Sana sighed and put her phone down. She wasn’t even involved, this time, but it was too much. Every single tweet she read was like a knife to the heart. Every single article was another punch to the gut. Every single comment was like a pill being forced down . She couldn’t stand it anymore. But she couldn’t look away. It was so cruel. So cruel of Jihyo to not even tell her, to have her find out this way. Sana looked at her phone, lying upside down on her bed, all notifications muted, then to Jihyo’s empty bed. She remembers climbing into it, there was a large thunderstorm and Sana was scared and Jihyo happily accepted her into her covers and Jihyo's warm strong hug. That was almost a year ago now.

Sana should have seen the signs. Jihyo had been so much happier lately. Sana had thought it was Jihyo being pleased with all their recent achievements, but now that she thought about it that was her probably subconscious denying the reality. Sana still couldn’t believe it.

She was one of the few not called to the company when the news broke. Her, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, Momo, and Tzuyu were ruled out of being involved early on after confessing to not knowing anything to their managers over text. Jihyo wasn’t the type to keep many secrets, but truthfully Sana didn’t blame Jihyo for not telling them, it was easier to keep it secret that way, the less people that knew the better. She suspected Mina didn’t know either, Mina probably still didn’t know, Sana knew Mina was taking a much needed break from her phone. Mina would have texted her by now if she knew, Mina was the only one who knew about Sana’s true feelings after all.

Sana’s phone started ringing, she had turned off her notifications but she had forgotten that she had set it so certain people could reach her even when her phone was on silent. There were three people on that list, and her parents were two of them.

“Jihyo…” Was the greeting Sana gave Jihyo over the phone.

“Hi Sana Unnie.” Sana knew from Jihyo’s tone she had been to hell and back. Sana wanted to hug her. “Nayeon Unnie told me to tell you she is on her way home, but I think I’m going to be stuck here for a bit longer.”

“Okay…” Sana trailed off. “The kids and Momo went to a movie.”

“So your alone?” Jihyo asked.

“Yeah…” Sana trailed off. “You could have just texted me silly.”

“You weren’t answering.” Jihyo let out a playful sigh on the other side of the line.

“Are you okay?” Sana forced herself to ask, swallowing her emotions.

“I’m- I’ll be okay.” Jihyo answered. “Thankfully the situation isn’t too bad.”

“Do you love him?” Sana suddenly asked. “Sorry Sorry I-”

“It’s okay to ask that Sana Unnie.” Jihyo laughed. “I do. I really do. I hope we wont be forced to break up. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I just felt like it was easier this way. To keep it a secret.”

“I’m sure you won’t.” Sana had to fight so hard to not cry. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Okay, bye Sana.” Sana didn’t even bother to say goodbye. She shouldn’t have asked that, she was so stupid. She should have expected that answer. Sana threw her phone on the ground. She didn’t even bother picking it up, in two hours the things contained on that device had broken her heart.

Sana thinks she was doomed to fall in love with people she couldn’t have. When she was in middle school she fell in love with a girl a year older than her. It was Sana’s first crush, and she foolishly believed the girl liked her back. One day, when they were at Sana’s house, the girl talked about her new boyfriend, how sweet he was, how handsome he was. Sana had broken down crying the moment she heard the words ‘my boyfriend.’ She had been able to convince the girl it was because she was jealous that she didn’t have a boyfriend yet.

Sana tried not to fall in love with anyone after her middle school days, building up strong walls around her heart, it was helped by how much she was training and the dating ban. Sana had tried to stop herself from falling in love again for the foreseeable future, but that didn’t stop her stupid heart. All her walls came crashing down with Jihyo.

As Sana stood under the shower head, her heart continued to shatter. Before she knew it she was crying. Sana let herself cry, the shower would wash away her tears and she was home alone so she could let go, for the first time in awhile. She knew it was a long shot, but she had gotten her stupid hopes up, again. Sana’s brain kept running through her interactions with Jihyo, playing them like some cruel never-ending movie.

“Sana.” Jihyo’s eyes shone under the moonlight. It was just the two of them. Alone together. “Isn’t it pretty?” Jihyo wasn’t looking at Sana. She was looking at the Han river, in the moonlight, the lights of the city reflecting off the water.

“Yeah it is.” But Sana was looking directly at Jihyo.“Our schedule’s have been so busy lately, it’s nice to take some time fo