His company held an annual retreat at some beach. 

He looked so happy when he's talking to other girl just now. You being the considerate girlfriend as always didn't mind that. He knows you won't get jealous easily. So you didn't talk about it. Maybe you were the problem.

You're too passive. Boring

He didn't enter your shared hotel room last night. You wonder where did he spend his night at.

He entered the room when you stepped out of the shower. 

You just give a look at him and he said. 

"I was at Johnny's last night. Drank too much and I passed out" he just grins sheepishly and approached to hug you. 

I pushed him away. "you smell. Bath first" 

He just shrugged and ed his shirt the entered he shower. 

You pick up his discarded clothing and realise theres other smell.

Strangely there's not even an alcoholic smell or smoke It's just woman perfume and it's not yours.

....

"do you think he's cheating on me?" you asked your best friend. 

"totally. Can't imagine how you feel tho" 

"strangely I feel nothing. Should I dump him first and not explain anything or wait for-" 

"nothing to wait. Just dump him already not that you guys are serious though." 

Actually there were time you were madly in love. Everyday was a new adventure. Every moment wasn't meant to be wasted and both of you even planned out your future. To start a family. To move in. To honeymoon and even built our family home by the countryside and spent the rest of your lives together 

But those thoughts doesn't last long. When he started to get busy with work he doesn't spend much time with you. And you doesn't really enjoy texting and spending hours talking on the phone so you practically doesn't communicate with him during that period. You thought everything was gonna be okay. 

After a month you met him again. You felt different. He's the same person you wanna spend time with but You don't want to continue what you were doing before. Before he starts to busy, before you didn't contact for almost a month.

He sensed that but he being considerate as always was calm and thought that both of you will passed the awkward phase. 

... 

-1 week before-

You just got home from work and your whole body hurts. You just lying on the sofa after shower and do nothing. Jaehyun came home and saw you trying to massage her back while lying down. Yep doesn't help but at least you do something 

Jaehyun entered the house and saw your state and heaved a sigh. He come toward you and touched your back. 

You were startled for a moment because you didn't realise that jaehyun was home. But relaxed when you saw him trying to help you with your back.

"have you washed your hands?" you have like mild OCD and couldn't take if someone who's unsanitary touching her. 

"yes. As soon as I entered the house" jaehyun answered calmly. He already knows what's your likes and dislikes and remember those every little details that you have ever mentioned. 

You just let a small smile and enjoy the massage. both of you stay silent for a while. It's been a while since you guys having time together. 

"I miss you." you said as he continues massaging you . 

Jaehyun suddenly press harder on your back. 

"ouch what's thats for" you sit up immediately and face him. 

" I miss you too" he grins at you mischievously. 

You slapped his chest. Not lightly. He just laughed though you know its must hurt but he probably immune with your slap by now. 

You gave him a pointed look and stand up wanted to go to your bedroom but he stopped you by pulling you by your waist and make you falls on his laps. 

" i miss you. Alott" he repeat it again. This time more intense and with serious expressions on his face. He kissed you on your lips lightly but eventually the kiss turns into hot and needy make out session. Both of you misses each other but you don't even have time for yourself let alone to spend time with him. 

That night you thought everything will go back to normal. And you're excited at the thought of next day you could cuddle with him all day and spend time like you used to. 

.... 

You wake up first. He's still sleeping beside you. Hands wrapped around your waist and his arm as your pillow. 

You get up and walked to the kitchen to have your morning coffee. You somehow felt empty. Even after last night. What else do you expect.

You brought your coffee mug and have it at the balconi. It's still chilly in the morning and you doesn't felt it. Your heart is colder. 

Was last night just an act?

Even you don't know yourself anymore. Did you tried to be perfect just to be with him or to satisfy yourself so that you can tell yourself that you're perfect for him.

Are you tired of this relationship? 

You didn't even realise since when did you started not being honest with yourself.

Even you don't have answer to those questions.

You heard rustling inside the house jaehyun probably awake by now. You went inside and saw him already changed to his work attire.

"babe? I thought you went to work already." he was rummaging through the refrigerator to find something for breakfast.

" not yet. Still early." you take a seat on sofa and watched him found an apple and take a bite. 

"really ? I gotta go. see u later babe" he kissed you in the forehead and left.

Yeah. Nothing. No butterfly. 

....

-Now-

Jaehyun just got home and you was watching TV. He saw you and take a seat beside you and rest his head on your shoulder before you avoid it by pulling your body away from him. 

He gave you a confused looked and you looked at him in the eyes. 

"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore." 

Jaehyun looks puzzled as he has no idea what you're talking about. 

"I wanna break. I don't think us works" you continued saying each sentence with a straight face. 

"wait. What's wrong?" he is still confused. He doesn't even know what's his fault. 

"nothing. It's not your fault. It's just me." 

"you're cheating on me?" 

"what? No." I'm not like you. 

"what? You think I'm cheating?" 

Did I said it out loud?

"listen. I will never cheat on you. Tell me how did you know about this?" jaehyun looks at you in your eyes and plead. 

"no. Cheating or not It's not the problem. The problem is I don't think I'm happy. With you." 

"you think? Then I doesn't meant anything to you? The time we spent meant nothing?" he reached for your hands trying to get your attention and look at him

"it was. At that moment. It just a sweet memory to me. It doesn't last." you avoid his gaze and pulls your hand from his grip. 

"do you think I'm happy all this while? Do I look happy?" 

You asked for his confirmation because you honestly doesn't know how to feel anymore. 

"yes. You always treat me nicely and laughed with me and always cheer me up you're very great to me baby." 

Yeap you do that for him. You thought that would make me happy it was at first but then eventually you started to abandon your own feeling and focused on him whilst he thought you were happy with him and enjoy the moments. 

Of course you didn't say it out loud. 

"guess I'm a good actress then" you just smiled and went to your bedroom. 

"wait. Let me makeup to you. I'll make you happy please. I don't want us to end." he still haven't give up on you. 

" I don't know what makes me happy anymore! Both of us is busy and it's better if we doesn't meet at all rather than meet for just a while and keep leaving each other for other things." you lost your calm demeanour and started to weep. 

"babe. Shhh. Its okay its fine. I'm here. I'll make time for you." he hugged you and hold your crying mess calmly. 

Your knees goes weak and you sat on the floor. Sobs a little. You wiped your tears harshly tried to push him away. 

"i told you it's my fault. I'm not happy maybe I'm just too fake for all of this." you looked at him tears silently escaped your eyes. 

"no. I'll help you. We'll go through this together.