-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Five years ago:

“Is that the last of it?” Jongin asks with a huff as he places the plastic box filled with clothes onto the kitchen floor.

“Yeah!” The reply is strained with exertion as Kyungsoo waddles in with his own box filled with food his mother had given them. There is a loud bang as he drops it on the kitchen floor, the canned products making a rolling sound as one of them dislodges from its place atop the other food. The corner of the box is a little cracked but he can’t seem to care.

The apartment is quaint and modest, the both of them managed to find somewhere that is close enough to the university that they could afford between them. Their parents agreed to pay the bills for them so they only had to pay for the rent and of course food and travel but their scholarships from the university would cover them.

There is an audible huff from the older of the two as he flops down onto the blue fabric sofa – thanks Ikea.

“I’m so tired Jongin, do you just want to order food tonight rather than go out?”

The youngest is currently laid out on the laminate flooring, the cool wood feeling wonderful against his overheated skin.

“Sounds good. I need to shower first though, I feel gross.”

Kyungsoo chuckles at the younger male, watching his abnormally long limbs splayed out and his hair mussed up with a mixture of sweat and fatigue.

“You go shower first and I’ll order food.” The elder feels somewhat protective of his younger friend and feels as though he should take care of him whenever he can. It’s Jongin’s first year at university, Kyungsoo is in his second year already and he feels it is his duty to make sure his school friend settles in well and he has a great start to his new chapter in life. Kyungsoo had stayed in the dorms last year and although it wasn’t terrible, he couldn’t wait to move out. So when he found out Jongin had been accepted to his university, it was the perfect conclusion.

“Thanks Soo. I’ll let you know when I’m out.”

That night they shared takeout chicken around a makeshift table of plastic boxes. It wasn’t anything grand but it was theirs.

Five years later:

Jongin watches lazily from the sofa as Kyungsoo whizzes around their small apartment, grabbing breakfast and drinking coffee whilst doing his tie in between.

The elder looks so distinguished and different in a suit and Jongin can’t help but admire his friend’s broad shoulders and slim waist.

“Soo calm down, you’re going to be great. You don’t need to fix your hair it’s perfect the way it is.” The younger stands from the sofa and sets his bowl of cereal on the coffee table. He places his hands on the elder’s shoulders and looks down at him slightly. “Your hair is fine, your suit is fine, your tie is – well it’s a little off centre, here let me help.” He adjusts the black tie until it is perfectly central and then steps back to see the anxiety in the elder’s eyes has died down a little but is still there.

“I know, it’s just scary. My first day and a new place, new suit. Everything is new and I feel a bit like I’m stuck in a whirlwind.” Kyungsoo admits, wringing his fingers and shuffling his feet.

“Relax, it’s okay. Everything is going to be new and scary but get over your first week and I’m positive you will feel normal again. Go out there and be the best business account manager you can be!” Jongin gives a goofy smile and a cheesy fist bump to the air which has its desired effect and makes Kyungsoo laugh and relax a little.

Once the door closes and Jongin is on his own in their apartment he finds himself smiling at how endearing the elder is and then his heart sinks a little in his chest as he realises that no matter how he feels, nothing is going to change. It can’t change. It would ruin everything and he is happy having Kyungsoo as a friend than not having him in his life at all.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Sometimes Jongin can’t believe how lucky he has been in life. Sure he has his struggles like everyone but as he stands here, on top of one of the most beautiful and iconic buildings in the country he can’t help but feel privileged. Despite all of the hustle and bustle taking place around him, he takes a moment to himself to admire the view.

The lights of the city below move like blood through veins, pumping life around the circuits of roads and buildings, keeping the rhythms of the night alive, active and somewhat electrifying. Across to the left however stands the motionless abyss of dark green, lit only by a few lamps and crowded by large trees. He hears the sounds of the owls and the foxes faintly below the sound of the traffic just mere metres away. There is a peaceful stillness that resounds through the night but when down on the ground, the stillness is almost eerie and unnerving. He likes being up here though, away from the busy metropolis and away from the discomforting gardens, it’s like everything is far away almost like it doesn’t exist and in some ways almost like nothing down there matters. He loves that feeling, the idea that he is a tiny molecule in an ever-changing environment.

“Jongin, we’re ready for you.” The small woman with a clipboard approaches him and ushers him towards the centre of the building. He lets himself go and poses for the camera, taking directions from the photographer here and there until it is time to re-set for the next model.

His journey home is long on the train but he doesn’t mind. His modelling is a good source of income on the side whilst he finishes his masters in mechanical engineering and it doesn’t take up too much of his time. He needs to thank Kyungsoo for this opportunity, if the elder had never dragged him to his friend’s art show, he would never have been approached by the agency.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“How was your first day at work?” Jongin had greeted the elder earlier with a beaming smile and food on the table. Now they sit opposite at the dining table, Kyungsoo with a glass of wine and Jongin with a bottle of beer.

“It was actually nice. Everyone was really helpful and I didn’t make any silly mistakes or embarrass myself so I’ll take that as a win.” Kyungsoo smiles lightly, they had talked about Jongin’s photoshoot since they got back but it was nice to finally hear how the elder’s day went.

“That’s good. I was worried about you all day, wondering if you were okay.” Jongin smiles sheepishly, it’s not often that he is so frank about his feelings towards Kyungsoo but it came out of his mouth before he had chance to really think it over.

“Thanks Jongin. I’m still nervous about tomorrow but I’m sure it will get easier with time.”

Time, it’s a fickle thing. One moment they are flat mates and best friends and the next Jongin has found himself in an inexplicable situation with feelings he doesn’t quite understand or want to accept. He can’t help allowing his heart to soar though when Kyungsoo picks up his wine glass and raises it to his lips, an endearing smile leaving his face and plush lips wrapping delicately around the rim before the elder places it back down and places his hand atop Jongin’s own.

“Thanks so much for being there for me Jongin, and for dinner. I really appreciate it.” There is a glittering honesty and happiness in the other’s eyes which makes Jongin’s heart beat fast but his head chastise him for being so hopeful. Kyungsoo is his best friend, they can never be anything more.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Time flies by quickly, Jongin is now a couple of months into his final year and Kyungsoo has settled in well at work. He has made lots of friends and always seems upbeat and happy when he talks about them. The elder comes back more stressed than he used to during his days of studying but Jongin makes sure to be there to listen to his best friend and to try and make things more comfortable whether that was making food, buying drinks or just listening as the elder rambles on and complains about the stresses of work. Every fibre of Jongin’s being and every inch of his spare time goes into making sure Kyungsoo is as happy as he can possibly be. It has become somewhat of a coping mechanism for the younger, if he can’t be with the elder how he would like then he will spend his time making him happy because when Kyungsoo smiles or laughs it lightens the younger’s heart and gives him a fleeting feeling of happiness too.

No matter how much effort he puts into making the elder happy though, there will always be that nagging heat in his body that wants to pull his best friend closer, hold his hand, speak what’s in his heart and kiss him with all the burning passion he has.

This is what makes him keep a journal in the end, he needs an outlet for his feelings and writing them out in the journal makes things a little more bearable and it has been working so far. What he isn’t prepared for though is the bombshell Kyungsoo is about to drop.

“…so he walked up to my desk and gave me this.” Jongin tunes back into the conversation from his thoughts. They are sitting on their little sofa and watching a movie that they have both seen before.

The younger reaches out for the yellow sticky note with a confused frown and there, written in chicken scratch handwriting is his worst nightmare.

Would you like to go out with me some time?

Chanyeol. X

“Oh…wow.” Is all the younger can mutter out as he stares at the phone number on the back. He is desperately trying to school his face into the most stoic and unbothered expression he can as he eventually hands it back. “I thought you guys were just friends?”

“We are…I mean, he’s made a few moves and dropped a few hints when we have gone out for drinks with the others but I put it down to the alcohol. I didn’t know he seriously liked me.” Kyungsoo looks baffled but also kind of happy which twists Jongin’s stomach unpleasantly as he asks the question he needs the answer to but also doesn’t want to hear.

“So, do you like him?” He tries to keep his voice as level as possible.

“I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about him in that way. Now he has mentioned his feelings though, I’m thinking why not give it a chance. What do you think?”

The worst question Kyungsoo could have asked because all he wants to do is scream NO, I LIKE YOU, YOU IDIOT! But he knows he can’t do that.

“Well it depends, do you find him attractive? If not, you don’t want to lead him on by accepting the date.” The younger’s insides have turned to jelly now and he can feel his breathing tightening, it’s taking everything within him not to run away to his room.

“Hmm… yeah. I guess he is pretty attractive and he’s such a nice guy, we have a lot in common and he makes me laugh a lot.” The elder is smiling and there is a giddy excitement in his voice that Jongin can only compare to a high school kid having a crush.

“Then I think you already know what your answer will be.” He offers a half-hearted smile but from what he can tell, Kyungsoo doesn’t notice.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Thanks Jongin. I’m…going to go call him. Goodnight?” Kyungsoo seems a little sheepish to leave Jongin in the living room alone.

“Goodnight Soo. I’ll see you in the morning.” And once again Jongin only wants Kyungsoo to be happy so he hides his feelings until he finally reaches his bedroom and allows the tears to drop onto the pages of his journal silently.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Dear Diary,

I met Chanyeol today. He came over for dinner and a movie at our place. Kyungsoo really wanted us to get along and I tried. I really did. He’s a nice guy, tall, handsome, funny and humble but the entire time was like torture. Seeing them kiss goodbye at the door was the most painful thing I have ever experienced so I had to quickly bid goodnight and then feign tiredness to get away from them as they continued their prolonged goodbye.

A part of me wanted him to be a jerk so that I could object to the two of them in some way or have an excuse to not like him. But Soo seems happier than ever and it kills me that it isn’t because of me but because of him. There isn’t anything I can do, if any of this has taught me anything it’s that Kyungsoo definitely sees me as just a friend otherwise he wouldn’t parade Chanyeol around in front of me. I’m happy for them but it’s also hard to be around them.

Dear Diary,

Soo made a comment about setting me up with Chanyeol’s friend Seulgi today, apparently she is a model. I told him I wasn’t interested and when he kept pushing and asking why I got angry and as soon as we got back to the apartment I came straight to my room. I feel bad for upsetting him when he was just trying to be nice and think of me. I guess I’ll have to apologise to him in the morning.

Dear Diary,

Soo was really mad at me this morning but I apologised to him. He asked if I wasn’t Bi anymore and wasn’t into girls and I told him that wasn’t the case. He pushed a lot and I ended up telling him that I already have someone that I like to get him off my back. Now he keeps asking who it is and trying to guess. Bad move. Anyway, I need to sleep.

Dear Diary,

So Soo has decided to stop guessing because he could see it was upsetting me and he said he will be there if ever I want to talk about it. How can I talk to you about it when it’s YOU!. Dnflamdklala.!!!! It’s so frustrating. Tomorrow he is going away for the weekend with Chanyeol so I guess I have the apartment to myself. I’m not going to get any peace or rest though, my mind is already conjuring up images and scenarios of the two that I don’t want to talk about. Maybe I’ll just get some alcohol in and have some drinks. Sounds like a good plan to quiet my mind.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The apartment is dark and eerie. The only light source is emitting from the television set where Jongin is watching Stranger Things again. It wasn’t the best choice in hindsight as he remembered watching it the first time with Kyungsoo after the elder had badgered him to watch it because it was so good. It had been as good as promised but Jongin found himself unsettled and scared at points and remembered Kyungsoo’s solid frame beside him, comforting and warm.

Now the space beside him is cold and empty.

He raises his shot glass to his lips, admiring for a second the blur of colours from the TV set dancing around in the liquid and moving like a symphony to Jongin’s breaking heart. Head back, another shot down. The apartment is immaculate except for the bottles of soju and beer lining the coffee table in front of the sofa. The television lights catch on the rims of glasses and the curves of glass bottles leaving a glinting and ever moving lightshow as if only for Jongin’s eyes. What he doesn’t notice though is the warm yellow light shining through the gaps of the apartment door become brighter and light up the kitchen space for a second, a silhouette removing their shoes and squinting in the dark.

“Jongin?” A familiar voice enters the younger’s ears and he thinks he is hallucinating from the alcohol for a second before his personal lightshow is interrupted by the lamp beside the sofa being switched on. Suddenly his skin is bathed in a golden light, highlighting his already caramel skin and adding a warmth to the room that was clearly missing during the elder’s absence. “Why are you drinking alone in the dark? Is everything okay?” And suddenly the elder’s warm hand is on his face, Kyungsoo seems to move fast, or maybe Jongin’s brain is just slowed by his obvious inebriation.

“Soo? What are you doing here? Thought you was with Chanyeol.” The younger’s words are slurred but still intelligible.

“Chanyeol got sick so I left him to get some rest. I’ll check on him in the morning. You didn’t answer my question though, why are you drinking in the dark?” The elder’s brows are pulled tight as he frowns down at the younger.

“M-sad.” Jongin slurs again but he reaches for the soju bottle to refill his shot glass.

“I think you’ve had plenty enough to drink.” The elder holds Jongin’s wrist to prevent him from pouring more alcohol but is shocked as the tanned wrist yanks itself from his soft grip.

“I’ll decide. I’m sad. Let me drink.” And there is a harshness and finality to Jongin’s words that leave Kyungsoo taking the empty seat on the sofa and watching with a grimace as the younger knocks back another shot.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The elder looks truly concerned and worried but inebriated Jongin doesn’t care.

“Not with you.” It’s blunt, and mean and he instantly regrets it even in his drunken state.

“Okay.” Is the simple reply but it is filled with hurt and anger that leaves Jongin throwing back another two shots in self-punishment.

“I meant, I can’t talk to you about it. Sorry Soo.” He finally mutters into the growing silence, Netflix has displayed the ‘continue watching’ screen but neither of them reach for the remote.

“Alright.” They sit there for a long time, Kyungsoo just watching the younger and hoping he will divulge what is wrong and Jongin continuing his drinking binge. It’s somewhere into the early hours of the morning when Jongin tries to stand and fails miserably, luckily Kyungsoo is still there (sleepy but there) to catch him.

“M-tired. Wan sleep.” The younger’s speech has taken a drastic decline in the last few hours and Kyungsoo chuckles a little as he begins to help him to his room. He all but drops the taller man onto the bed, watching his limbs flop ungracefully onto the sheets. Jongin is almost hanging off the edge of the bed and it takes all of the elder’s strength to roll him over to try and manoeuvre him into a better sleeping position. It isn’t until Jongin is lying on his side that he notices the book crumpled beneath the younger’s body and pulls it free. He is about to close it and place it on the nightstand when he catches sight of his name. He knows he should replace it and leave it alone when his eyes scan the last double page and notice the words ‘diary’ but he doesn’t. He wonders if this will tell him why Jongin is so sad and he just wants to help the younger feel better.

‘How can I talk to you about it when it’s YOU!. Dnflamdklala.!!!!’

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as his eyes read it one more time in disbelief but he is interrupted as Jongin rolls back again and the elder swiftly closes the notebook and places it on the floor beside the bed.

“Soo…” Jongin croaks out, his voice hoarse and dry.

“Y-yeah?” He still can’t process what he has just read, he’s the reason Jongin is in such a state.

“…I’m sorry.” The younger’s eyes are almost closed but he seems to manage to arrange his limbs in the middle of the bed, shuffling awkwardly.

“It’s okay, we all drink too much sometimes.” He places a gentle hand on the younger’s hair and smooths it away from his tired eyes.

“Not just for that. For everything. I’ve been mean and a brat and I’m sorry...” The younger seems to have more to say but Kyungsoo cuts him off.

“It’s not your fault Jongin. Get some rest okay, sleep. I’ll come and check on you to make sure you’re okay. I’ll leave some water on the nightstand and a bowl in case you throw up.” He pats the younger’s head one more time before retreating, only to be stopped by a clammy hand in his own.

“Thank you Kyungsoo, so much.” Jongin lets out a small smile and a content sigh before releasing him.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The next day when Jongin wakes it is like nothing has happened. Kyungsoo had left him painkillers on the nightstand and made him breakfast.

They spend the morning hanging out, Jongin apologising for his drunkenness but Kyungsoo just brushes it off with an ‘it happens’ and that was that. In the afternoon Kyungsoo goes to visit Chanyeol and things seem to go back to normal after that.

It is around two weeks later when Kyungsoo drops another bomb that Jongin isn’t ready for. This time they are cooking spaghetti together in the kitchen when he speaks up out of nowhere.

“So Chanyeol and I have decided to just be friends. I thought you should know.”

Jongin immediately ceases the chopping of the onions to face the elder.

“Why? What went wrong? You two looked really happy together.” Jongin is frowning in confusion but something in his chest feels lighter.

“It just wasn’t working out that’s all. So I ended it.”

“Oh…are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’ve made peace with it and we still get along as co-workers so it’s fine.”

“Well, I’m still sorry it didn’t work out.” And a part of him actually means it.

“Thanks. Anyway, I need the onions for the pan so hurry up.” Kyungsoo gives a soft smile and Jongin continues on with his cutting, not noticing the soft gaze that lingers from the elder.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“Are you serious! This is amazing Jongin, I’m so proud of you!” The elder beams as Jongin chuckles.

“Yeah, I get to bring a guest and thought of you. You will be on your own all day on the Friday but the rest of the weekend I’ll be free.”

“Wow. Paris fashion week though! That’s a big deal Jongin, a really big deal.”

“So do you think you can get time off work?” The younger is hopeful as he pleads with his eyes for Kyungsoo to agree.

“I’m sure I can. I’d love to come with you!” Kyungsoo couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice if he tried.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The hotel suite is absolutely stunning and paid for by the agency. Out of the large window is the perfect view of the Eiffel Tower which is glittering in the dark night sky of Paris. Kyungsoo feels like he is in a dream as he continues staring out of the window.

The younger man admires the way the city lights glitter in the elder’s eyes for a moment, a beautiful profile highlighted by his surroundings when he moves his head. Soft, full lips and strong brows – a beautiful contrast.

“I’m done, it’s all yours.” Jongin announces as he takes a seat on one of the double beds, his hair wet and dripping onto the shoulders of his striped pyjamas.  

“Thanks.” Kyungsoo is distracted as he makes his way towards the bathroom, he keeps seeing the younger in a completely different light. When did his best friend grow up into such a handsome man and he’s only just noticing him in ways he would never have dreamed of before. The younger raises his head then and their eyes meet briefly before Kyungsoo offers a soft smile and walks into the bathroom, not giving Jongin the chance to ask what he was looking at.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

There are lights everywhere, bright and fabulous. The front rows are filled with famous people, some he recognises and others he doesn’t but he knows they must be famous to be sat there. The fashion show is amazing and he finds himself admiring the theatrics and how the clothes fit with the various themes and sets that appear rather than the actual clothes themselves. That is until Jongin enters the runway of course.

The younger enters with two women on either side of him, he isn’t a big enough model to get his own solo walk (yet, Kyungsoo adds in his head) but the way Jongin shines under the lights has him hypnotised. He’s seen Jongin model a couple of times but nothing like this. In fact, Jongin walks in four of the segments and each time, Kyungsoo is flawed by Jongin’s versatility. His first appearance showcases a revealing mesh vest paired with a leather jacket and wide bottomed pants – he looks edgy and y and has on heavy eye makeup. His second and third appearance show him in two different formal tuxedos that no normal person could pull off in a real life event with all the diamonds and two toned ruffles but somehow it suits Jongin beautifully. The final walk though is Kyungsoo’s favourite attire of the evening and is described by the designer as Urban Chic. Jongin wears tight black jeans splattered with neon paint and sporting a chain and heavy belt but on top he wears a simple royal blue T-shirt made of a thin cotton fabric that highlights his narrow waist and broad shoulders perfectly. Kyungsoo can’t take his eyes off his best friend and finds himself taking a LOT of photos on his phone. He will be hunting down the professional shots later online for sure.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The two of them have ordered room service after Jongin’s long day of outfit changes and makeup as well as a lot of waiting around in the heat.

“You were amazing, honestly.” Kyungsoo gushes as he scrolls through the pictures he took to show Jongin.

“Thanks but I’m still nowhere near the talent of others on the runway. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself though, I was afraid you would be bored out there on your own.” The younger smiles as he dips his bread into his soup. They are both sitting in their pyjamas and eating, it’s relaxed and comfortable. The windows are open creating a cross breeze and the view of the Eiffel tower can be seen from their small dining table in the corner of the hotel suite.

Jongin notices the elder has stopped eating his steak and is looking at him in a strange manner. “What? Do I have soup on my clothes?” He looks down in paranoia, expecting to see a blotchy stain.

“No, it’s just – ” He takes a breath and seems to dither on whether or not to continue but the imploring look from the younger encourages him. “You remember when I told you that Chanyeol and I broke up and we just weren’t working?”

Jongin puts his spoon down now and his attention is fully on his best friend.

“Well that wasn’t entirely true, actually the reason I ended things with Chanyeol is because – I started to have feelings for someone else.”

There is a slight pause as Jongin takes a deep breath, it is obvious the conversation is stressing him out.

“Can I… ask who?”

“You honestly don’t know already?” Kyungsoo starts, he is trying to read Jongin but all he can see in the other’s eyes is fear.

“I … I don’t know. I mean, can you just tell me? I need to hear you say it.” The younger is sweating and his heart is beating erratically.

“It’s you. The person I have feelings for is you. I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure of my feelings. Now I’m sure.” Kyungsoo is direct and takes the younger’s hand into his own and notices how Jongin is struggling with the news and what to say so he decides to help him out. “I know that you like me too. I’ve known since the day you got drunk in our apartment and I accidentally saw one of your diary entries – I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have looked but I was worried about you.”

The elder speaks quickly and it seems like a lot to take in for Jongin as he stutters and looks everywhere but at Kyungsoo for a while.

“I just need to know if you still like me, or if you have changed your mind since then. I don’t want to lose you as a friend and if you want to stay just as friends then that’s completely fine wit – ” Something inside of Jongin seems to jolt back to the situation at hand and he finds his lips pressing against his best friend’s. The kiss is heavy with pressure but chaste and innocent.

“Are you sure?” Jongin asks as he pulls back, eye contact never wavering.

“100%” Kyungsoo smiles brightly and chuckles a little at the look of happiness and disbelief in Jongin’s face.

They finish their food with a strange silence and intense eye contact. They both try to talk about something but the conversation quickly dies. It isn’t until they are both placing their empty plates back onto the service cart that one of them finally breaks the strange atmosphere.

“Come here, there’s something I want to do.” Kyungsoo is direct as he takes Jongin’s hand and pulls him towards the window. He faces the beautiful view of the tower and pulls Jongin’s hands to rest around his waist. The taller happily wraps his arms tighter and moves in behind him, resting his head comfortably on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “See, now the view is perfect because I have someone to share it with.”

“When did you become such a romantic anyway?” Jongin chuckles but his heart is full and warm and happy.

“Since I fell for my best friend.”

“Oh, you fell for me huh? It took you long enough.” Jongin moves around then, blocking the view of the city lights but Kyungsoo thinks this view is just as beautiful. The younger leans down to connect their lips again only this time he probes along the seam of those once forbidden lips and sighs happily when Kyungsoo grants him access.

This is everything he ever wanted and maybe, just maybe, he is addicted already.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N: I hope I did this prompt justice for you and that you enjoyed it!!! To everyone else, I hope you liked this. I'm really happy with how it came out in the end. I honestly could run away with this and make it so much longer but I decided to use some time jumps in the end.

Please comment, upvote, etc... if you enjoyed this! I have 2 more prompt submissions on the way so stay tuned for them. Sorry this one took so long I got a bit stuck on it for a while. 

Xx L xX