To say that their schedule was taking a toll on their sunshine, Jung Yerin, was a sad understatement. At least, Yuna thought that it was their hectic schedule dampening the smile and playful touches so characteristic from Yerin; she kind of hoped it was.

            The older girl shared the room with their leader and lately, she hadn’t left it often, opting for those enclosed walls rather than to hang out in the living room with all of the members. Yuna didn’t like it at all and, even if she was trying her best to not show her concern, Yuna couldn’t help but to gravitate around Yerin whenever they were done with their appointments.

            It didn’t look weird. Everyone knew that the six members were close to each other and, aside from the teasing and sometimes French kissing, their behavior didn’t attract much attention. Yuna kept that in mind, trying to calm herself during a fan meeting and she obviously got in between Yerin and the leader at some point.

            Yuna wanted to be closer to Yerin, wanted to comfort her from whatever was hurting the singer. It was a constant need, just like breathing, and she couldn’t seem to stop it. Days were spent like that and this whole ordeal was bordering a month when Yuna finally snapped. Yerin wasn’t getting better; her smiles were looking forced and Yuna had even caught the girl crying behind the stage after their concert. This couldn’t go on. Yuna wouldn’t allow it.

            She waited for the weekend and, like she had predicted, Yerin stuffed herself in her room while everyone was watching a suspense drama on the TV. Yuna squirmed on her side of the couch for about ten minutes before abruptly standing up, successfully startling their maknae who almost dropped the popcorn.

            “Eonni? Where are you going?” Yewon asked, adjusting the bowl on her lap so that Sojung could get some of the popcorn. “Is everything okay?”

            “Yeah,” Yuna answered. She realized that maybe her voice sounded too strained, but it didn’t really matter. Her friends’ awkward exchange of looks didn’t matter. “I just think I’m going to talk to Yerin-eonni for a little bit.”

            At that, Sojung raised her eyebrows. “That’s okay,” the leader’s voice was a little hesitant, though, “but maybe it’s better to just leave her alone for a little bit—”

            “She’s been having alone time for almost a month, eonni,” Yuna barked back, earning herself a surprised look from the others. Quickly, she tried to mend it, “it’s not like she can’t or that there’s something wrong with it… it’s just that… I just want to talk to her.”

            The short silence that followed her response was confused, but also tense. Yuna wasn’t one to answer anyone in that voice tone, being their “yupuppy” most of the times. But this wasn’t a normal situation and Yuna found herself uncaring of what her members would be thinking of it—she just wanted to make sure Yerin was okay and that was all there was to it.

            “Alright,” Sojung quietly said, “just don’t pressure her.”

            Yuna nodded even if she didn’t really understand the leader’s advice. Not wasting time, she her heels and made her way towards Yerin’s room. Yuna stopped in front of the closed white door and, taking a deep breath, knocked a couple of times. There was rustling, then a few steps and the door swung open.

            Yerin didn’t look bad, but she didn’t look so hot either. With her dark her tied in a messy bun and her winter pajamas, Yerin seemingly had just woken up. Yuna felt a pang of guilt, thinking that the older was probably sleeping, and reconsidered her whole plan. It was a bad idea after all, wasn’t it?

            As if sensing her inner confusion, Yerin tiredly smiled and Yuna felt worse. She wasn’t the one needing comfort right now.

            “Hey, eonni, sorry. Were you sleeping?”

            Yerin slowly shaked her head. “No, I was just lying down. I thought you guys were watching a movie… is everything okay?”

            “Yeah, it is,” Yuna swallowed. Yerin eyes looked glossy and she really hoped those weren’t tear marks on her cheeks. “I just wanted to talk! If you’re okay with that.”

            For a real second, Yerin hesitated and it looked like she was going to say “no”. Yuna thought that if her eonni really did it, she would discard Sojung’s warning then. Pressuring is not the best move, but it was all she got and, honestly, Yuna was getting desperate there.

            But Yerin closed her lips and took a step back, inviting Yuna in.

            Yuna set foot inside the room and immediately noticed the mess Yerin’s bed was. The impression she got was that the older was tossing around for quite sometime there—uneasy, anxious, sad. Yuna’s heart clenched, but she ignored the feeling. She needed to focus.

            The both of them sat on Yerin’s bed, a good distance between them, and for a couple of awkward seconds, they said nothing. Yuna cleaned , then, turning her body towards Yerin and folding a knee on the bed, letting her left leg hang off the bed.

            “Eonni…” Yuna waited for Yerin to look at her, but the older didn’t. Holding back a sigh, she decided to continue. “I’m not sure if I should be, um, asking this, or if it’s even my place. But… I care a lot about you, ‘have always cared, and lately you’ve been really… down? I don’t know if that’s the word. But you look really tired and… I guess I just wanted to make sure you’re fine. And, and if you aren’t,” Yuna quickly added, “it’s okay, you can tell me. I’d… we’d do anything to help.”

            Yerin bit her lower lip, apparently musing over what to say. Yuna waited, regardless of how anxious she was getting with the extended silence—she could wait for Yerin, she needed to. Thankfully, the older found her words after what seemed like an eternity.

            “I’m sorry I made you worry,” but this was really not what Yuna was expecting, “I’m really a bad eonni—”

            “Wait, what?” Yuna’s eyebrows almost reached her hairline. Yerin glued her eyes to her lap and, even with the subsequent call from Yuna, she remained looking away. The younger girl heaved a sigh. “Eonni, you’re not a bad… anything. You’re an awesome singer, dancer and we all love your personality. Come on, where’s this coming from?”

            Yerin took a deep breath. “I—I don’t know. I was just reading some comments and, seeing it all, I started thinking about how much we still have to achieve and how much I need to do to make people proud and—and how sometimes I need to push emotions back and push and push and keep doing it for the sake of maintaining this—this happy-go-lucky image and… it’s tiring, Yuna-yah,” Yerin turned her head up, teary eyes finally meeting with Yuna’s wide ones. “And I see you guys and I feel like I need to do a lot more to, to make you proud, to protect you and make you happy. Sometimes I—”

            Her voice broke and Yuna launched forward.

            Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, maybe she should’ve just stayed put and listened to Yerin, but she couldn’t take it anymore. There was so much pain on the other’s voice that she just couldn’t handle it. Seeing Yerin, out of everyone, looking this sad, made Yuna feel like she was being torn apart. So, she pushed her doubts to the corner of her mind, wrapping her arms around Yerin and pulling the girl into a crushing embrace.

            Yerin’s tears hadn’t fallen, but she sobbed. “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t be—”

            “No, eonni, it’s okay. Don’t say anything,” Yuna pressed a hand on Yerin’s nape, guiding the girl’s face to her shoulder. “You’re a human being, eonni. You, too, suffer and that’s okay. It’s okay because we’re here for you. You don’t need to go through any of this alone. Ignoring how you feel it’s worse, you know that? And if you think that…” Yuna paused, swallowing a knot, “that keeping it to yourself is better, then you’re wrong.”

            Yuna felt the skin of her neck get wet as Yerin wrapped her own arms around the girl’s waist. “I know that what we do requests that we are all the time in our best mood and that it hurts when we can’t do that, but, please, eonni, don’t beat yourself up because of it. It hurts me and all of our true fans to see you this sad, you know? More than anything, we want you to be okay, we want to take care of you the same way you do for us.”

            Yuna slowly pulled back, cupping Yerin’s face and making sure to look into the elder’s eyes. “You are a beautiful person with a gorgeous personality, eonni. I get that you want to be good for us, but you already are. Please, promise me you won’t shut me—us out like this again? I was going crazy, really.”

            Yerin winced through her tears. “I’m sorry.”

            Yuna really did her best to not sigh again. “Promise me?”

            They started at each other for a long second, making Yuna fear that Yerin would say something else. The older girl nodded though, weakly, yes, but it was enough for Yuna. The singer smiled and brushed Yerin’s bangs with her fingers.

            “Seriously, eonni, you know we love you, right? I love you a lot,” Yuna wondered if it was enough and if she should shut up before she managed to turn this situation into a mess, but her lips didn’t seem like obeying her at the moment. Yuna just couldn’t control it. “And if you feel like you can’t talk about whatever’s bothering you, then at least don’t isolate yourself. Or give me a heads up,” she finished with a small smiled, “I’ll always be here for you.”

            Yerin’s soft fingers were then wrapping themselves around Yuna’s wrist and the girl leaned on her palm. She looked tired, exhausted even, but her tears were now drying, and this was already enough.

            “What do you say,” Yuna quietly suggested, “that we stay here a little more and then have dinner together with the girls? They miss you too.”

            Yerin nodded once more as if she was too tired to use her words. Yuna ignored the way her heart bled, trying to focus on the moment—making Yerin feel better was top priority. For a fraction of a second, Yuna wondered how she should handle the situation; it didn’t look like Yerin was up for conversation and watching something was definitely not the best of the ideas.

            But her planning halted when Yerin gently pulled her wrist, dragging Yuna down with her on the bed.

            The two girls lied down, the starting distance between them long forgotten. Yuna allowed Yerin to maneuver her the way she wanted and when Yerin’s head was snuggled on her shoulder, arm draped around her waist and nose tuck right on the curve of Yuna’s neck, the girl finally stilled.

            It was comfortable, a little hot, but somewhat perfect. Yuna wrapped an arm around Yerin’s shoulder, pulling the girl even closer and buried her head on the top of the girl’s head. Nuzzling a little, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the faint smell of Yerin’s shampoo. This was paradise.

            For a moment, they stayed like that and Yuna assumed Yerin had fallen asleep. Apparently, that wasn’t the case. Yerin stirred a little, slightly pulling back and raising her head. Yuna opened her eyes to meet Yerin’s face just centimeters apart from hers.

            The peck on her lips didn’t surprise her that much, Yuna was hoping for it actually, but it made her heart skip a beat nonetheless. Her eyes closed for a second, but Yerin’s lips were off hers as soon as she let het eyelids flutter shut. It was quick, soft and really not enough.

            However, when Yuna opened her eyes and met Yerin’s there was something there different from the previous times. This wasn’t the same kind of thing Yerin did to throw her off the rails and make her blush—no, this was different. And maybe that’s why Yuna felt a rush of courage and leaned down.

            For the first time, she initiated it. Yuna’s heart was hammering her ribs, painfully so, but she didn’t stop, not until she had her lips pressed against Yerin’s and a soft sound escaped the older girl’s lips. Her arm slid down and tightened around Yerin’s waist and Yuna could feel the way the girl’s curves pressed against her body—warm, flush and so, so right.

            It was mind-blanking, everything about it just felt new and wonderful. Especially when Yuna felt the push of Yerin’s tongue against her lips. She didn’t even hesitate, opening just enough so that Yerin could slide inside, taking control of the kiss as if she had always been on top of the situation. Their tongues pressed against each other, huffed breaths hot against their skins, and the air was starting to disappear, but they didn’t part until it was absolutely necessary.

            They pressed foreheads and panted for a couple of second in silence. Yuna swallowed, suddenly aware of what had happened and her heart racing rather of fear and apprehension than of excitement. And, Yerin seemingly could feel that.

            Yerin’s hand went up and rested on Yuna’s cheek. The younger girl opened her eyes hesitantly and couldn’t help her surprise when she noticed Yerin’s shy smile. “Thank you, Yuna-yah,” Yerin whispered, “for everything.”

            Yuna blinked, unknowing of how to respond. She wanted to deny the girl and say that this wasn’t something to be thanking her for; she wanted to lean down and kiss Yerin again; she wanted… she wanted more of that—of Yerin’s taste, warmth and smiles. She wanted all of Yerin and she was overwhelmed by how much she wanted it.

            “Anytime, eonni,” she breathed.

            Yuna wanted more than anything to express her feelings, to act on them, but the way Yerin’s lips curled up and hugged her stopped Yuna from doing it.

            Maybe she should wait a little.

            Yuna didn’t mind it.

            For Yerin, Yuna could wait forever.