✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao remembers the first time he meets Junhui. 

It was one that someone could not easily forget because of how awkward and comical it was, to say the least. 

Minghao was nervously walking through the hallways of the building, preparing himself mentally to meet the boys in the group whom he was going to be with for several years to come. 

Glancing around under his cap, he saw the large door with the label that he assumed translated  roughly to “Pledis Practice Room.” He smiled proudly at himself inwardly for being able to read Hangul, before stopping in front of it. 

Minghao took a big breath, and was about to open the door when suddenly a loud voice called out in Chinese a delighted “Hello friend!” 

Minghao could’ve sworn his heart jumped about a foot out his chest, and he whirled around to face a boy with long black hair.  

The boy was grinning, showing off the metal braces he had on his teeth. 

“Well well well, it’s been a while there stranger! I’m Wen Junhui!” Said boy extended his hand for Minghao to shake, which the latter did out of respect. 

“H-hello. I’m Minghao,” Minghao stammered, bowing hastily. 

The boy, Junhui, scrutinized Minghao before giggling. 

“Awww don’t be so formal! How have you been?”

Suddenly, his cap was whooshed off, and the next thing he knew his cap was in the hands of the blonde. 

“Huh? Wow you look a little different. Did you do something with your hair?” Suddenly, his personal space was invaded by Junhui, who began and poking at his hair, which was dyed a light mousy brown a couple days before. 

“U-uh no? I’ve always looked like this. And I dyed my hair just a few days ago-” Minghao was trying to back away when Junhui interrupted him again, grabbing the former’s arms and pretending to look under them. 

“Hmm you sure? Could’ve sworn you had black hair.” At this point Junhui straightened up and grabbed Minghao squarely by the shoulders, making the other face him. “You look nice in those clothes by the way! A little different, but I like it! And why’d you leave in the first place? I missed you!” 

Minghao would’ve answered immediately, but he was a little busy wiping the little dabbles of spit that had just flown out of the other’s mouth onto his face. He didn’t mean for it to be a rude gesture, but the other saw it and his eyes widened and he abruptly let go. 

“Oh jeez I’m sorry! I can’t control it sometimes, stupid braces. And why were you about to go into the recording room? Everyone’s in the dance room. Don’t tell me you forgot where everything was!”

Minghao reached for his cap, which the other gave without a fight before sighing. 

“You sure you have the right person? I’ve never actually been here in my entire life. This is my first time.”

Junhui’s eyes widened and he tilted in confusion. 

“Wait what? Are you not Yao Mingming?” 

“No, sorry. I’m Xu Minghao. I’m the new trainee here at Pledis.” Minghao explained apologetically. 

Junhui studied him for another moment before realization flooded into his eyes and his jaw dropped comically. Minghao watched with confused amusement as Junhui’s face turned red in embarrassment, and he covered his face with his hands and he took several steps backward. 

“Oh my God, I am so sorry. U-um. The dance room is a couple doors further by the way. I’m so sorry. I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll see you later bye!-” With that, Wen Junhui fled past Minghao.  

Minghao stared after the other boy, before shaking his head and continuing in the direction Junhui said the dance room was. What a strange guy. 

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao doesn’t talk to Junhui again until later. 

In the couple weeks that followed, Junhui could not make eye contact with Minghao, due to his extreme embarrassment. 

One day Minghao was standing around with 4 other boys, who had introduced themselves as Mingyu, Soonyoung, and Jeonghan. 

The other 3 were kind to include Minghao in their conversation, but Minghao was still struggling with his Korean, and he could only smile and nod, catching a few words here and there. That’s when he noticed Junhui sitting against the back wall, eyes closed. 

As politely as he could, Minghao murmured a parting before getting up and walking over to Junhui. 

Hearing his approaching footsteps, Junhui opened his eyes, before looking up at Minghao. They stared at each other before Minghao was the one to shyly break the eye contact. 

He heard Junhui giggle.

“I win.” 

Tutting indignantly, Minghao rolled his eyes before asking in Mandarin, “Can I sit here?”

Nodding, Junhui scooted over, prompting the younger Chinese to sit down next to him. 

There was a comfortable silence, before Junhui spoke again, staring ahead and observing the other boys. 

“How have you been holding up so far?”

Minghao too, looked ahead of himself, humming thoughtfully. 

“Well. It’s hard to adjust to everything. But I think I’m doing okay. Still struggling with my Korean though.” 

“Yeah… I get that. I was the same as well, the first time I came here. I was already studying Korean but it’s still so different from China.” 

“Mhmm…” 

“...Do you want me to help you with your Hangul?”  

At that, Minghao met the gaze of Junhui. 

Junhui was smiling softly, and he was holding a hand up toward Minghao. With a smile, Minghao placed his own on Junhui’s. 

“Thanks Junhui gē. I’d appreciate it.” 

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao is so tired. 

Being the last member to be added to the group and only having a year and a half for training was incredibly frustrating. It stressed Minghao out to no end to the point he would actually cry tears at night. 

It wasn’t necessarily the dances or songs that troubled him, it was everything else. The language, the management, the pressure.  

He remembered one night when he couldn’t sleep for hours. The group was still sleeping in one room at the time due to the financial situation. 

Minghao didn’t know why, but he began thinking of everything. The family he left behind and missed dearly. What the next day would bring. If he failed. If he wasn’t good enough. 

Minghao rolled from his back onto his side, curling into a fetal position. 

He wasn’t good enough. Why was he here? It almost felt like it wasn’t worth it. 

He was just so tired… 

Minghao tried to wipe away the tears now falling from his face onto his pillow. He pressed his face against the damp spots and was busy muffling his small hiccups when he heard someone shift in their sleep. 

Immediately he stiffened and clamped his mouth shut. It was already too late though, because someone had sleepily whispered, “Minghao?”

Minghao didn’t respond, clenching his eyes tighter and pretending to be asleep. That’s when someone tapped his gently on his side. 

Giving up the facade, he opened his eyes and slowly rolled over to see who it was. 

It was Junhui. 

Without asking any questions, Junhui pulled the younger into an embrace. 

Minghao attempted to suppress his sobs, but the fact that Junhui’s hug reminded him of his mother made him burst into quiet tears against the other’s chest. 

He remembered how Junhui murmured sweet nothings into his ear. 

He remembered how Junhui seemed to shield him from the world for the rest of that night.  

He remembered how warm he felt.

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao is so happy. 

Fast forward a year later, Seventeen makes their debut as a 13 member group. 3 sub-units, 13 members, 1 team. Seventeen. 

Minghao thought it was clever. Though he and the other members would make fun of it. 

But they did it. They debuted. Minghao choosing the name The8 for infinite possibilities, Junhui under Jun.  

After a year of studying Korean with Junhui, his Korean was good enough to keep up with medium length conversations. Though the process was very stressful and frustrating, Junhui was very patient with him, and Minghao was eternally grateful for the older’s help. 

It really wouldn’t have worked if Junhui wasn’t there with Minghao. 

After their first show, Minghao went up to Junhui, still giddy from the adrenaline of the performance. 

“Gē! We did it! We’re here!”

Junhui looked at Minghao, and a big grin spread across his face, showing off his now perfectly oriented teeth. 

“We really are Minghao. We did do it.” 

Minghao almost missed the painful thump his heart did when made eye contact with Junhui. 

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao falls in love in the worst way possible. 

It’s really so stupid how he does it that every time he thinks back on it he internally cringes and facepalms himself while smiling. 

Minghao falls in love with Junhui during an interview. 

Yep, an interview. 

More specifically, The Show, the Chinese interview show for Asian artists. 

Minghao was waiting for another question from the MC lady when he noticed that Junhui was staring at him with a weird goofy look on his face. 

Giving a short laugh, Minghao asked Junhui in Chinese, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Minghao was not prepared at all for what Junhui had said next. 

“I’m looking at you because you are cute.’’ 

The other members could only look on in confusion as Minghao’s face erupted into flames, and he stammered a pathetic “I’m c-cute? Aishhh, you really are-” 

Junhui interjected with another attack, a grin cheekily spreading across his face. 

“I like you, you’re cute.” 

“W-wh-... stop liking me!” Minghao spluttered out the only thing he could think of, flustered beyond belief. 

And of course, Junhui has to take it one step further. 

“Come on bǎobèi, kiss me.” 

Minghao had turned toward the camera as an excuse not to look at Junhui, but he was sure it would pick up on the redness on his face as well as the audible frantic thumping of his heart. 

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao has insecurities. 

He’s too far gone with his love for Junhui he begins doubting himself. 

Is it worth it to pursue a one-sided love?

Obviously, he keeps quiet about it. Minghao thinks it’s not worth it trying to explain a feeling that could pass if he doesn’t feed into it. 

But he can’t help it.  

It happens every time Junhui touches him. Whether it would be a teasing shove or a back hug, a million butterflies would erupt in Minghao’s stomach, no matter how many times Minghao would pass it off with an annoyed expression and a swat in return.

Minghao was determined not to let Junhui see the lovesick expression on his face.  

All those times he would keep a poker face whenever Junhui messed with him was a way of masking his inner conflicts. It became a comical staple of his, the fans calling him a thug as a result. 

He would play along and put on his “thug” face every time his other members did something idiotic, but that look was purely for Junhui and only Junhui. 

His other methods of denial were running away, playfully hitting back, and dabbing. And yes, he had to dab once because Junhui had cupped his face during a fansign and looked at him with this unreadable expression on his face that Minghao just had to do something to break eye contact. 

That fansign also happened to be the one celebrating Seventeen’s 4th mini album, which had included the song that Minghao had poured his heart into in hopes of releasing some of the emotions he had thanks to the older Chinese. He had approached Jihoon and Bumzu in hopes that he could make it into a tangible something that he and many others could hear, though ambiguous so that only he would know what it meant. 

It intrigued both producers, and they agreed to make a couple of trial soundtracks for the song. 

A few days later, Jihoon asked Minghao at the end of practice to join him at the studio. It was the late evening, so all the other members had left already. 

“Hey,” greeted Jihoon shortly as Minghao walked through the door. 

“Hi hyung. What do you have for the tracks?” Minghao asked, sitting down on the sofa behind Jihoon’s chair. 

So Jihoon clicked through 5 short samples, and he and Minghao discussed how they could apply the instrumental with the lyrics. But none of them seemed to fit. 

Jihoon sighed and ran a hand over his face, leaning back in his chair that was turned toward the sofa, scrutinizing the younger. 

“Minghao, do these lyrics mean something to you?”

Minghao started. 

“Huh?”

Jihoon narrowed his eyes. 

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s not the music, but the lyrics. Me and Beomju had a bit of trouble coming up with the music because with the way some of your lyrics are written, it’s almost like it’s a confession to someone. Not like the mystical/ambiguous feel you requested.”

“Ah,” Minghao sighed wearily, before biting his lip and staring wordlessly at the floor. 

Seeing the normally so calm and composed Chinese distressed made Jihoon soften a little. 

“Is there something you want to get off your chest?” The producer asked gently.

Minghao didn’t say anything for a few moments before he lifted his head and met Jihoon’s eyes. 

“Yes, this song. I’ll change the lyrics but I’ll keep some aspects of it. How about it hyung?”

“Okay. If you change the lyrics, I hope you will allow me to use the song in the new album, because I’m sure you’ll create something that could mean a lot.” 

Minghao, hummed his agreement, getting up to leave when Jihoon called him back. 

“Are you sure you are okay?”

Minghao paused in the doorway, not looking back at the older. 

“Yeah. I’ll be alright hyung. Goodnight.”

But Jihoon couldn’t see Minghao’s expression to tell if he was lying or not.

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao notices a change after their song My I is released. 

The finished product turns out so well that they even make a full choreography and 2 music videos. 

Though Minghao wishes that he could’ve kept most of the original lyrics, he was proud of the song that he and Junhui made together. 

Minghao was the one who suggested the fitting title My I. 

Junhui was the one who suggested that they wrote lyrics about someone being lost and alone in the past but looking forward to the future where they would be found by another. Junhui was also the one to suggest the rather intimate caresses implemented in the dance. 

Minghao was thankful both of them looked anywhere but at each other because he didn’t think he could handle it after running a hand down Junhui’s smooth face. 

He begins having such an internal crisis, even losing sleep over it, that he drags Mingyu out to dinner one night to talk. 

Mingyu isn’t surprised when Minghao tells him.  

“You’re my best friend Myungho. Do you think I wouldn’t notice how you look at Jun-hyung? Even a blind person can tell.”

Minghao scoffs at that analogy. 

“So what do I do now? I can’t just tell him! Then I would lose my closest friend and brother, and I don’t want to lose him! I can’t lose him, I just can’t.” Minghao’s voice trails off at the end, and he buries his head in his hands, shakily inhaling and exhaling.  

Mingyu leans forward to pat Minghao on the shoulder, a rare serious expression on his face. 

“You will lose him if you don’t tell him.”

“W-what?”

Mingyu sighs. 

“Think about it. If you don’t tell him, you will lose him to another. Maybe a woman, maybe another man. At least if you tell him, it’s out there and he knows. The only hard part is getting over him if he doesn’t reciprocate.” 

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Minghao murmurs. 

“You can do it. Tell him when you are ready.” Mingyu gives his trademark grin, reassuring Minghao. 

“Thanks Mingyu. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

“Yah, that reminds me about that nightmare you had where you woke up crying because I died-”

“Okay okay you can shut up now.”

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

Minghao is losing Junhui. 

It’s their 2018 comeback promotion time, so Minghao doesn’t notice that Junhui is avoiding him until one day during a short break before their shows. 

He had wanted to ask Junhui to hang out with him for the day, but upon entering Junhui’s and Wonwoo’s room, he could see the other Chinese was nowhere to be found. 

“Where’s Junhui?” Minghao asks Wonwoo, who is in a chair reading a book. 

Wonwoo looks up at Minghao with an expression mixed with sympathy and something else Minghao can’t read. 

“He went out with some of the other members earlier for lunch.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks hyung…”

“Mhm…”

From that day, no matter how many times Minghao tries, he cannot reach Junhui. The only times he sees Junhui is at the all-member dinners that their band sometimes have.

His fear grows when he wakes up from a nightmare at 4 AM. It takes him some time before he can finally catch his breath to process what he dreamed about. 

Minghao and Junhui are in a place, similar to their My I set for their MV shooting. Except of facing each other and walking forward, Junhui is turned and walking away. 

Minghao tries to run after him, but it seems like every step he takes is pulling him farther and farther away. 

When he can’t run anymore, Minghao drops onto his hands and knees. In his blurring vision he can see his hand reach out toward Junhui’s receding back. 

“Junhui… gēge, please don’t leave me…”

Please…

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

He finally is able to corner Junhui during a morning on the other is going to the dance studio. 

“Hey can I talk to you?”

“Huh?” Junhui murmurs distractedly.

“I want to talk to you,” Minghao says again. 

“O-oh. Well I’m going to be busy. Can we talk some other time?”

Minghao gets worried when Junhui avoids eye contact.  

“No, we need to talk now. Why have you been avoiding me?”

Junhui startles, and his eyes dart up to Minghao’s face before darting away again. 

“I have not been avoiding you. I’ve just been busy with promotions,” Junhui murmurs, fidgeting and looking as if he could bolt at any moment.

But Minghao wants answers, and he wants them now. 

“But normally when we have a break from promotions, you are usually in your room playing games. Every time I’ve been in there you’re gone but when other people go in you are there. Why?”

Junhui bites his lip but doesn’t say anything. 

“Answer me Junhui. Why?”

Junhui stays silent. 

“Junhui-”

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Minghao is startled by Junhui’s outburst, but he gets angry, his voice also raises.

“I’m just trying to ask you what’s wrong! Don’t yell at me for trying to care for you!”

They go back and forth for a while, eventually just screaming curses at each other in Chinese. It goes on and on until neither of them can muster the breath to speak another sentence. 

Minghao shouts his last insult, something he wishes he hadn’t done. Junhui’s eyes sparkle with tears as he fires back, and Minghao’s heart breaks into a million glittering pieces of glass. 

He takes a step back. 

“Fine…” He chokes out, tears threatening to overflow. He turns around and prepares to flee.

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

“I’m in love with you… you idiot.”

What’s left of Minghao’s heart stops. 

He whirls around just as Junhui falls to the ground onto his knees, as if a weight suddenly lifted and his body collapses from exhaustion. 

Minghao wants to run to him but all he can do is stand frozen as Junhui spills like a rushing river. 

“I… I’m so in love with you Xu Minghao. I’ve loved you for the past 2 years. And I know you don’t feel the same way. And it hurts so much whenever I can’t touch you the way I want to. Seeing you happy with someone that’s not me and I’m so selfish for thinking that way and I’m sorry. You just deserve the best of everything because you’re the most beautiful person in the world both inside and out and you’re so perfect and I’m sorry I did this to you and I’m sorry for everything…”

It takes all of Minghao’s willpower not to burst into tears right then and there. 

He feels…

So happy…

He walks slowly over to Junhui and gets on his knees in front of him. As Junhui lifts his head, Minghao reaches out with shaking hands to cup the other’s face. 

“You really are an idiot…” Minghao whispers, and he leans in to connect their lips. 

Junhui sobs before pressing back. It’s a bit wet because both of them have tears running down their faces, but it isn’t any less perfect. 

Minghao gasps as Junhui pushes him onto the floor, but he moves in sync with Junhui, not wanting the kiss to end. His hands tangle themselves into Junhui’s soft hair, and he makes a soft noise of protest when Junhui pulls away first. 

They are both panting softly, and Minghao takes a moment to appreciate how beautiful Junhui looks. 

Junhui speaks first. 

“S-so… I’m guessing you love me back?”

Minghao chuckles softly. “As if that kiss wasn’t enough proof.”

“No, it wasn’t. Give me another,” Junhui pouts. Minghao is more than happy to oblige.

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

It was finally the end of a long week of schedules and performances. Minghao sighs tiredly as he walks, ruffling his slightly wet hair. 

After that much needed warm shower, Minghao is just about ready to call it a day. 

He reaches his destination and knocks on the door. 

Junhui opens the door and smiles when he sees who it is, immediately pulling the younger in and tugging him close after shutting the door. 

Minghao hums in content, resting his head on Junhui’s shoulder and wrapping his arms loosely around his neck. 

Junhui chuckles, kissing Minghao’s head tenderly.

“Is my baby tired?” 

“Yes, very much so,” Minghao murmurs, eyes already closing from the comfort radiating from the other. 

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

They lay down side by side, facing each other. Junhui wraps his arms around Minghao. 

His eyes are barely open, but he still has something to do. 

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

The last thing Minghao says is something he will say for the rest of his life. 

The last thing Minghao sees is Junhui’s exhausted but bright smile. 

The last thing Minghao feels is warmth.