted. Siwon feels that his fingers which are Yesung’s hair are shaking in fear because he always thinks that his baby brother is dying like every time since Yesung’s health went downhill. 

 

Which brings us to today when is Siwon fiddling with his phone. He needs to call to Ryeowook but it is going to be hard. So even if it is hard he has to call him, well he isn’t going to reveal the truth. 

 

“I am sorry Ryeowook. I can’t come. Sorry.”

 

Ryeowook is angry because he was looking forward for their picnic for the whole week. Now it is sunny Saturday and he wants to have the stupid picnic with his boyfriend. Ryeowook can’t take this anymore. Siwon only spends few hours with him and then he always hurries away. Is Ryeowook his ? Most of their dates end with and then Siwon leaves him alone in his bed. Why is Siwon always hurrying back home? But today he is going to find out. Ryeowook knows where is Siwon living because he was once waiting for him outside so he takes a taxi there. And in front of the building where is living Siwon, Ryeowook stopped like frozen. He suddenly isn’t so sure about his plan. Does he really want to storm in his flat? What is he going to find? Ryeowook is bitting his lips until they bleed and then sat down on the pavement. Does he really want to find out the truth? He needs to.

 

Ryeowook got up again and then walked inside the building. He is walking through the long hallways, from door to door and always spares them one look to read the name tags. He twice knocked on doors with name tag Choi but they are not Siwon. Ryeowook isn’t losing hope and finally when the third door with name tag Choi opened there is standing Siwon.

 

“Ryeowook?! What are you doing here?”

 

Ryeowook pushed him away from the door and stormed inside.

 

“So, are you married?! What is your secret that you are running away from me!?”

 

Siwon is shocked that the man is here but he needs to quickly calm him down. Suddenly Ryeowook shut up because he is standing above Yesung. Siwon needs to be quick and get Ryeowook away from Yesung before he can made him upset. Yesung is already having a terrible day after the strong seizures and now he doesn’t need yelling Ryeowook.

 

“What? Who is this?”

 

Ryeowook turned to Siwon who goes closer and stands next to the bed.

 

“This is my brother, Yesung. You need to stand on his right side, because his left eye is blind.”

 

Ryeowook is staring on the black haired young man who is on two fingers while his other hand is gripping a stuffed bear. Everything is swirling in Ryeowook’s head because he doesn’t understand it.

 

“What is wrong with him?”

 

Ryeowook doesn’t want to be rude toward Siwon but he needs to know what is wrong with his brother. Siwon Yesung’s small hand and fixed the white towel which is tied around his neck.

“Ouch.”

 

Yesung is having a headache but Siwon can’t give him another painkillers.

 

“I know that it hurts, what about chocolate?”

 

Siwon showed him a praline and Yesung reached his hand to grab it. It almost slipped out of his fingers but then he finally got it in his mouth and smiled.

 

“Kiss!”

 

Siwon immediately kissed top of his head and smiled on him. Yesung is just a small bundle of joy and his mood is bad only when he has a bad day and his head or body hurts. 

 

“He is suffering from something called Shaken baby syndrome. One day our father was babysitting him when he was one year old and Yesung made him angry in some way. Father shook with him and hit his head against furniture. It caused him brain bleeding and even if the doctors operated him Yesung’s brain was damaged. He is partly blind, mentally disabled and suffers from seizures.”

 

Ryeowook feels shocked, scared and numb. He was expecting lots of things but not this. Ryeowook goes in the living room and sat down. He doesn’t know what to say so he stays silent. Ryeowook feels stupid that he stormed inside like that. Siwon is a loving and caring brother who was always hurrying home because he needs to take care of Yesung.

 

“You don’t need to stay here if you don’t want to.”

 

Ryeowook is surprised by this question.

 

“Why should I leave?”

 

Siwon shrugged and throws his arms around.

 

“All my ex boyfriends ran away because of Yesung. You need to understand that my heart can’t be fully only yours.”

 

“But I am not like your ex boyfriends.”

 

Siwon smiled a bit and sat down next to him. It feels great that he isn’t running away or saying hateful things. 

 

Suffocate him with a pillow to end his suffering. 

 

Why are you living with a retard?

 

Siwon remembers everything what his ex boyfriends said about Yesung and now there is Ryeowook who is smiling on him and looks okay.

 

“What if we have the picnic here? There is a really great restaurant and I could run there to grab something for us.”

 

Ryeowook nodded so Siwon grabs his wallet and keys and hurries to get some delicious food for them.

 

Meanwhile Ryeowook is alone in the flat and looks around. The flat isn’t very big but it is very homy. Ryeowook finds Yesung’s room really nice and cute. Right next to the door on left side is standing a chest of drawers and on top of it is standing a TV where is playing SpongeBob. Then there is a wardrobe with stacks of Yesung’ clothes. The walls are painted pastel yellow and the floor is made from dark brown wood. The walls are decorated with stickers of bees and Winnie the Pooh. Yesung’s hospital bed with railing is the only thing which says that this room belongs to a sick person. The hospital bed and also the cabinet hanging on the wall which is full of Yesung’s medicine and other medical equipment.

 

“Thirsty.”

 

Yesung’s good eye turned to Ryeowook who doesn’t know if he has a permission to go near to him. Ryeowook grabs the sippy cup with is full of water. He handed it to Yesung who grips his special cup in his little hands and drops it. Ryeowook quickly picked it up and gave it back to him but this time he guided the straw between his lips. Yesung started to drink and continues in smiling on Ryeowook. 

 

“Kiss!”

 

Ryeowook is hesitant because he knows Yesung only for few minutes. Yesung repeated the word and he seems angry so Ryeowook quickly pressed his lips on his cheek. Suddenly Siwon is standing next to the bed and Ryeowook almost has a heart attack. 

 

“He was repeating kiss … I didn’t want to made him angry.”

 

Siwon patted his back and said that it is okay. He sent Ryeowook to put the food on plates and took care of Yesung’s dirty diaper before moving him in his wheelchair. They sit down around dining table and Siwon started to feed Yesung who is observing Ryeowook.

 

“It looks that he likes you.”

 

Siwon is surprised because Yesung’s whole world is only him and Sunny. Now with Ryeowook he seems really excited.

 

“Later we could go on a walk.”

 

Ryeowook agreed because it is great that they can finally spend more time together when is the secret out.  Even Yesung looks happier than usually, even if he doesn’t realize that his big brother has finally found a boyfriend who is able to accept him. And Ryeowook is more than accepting him, he is ready to love him as much as he loves Siwon.

 

THE END