The days passed in a blissful blur as it moved into November. Jinyoung’s newfound closeness with Mark continued, starting with a Halloween spent passing out candy to the neighborhood children in their Han Solo and Conan costumes and continuing on with Netflix nights on Wednesday and coffee outings when they weren’t busy with homework or Mark wasn’t occupied with running his webstore. They learned so much more about each other in these moments, and Jinyoung found himself being drawn more and more in. He loved how being with Mark made him feel. Mark was tender and sweet and attentive, while at the same time keeping Jinyoung on his toes with his constant teasing and playful nature. One second he would be giving Jinyoung a pep talk about how fantastic his literature essay was, and the next he’d insist on talking to Jinyoung exclusively in incomprehensible Shakespearean English until Jinyoung was smacking him in the arm in annoyance. But he’d already discovered that being annoyed by Mark didn’t have to be a bad thing—it was in fact part of the fun of being with him, as much as sweeter and more affectionate things were.

He tried to keep his feelings as neutral as they could be, still not wanting to nail himself down onto any one path until December came and he could understand the pull of his fate without any confusion or doubt. But all the same, he could feel his heart making a pull of its own, fierce and persistent. It wasn’t waiting for the rest of him to decide what he wanted. It was already making a choice of its own.

One Saturday afternoon in mid-November, Mark interrupted one of Jinyoung’s soulmate-conundrum induced zone outs with a knock on the door of his dorm room. “Wanna go for a walk?” he asked. “I just spent the entire morning working on a bug in our store, and I need to get out.”

Jinyoung technically had homework he needed to be doing, but as he hadn’t been doing it anyways, he decided it was all right to delay it even further. “As long as you don’t keep me out too late.”

“I won’t, I promise. Even just an hour of fresh air would help. I feel like I’ll shrivel up without it.”

It was a beautiful day outside; Jinyoung was still getting used to the fact that November in LA was nothing at all like November in Korea, and that he had next to no use for the long padding jacket he’d packed with him. The sun was warm against his face as they walked down the street, and a nice breeze tickled against his face, keeping him comfortable.

“How’s that ankle of yours?” Mark asked.

“Hasn’t hurt in weeks,” Jinyoung said. “I already told you, I’m off the brace.”

“Still, I hope you’re being careful.”

“Of course. I’m well aware that I’m at high risk with my exciting life of attending lit classes, watching Netflix, and reading copious amounts of novels.”

Mark chuckled. “Fair enough. So you’re going back to Korea for the winter holiday, right?”

Jinyoung nodded. It was only written into his calendar in permanent marker and circled ten times, that’s all. Not a day went by where he didn’t think of that trip home and the possible outcomes of it.

“That’s too bad,” Mark sighed. “I’m going to Colorado with my family to see some actual snow and go snowboarding. It would have been great if you came along.”

“I’m not sure I could afford snowboarding in Colorado,” Jinyoung reminded him.

“We would have covered your cost. As if my parents would make their future son-in-law pay for anything.”

Jinyoung frowned. This was the one aspect of Mark’s teasing he wasn’t sure he enjoyed. Every once in a while, he’d pull out a line like that even though Jinyoung had yet to agree to become an item with him, much less life partners. He acted as if he was convinced he and Jinyoung were actually soulmates, but Jinyoung couldn’t tell if he was being 100% serious. After all, he had none of the information Jinyoung did about their existing 50/50 chance. For all he knew, Jinyoung could wind up being just another Jaebum, a temporary love that would move on and find a more lasting one.

“Cut it out,” Jinyoung said, as he always did when Mark crossed that line.

“Right, sorry. Anyways, it is a real shame. Colorado’s gorgeous, and you would really love it, I think. And I would have loved to spend Christmas with you. Still, I hope you enjoy yourself in Korea. Minki, too. You guys must really miss your families, huh?”

Jinyoung nodded. Sometimes the homesickness got swallowed up in all the drama of everything else, but sometimes he felt it so strongly his heart physically hurt.

“I bet they’ll cry when they see you. Hey, maybe I’ll come pick you up from the airport when you come back. Honestly, I’ll probably cry when I see you again, too.”

“It’ll just be a few weeks.”

“A few weeks with no Jinyoungie in my life sounds terrible.”

“You lasted quite a long time without me before.”

“That’s because I had no idea what on earth I was missing.” He reached out, resting a gentle finger on Jinyoung’s wrist. “Doubt me all you like. But I seriously like you.”

Jinyoung’s pulse fluttered, possibly even enough for Mark to feel it against his finger. “Mmm.”

“For someone whose life ambition is to find their soulmate, you’re reacting to my feelings pretty calmly in a verbal sense. In a physical sense.” He trailed his finger up Jinyoung’s arm. “My, my, would you look at these goosebumps?”

Jinyoung swatted his finger away. “It’s because you’re like this that I don’t automatically take every word that comes out of your mouth seriously.”

“Huh? I was being dead serious. You are covered in goosebumps, don’t deny it.” Still, Mark smiled, throwing his head back and taking in the sun. “This just goes to show that I have some more proving to do to convince you. Don’t worry, Jinyoung. I plan on far outlasting your stubbornness.”

They made it to one of the main city streets and began window shopping as they walked. There were a lot of Christmas themed things popping up in the storefronts, and a lot of places seemed to be bracing for Black Friday, which reminded Jinyoung that Thanksgiving was approaching. He wondered what Mark was planning to do for the holiday, but didn’t want to risk asking him and ending up invited to the Tuan family celebrations as their “future son-in-law.”

Eventually, they made it to a public square, which seemed to be holding some kind of event based on the number of people crushed together and the sound of rap music coming from a nearby speaker system. He and Mark wove through the crowd to see that there was a hip-hop dance crew performing a complex b-boy routine along with the music.

“Oh, right, BM and Vernon mentioned this yesterday,” Mark remembered. “There’s some kind of competition going on here today. Hey, I bet if we look around a bit, we could find them. I wouldn’t mind going out for pizza with everybody, other than the whole losing some of my alone time with you thing. As long as it was just a short trip for pizza.”

Jinyoung didn’t answer. He’d noticed a flyer for the event on the ground and picked it up. Sure enough, they’d stumbled into a hip-hop dance competition for some prize money and the opportunity to appear as guest judges on a reality dance show. He idly scanned the list of competitors, somewhat pointlessly since he didn’t anticipate recognizing any of them. But to his shock, one familiar name did in fact leap out at him: THE JACKSON WANG TOUR CREW.

The flyer fell out of Jinyoung’s hands and sailed back to the ground. That was Jaebum’s crew. He was here. And if they lingered around here, Mark would have to see him. Face-to-face. Dancing as part of the touring crew for his new boyfriend. He couldn’t let that happen, absolutely not.

He grabbed Mark’s hand. “I’m not interested in hip-hop dance,” he said firmly. “Let’s go somewhere else. Actually, I want to go to the Apple store and look at headphones. I broke my pair yesterday.”

“That’s not anywhere close to here,” Mark protested. “We’d have to take a taxi.”

“I don’t mind. Let’s do that. Come on.” He pulled Mark forward, practically dragging him away from the crowd. Mark looked confused, but blessedly followed him nonetheless.

They were nearly out of the square, out to safety when Jinyoung heard the dreaded words. “Hey, Mark! Is that you?”

Jinyoung’s heart had gone through the wringer a lot over the past few months. But nothing felt worse than hearing that voice and those words and knowing who they belonged to. Knowing the pain that this encounter would cause Mark, and knowing that he hadn’t spared him from it in time. He could already feel Mark’s fingers tensing around his as he too recognized the voice calling out to him. Please don’t turn around. Please, let’s just keep walking. Jinyoung continued to attempt to drag him forward as if he hadn’t heard the interruption, but Mark had already frozen in his tracks and turned to face the voice. His heart throbbing, Jinyoung turned and did the same.

There were two people approaching them. One was short and covered in a huge sweatshirt with its hood pulled up and blocking a good portion of his face. The other was a gorgeous, James Dean-esque guy in a leather jacket, tight pants, and earrings running up and down the curve of his ears.

“Jaebum!” Mark said, releasing Jinyoung’s hand. His voice wasn’t weak at all, but strong and jovial, as if he were running into Kevin or one of their dormmates in the common area and not the ex-boyfriend who had broken his heart. “What are you doing here?”

“Our crew is in the dance competition,” the leather jacket guy said. Of course Jaebum would be the devastatingly handsome one, the one who made Jinyoung feel like a squid in comparison. “I thought I might see some of the Baldwin Hall guys around, but I wasn’t counting on seeing you.”

Mark shook his head. “I mean, what are you doing in LA? I thought you were on world tour?”

“Well, LA is part of the world isn’t it? Didn’t I mention we’d be having a stop here?”

“Must have slipped my mind.” Mark turned to the hooded guy. “Is that why you’re semi-incognito, Jackson?”

The other guy pulled back his hood, revealing the kind of handsome face that just made in unfairly excessive that one couple should be so blessed. This was Jackson Wang, then. Rather than feeling awed at being in the presence of a superstar, Jinyoung just felt even worse. Wouldn’t Jackson being here just make it all the more painful for Mark?

“You caught me,” Jackson said brightly. “I know I’m not as big of a deal here in the States, but I did draw a pretty big crowd at the airport this morning, so I thought I’d cover my bases. Jaebum just thinks I’m arrogant.”

“Well, you are,” Jaebum said, giving him both an elbow to the ribs and a beautifully warm smile. “People from LA sometimes run into people like Britney Spears and Beyoncé. They’re not going to get their in a knot over you.”

“And you’re certainly the expert in getting your in a knot over me, so I guess I should take you at your word.”

Jaebum rolled his eyes, but his smile remained painfully affectionate. "Dont mind this guy," he said to Mark. "He's got a mouth on him. Anyways, how have you been doing? I saw that the store finally launched, and it looks great. I’m glad all your hard work paid off.”

“Yeah, it’s been a good year,” Mark said with an easy smile. “We’ve got a good group of Freshmen at Baldwin Hall this year. In fact, I’ve got their crown jewel with me right here.” He gestured to Jinyoung. “This is Jinyoung Park. He’s studying abroad from Korea, just like you did, Jaebum.”

“Oh?” Jaebum looked at him with interest, and Jinyoung forced himself to smile back politely. “Are you enjoying America, Jinyoung-ah?” he asked in Korean.

“I am,” Jinyoung said back, a bit flatly. “I’m happy to have met so many kind people here.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m still learning Korean,” Jackson cut in, switching the conversation back to English. “Jaebum’s trying to help me out, but most of what I’ve learned is naughty stuff and curses. But it’s really nice to meet you. Any friend of Mark’s is a friend of ours. Are you enjoying America?”

“That’s what I just asked him,” Jaebum informed him.

“Oh? Are we doing that thing where couples spend too much time together and start reading minds?” He tapped his finger against his forehead, and Jinyoung saw the line of zeros on his wrist commemorating the moment when Jaebum had walked into his life.

“He’s enjoying America a lot and thinks the people here are nice.”

“Well, he’s already hanging out with the nicest one around, so I don’t blame him for thinking that,” Jackson said brightly, nodding to Mark.

“You’re flattering me so much that I’m almost worried,” Mark said lightly. “Trying to butter me up for something?”

“No! I really mean it! I know I’ve only met you just the once, but you left such a big impression on me with your kindness that I’ll always think of you as the kindest guy on the planet. Cross my heart!”

“He really means it,” Jaebum said in a quieter voice. “You were really so much nicer than you had to be.”

“Not at all,” Mark said lightly. “Trust me, I’m never nicer than I honestly want to be. Just take it for what it is.”

“Well. You were a hell of a lot nicer than me. Was your laptop all right, by the way?”

“Um, no. You stomped on it pretty dang hard. Laptops normally don’t survive that.”

“Did you try putting it in rice?” Jackson asked.

“Nope. Somehow, I didn’t think that would work.”

“Yeah…sorry about that.” Jaebum rubbed his head. “I get it now, but… sometimes understanding these things takes time, you know.”

“It’s been a year of realizing things,” Jackson said solemnly. “But a lot of the things I’ve realized have been pretty damn good, so I’m not about to complain. There’s just been so many memorable memories.” He reached out to subtly take Jaebum’s hand and squeeze it, but Jinyoung saw every movement.

“Memorable memories?” Jaebum said, snorting. He was looking at Jackson with the kind of softness in his eyes that only people in love could have, that special kind of lightness and joy that no one else could mimic without truly understanding or feeling love. “Imagine that.”

Jinyoung felt like he couldn’t bear any of it for any longer. Not the look in their eyes, not the way Mark was pretending to be happy, not the memorable memories that had come in and replaced Jaebum’s memories with Mark. For his whole life, he had romanticized the love between soulmates as this completely perfect ideal, and he’d been obsessed with watching lovers and seeing that very same look coming into their eyes. But he didn’t want to see it this time. He didn’t want to bear witness to the happiness and joy born from the ashes of someone else’s pain. Someone precious and good who had shown such sacrifice and kindness but had been left with nothing for it but a new start that fate had forced on him.

Tears flooded Jinyoung’s eyes, and he jerked his head away before anyone could see. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he said in a wet voice. Before waiting for anyone to respond, he his heel and jogged blindly forward, hardly able to see the people around him through the tears leaking out in preparation for the whole dam of emotions to burst open. At the first street he to, he ducked into a side alley and slid down the brick wall of one of the buildings, burying his head in his knees as he started sobbing. They were big, loud sobs, messy and ugly in all aspects. He hadn’t cried in years, so maybe they were particularly sloppy from having been repressed so long. He didn’t know. All he knew was that his heart was in raw, aching pain on Mark’s behalf, and he felt so brittle and angry that it felt like he was on the verge of snapping. Why did they have to run into them? Why did Mark have to see them together so soon after the breakup, already so in love with each other even though so little time had passed? Why had they had to wear their love so plain as day on their faces, so evident in their body language, so blatant that you couldn’t help but realize it even when the mere sight of it was like a knife straight to the gut?

“Jinyoung?”

He heard Mark’s voice from the entrance of the alley and instinctively snapped his head up before remembering the mess his face was in and sharply ducking it back down so Mark wouldn’t have to see. He couldn’t silence his sobs, but tried his best to muffle them in the fabric of his jeans.

“Jinyoung,” Mark said again, kneeling down in front of him. “You’re crying?”

“They…they were just…” Jinyoung choked out, rubbing his eyes furiously. “They were just so happy…and you had to see it…you had to see them like that…and…and…” He hiccupped loudly. “It’s just so unfair. That they had to be like that…in front of you…that…you all were just so calm and you were smiling even though…” He couldn’t finish, but instead clapped his hand over his mouth, trying to swallow the messy stream of unhelpful words back. How could he be so selfishly losing it when Mark probably felt ten times worse than him?

“Oh, Jinyoung,” Mark said. He said nothing further, but simply slid his arms around Jinyoung, pulling him close and his back. Jinyoung felt like an idiot being comforted by the person with a broken heart, but when he looked up to tell Mark to take care of himself instead of comforting him, he saw that Mark too was crying now, rivulets of tears streaming down his flushed cheeks.

“No,” Jinyoung groaned lightly. “I don’t want you to cry, not over them.”

“I’m not crying over them,” Mark said fiercely, his voice choked and shaken. “None of what I’m feeling right now is because of them, Jinyoung. It’s because of you. You’re crying for me. I’m crying because you’re crying.”

“I don’t…I don’t understand…”

“No, you really don’t.” He placed his hands on Jinyoung’s cheeks, holding his watery eyes. “It didn’t hurt to see them, Jinyoung. Maybe it hurt the first time I saw it, but not anymore. I was the one who broke up with Jaebum, all right? He didn’t tell me when he met Jackson, because he didn’t want to accept the idea of someone else when he was with me. But I picked him up from rehearsal one day and saw the way they looked at each other, and I just knew, OK? I didn’t even know the full story or about how Jackson’s clock reach its 0 hour when Jaebum auditioned, but I just knew from how Jackson looked at him that I would never be able to look at Jaebum like that. I loved him, but not even a fraction of how Jackson did. And yeah, realizing that hurt, but after talking to Jackson in person and hearing from him directly the strength of what he felt, it almost made me feel happy. That the person I cared so much about was loved by someone who loved him so strongly and wholly, in a deeper way than I could. And that one day I’d get to feel the same thing for someone.” Mark smiled through his tears. “Jaebum was furious with me for letting go so easily. We got in this huge fight and he stomped on my laptop and called me all kinds of terrible names. But it was already in his eyes then, too. That love that I got to see in full bloom today. I knew he’d be happy, and that kind of happiness couldn’t be given to him by me. And I was at peace with that, Jinyoung. Because I knew there was a person out there who I would look at with that kind of happiness.” He lowered his voice. “I knew you were out there, Jinyoung.”

“Me?” Jinyoung choked out pitifully. “Someone like me who hated you… who hated you for the fact that you were strong enough to go through everything you just told me?”

“Yeah,” Mark said softly. “You. The stubborn Jinyoung who maybe loves the idea of love too much that sometimes he forgets to see the real thing. And the sweet, gentle Jinyoung who would cry over my broken heart when he should know better than anyone that it’s perfectly whole and belongs to him.” He pressed his lips against Jinyoung’s forehead softly. “I’m honored that you would waste these tears on me, Jinyoung. But please. Please don’t cry anymore. I’ve been so happy these past few weeks with you I could burst. It would mean so much more to me if I could see you happy, too.”

But Mark’s words only made Jinyoung cry harder, pressing his face back between his knees as he sobbed uncontrollably and his heart throbbed over and over again at this kindness and gentleness he did not in any way deserve.

Mark hugged him again, pressing his cheek against the top of Jinyoung’s hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just made it worse, didn’t I? I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know why I always have to make things harder for you.”

“No,” Jinyoung said faintly. But his voice wasn’t strong enough to say anything more than that.

After a few more moments, Mark let him go. “We should get you back home so you can rest and calm down, all right? Will you give me your hand?”

Jinyoung nodded wordlessly and slid his hand into Mark’s. Mark brushed his fingers against it gently, then helped Jinyoung to his feet and began walking him back to Baldwin Hall.

They walked the duration of the trip in silence interrupted only by Jinyoung’s hiccups. There was so much to say, but too much to actually put it into words capable of helping them reach a resolution, especially not with Jinyoung’s entire body the mess that it was. He knew what he felt now, and the right words that went along with it—he was in love with Mark, a deep and aching kind of love that shook him down to his very core. But the more certain he was that he was in love, the more the slight possibility of Mark not being his true soulmate scared him. He didn’t want Mark to ever have to see his feelings shift into something else, the way he had with Jaebum. He never wanted to see the same happen to Mark as well. No matter how much Jinyoung loved Minki, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Mark to him under any circumstances. The weight of all that love and fear kept crashing over him again and again, calling up fresh sobs, making his body weak with both the bliss and agony of loving to this extent.

At long last, they reached the dorm, and Mark took him in, leading him down the hallway to Jinyoung’s room. “Do you want to talk about this some more?” he asked in a gentle voice when they reached his door.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Not now. I…I don’t think I can. I need time to think about everything and just…reevaluate my entire life. That’s all.”

“All right.” Mark squeezed his hand before letting it go. “It’s your decision to make. But Jinyoung?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you. Please just realize that I’m being 100% about that.”

Jinyoung nodded, unable to deny it to himself anymore. “I know,” he said in a quiet voice.

“That’s Han Solo’s line.” Mark laughed, his own voice a little shaky. “Well. Next time I say that, I just hope I’ll get to hear a better answer than that. I’ll wait for it, Jinyoung.”

As soon as Mark was safely inside his own room, Jinyoung went down the hallway and knocked on Minki’s door. Minki opened up right away, freezing at the sight of Jinyoung’s blotchy and tear stained face. “Jinyoung?” he asked, stepping back so Jinyoung could enter the room and he could shut the door before Jinyoung’s tears could resume again.

“I’m in love with Mark,” Jinyoung rasped out, his voice already exhausted from his earlier crying. “I’m in love with Mark, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh, Jinyoung.” Minki’s face collapsed a little into a misty look and he threw his arms around him. Neither of them were big criers, but whenever they cried, it was usually together, sharing in each other’s sadness or struggles. “What else is there to do but to tell him?”

“I know. I know that. But…” Jinyoung pressed his head against Minki’s shoulder. “I can’t put him through it again. I can’t. He really thinks I’m the one, and if I’m not and he has to see me with someone else, I…” He shuddered. “I don’t want to do that to him or to you or to Aron or to me. I just wish…”

“I know,” Minki said gently. “I don’t know what we were thinking walking into the room at the exact same time. But this probably would have happened anyways, Jinyoung. Who we are right now wants to be with who they are right now, regardless of the future. But seriously…the fact that we feel so strongly for both of them must make them the right ones, right? I know we can’t say for sure, but this kind of pull…it has to be fate, doesn’t it?” He reached down, gently touching Jinyoung’s pinkie finger. “Remember what your sister said? That the weave of your fate was strong. That you and your other half would be soulmates in the truest sense of the word. That’s not you and Aron, Jinyoung. That’s you and Mark. And for me, my string was already tugging because my other half subconsciously just really, really wanted to be near me. That is 100% not Mark, right? That is my loyal puppy Aron who starts pouting if I even sit down next to Joshua in the common room instead of him.”

Jinyoung nodded, some of his sadness subsiding. That was true, wasn’t it? That information really did seem to match the people they’d fallen in love with.

“What do you think I should do?” he asked finally.

“I think you should tell Mark about the situation, just like I told Aron,” Minki said frankly. “I know he’s not the biggest fan of the system, but that’s because he didn’t want it to steer his choice or feelings. He’s already chosen you and loves you without even knowing for sure. So I think you should tell him the information we have, and let him have his say about what he feels comfortable with right now, and when December comes. Ask him directly if he’s willing to risk heartbreak again for you, if that’s what it comes to. This isn’t a decision you should be making on your own, right?”

“Right,” Jinyoung said. With their strings so tangled up, his every decision effected Mark and Minki and Aron in different ways. He couldn’t afford to keep Mark out of the loop for any longer. “You’re absolutely right.”

“Yup, that’s me. Your always right BFF.” He ruffled Jinyoung’s hair. “Now stop making me cry, OK? We’re in love! We should be giggling and gossiping about this hardcore like teenage girls at a sleepover! We should be comparing their kissing techniques and estimating the lengths of their-”

“Yah!” Still, Jinyoung couldn’t help but laugh. “He just kissed me on the forehead. I’m not sure there was much technique involved. And you still haven’t kissed Aron, right?”

“Not yet.”

“You should, now that I know I’m in love with Mark. The poor guy must be suffering.”

“So how do you think I should spring it on him?”

“Serenade him with that Lady Gaga song about disco sticks and just jump him?”

“Hehe, you know me so well. As for you, you should totally have a movie kiss. Pull that ‘You had me at hello’ line on him.”

“He didn’t, though. He didn’t have me there at all at the beginning.”

“And now look at you. Crying like a mess because you love him so much you don’t know what to do.” Minki wiped up the remains of Jinyoung’s tears. “It’ll be fine, you know? Love is supposed to be a sad and happy thing. No soulmate science and tech will ever change that. But these tears will turn into smiles and laughter one day. And every day, we get one day closer to that happening. So let’s keep moving forward, Jinyoung. No matter what, I’m always going to be here moving forward with you.”

A/N: Ooooh, things will be reaching a head soon~

As those who follow me on Twitter know, I posted an original BL story on Wattpad. If you have a moment, it would mean a lot if you read it and let me know what you think. Even a little support goes a long way for me ^^ I love you all and Happy Friday!